Frasier (TV Series)

Dial M for Martin (1998)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Niles sees Roz and Martin having coffee together] 

  Niles : I'm not interrupting anything personal, am I?

  Roz : Yeah, Niles, we just eloped. I'm your new mom.

  Niles : Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.

• [Niles is trying to weasel out of inviting Martin to stay with him] 

  Niles : Eddie... you know, Dad, I just realized, my building doesn't allow dogs.

  Martin Crane : Oh, well that's it, because I'm not leaving Eddie.

  Niles : Oh, what a shame.

  Martin Crane : Yeah, I guess I can find someplace. It can't be too small, though, 'cause it's gotta have a bedroom for Daphne.

  Niles : [reconsiders]  You know, Dad, about that no-dog rule? I could speak to Clarice, the head of our co-op board.

  Martin Crane : Really? You think she'd make an exception?

  Niles : Well, let's just say she's bent quite a few rules in her time, and if she doesn't want her husband to find out, she'll bend this one.

  Martin Crane : That's great!

  Niles : Its settled, Daphne can move in straight away... you and Daphne.

• Martin Crane : [opens front door at Nile's apartment]  Oh hi Frasier.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Hi Dad. Hi Niles. Forgive me, I know how annoying it can be to drop by without calling first.

  Niles : Don't worry. I used to do it all the time.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : That's how I know.

• Niles : [a look of cunning on his face]  I can't let her leave. I just can't.

  Martin Crane : [nervous]  Well, there's nothin' we can do about it.

  Niles : I still have a day. I just have to be more... resourceful.

  Martin Crane : [fearfully]  Like how?

  [stumbles back against a pillar] 

  Niles : It's my problem, not yours. I just have to think. Fresh air, maybe that'll calm me down.

  [He climbs the stairs to the landing and looks out window] 

  Niles : Oh, look at the sunset!

  [turns with same oddly crafty expression] 

  Niles : Dad, come join me on the balcony.

• Roz : So Martin, why don't you tell Niles your new idea?

  Martin Crane : Well, actually, it was Roz's idea, but I think she might have something, you know? You know, Frasier and I have been kinda buttin' heads lately...

  Niles : Well, Frasier has been very difficult. I don't know how you live with him.

  Martin Crane : Well, that was Roz's idea. She suggested that I move in with you for a while.

  Niles : [dumbstruck]  Did she?

  Martin Crane : Yeah. You know, we talked about it when I first got shot, but of course Maris was the problem. So I guess the big question now is: Do you still want me?

  Niles : [a fake smile pasted on]  Oh, don't be silly. I want you just as much now as I wanted you then.