Review of Dr. Chopper

Looks like I'm the first one out to comment upon this excellent and completely talentless tale of cannibalism and plastic surgery gone haywire, and here it goes. Dr. Chopper himself is a lunatic doctor very obsessed with the harvesting of human parts. The good doctor, backed up by some psoriasis-ridden vixens, needs to chop a bit off here, and a bit off there, in order to achieve immortality, so that he can tend to his heavy-metal bike forever and forever. He is apparently able to stir up quite an amount of terror in the hearts of his potential victims, and you really do sympathize with the cabin-youth, you really do feel that there is cause for alarm and a urgent need to flee, when this deadly 80-year old turns up on his bike, sporting a this-is-no-laughing-matter leather suit and WW 2-goggles. On his trail is the tough, not-stereotypical-at-all, small town sheriff, caught up in shouting at people in a very small-town-sheriff way, and of course throwing them around a bit in a very small-town-sheriff way, when he feels the situation calls for it. This is not to lead you to believe that we are here talking about a one-dimensional character at all, because he also is careful to set aside the proper amount of time for grieving. And he shows us clearly, in case we should have any doubts whatsoever, that his heart is not only brimful of the need for fist-use, but also brimful of tears. The way he sits there, in the usual dark office with the usual fireplace, having a really emotional conversation with a picture of his dog-wife Trixie, the tears streaming down his liquor-saturated face....can it really be?! Yes it can, no less than a priceless script, and priceless acting!! There are surprisingly a few decent attempts at creating tense horror, and in these few instances it does not take the old nose dive into the proverbial rock. Not all the way, anyway. But as much as I would have liked to think that I've managed to expose this film as nothing but a horribly failed, but serious attempt at horror, I find myself sitting here, having doubts. Maybe the directors intention was on the contrary, to create a parody? Or a horror-comedy? I really don't know. But you can choose to see it any way you would like, that doesn't change the fact that the film has the words "Half-attempt" written all over its face. Or should that be "Non-attempt"?! Do not be mistaken, when you are going to watch a film of this magnitude, have the old paraphernalia ready at hand; the pipe, the beer, and I guarantee you that the exceptional well written dialogue and acting, will make you end up in Gobbledigob-heaven. All feathery, and jerking it's head. For even better acting and dialogue, I recommend watching each and every Chuck Norris film ever made.