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The Passenger (2023)
This is what passes for mainstream entertainment? ANNOYING GARBAGE.
I just wasted an hour and a half of life, so you won't have to.
There is no story here, the film is boring, the characters are infuriatingly annoying, gun violence is cheap, senseless and plentiful
There is no enjoyment whatsoever in watching this film.
What fills up the screen time is this utter A-hole who shoots innocent people going about their daily lives for no discernible reason. That sounds like a good time at the movies, right?
The amount of brainpower used to write this screenplay is as low as I've ever witnessed. There is simply nothing worthwhile here.
Shame on Blumhouse. Don't be a sucker for this nothingness.
Monsters of California (2023)
Wow. What garbage!
Tom DeLonge is a name known in the entertainment industry, so eventually he got to make a movie about his subject of interest, UFOs and alien lifeforms.
Going in, I had fairly high hopes for "Monsters of California".
I watched the entire thing, start to finish. And what a letdown it was, with way too much terribly-written dialog, three main characters who are each more annoying and unlikeable than the other, and constantly recurring unfunny dick humor that is like multiple hairs in your soup.
And, to top it off, there is no payoff, at all, whatsoever...nada.
Repulsive characters spouting idiotic dialog doing nothing the least bit believable or interesting is a formula for utter failure.
And that's all this hour-and-a-half of nothingness is...a waste of everyone's time.
Once Upon a Time in... Hollywood (2019)
If You Didn't Like This Movie, I Feel Sorry For You
This film gave me so much joy and pleasure, I can only wish the same for everyone else. The movie breaks any mold you might have been expecting, and takes the viewer into a new place of cinematic entertainment.
I confess, I am hyper-focused on this precise time in American history...the summer of '69. The moon landing, then Manson ruining everybody's peace trip.
QT did me a huge personal favor in making this film.
So, strap in, tune out, and enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime ride.
Heaven Strewn (2011)
Amateur attempt flops completely
I wanted to like this movie, being a desert flick and all, but overwhelming problems prevented that from happening.
Number 1:
If your movie lacks subtitles, then record the dialog SO YOU CAN HEAR IT!
There are these things available called wireless microphones.
Number 2:
Editing...overly long scenes (such as the one that opens the movie) cause the viewer to LOSE INTEREST rapidly.
Number 3:
Camera...use a good one; this looks like it was shot on a camcorder.
Number 5,000:
Script...oh, forget it.
Thunder Road (2018)
Unwatchable bore
Don't be hoodwinked by all these glowing reviews. I am no art house cinema scholar by any means; I'm pretty much an Average Joe. And I could not stand this film. I tried, oh believe me, I tried. I thought, "the good part's coming any minute now", or, "there's got to be a payoff here sooner or later!"
Nope. No such so. I should have known from the opening scene. (No spoilers). The camera rolls, unedited, for over six minutes, in one room, focused on one guy.
Cringeworthy. Boring. B-O-R-I-N-G. And that sets the pace for the whole flick. Every scene is too long. The camera just lingers, and lingers, as the lines of sparse dialog
are dispersed by a writer who apparently thinks they are funny, or somehow profound. They are neither.
Did I mention none of the characters are likeable, or even make sense? Why does this or that character have such an annoying personality? There's never an explanation. So, please don't waste your time with this. I've wasted enough of mine already.
The Phenom (2016)
This Phenom is a Phailure
I watched this movie because it's a baseball movie, and because Paul Giamatti is in it.
Script? Sorry to report this, but the writing is BAD. The script--- the words these actors are forced to say as the camera rolls---are not believable.
They don't sound like things real people in real life would say. And there's too many of them. Way too many. Result? BORING.
Where's some action? ANY action? The baseball scenes add up to about 90 seconds total.
Ethan Hawke's character? The mean father? So over the top it is, again, completely unconvincing and irritating.
And there's no ending, really. Whoever wrote this....ughh.
To pour salt in the wound, the soundtrack sucked. You don't have a noisy rock song with LOUD SINGING playing under a major speech from one of the characters.
There should be an instrumental, or no music at all, as the character is screaming at another character.
So to sum it up in one word, "The Phenom" is a PHLOP.
Extortion (2017)
Unbelievably bad
Please listen to me.
If you rent this movie, you will possibly become enraged while watching it.
Because everything about it is so stupid.
First of all, in the first scene, you hate the wife of the doctor because she's such an irritating rag.
Then, Doc, our main character, who's supposed to be smart because he's a heart surgeon, makes an idiotic decision, putting all three of them at risk of certain stupid, preventable death.
Seemingly endless unpleasantness ensues, none of it believable, until the fast-forward function is utilized.
Nothing adds up. Why was this script approved? Why was this "movie" made?
Wow. Didn't know a product such as this could find its way into NetFlix.
In a Valley of Violence (2016)
Screw the haters, this is a real fine Western
If you are a fan of classic Westerns, you'll find yourself glued to the screen enjoying every minute of this film.
Disclosure: I am 62 years old as I write this, so I've seen 'em all. And watching this one, I couldn't help feel like it was 1967, or thereabouts, what with the steady camera-work, the superb cinematography capturing all the dusty glory of New Mexico, U.S.A.
And the soundtrack! Not some canned muzak, not some minimalist guitar scratchings, but a full-blown beauty of a musical composition that took me right back to the Spaghetti classics.
Now, this won't win an Oscar, but dang if it didn't make my Friday night popcorn and beer movie night.
"In A Valley of Violence" is a total winner. p.s....the dog is an unbelievably good actor.
Criminal Activities (2015)
Wretched Embarrassment-don't waste a second of your life on this
Anyone involved with this movie should just be ashamed of themselves. Why?
The script, if there was one, was just a bunch of guys yelling f-words at each other.
Worthless, f, f, f, this, and f, f, f, that.
Cinematography? Shaky cam shot by a 12-year-old. Not one interesting visual.
Plot? Forget it.
Interest? None.
Acting? Beyond lame.
This is a product with a major star (Travolta) vying for your consumer dollar. The problem is, it's utter garbage. Do not waste a minute of your life on this sad rip-off.
The Entitled (2011)
A New Low...had to fumigate the room after watching this
This "film" is simply awful. The writing stinks, the whole concept is stupid and sadly, totally uninteresting. But that's only half the problem. It appears as though this was shot with Dad's hand-held camcorder he bought from Best Buy last Christmas. Ever heard of a tripod? How about a steady cam? And maybe next time you could hire an editor. The non-clever dialog just runs on and on as Liotta and the other guy trade lines that are so uninspired it seems like they're reading them off cue cards for the first time, or perhaps just making them up as they go along. You can imagine Ray saying to Dad (who's holding the Sony) "Camcorder rolling? O.K., I'm gonna start yammering now. Be sure not to hold the camera too steady!" I beg you, dear IMDb reader, do not rent this movie. It's not worth anywhere near the $1.07 I spent at Redbox. I could have bought gum instead, damn!
Surveillance (2008)
Boring + Repulsive = Deplorable
So you're the daughter of a famous filmmaker; if this is the best you can do, my advice is to GET A REAL JOB.
The characters in this film are all so repellent. I will not spoil anything for anyone by giving away specific details, but I am issuing a warning for any of you out there who are normal moviegoers. Sadistic violence-seekers MIGHT find this interesting, though I doubt it.
Here's the problem(s):
Ridiculously bad cops immediately raise the red flag---this screenplay is stupid! The unbelievable situations are way over the top annoying, there is no one to root for, and it's all a negative, joyless drag.
Ms. Lynch, if this is what you think people want to see in the theater, you've got another think coming.
Lost in Plainview (2005)
Let me count the..
Let me count the number of reviews for this baby, first. Then we'll list the problems.
Reviews: one. It's neither an honor nor a privilege to be the second. But here goes anyway.
The first problem presents itself right away. The dark-haired girl, the second of the main characters, is pretty to look at, yet repulsive. Unlikeable from the get-go, her character is annoying and dooms this film before it's barely started.
How about some good points? Production values are not horrible, and they DO zip around a desert-y landscape, in the daylight, which is probably the only reason I watched this entire film. Also, the villain drives a Camaro with authentic motor sounds, not dubbed in phonies.
And before I waste any more time writing about this movie that was apparently seen by only myself and a few others, let me tell you that the climactic scene is a physical impossibility, yet edited to try to make us think it DID happen that way.
So, dear viewer, rent this flick only if, number one, it's a freebie, and number two, if there is something wrong with you.
Solstice (2008)
Stinks
A shockingly boring product, 'Solstice' is perhaps one of the earliest 'by-products' of the Writer's Strike of 2007-2008.
When you rent a movie, your basest hope is to derive SOME pleasure from your money spent. 15 minutes pass, you're annoyed and nodding off at the same time, and you wonder if you should hit Fast-Forward or Eject.
In this film, the characters lack anything resembling human interest. Their dialog contains zero references to 2008 society or culture. This script could have been written in 1980, or 1970 for that matter! It's a by-the-numbers dull-fest!
Want to save a buck on sleeping pills? Watch "Solstice"!
Zzyzx (2006)
An Unseen Thrill Ride
"Zzyzx" has to be the best film seen by the fewest people ever. It was only by the luck of a friend's recommendation that I even heard about this flick. Honest to god, my life is richer because of it.
The first interesting point about "Zzyzx" is the fact that it is a real road, in a really spooky desolate desert area, with a truly odd history. Not the one portrayed in the movie, but weird nonetheless. With that as a starting point, this piece of work takes you on a hell of ride, despite its miniscule budget. As always, good writing is the key, and this baby's got it. Twists, portent, and finally complete resolution make it all worth it. Sure it's upsetting, but not gory for gore's sake or anything of the sort.
If you like desert flicks shot in daylight, relish this film. Here's a hell of a story well told. So tell your friends!
Turistas (2006)
Consider yourself warned.
Stop. Take heed. Do not-eth rent-uth this film. This turd.
For if you do, you'll be fast forwardin' through the majority of this stinker! The first eleven minutes deliver thrills and fine scenery (Melissa George, Beau Garrett, Olivia Wilde), but things quickly take a turn for dank, annoying boredom as these stupid American 'turistas' get all sliced up and such by the local weirdo scientist.
Now for the good parts. The underwater swimming scenes are impressive, never mind that regular traumatized, brutalized, exhausted and starving 'turistas' have no chance in hell to hold their breath for five minutes at a time while performing near-Olympian aquatic moves. Yet that's the movie magic.
The other good part? She comes in at under an hour-and-a-half.
Figure in fast-forwarding time, and out of your life in a half-hour. Don't do it.
Lonesome Jim (2005)
Trapped in a repellent world
I was attracted to this film by its offbeat, low-key, 'real life' story line. That is, a twenty-something guy flops in the Big Apple and comes back home to live with his parents and even more floppy brother. It just might have worked but there's a problem. And that problem's name is Casey Affleck.
Casey Affleck is nearly catatonic in this film. His acting mantra must be "exert as little effort as possible at all times". Or "why speak when you can mutter?" Or maybe "put yourself into a coma as soon as the camera rolls". Lips moving when speaking? Barely. Facial expressions? None. Muscles in face? Atrophied. Something? Nothing. ANYthing? Zip.
Wolf Creek (2005)
Sickening Violence
I rented this movie thinking there'd be some decent footage of the Outback along with some suspenseful action. I was half right.
If sickening violence is your bag, this is the movie for you. No redeeming qualities bail this one out. That's unfortunate because there is some beautiful cinematography and good music toward the end of this stupid flick. I wonder why anyone in the "biz" would waste their time with such an unpleasant, unrewarding story.
If you like seeing innocent young people killed for no reason with no punishment for the perpetrator, then run to your local video store and get this piece of crap.
The Door in the Floor (2004)
Here's Why To Skip This
I, for one, don't read these viewer comments to get a play-by-play retelling of a movie's plot. Why would I want someone to tell me their condensed version of what I might be about to spend two hours on? What I want to know is how a viewer felt while watching the film.
In the case of "The Door in the Floor", let me preface the following by saying I have no ax whatsoever to grind with Jeff Bridges, Kim Basinger, or anyone else involved with this product. My only goal is to tip someone who might be "on the fence" about whether or not to rent this flick.
Truth is, "Door" is boring, depressing and ultimately uninteresting. Basinger looks old in that Hollywood 'trying-not-to-look-old' way and is given little to work with. Bridges is given too much, and mumbles and mutters his way through it, all the way to the stupid ending.
There has to be a better choice than this for your viewing pleasure.