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Reviews
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)
Things better - Things worse
The first half is great, maybe even better than the first 2 films - because the production value is so much better in this.
When the kids enter the movie, it goes completely off the Mad Max rails.
But the ending is great, in true Mad Max fashion.
I think the kid part is why so many rate it poorly, while the rest is why so many rate it as good.
Either way, the whole franchise is 'extremely early 80s' in all things - and the OT have never been movies I want to watch more than maybe once a decade.
I would give them all a 6, this included; with the first having the most rewatch value.
But yeah - the kids sucked.
Spartacus: Blood and Sand (2010)
RIP Andy Whitfield
If Andy Whitfield doesn't die of cancer, this is an easy 10.
The first 2 seasons are both 10s, and the last 2 seasons with the replacements are solid 8s.
So I'm giving it a 9.
However, there were other things lacking in the last 2 seasons.
- Lucretia shouldn't have lived. They simply should have done something else. Season 2 was a good send off for her and Batiatus.
- Ilithyia was annoying, and even though it worked - I was tired of her by season 3.
- The Crixus and Naevia whiny story line drug on... and on... and on... and on.
- Spartacus's new GF constantly giving speeches to him is annoying as hell
The last 2 seasons simply weren't the same show, though they were still better than most.
Longmire (2012)
I have no clue what the 10 star people are talking about
The lead actor is one of the oddest choices I've ever seen.
Surely they could have gotten someone better, who would have done it for free.
Was the guy an investor who demanded to be the star?
On no level does the dude belong on screen.
I'm listening as I write this, and listening to it is better than having to see the face behind their casting choice.
Little cleverness in the dialogue.
Very A to B.
It's like a bunch of folks said "lets make one of those shows' - and they all showed up and painted by the numbers, phoned it in and collected their check.
It's not horrible by any means; it just doesn't have one exceptional aspect to which you could point at and say, "that's why they made it".
The Player (1992)
Decent, but not 7.5
What's crazy - is this is clearly a Hollywood pet project, as it was littered with big names for the time doing cameos - and yet for key roles, they picked some of the worst.
Fred Ward and Brion James were always C actors on their best day. Lyle Lovett is horrible. Cynthia Stevenson was a very odd choice.
So somehow, this movie switches from 'legitimate movie' to 'bad 80s movie' (made in '92) all throughout, based upon who's on the screen.
Whoopi shows up and makes it feel like a good movie again, right as it's going off the rails. Making the rest finish-able.
Decent for a one time watch, but I'd never watch it again.
Vikings (2013)
A 10 if an R rating
If it would have been on HBO or the like, this might have been the best of its genre.
Because it wasn't it sits at a 9; with Rome/Spartacus edging it out.
Still, a must watch, even though PG 13.
Things it does better than the others:
- Unlike most of these shows, it doesn't avoid battle scenes - it embraces them. Making one wonder why the others were so cheap. (Except the battle of season 4, episode 18, to which we are completely robbed of.)
- ALL of the characters in question talk in accents, and it actually switches to the actual languages when 2 different peoples are interacting. Making one wonder why everyone else is so lazy. (The ENTIRE entertainment industry is too lazy to do this.) I would build a monument to this show in that regard, alone.
- The production is amazing for all 6 seasons.
- Not one miscast in the entire show.
Mistakes it made:
- Killing off the best character in the show in season 4, Ragnar. (I was tired of Lagertha after season 1, and I wish they would have chose her.) It simply wasn't the same show for the last 2 seasons, though still decent. The sons and Lagertha couldn't carry Ragnar's water.
- The English story lines were the most boring of the show, dragging it to a crawl when they went back to England, all for no real payoff at any point. There was simply no reason to devote so much time to those characters. Especially when the show is about the vikings.
- It really needed nudity. It had all of the blood and guts of an R rated show; and with nudity, they wouldn't have needed so much filler, because they could have replaced it all with sex scenes - which would have been par for the course if produced by a company that can make R rated shows. It's basically in the same boat as Sons of Anarchy, in that regard.
For those who don't like 'the message' in stuff, this is probably the last of the good shows.
Towards the end of season 4, they suddenly start having a bunch of shield maidens matter to the story. And you can feel it forced. (Shield maidens were a myth, the only arguments over how the myth got started - and this show has them killing dudes by the dozens in open field battle. The most ridiculous being Lagertha, who is somehow one of the greatest warriors for all of the seasons. Lol)
But at no point are there vikings 'light in the boots' or 'straight out of Compton'.
Overall, worth a watch.
The first 4 seasons, at the very least.
Drive (2011)
Somehow artsy and empty at the same time
It's the better of the 'good for a one time watch' - so I'm giving it a 6.
Probably Gosling's worst film. He is beyond boring, as there is NO creative writing present in this flick.
The only person who does any real acting in the film is Oscar Isaac.
The director definitely has talent. But that's all this thing has going for it. And the slow burn scenes between Gosling and Mulligan staring dumbly are so over used, that it just drags the whole thing to a crawl - attempting to add depth where some decent writing should have been.
It's almost as if the director took a bet that he could make a watchable movie out of a script written by a middle schooler.
This thing having a 7.8 on IMDb is a blight to its reputation for rankings.
The only good thing that came out of this are the internet memes.
The Proposition (2005)
Inches away from greatness.
Everything is right there for this thing to be a 10.
The directing. The acting. The cinematography. The story. The writing.
Why isn't it a 10?
They had to shoe horn in a wife, and just like all of the others - every scene with her is tedious, serves no real purpose, and just slows the whole thing to a crawl.
Some scenes the music is masterfully done, but then there's a couple of parts where the choice was too out there, and it yanks you out of the moment.
I didn't like the choice of Danny Huston to play Arthur Burns. He wasn't bad or anything, I just think there's choices who would have been better. He's never been that guy who plays that role. He doesn't look the part at all.
Quigley Down Under (1990)
Barely Watchable then, Barely Watchable now...
Every so many years I'll give this another shot, because it's Tom Selleck - and him as a cowboy is a cool idea.
But each time I find it tedious to get through.
Laura San Giacomo's 'Crazy Cora' is as annoying as Jar Jar Binks.
Movie makes Alan Rickman one dimensional, so he doesn't even get to shine.
The whole story comes off as a 'Save the Aborigines' donation drive.
Make no mistake about it, the 5 stars are entirely Selleck; so don't bother putting it on if you're not a fan.
This movie drops to zero stars without him.
I have no clue who these people are giving it high reviews.
Even in a day and age where modern crap makes the most mediocre of older films seem phenomenal - this thing still falls flat.
The Tudors (2007)
When will people give up on ficitonal historical accuracy?
It's fiction. Lol
Not a documentary.
There has NEVER been a fictional period production made that no one complained about historical inaccuracies - and yet, they're all still here complaining; as if a production that 'got history right' exists.
I imagine they howl at full moons. I digress.
Don't be deceived, this isn't just a show about Henry VIII's romances.
There's political backstabbing right up there with the first 3 seasons of Game of Thrones
An interesting glimpse into the formation of the Church of England.
Excellent production value.
If it had focused more on the events of the time than the romances, I might have given it higher than an 8. But where it stands, solid 8.
And they made it well enough that I guarantee anyone who enjoyed it looked up all of the subject matter as far as authentic history goes; so the real history still gets told.
Firefly (2002)
B Team Sci-Fi done really well
First off, as far as world building goes - this thing is a 12 out of 10.
The premise is fantastic.
I can only imagine what they could have done with 10 seasons.
But it does have issues.
It feels 2nd rate at times.
Some shots/scenes feel as if it's a late 80s/early 90s show.
I think every character on the show was miscast.
(This is evident in the fact NONE of them became anything.)
EVERYTHING great about this show is a tribute to the creators, not the people they picked to act it out.
(They weren't horrible, don't get me wrong. But none of them were amazing as their role.)
But it's undeniably fun sci fi.
The reavers by far the best part, and should have been used more.
I would check it out if you like such.
A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)
Fun Movie
Entertaining from start to finish.
Knows what it wants to be and nails it.
'Silly comedy making fun of the west'.
Humor is very vulgar, word to the wise.
Charize Theron is WAY too old for her part. Lol
At some point she even says, 'we've been married since I was 8', or something to that effect.
I can't believe they missed the opportunity for him to respond, "so you've been married to Clint for 35 years?"
A lot of clever writing, and I'm a sucker for such.
The jokes centered around the Christian couple verged dangerously close to being over done.
You never want to tell multiple versions of the same joke.
The Death of Stalin (2017)
Had potential.
Another movie dropped 2 stars because millionaire actors can't or won't learn an accent.
It is impossible to suspend disbelief watching this, because it's a bunch of obvious Americans dressed like 50s Russians.
And what's worse, every now and then - there is a genuine actor speaking with a Russian accent. Lol
So it REALLY makes all of the rest stick out, especially the lead, Steve Buscemi.
All of them having horrible cliche Russian accents would have been better than what they went with.
My only other real complaint - is the horrible miscast of Jeffrey Tambor. He sticks out like a sore thumb.
I give 5s and 6s for 'good for a one time watch'.
This is the lower end of those - so it's a natural 5.
It was on sale for 4.99 on Prime, and IMDB had it at 7.3, so I figured 'why not?'
Honestly, I would have preferred to keep my 4.99.
MAJOR IMDb fail.
It is watchable, but barely.
Rob Roy (1995)
Good Period Piece
I don't see how anyone could give this less than an 7.
The acting, to sets, to costumes are all superb.
Maybe I'm just a sucker for historical flicks.
It's fun to read the comments, because it makes you realize the Scottish will complain about ANYTHING made about their history.
When you all start making movies to the point you're making them about other people - we'll all see how well you do.
Until then - go shag a sheep.
The hardest thing for me when it comes to this movie, is the catalyst for the story - which is the loss of the thousand pounds.
I find it hard to believe in such a time - anyone making such a move would not stick with their man to see every inch of the money's arrival, safely. Whether a note, or not.
It's so illogical that it takes me out of the movie every time I watch it.
It might as well be a turtle flying through the air, as they all look on.
Even if he's your best man - in a day an age where lords can murder you for one misstep, where highway men and bandits are everywhere, when your entire village is starving - you just 'head on home and hope for the best'? Entirely unbelievable.
It's so illogical that I can't give it more than a 7, even if I could never give it less than a 7.
The Wire (2002)
Never understood the hype
It's been a while since I watched this, but I remember not understanding the hype back then - and I can't believe it still has such a high score.
The first season was good, the 2nd season is absolute trash, and the 3rd season is great.
Maybe I never watched the 4th and 5th.
I can't remember thinking anything about them.
By the time this came out, there had been a thousand shows glamorizing black gangsterism - and a million cop shows.
It was just those 2 things combined.
Done really well (at least for 1 and 3); but nonetheless, nothing new.
To be ranked as one of the best of all time, I will never understand.
Hoodlum (1997)
Fun Movie
It's hard to grade movies, anymore.
In the 90s, upon its release - this probably would have been a solid 7.
But compared to contemporaneity cinema (2024) - this is a 10. Lol
First off, if you're not a Fishburne fan, don't waste your time.
He always rolls dangerously close to 'hammy' with his acting style.
It holds nothing back when it comes to the ruthlessness of the 30s gangster era (for the weak stomachs); and has lots of racial slurs (for the thin skinned) - so you might want to avoid for those reasons.
Tim Roth plays a great Dutch Schultz.
Andy Garcia plays Andy Garcia. (Dude is literally the same guy in everything.)
Immortals (2011)
No Charisma
There's simply no charisma in this thing.
And it comes down to Henry Cavil.
He's one of those actors that is great for side characters, but a show can't be entertaining with him as the lead.
He was great in The Tudors, for instance.
In many ways, Mickey Rourke is in the same boat.
Rourke 'Iron Man 2' lame; Rourke 'Sin City' - great.
He's not the only issue; considering how fun of a subject Greek Mythology is - this thing just isn't engaging at all.
(And I've attempted to watch it a couple of times, trying to force myself to like it.)
4 is the best I can give for movies I wouldn't recommend for even a one time viewing, and this is definitely the high end of that.
You can tell a lot of money went into it.
This is somehow less entertaining than Alexander, which I wouldn't think possible.
There's simply not enough epics to choose from for them to be making bad ones. No one who likes epic movies would ever wish for one to fail. The makers have to go out of their way for that to happen.
The Last Duel (2021)
Had Potential
Really bad casting.
This easily could have been a movie that made a lot of money - being how cheap and easy one could film the 3 stories in one swoop; getting a full length picture for what amounts to a 3rd of a movie's worth of work.
The problem?
They cast 3 known Americans, who despite making millions for their roles - couldn't be bothered to learn French accents.
You would swear this was a movie made about middle age England.
I actually prefer that they used English, as subtitles make for a less enjoyable experience.
But they couldn't learn the accent?
If Ridley would have just got 3 French actors - he could have saved millions on one end - and made millions more on the other end.
From sets, to costumes, to shots - everything else about this movie is top notch.
Even if going with Americans - why hire the 'just a face' bunch?
None of them are renown method actors.
Ben and Matt are the same guys in every film (who would EVER put these 2 in a period piece?) - and the only good thing Adam Driver ever made was the oil tycoon on SNL.
It's like he wanted this project to fail.
First Knight (1995)
Not Identifying an Audience and Targeting Them
Who is going to be drawn to a King Arthur movie? Males.
Who likes romance stories? Females.
Who is going to go to a King Arthur movie that just tells the story of the Lancelot love triangle aspect?
NO ONE. Lol
This movie never stood a chance of being liked.
While Gere will forever be a sex symbol - he comes off as 'full of himself' leaning so hard into it, that it's more cringe than anything.
The actress playing Guinevere is probably the most solid of the film, as Connery is wasted.
There's nothing written in the script to show you why Arthur is awesome - you're just supposed to take the movie's word for it.
And what nailed the coffin shut - the villain is an 80s archetype in a '95 film.
Still, worth a one time watch if you're stuck in a hotel room and nothing else is on. But you'll never watch it again. I promise.
Solid 5.
Sons of Anarchy (2008)
If only on HBO...
Probably the only show to really compete with Sopranos for best of the genre.
Some things it did better.
Some things it did worse.
The things it did better:
- Kept the story focused around the 'gangsterness' that people tuned in for; even when incorporating family drama. Sopranos not only had more family drama, but 90% of the family drama didn't have anything to do with the mafia premise; downright boring at times.
- In shows such as these, you have to have your per episode arcs, as well as your season long arcs. SOA had better in depth and entertaining arcs; both episode and season wise.
- Better final episode.
The things it did worse:
- While an achievement to be as entertaining as it was, when it was a 'PG-13 biker show' - one still has to wonder how awesome and more authentic it would have been, with cursing and nudity (being it's about bikers). All of the other qualities, plus an R rating - would have put this show over the top of the Sopranos. We never have to wonder about that with Sopranos, because it was on HBO.
- While Sopranos had some annoying characters, it didn't have any glowingly bad miscasting. SOA had a horrible miscast in one of its main roles - Maggie Siff as Tara Knowles. Seriously, it's like watching wood.
- Sopranos didn't have corny antagonists. SOA had some so corny you'd think they had a time machine to the 80s; most notably 'The League'.
- No one on the Sopranos was married to the creator, with their horrible music being played constantly from season 2 on.
Seasons ranked:
1. Season 1
2. Season 4
3. Season 3
4. Season 2.
5. Season 5
6. Season 7 -
-
-
10. Season 6. (The 2nd to last season flounders, much like the Sopranos. School shootings. Trannies. Like they were drawing subjects out of a hat. The last few episodes are decent, but can't redeem the season.)
The Good Shepherd (2006)
Decent for a One Time Veiwing
The interesting thing is how they admit the entire intelligence apparatus is really just a 'wing of government' secret societies have taken over, and no one even bats an eye. Lol
One thing is for sure, the way they represent these 'bureaucrats of the ivory tower' leaves one wondering why anyone would even want to be involved in such a world.
The tone of this flick is as depressing as they come.
Every character soulless.
One of those movies that no doubt looked good on paper, but the finished product makes one come to the conclusion that they forgot movies are supposed to be entertaining, first and foremost.
Still, there's plenty of worse movies.
5 stars.
Deadwood (2004)
1st Season is a 10
The first season is an easy 10.
But things must be graded on the whole, and the whole is a 7.
Season 2 meanders like they never conceptualized there being a 2nd season.
I've never been able to finish this series because of how much it falls off; which is crazy, considering the first season is some of the best TV ever made.
The first season they just made a good show, and the 2nd season is where they start having a bunch of politically correct crap.
Plus, they bring back an actor from the first playing a completely different role.
It's horribly jarring, and a 'suspension of disbelief' killer.
You no longer have Wild Bill who brought a lot to the story.
Calamity Jane is probably the most annoying part of the first season, and there's plenty more of her in the 2nd.
Swearengen gets neutered for the first part of the 2nd season, and he's the best part of the show.
They say some conflict is why there was never a season 4 - but there doesn't need to be an excuse; as I would have cancelled it after season 2.
Any Given Sunday (1999)
Litterred with Subpar talent.
Never been a fan of Cameron Diaz.
Never been a fan of Dennis Quaid.
Never been a fan of Jamie Foxx.
LL Cool J didn't do it any favors.
Somehow, this flick is still entertaining to watch every now and then - so I'm giving it a 7.
Pacino, Woods and Modine are all perfect for their roles.
Had all of those others been cast with someone better, this could have easily been a 9 star movie.
(It's impossible for a movie about professional football to be a 10 without using the real teams. Even if it's contractually impossible. I don't care.)
Especially, Cameron Diaz.
She was awful.
I think she's brought down every movie she's been in; outside of 'Something About Mary'.
Oppenheimer (2023)
Bloated
There's 3 stories going on - a government inquiry, his personal life, and the story around the making of the bomb.
The first is 3 stars, the 2nd is a 5, and the 3rd - is an absolute 10.
Had they just made it a linear movie about the making of the bomb, ending on them all getting fired; with the government driving away with the bombs - this movie is a classic.
Instead, there's at least an hour and a half of stuff that drags the whole thing down at best, completely muddling everything at worst.
It's a cliche, but I'm saying it anyway - this movie didn't know what it wanted to be.
As for Nolan, It's not his best work.
Lots of 'flashes to artsy shots' that have no bearing on the lead's development, or that make it deep for the audience - in the beginning of the movie.
Luckily, this Nolan only lasts for the first 30 minutes.
It comes across as the government inquiries are there simply to create a 'jumping through time' that didn't need to be there.
The story was good enough that it didn't need to be cheapened with these 'tired parlor tricks of contemporary directors'.
As it sits, I'm breaking my own rules and giving it a 6 for 'better of the good for a one time watch'; even though I myself turned it off with 45 minutes left; as it felt like that's where the movie should have ended, anyway.
Den of Thieves (2018)
Decent 'movie for guys who like movies'
The pros: the story is absolutely solid. Everyone acted their parts well.
The cons: they made the mistake that separates the average from the greats - they have dumb family life scenes. It's almost like in modern times, there's quotas that dictate they have to have so many women somewhere in the movie. And it ALWAYS drags the thing down.
This movie might even be a 9 without it. It kills the pacing. If you take out all of the personal life crap and add another heist to the film - it becomes something special.
Well, and some of the cop lines were pretty cheesy. You can always tell when a nerd is trying to write street dialogue.
Napoleon (2023)
Thank you Reviewers!
Of course the ads made this movie look like it would be about Napoleon's battles - proving they knew what we really wanted.
But also in the ads, were the couple quick glimpses of a woman.
Exact conversation...
My buddy: "That new Napoleon looks good!"
Me: "Yeah, but they hinted at a love interest. I hope the whole thing isn't about him and a chick."
My buddy: "Yeah, that would suck."
Fast forward to reading the reviews, and whether positive or negative, they all confirm the majority of 'a story about Napoleon' - REVOLVES AROUND A CHICK.
Because whenever you study Napoleon, Lord know it's all about the chick he was nailing.
Hollywood sucks.
Girl world sucks.
I'm done.