1/10
Mercy...
22 December 2004
I always wanted to see this as a kid, but whenever it was on my dad would start grousing about twenty minutes into it. It must have taken three viewings to see the whole thing (in pieces). I loved the car, the music box sequence and the kid-catcher scared the cr*p out of me.

Now that I'm an adult (and just attempted to view this) I offer my sympathies to my dad. This movie is just terrible. I could only get ten minutes into it; with shrill and wearying child actors, god-awful songs and hackneyed plot points as far as the eye can see. At any moment the writers and director are working to shoehorn more cornball into the frame. Utterly pointless musical production numbers show up regularly(toot sweets, me old bamboo, you two, etc.) and bring things to a complete standstill. Only about ten minutes into things, when the kids shriek a precious greeting to their dog "Edison," (ughh...) I reached my limit, and began an exhausting fast-forward workout. No matter where I stopped I couldn't bear more than a minute or so. It is unmercifully long. How could Rhoald Dahl have authored such a completely inept script?

Dick van Dyke is at his gratingly wholesome peak. Since he never learned what real charm is, he just amplifies his "Dick van Dyke" mannerisms into a sort of phony charm. Long before Barney, van Dyke was at least as saccharine.

The car is still stylish. Of all the burdens one has to bear as a parent, I'd be ready for all of them except sitting through movies like this with or without the grousing.
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