To provide a glimmer of how bad "Cabin Boy" is after returning it to Blockbuster (un-rewound; it wasn't spending any more time in my VCR!) the clerk profusely apologized for allowing me to waste my $2.
Where do you start in picking apart this rancid piece of moving making dribble? First off I'd like to say I've seen a lot of crap in my life (I'm a Toronto Maple Leafs fan for goodness sake) but "Cabin Boy" is by far the worst movie ever made. I rate it far worse then such forgettable stinkers as Godzilla, Johnny Mnemonic and all of the Kickboxer movies. It boggles the mind to think that somebody was actually willing to put up their own money to make this movie. Please, Mr. Burton next time someone comes up to you with this great idea for a movie about an inept and fatuous Cabin boy and his cadre of retarded and mental defective buddies, get the hell outta there!
What about the plot? The plot is nothing but some non-coherent, inconsistent scenes grouped together for maximum frustrative effect. (If a viewer finds himself wondering aloud "What the hell's goin' on, relax it's natural) Even the cameo appearances by such pseudo-celebrities as David Letterman, Andy Richter and Ricki Lake can't save this slow moving train ride to oblivion from becoming a torturous visit to the dentist's chair. "Cabin Boy" is like witnessing the slow burn of the Hindenburg, only far less entertaining.
The characters that inhabit this brain dead world range from flying/expectorating cupcakes, to multi-armed weirdoes, to Chocki the insipid shark-man. I must add that none of these characters are even remotely funny in any of their appearances, actions or speech.
Add to a movie with no-plot, no-point, no-character development some REALLY bad lighting effects and the whole thing gives you a headache. The Ocean scenes are mostly shot in this trippy orange haze that causes the viewer to either go blind from squinting or develop some sort of permanent visual handicap.
As for the dialogue, even a dyslexic, pig-Latin speaking monkey using only his tail could have come up with anything more engaging then the verbal diarrhoea smeared throughout this movie (if you think I'm joking look at the quotes section; and those are the best lines, all 6 of 'em).
The excitement level of "Cabin Boy" ranges between boring and what is only comparable to having one's head slammed between a rusty fence. The dialogue is so pointless and ridiculous that it makes Ace Ventura II seem a kin to Hamlet.
While watching "Cabin Boy" I kept telling myself it has to get better, it can't possibly get any worse. WARNING it can and it does. Shoving peas up your nose is exactly as much fun as watching "Cabin Boy." Adam Resnick edited the movie down to 80 minutes and that's about 79 minutes and 59 seconds too long. I never thought 80 mins was that long but if that is all the time you have left to live I recommend using it to watch "Cabin Boy", it'll make an hour and twenty minutes seem like an eternity. NOTE TO THE PRODUCERS: I WANT THOSE 80 MINUTES OF MY LIFE BACK!
RATING: - digits / 10
Where do you start in picking apart this rancid piece of moving making dribble? First off I'd like to say I've seen a lot of crap in my life (I'm a Toronto Maple Leafs fan for goodness sake) but "Cabin Boy" is by far the worst movie ever made. I rate it far worse then such forgettable stinkers as Godzilla, Johnny Mnemonic and all of the Kickboxer movies. It boggles the mind to think that somebody was actually willing to put up their own money to make this movie. Please, Mr. Burton next time someone comes up to you with this great idea for a movie about an inept and fatuous Cabin boy and his cadre of retarded and mental defective buddies, get the hell outta there!
What about the plot? The plot is nothing but some non-coherent, inconsistent scenes grouped together for maximum frustrative effect. (If a viewer finds himself wondering aloud "What the hell's goin' on, relax it's natural) Even the cameo appearances by such pseudo-celebrities as David Letterman, Andy Richter and Ricki Lake can't save this slow moving train ride to oblivion from becoming a torturous visit to the dentist's chair. "Cabin Boy" is like witnessing the slow burn of the Hindenburg, only far less entertaining.
The characters that inhabit this brain dead world range from flying/expectorating cupcakes, to multi-armed weirdoes, to Chocki the insipid shark-man. I must add that none of these characters are even remotely funny in any of their appearances, actions or speech.
Add to a movie with no-plot, no-point, no-character development some REALLY bad lighting effects and the whole thing gives you a headache. The Ocean scenes are mostly shot in this trippy orange haze that causes the viewer to either go blind from squinting or develop some sort of permanent visual handicap.
As for the dialogue, even a dyslexic, pig-Latin speaking monkey using only his tail could have come up with anything more engaging then the verbal diarrhoea smeared throughout this movie (if you think I'm joking look at the quotes section; and those are the best lines, all 6 of 'em).
The excitement level of "Cabin Boy" ranges between boring and what is only comparable to having one's head slammed between a rusty fence. The dialogue is so pointless and ridiculous that it makes Ace Ventura II seem a kin to Hamlet.
While watching "Cabin Boy" I kept telling myself it has to get better, it can't possibly get any worse. WARNING it can and it does. Shoving peas up your nose is exactly as much fun as watching "Cabin Boy." Adam Resnick edited the movie down to 80 minutes and that's about 79 minutes and 59 seconds too long. I never thought 80 mins was that long but if that is all the time you have left to live I recommend using it to watch "Cabin Boy", it'll make an hour and twenty minutes seem like an eternity. NOTE TO THE PRODUCERS: I WANT THOSE 80 MINUTES OF MY LIFE BACK!
RATING: - digits / 10