Remember those really cheesy, but fun ninja flicks from the eighties? Like Nine Deaths of the Ninja and American Ninja. You know, the ones with all those short guys in pajamas running around and hacking away at everything that moved with a ginsu knife? Remember how much fun it was to see the "Head Ninja" duke it out with the hero? OK, now can you remember all those futuristic robot and android films? You know, like Blade Runner, Android, and Cyborg? OK, now lets pretend that you combined them...How cool would that be?!?! OK, now lets pretend that you did all that, but you had only one guy in the film playing as the robot and the ninja-Like you rolled the two of them together to make one hero. Sound cool? I think it sounds hellacool! So naturally when I saw ROBOT NINJA in the local video store as a fifty cent rental, I jumped at the chance to rent it. I was a little perplexed by all the dust on the top of the case, but I took it home immediately. Well, the film case has this big ad on it that says "Special appearance by Burt Ward". Now if you have no clue who Burt Ward is, he played Robin in the Batman series from the sixties. I thought that was a little weird that a film of this (seemingly) high caliber would have a better tag line than "Hey we got the BOY WONDER to pop in for a shooting day". OK, the film opened up with someone watching a scene from the TV show called "Robot Ninja". Well, long story short: Some guy dons the Robot Ninja costume and decides to become a vigilante. So we now have 2 very large and obvious problems 15 minutes into the film. 1)He's not a robot. 2) He's not a ninja either. Hmmmm? Well, even though I felt lied to and had my dreams smashed so early on, I continued to watch this stinker anyway. Well, after a lot of blood, bad lighting, some "not-so" special effects, hokey dialogue like "Hold it you thugs" (gimme a break here!) and no plot to speak of-I felt ill! I had just spent my hard earned 50 cents on something that you couldn't pay me to sit through again. I couldn't believe that such a lousey film could made anywhere in the world without the lost Arc of the Covenant opening up and melting off the faces of the entire cast! Do yourself a favor and avoid this film at all costs. In fact, I recommend that we dig a hole and put this rubbish in the nearest field to fertilize the corn. Actually wait...I think I'd feel bad for the corn.
Review of Robot Ninja
