Though "Airport" and "The Poseidon Adventure" are most often credited with kicking off the 1970's disaster craze, this film clocked in just a tad earlier and certainly has its share of catastrophes (though nothing is more disastrous in it than the script!) Set in the late 1800's, Schell is the treasure-seeking captain of The Batavia Queen, a steamship bound for a sunken boat that promises to contain bags of huge, priceless pearls. Baker plays his love interest, a mentally troubled lady upon whose memory the entire mission rests. She is also seeking her lost son who her husband off-loaded somewhere before dying. Keith plays a Laudinum-addicted diver who is literally near his last breath. He's toting tacky would-be singer Werle (outfitted in a series of blonde wigs no doubt leftover from her many TV western appearances.) Also on board are father/son balloonists Brazzi and Mineo, bell diver Leyton and a quartet of Japanese female divers, famed for their breath-holding ability. Things get off to a rough start when a sailor falls to his death merely loading the diving bell onto the ship! Then a thoroughly inappropriate song (sounding like The Beach Boys) plays as the ship slips out of port. It gets worse from there as birds mass, fish die, the sky turns orange, smoke descends everywhere and chunks of lava rock are hurled at the boat (and this is before the climactic eruption of the title volcano which, as everyone knows by now, is WEST of Java, not east!) There's even a gaggle of prisoners placed on board to add to the troubles. In the meantime, a lot of dull, pointless dramatics play out amongst the "Grand Motel"-level cast. Baker frets, alternately wooden and over-the-top. Keith engages in drug-induced violence. Werle sings the planet's deadliest song while stripping off her horribly non-period, period costume. Mineo flirts with the oldest of the female divers. Schell wanders around with a nipple hanging out of his torn shirt. The bell and the balloon run into trouble. Nothing seems to go right for these hapless salvage-seekers and it only gets worse when Krakatoa decides to blow (and blow!) At this point, the volcano shoots like a Roman candle, filling the air with ash and creating a massive tidal wave that would make George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg jealous. If any of this sounds entertaining, it really isn't except for some of the special effects. The characters are never properly fleshed out and mostly don't share much discernible chemistry with each other. The screenplay couldn't be any more thoughtless and pointless, though there is one memorable line when lower class Werle barks at Brazzi, "Labels are for jelly jars!" That one would even do well in today's PC environment! The film was heavily edited after its initial release and what remains is so dull it's hard to imagine what was cut! The opening credits act as a sort of trailer for the film. Some audiences may want to let watching that suffice and skip the rest of the movie!
Review of Krakatoa: East of Java
