Review of Falcon Down

Falcon Down (2001 TV Movie)
3/10
Plenty of unintentional humor, but still pretty dull
28 May 2006
Warning: Spoilers
We start with a couple of fighter pilots, flying some sort of "secret" mission. You know right away what kind of movie this is going to be because these guys act as completely unprofessional as possible. Imagine a couple of teenagers let loose in a pair of jet fighters, just screwin' around, having fun, as William Shatner relays orders over the radio (which they ignore). Well, because they're such idiots, they wander into the test area of some new weapon (Shatner reminded them of this about ten times, but of course...). Anyhow, one of them gets shot down by some sort of microwave weapon, which causes the usual silly looking electrocution effect to dance all over the plane. The other pilot is really upset, he thought you could just play around with high tech military gadgetry like some little kid in a toy shop, and nobody would get hurt. He's doesn't think it's fair! Anyhow, he gets - rightfully - discharged from the Air Force.

Now we skip to some Area 51 UFO footage, this is the footage that will blow the whole conspiracy wide open, we're told. The really comical thing is that this footage is so OBVIOUSLY fake, computer generated special effects. I don't even know what this crap had to do with the rest of the movie.

Anyhow, they eventually have to get the disgraced fighter pilot to steal some airplane that contains the microwave weapon before it's sold to the Chinese. For some reason, they keep talking about this weapon as if it's some sort of doomsday machine, which just adds to the stupidity. The acting isn't too terrible, it's just dull. As always with these B-movies, the fighter pilot was the greatest the world has ever seen, he flew SR-71's (kind of funny because considering his maturity level, he wouldn't be allowed in the same hanger with an SR-71, but whatever). At one point he asks why they want him instead of any of the other 1,000 guys who HAVEN'T been drummed out of the Air Force - William Shatner does his best serious voice and says "Because, it's a standard cliché in these sorts of movies. Where have you been?" Well, okay, I made that up, but you've got to chuckle at a movie that goes the extra mile to make its plot holes even more glaringly obvious than they were in the first place.

Jennifer Rubin shows up and looks sexy, that's about the best part of the movie. Otherwise it's just standard low budget silliness with a convoluted plot, some nutty conspiracy theorists we keep seeing on videotape confession segments, characters you'll forget by the time the first credit rolls, and enough plot holes to create quite a little comedy of errors. If you're a B-movie fan and looking for something to rent on a really dull evening, this might fit the bill.
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