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Nimona (2023)
I wanted to like this, but...
It's just massively overrated. Strip away the me too androgyny, you'll find the basic plot makes zero sense. Bad guy has weak motivation to do PLOT DEVICE, while Nimona has precious little reason to stick around.
Maybe the most groundbreaking thing is the openly gay main character in a cartoon for prepubescent kids? That's fine by me, but honestly the gayness wasn't integral to the plot either (it's not a romance).
Only bright spots are that it's well animated and voice acting is top notch. As an adult, I liked the dirty jokes you'll find if you're looking.
TL;DR version - weak plot, not for kids. Well executed otherwise.
Il mio nome è vendetta (2022)
Good acting, strange script
To enjoy this, fully suspend disbelief and be a fan of the John Wick series. Without spoiling the plot, let's just say that the script is highly inconsistent in terms of basic plot points.
For example, are you high tech (face recognition) or low tech (phone tracing)? Are you heavily guarded, or not a guard in sight?
What's good though are the action scenes and acting, given the weak material and dialogue. Ended up being invested to the end, thanks in part to the short runtime.
Overall, a decent entry into the mindless revenge category, with a more plausible motivation than "you killed my dog".
Smile (2022)
Exceedingly frustrating and draggy
First the good: well filmed and creepy soundtrack. Decent acting, given the source material.
Not so good: plot is unoriginal, probably because the director only did short films before this. Needlessly long runtime, just to pack in a few more jump scares. Probably would have enjoyed it more had it been 20 mins shorter, so definitely a reason that less is more.
The bad: Unlikeable characters and the most senseless behaviour by the protagonist, especially in the age of Google and social media. Even the antagonist is kinda lame if you think about it, with character motivations sorely lacking.
Put it this way, 2/3 through the show, I was rooting for the villain to win just because I dislike the main character for her stupidity.
Smile (2022)
Exceedingly frustrating and draggy
First the good: well filmed and creepy soundtrack. Decent acting, given the source material.
Not so good: plot is unoriginal, probably because the director only did short films before this. Needlessly long runtime, just to pack in a few more jump scares. Probably would have enjoyed it more had it been 20 mins shorter, so definitely a reason that less is more.
The bad: Unlikeable characters and the most senseless behaviour by the protagonist, especially in the age of Google and social media. Even the antagonist is kinda lame if you think about it, with character motivations sorely lacking.
Put it this way, 2/3 through the show, I was rooting for the villain to win just because I dislike the main character for her stupidity.
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Meh... This ain't LOTR, 6/10 at best
Leaving 2 🌟 to manage expectations, because this isn't LOTR. In fact, the entire premise of the show is based on a stupid blunder (think Jackass level) from 2 characters that have been portrayed in film as extremely clever.
In this movie though, you have Dr Strange (who had previously seen every outcome in every timeline) and Spidey (who is in most versions a borderline genius), attempt world changing spell as mere afterthought. Thereafter, in another cringe worthy turn, Spidey decides he's allowed to make things worse.
At this point, Disney seems to clearly be moving away from character development and plot driven scripts to setting up next sequel in their mega franchise MCU (next Dr Strange, in this case).
Please stop getting greedy Disney, there's so much good source material to tell good stories. 2 duds like this and The Eternals back to back, suddenly DC is looking better. TBH, not a terrible movie, but definitely not a classic in the vein of LOTR.
Eternals (2021)
Probably the worst MCU offering so far...
The Eternals are represented by a 2.5 hour runtime, which feels even longer while watching. This was probably my companion's favourite part as she had a nice nap.
They are fighting the Deviants which are the brilliant hodgepodge of accents from the UK, US and Korea, which blend together like haggis and kimchi.
It does end with a Celestial though - that heavenly feeling when the credits roll and you head for the exit!
Army of the Dead (2021)
Save your 2.5 hours, read my spoiler instead
It's a real waste of a good premise - zombie heist to rob casino in zombie overrun Vegas. Then they had to spoil it by adding stupid tropes, like father daughter bonding (in middle of mission), romance (with less than an hour to being nuked), rescue (without skills nor escape plan vs super zombies).
All these unnecessary subplots to make you care about paper thin characters, when EVERYONE BUT THE VILLAGE IDIOT DIES AT THE END, even the aforementioned rescue case who disappears completely forgotten. Oh and zombie babies, just because.
This is one case where quantity definitely doesn't trump quality writing and a taut 1.5 hour shoot em up would have been better.
28 Weeks Later (2007)
Wanted to love it, then I got the virus
In a post pandemic world, this show's premise is serious... Seriously stupid. In short, trust every character to do the dumbest action at any given moment.
Pity because I liked the actors involved, but the protagonists had me rooting for the zombies instead. Watch the first film again if you wanna kill time, watch this if you wanna kill your brain.
Maang taam (2013)
HK cinema is dead... YOU can find out why
On paper it works: big brand director and stellar cast in a police procedural with comedic elements. But then it just goes sideways...
Think about a "romance" where one party encourages self harm, or how about a "comedy" where elderly become stalkers, or literally a "mystery" where all the criminals are either caught red handed or confess immediately.
That's basically all you need to know. Saved you 2+ hours to rewatch infernal affairs and reminisce about the glory days of Andy Lau.
Time Trap (2017)
Call it Time Waster instead
First the good: good looking cast, interesting premise and decent camera work for what feels like a very low budget. Now the not so good...
Lots of loose threads and no real exposition. Honestly, there are more complete short films on YouTube with a lower time investment.
In the end, it's ironic that the title became my beef with the movie. Don't waste time on this one, it's really a trap.
Joker (2019)
Best acting of 2019. Making a psycho relatable.
Don't think it's too much of a spoiler saying Joker ain't a hero. But to make him likeable and relatable in this era full of fake news and bad people, that was a feat.
Kudos to Phoenix for his great acting. Watch this show if you want a masterclass in method acting.
Knives Out (2019)
Great cast, Gripping story, Gorgeous Cinematography
Hardly ever rate a perfect movie, but this one is so different from anything else in the past decade. Throwback whodunit filmed almost entirely with discussion effects, makes a mockery of big budget CGI fest.
Just great acting all the way around, and where other films have huge plot holes I only have one minor complaint. Why didn't Rian do this for Star Wars? Stop milking the merch with a new droid per show, and put more effort into telling good stories.
Rant over. Go watch Knives Out if you only catch one movie from 2019.
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
It's a kungfu movie... With a dumber story.
Appeals to Chinese audiences, because it's basically a wuxia movie: people can fly about, do stuff their invisible power, including healing, fighting with swords.
Personally, I hate it because the story is just nonsense. No spoilers but it's like death is a joke, with THE MOST OP ghosts ever... Like seriously, poltergeist has got nothing on this movie.
Want a proper space opera with a start, middle and end? Please have Peter Jackson do Dune.
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Ghostbusters meets the OG Terminator.
What does an Asian James Bond and this female action cast have in common? Both feel wrong (and I'm Asian). Fact: humans have 2 natural genders, and only 1 plays human lead characters here.
So yeah, a remake is fine, just make it reasonably coherent plot and storywise. Being unoriginal, and simply using female cast should NOT be a selling point because that speaks more about how tone deaf the producers are, and how stupid they reckon their audience is.
Unfortunately, I'm one of those stupid people and wasted 2 hours and admission to watch this drivel. Be smarter than me.
Ad Astra (2019)
Save your time; insult your intelligence elsewhere
It's a slice of life film disguised as sci-fi, falsely advertised as some action adventure when it's 2 hours of tedious torture. *Major spoilers ahead, read it to save your time and money.*
The plot in a nutshell: Astronaut dad goes missing around Neptune, presumed dead for 16 years. Electrical storms in space cause astronaut son to be sent to find out if daddy is alive. Turns out deadbeat dad abandoned son and killed off the crew, all because he couldn't find any aliens. Son decides he'll be different, returns to earth to reconnect with wife.
Why this is silly:
1) it's 3 months from Mars to Neptune, and no one bothers to send a rescue mission in the DECADE that dad is presumed rogue?
2) orbit ain't stationary and given the huge distance, hitting Earth from Neptune must be a planned attack. So the catalyst for reunion is fake.
3) bland, zero character building. None of them are heroic, so why should the audience care?
4) the big "reveal" is that we're all alone in the universe. Come on, even with full crew, basic science will tell you that 16 years isn't enough name, much less conclude that all the planets in the universe are barren.
In conclusion, space and the mission are HUGE MacGuffins. The story is about abandonment, isolation and human connections. We needn't have wasted the CGI to find a less insulting setting such as deep sea exploration or mountaineering. Ridiculous and time wasting for audience and cast.
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Not a classic, but well made nonetheless
Let's just say that there are plot holes and plot devices that are a tad too convenient. That said, it's a great wrap to a great franchise; far more coherent than the DCEU anyway but simply not solid as LOTR.
It's a feel good movie, which at points seems like advertisment for other movies of the last decade. Yet because they have generally done well, it's a nice journey and deserved endorsement for the studio.
Dumbo (2019)
Wish they spent on dialogue versus effects
Awkward chemistry between the leads, made worse by overambitious plotting and underwhelming dialogue. Let's be clear, production quality is high except for Farrell's left arm. The sets and CGI are good, which is where the movie gets its passable rating.
What makes classics better than these remakes is their pacing and focus on target audience. Keep it simple: is it old vs new, science vs nature, parent and child bonding, animal cruelty, romance or circus film? Trying to be everything to everyone makes this 2hr film feel like 3 hrs and yet leave with hollow ending.
E.g. the one dimensional antagonists that do bad stuff, just because... And others who would switch allegiances at drop of hat. Rubbish.
Shazam! (2019)
Not as fun as Aquaman, and certainly no Big deal
Uneven pacing, could do with more exposition on the mythos through eyes of villain, who is also unremarkable. Overall still a fun installment which I would rate around Wonder Woman level, but not as fun and well told as Aquaman.
So depends on your frame of reference: are you happy with BvS and Justice League? Or do you demand MCU level production quality and story telling? If yes to the former, you'll love this movie!
Bumblebee (2018)
Decepticons are messing with IMDB
... because there's no way this film deserves 7.3 (as of 30th Dec 2018). There's a whole lot of bumble and only one scene of bees. It's almost as if the writer has ADHD.
E.g. continuity errors such as characters and clothes can change any time, I was blown away. Plotlines are abandoned as soon as they get interesting; imagine a love interest that disappears off a cliff. Hardly anything makes you care for the characters.
But hey, there were a couple of decent action scenes. Yay.
Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)
Too few beasts, unless you count the HUGE red herring
What made the first show fun was the creatures and straightforward plot. This film takes away the beasts and adds one hugely unnecessary red herring of a subplot that burns a large part of runtime.
Ultimately, Johnny Depp is unconvincing as a charismatic villian on top of the awful (over 9000) power levels. Also, one particular character's motivations make zero sense, because just...No.
Suicide Squad (2016)
Suicidal Silliness... Stop spewing such swill
Such a waste of star power. I only enjoyed seeing Margot Robbie, and even Will Smith couldn't help. Run of the mill plot, ridiculously overpowered villain, blah sequel bait of an ending.
My second chance to DC after the disaster that was BvS. Much better, but still below average movie.
Arrival (2016)
Rare gem; an original idea, well-executed
Finally a movie that is original, gripping and thoughtful. All the characters are well fleshed out, although the "twist" was fairly obvious if you were paying attention.
Makes one ponder the basics of communication, even to people from another culture: would they understand you the same way, even if you use the same expressions?
Don't expect explosions and gunfights galore, and avoid if you have a short attention span.
Hacksaw Ridge (2016)
Nothing pretentious, probably preachy to non-Christians. Enjoyable anyway!
True story, so compelling enough. Get your tissues out, there will be tears. Find it hard to recommend to non-believers, but hope non- Christians watch the show for its merits.
Good action, good acting, great protagonist! Knowing it's real gives it that extra emotional kick in the gut for me, because I cannot say for sure if I would be as steadfast as him in the face of adversity and war.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Meh... Fast and Furious in Space. *FAMILY*
What's Hollywood's obsession with family these days? Wonder if it has to do the the growing culture of nepotism elsewhere. Regardless, a script cannot rely on simply yelling "FAMILY" as the motivation for EVERYTHING. And this movie works that cliché to DEATH. *LITERALLY*
Not worth a 1/10, more like a 6 plus (which I'll adjust when they stop manipulating the ratings. Forgettable at best, and you know the story is crap when all you can remember is CGI baby Groot. Suffers terribly from Bond villain syndrome, in that villains needs too much exposition (AKA weird and unexplained motivations).
Actual line in the movie, after one character tries to murder another, "You needed to win, I just wanted a *RELATIVE*." *slow claps* that TOTALLY explains attempted murder. Did I mention there's attempted genocide too?! For reasons that only Gunn will know.
Star Trek Beyond (2016)
Save yourself 2 hours, read the full plot in 3 sentences.
*SUPER SPOILERS AHEAD*
The crew is sent to answer a fake distress call, so that bad guy can acquire a bio weapon.
Turns out bad guy was once a human captain, but now is ruler of a planet, an army and has eternal life.
And this is why he hates the Federation, and Chris Pine defeats him in floaty boss fight at the end.
Optional reading because I didn't hit word count: 1) white girl wears white face paint 2) teleportation rules! 3) and the rock flies an ambulance into a drone (that really happens, just not in this movie)
*spoilers end*