A Total Piece of Cap
27 August 2003
Warning: Spoilers
Captain America is one of the classic comic book superheroes, but he hasn't fared well on the screen. There was a serial in the 1940s, two made-for-TV movies in the 1970s, and this straight-to-video feature in 1991.

All of these productions were made on the cheap and look it. They also strayed considerably from the comic. This one is a little more faithful than the others. Cap is still Steve Rogers, a 98 lbs weakling transformed into a patriotic hero by the Super Soldier Serum. He wears a red, white, and blue costume and carries a round shield that can be thrown like a cross between a giant frisbee and a boomerang. He is frozen in ice during World War II and awaken from suspended animation in the present day, where he continues his fight against his archenemy, the Red Skull.

That part they got right. Here's what they got wrong. (SPOILERS AHEAD!)Instead of being the frightening symbol of Nazi Germany, the Skull is an orphaned Italian boy transformed into a disfigured, adult blackshirt by fascist experiments. This is stupid since the Italians were the laughingstocks of WWII and inspire ridicule more than fear. The film's latter half is also set in Italy. Was this a condition upon Italian financing? And the Red Skull only looks like his comic book incarnation in the opening WWII sequence. In the present day segments he has had plastic surgery so that his face no longer looks like a red skull. Huh? Maybe they decided to save money on make-up.

Cap's introduction is handled wrong. Despite the close-ups of bulging muscles during the transformation sequence, Steve Rogers (Matt Salinger) looks pretty much like he did before he took the Super Soldier Serum. Rather than being set up as the Living Legend of WWII and disappearing in the war's final days, Cap gets into one fight with the Skull and loses. The Skull ties Cap to a rocket and launches it towards the White House. Cap manages to break free and alter the rocket's destination so he crashes in the Arctic instead. A young boy photographs the whole thing and is thoroughly impressed. But rather than tell his parents, the press, or the authorities he puts the photo up on his wall and goes back to bed. The kid later grows up to become the President of the United States (Ronny Cox) and Cap saves him before the Skull can replace his brain. How nice of Cap, considering the kid FORGOT ABOUT HIM AND LEFT HIM TO FREEZE IN THE ARCTIC!!!

This film has some familiar actors in mostly cameo appearances. You wonder what they paid Cox, Ned Beatty, Michael Nouri, Bill Mumy, and others to appear in this dreck. The leads are no-names. Matt "Yes, I'm J.D.'s son" Salinger is bland and blonde. Cap never had much of a personality and Salinger unfortunately doesn't bring much of his own to the role. There's a little bit of pathos when Cap struggles, Rip Van Winkle-style, to adjust to his young sweetheart now being an elderly grandmother. He then gets involved with her vapid, annoying granddaughter, which is kind of creepy. Scott Paulin plays the Skull like a cross between a Mafioso and a James Bond villain. Competent, but nothing special.

"Captain America" represents the worst of comic book adaptations. The production values are shoddy. Cap's mask has rubber ears when he is at least in costume. For much of the film he's in street clothes. The music seems borrowed from the studio's archives. There is no moving score like in "Superman" or "Batman". The screenplay is no better than a comic script from the 1940s. Comic book fans will be bitterly disappointed and mainstream audiences will only find it entertaining for the camp value.

*1/2 out of ****.
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