Two Doors Down (2016– )
1/10
Utterly dismal, apathetic and incompetent
18 October 2017
The fact that the BBC has aired two seasons of this show, with a third on the way, shows how utterly starved they are for comedy, or that the producers there who are commissioning comedy have absolutely no idea what they are doing.

This is an utter embarrassment and a serious contender for the worst sitcom ever made in Britain, along with the other BBC Scotland comedy disaster "Mountain Goats".

Every episode is exactly the same scenario - a scenario that isn't funny to begin with: some trivial event happens, everyone goes to the same house, they talk about things, there's arguing, then it ends. That's it. Every episode features consistent repetition of story information, which is a sure sign of amateur writers, and an attempt to pad out the thinnest of plots to last 30 minutes. It offers no attempt at laughs other than inviting you to sneer at how obnoxious the characters are, or at them doing minor, meaningless tasks that are no doubt supposed to be tough on them.

These are extremely unsympathetic characters. They are unlikeable - behaving spoiled and unaware of their privilege - they have no real problems, they are never in any danger of anything - why are we supposed to care about them? Some episodes will attempt introduce and follow dilemmas, like pregnancy or trying to put down a deposit on a flat, but there is never any real tension or payoff. No identification with characters in a show after 12 episodes can only mean one thing - incompetent writers.

And then there's the comedy, or lack thereof. The show tries hopelessly with every last resort in the book - swear words as punchlines, unsubtle attempts at irony, dilemmas that come out of nowhere with no buildup - to desperately demand laughs from an audience. The attempts at punchlines are lazy, and the situations leading up to them woeful and uninspired. It tries to retain a down-to-earth tone, with no cartoon hi-jinks or farce, but then uses exaggerated characters. The result makes everyone seems like they are overacting, or that the writers ran out of ideas before they even started. Or more likely, they had none to begin with.

This show and Still Game suffer from the same problem: they think simply saying swear words is funny. It's not - it has to be funny for another reason, as well.

In an interview, Arabella Weir told of how Elaine C Smith proudly declared on set "Look at this, three woman together being funny," referring to herself, Weir and Doon Mackinnon (whose performance here is extremely embarrassing), and yet in 12 episodes never offers proof to support that claim. That is the show in a nutshell. The cast and crew were clearly convinced of their own hilarity, and I'm sure had a blast making it, but the end result is a shambles. Perhaps Mark Kermode's adage remains true, that the more fun the creators have making something, the less fun we have watching it. There is a resultant smugness to the show, which never tries and meanders from one meaningless thing to another, hoping that you'll care.

This show has absolutely nothing to say. It offers no insight to its one-dimensional characters, or the Scottish middle-class society it supposedly mocks. It's awkward, aimless and meaningless.

This is an utter waste of time, and viewers deserve much better than this.
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