Review of Agent Red

Agent Red (2000)
2/10
Terrible!
16 June 2001
This is probably the stupidest movie I have seen in a long long time. Just the fact that at one point the dialog went, "Have you ever heard of Agent Red?", "Sounds like the name of a bad action movie."

The first complaint is the glaring inconsistencies. Having American's flying MIG's, having air-to-air missiles turning into torpedos when they hit the water. The fact that the submarine looked like an oil refinery rather than something where space is of a premium. Or maybe the lack of any attempt at military accuracy. The fact that the whole fleet couldn't destroy one measily sub! Or just the way the virus behaves. They say starts with headaches, then vomiting and then bleeding everywhere. Well guess what, people just started choking and then dying, no vomit, and only occasional blood. Oh and they said that the reason this virus was so terrible is that it has a 100% fatality rate and it kills within 12 minutes. Guess what, that is called a dead virus since in 12 minutes it can't get very far. The dangerous ones are when you are contagious for a long time before showing symptoms and then you die.

Then there is the horrible characters. Every Russian shown was either a terrorist or drinking vodka. All the Americans were caricatures of real people, and they kept saying "God help us." The American admiral had to ask the president to make every decision. Then there was Dolph Lundgren. Special forces marine so naturally he is sent to protect a virus on a Navy ship. And they send him via commercial transportation to boot.

Other bad things? So much of the footage was stolen from other movies it is laughable. They included a female terrorist basically so she could have a cat-fight with Dolph's fiancee. And then imagine every cliched action movie moment (that is even vaguely appropriate for a submarine or even airplane). Basically imagine giving a group of 4th graders the plot and have them fill in the story, write characters, etc. and you will have this movie.
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