I'm always a believer in trying to find positive things to say about anything. So, here goes.
First positive comment: The male leads are really great looking.
Second positive comment: The female lead ain't bad either.
Third positive comment: Ummm...
This film is incredibly long. IMDb has a running time of 120mins, but I made it closer to 2 3/4 hours. This time dilation phenomenon was made even more noticeable by the fact that this was probably the most boring film I've seen since...since... Kingdom of Heaven last year. (You know, it makes my back creak to even think of that film again.)
The one difficulty I had (apart from actually seeing the action past the members of the audience who kept leaving the auditorium in front of me) was that I found myself completely lacking any sympathy for the main lead roles. At all. I just didn't care what happened to them. They could have conquered Europe or caught Malaria and shivered away to frost and bone and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid.
Lucretia Borgia was a an absolute love and I did at least feel sorry for her as her brothers and fathers had successive husbands organised, wedded to her and then murdered. Pobrecita! Also, I couldn't work out if there was a deliberate incest theme going on between her and the males in the family, There was lots of full-lipped kissing between them and her. I'm sure it's all been researched, but it was a bit odd. And, as all the women in the film ended up naked and all looked 'pre-raphaelite' it was hard to tell who was bedding whom at times.
But the Guys? Come on! I was waiting for the father to die for the last hour and a half and hoped there'd be a rebellion a lot earlier in the film so it would all be over.
Perhaps the director was trying to make the audience feel what it's like to live under an oppressive regime where you can't change anything. I too would have liked them all dead but surely that's not a good thing to say about the starring players whose every move you have to watch for 120/165 mins.
I would like to say something else positive...think, think! The set's? No, nothing special.
The music? No, irritatingly it repeated the same theme over and over again. No, not just the same theme, the same music! It's a shame the Borgias didn't conquer Germany or they might have learned what a variation was. (OK, I know I'm a few hundred years too early) The costumes? I was thinking during the final scene how completely amazing the photography was on House of the Flying Daggers. It's a sad moment for a film when you think how much better other films are WHILE you're still watching it.
Set-piece action-sequences? There weren't any! Fisticuffs in the church square that was 100 times worse than a first-time amateur read-through of Mercutio and Tybalt and then a bit of horse riding here and there.
Food? Even the popcorn machine was broken. (Not really a fault of the film, but it didn't help!) Nudity? If you're going to take someone's clothes off then make sure they're stunners, please. (Dove soap adherents make note) So, there you have it. In fact the best bit was when someone's mobile phone went off. The audience sighed with relief. When that happens, you KNOW the film's in trouble.
I thought Snakes on a Plane was dodgy, but obviously I seriously misjudged the standard. Snakes on a Plane was un-reservedly EXCELLENT compared to this. AND they had girls whom it was worth paying to see naked.
Don't hesitate when you come to chose where your money goes.
First positive comment: The male leads are really great looking.
Second positive comment: The female lead ain't bad either.
Third positive comment: Ummm...
This film is incredibly long. IMDb has a running time of 120mins, but I made it closer to 2 3/4 hours. This time dilation phenomenon was made even more noticeable by the fact that this was probably the most boring film I've seen since...since... Kingdom of Heaven last year. (You know, it makes my back creak to even think of that film again.)
The one difficulty I had (apart from actually seeing the action past the members of the audience who kept leaving the auditorium in front of me) was that I found myself completely lacking any sympathy for the main lead roles. At all. I just didn't care what happened to them. They could have conquered Europe or caught Malaria and shivered away to frost and bone and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid.
Lucretia Borgia was a an absolute love and I did at least feel sorry for her as her brothers and fathers had successive husbands organised, wedded to her and then murdered. Pobrecita! Also, I couldn't work out if there was a deliberate incest theme going on between her and the males in the family, There was lots of full-lipped kissing between them and her. I'm sure it's all been researched, but it was a bit odd. And, as all the women in the film ended up naked and all looked 'pre-raphaelite' it was hard to tell who was bedding whom at times.
But the Guys? Come on! I was waiting for the father to die for the last hour and a half and hoped there'd be a rebellion a lot earlier in the film so it would all be over.
Perhaps the director was trying to make the audience feel what it's like to live under an oppressive regime where you can't change anything. I too would have liked them all dead but surely that's not a good thing to say about the starring players whose every move you have to watch for 120/165 mins.
I would like to say something else positive...think, think! The set's? No, nothing special.
The music? No, irritatingly it repeated the same theme over and over again. No, not just the same theme, the same music! It's a shame the Borgias didn't conquer Germany or they might have learned what a variation was. (OK, I know I'm a few hundred years too early) The costumes? I was thinking during the final scene how completely amazing the photography was on House of the Flying Daggers. It's a sad moment for a film when you think how much better other films are WHILE you're still watching it.
Set-piece action-sequences? There weren't any! Fisticuffs in the church square that was 100 times worse than a first-time amateur read-through of Mercutio and Tybalt and then a bit of horse riding here and there.
Food? Even the popcorn machine was broken. (Not really a fault of the film, but it didn't help!) Nudity? If you're going to take someone's clothes off then make sure they're stunners, please. (Dove soap adherents make note) So, there you have it. In fact the best bit was when someone's mobile phone went off. The audience sighed with relief. When that happens, you KNOW the film's in trouble.
I thought Snakes on a Plane was dodgy, but obviously I seriously misjudged the standard. Snakes on a Plane was un-reservedly EXCELLENT compared to this. AND they had girls whom it was worth paying to see naked.
Don't hesitate when you come to chose where your money goes.