2/10
Lifeless
12 February 2005
Oily hypnotist Carlo Lombardi has virtually enslaved young carnival follower Andrea with his incredible mind powers. His amazing sideshow act consists of hypnotizing young Andrea and forcing her to relive her previous incarnations for a spellbound audience. Soon, Lombardi and Andrea are accepting invitations to the homes of the elite and powerful, where Andrea continues to speak of her life as a young girl in 1600s England. But Andrea has fallen in love with stoic young scientist Timothy Chappel, who is determined to break Lombardi's hold over the girl and release her forever. However, a series of brutal murders has been plaguing the coastal town and Lombardi is the prime suspect. What no one yet realizes is that Lombardi has somehow managed to take Andrea back to her very first incarnation - that of a killer sea monster. The monster can take physical form and obeys Lombardi's every command, and his next command is to kill Timothy! Will Andrea's love be able to save him from her previous self?

This is a very dumb, very cheap and very dull movie. I had to pity Chester Morris as Lombardi, who very obviously wasn't happy about doing these cheesy roles in low budget B movies towards the end of his career. Tom Conway as Timothy Chappel is awful, delivering a stiff, lifeless performance, perhaps two facial expressions and mumbling every line he was given. One has to wonder what Andrea sees him in, although the performance of Marla English isn't much better. She's lovely to look at, but literally sleepwalks through the entire film. The She Creature Itself is a great rubber costume, looking like a cross between a giant catfish, a lobster and a Horror Of Party Beach reject. However, one great rubber monster costume just isn't enough to save this film. The plot doesn't make much sense and the whole thing just kind of stumbles along until it finally dies.

Mike and the bots once again do a great job of making this watchable. Without their comedy commentary, this film is just a stagnant snoozefest.
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