Review of Extreme Ops

Hmm. You know, sometimes I wonder why we're screwed up as a species. I was watching Extreme Ops in the comfort of my home and suddenly the world fell silent, and a wave of emptiness fell upon me as a poorly matted Bridgette Wilson escaped a fake avalanche just in time for a ski jump to take out some excruciatingly recycled terrorists who were busy being evil for no other reason than because the script says to. I looked around to find myself in alien surroundings. My home was no longer my home, but a void of everlasting darkness in which no form of goodness, nor light, nor hope could ever be found. And from the belly of this neverending realm of pain and celluloid death could be heard the sound of English actor Rufus Sewell dismantling his once promising career with lines of dialogue like "Are you ready to know what it's like to ski in front of an avalanche?" Oh, the pain. Soon, all this agony ceased, and numbness set in. My world shrank and suddenly I felt nothing at all, and I realized that everything I had ever done was meaningless, and all I had was nothing at all so long as Devon Sawa continues to hang from a cliff and ask a girl out in the middle of a terrorist attack just before feigning suicide for "team sacrifice". My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

But then, something happened. The darkness parted, and the shroud of peril lifted and I awoke from my numbness to find that I was in deed at home. My furniture was still here and all my things were as I had left them. I wondered to my self, "What happened?" And then I looked to my television and saw credits rolling. The deed was done. And the darkness had gone. But only until the sequel. (Fat chance)

This movie sucks. I hate it almost as much as it hates me. 1/10