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Punk Rock (1979)
Punk film noir oddity
Maurizio Merli look-a-like Wade Nichols in a punk rock soft porn noir. He was an actor who starred in classic porn movies like "Maraschino Cherry". The one-liners are non-stop (unintentionally) hilarious and the authentic scenes of retro New York and legendary punk bands performing are incredible. I have read that the classic punk scenes were replaced in a different cut by live sex footage. Anyway, in this noir, you find out why the female recruited to help is known for being better than a vacuum cleaner! Also, how many noir films use a suggestive toy as an important gag prop? And how many punk films have funk music for the supporting soundtrack? Don't watch if you don't like bad movies otherwise it is highly recommended.
Stewardess School (1986)
There actually is such a thing
Yes, stewardesses have to go to 'school'. Most airlines typically have a months' long training camp where you have to room with other potential employees in which undesirable candidates are weeded out. For those not bright enough to remember all of the 3-letter airport abbreviations and other intellectually demanding tasks they receive the boot.
Anyway, this 'gem' I remember from cable TV days is a real diamond in the rough. The jokes are crude and lewd! What do you expect from a movie starring the one and only Judy Landers or even Don Most? This movie can provoke the same reaction as Recruits (1986) which is a sex comedy rip-off of Police Academy. I remember begging my mom to take me to see that movie thinking it was hilarious but my mom didn't agree with me for some reason. For those looking for a family friendly comedy you need to look elsewhere.
Hell Riders (1984)
This is truly bad!
I have been moved to review this movie because I remember it when it came out on cable. This has got to be the worst movie in which an editor has put honest effort into the process of film editing. If you want to see totally random out of place shots of bikers edited with close-ups of Tina Louise and Adam West you have found your movie. The only reason I gave it 2 out of 10 stars and instead of 1 of the 10 stars like 95% of the other reviewers is because the film stock seems to be of superior quality.
UPDATE: I gave the movie a second chance. I realize that the reason why the movie is so bad is that it's a biker movie without T&A. Some scenes have the potential to hold your interest, but there is no continuity throughout the movie to keep you going. Something like T&A in most biker movies to hold you interest.
Cell (2016)
What were you expecting, an epic movie?
Firstly, let me state that I am not a fan of Stephen King's writing style, although I am in a minority. So, I have not read the book. However, I guess the reviewers who commented on this movie were expecting to get some more bang for their buck (it cost me $9.99 on Amazon). Have they not noticed that Sharknado is in its 4th incarnation at the time this movie came out? The CGI in Sharknado is of similar quality to Cell but that does not stop people from watching the Sharknado franchise. Maybe a classical soundtrack would make the movie a better one for them.
For me, this movie is a passable cheaply made horror thriller. I enjoy campy horror films, I guess I'm nuts or stupid. Maybe if they had waited until it came out on Netflix they wouldn't feel ripped off.
You Can't Buy Luck (1937)
Another programmer with an unbelievable storyline and a predictable ending
Onslow Stevens and Helen Mack never achieved true greatness in movies, but they had some success in TV and Broadway, perhaps because of the many films they made for the studio system (like this one) that were of unexceptional quality. The plot summary listed above could be the storyboard for the movie, so I won't waste your time; however, a quick scan above should give you an idea of how odd the story is. Summing up the first half, Onslow Stevens is an extremely superstitious gambler, down on his luck. By way of an orphanage that has brought him his bad luck he finds instant love with an all too nice girl played by Helen Mack. The second half is best stated as an "innocent man framed for murder gets nice girl to find proof he's not guilty while on the lam then convinces cops to set up real killer in the nick of time--the end" type of story. Heard that one before? If you need background noise while working on a really late night then this is your movie.
Lucretia Lombard (1923)
Norman Shearer dumped for Irene Rich
This movie is an early outing by Jack Conway, before he directed such movies as "Brown of Harvard", "The Smart Set", or "Our Modern Maidens". The movie begins with an illustration of Lucretia Lombard's life--a woman (Irene Rich) married to a cockeyed, disabled old man (Marc McDermott). Her only satisfaction is to be seen in public with the foolhardy young son of Reverend Winship (Alec B. Francis), Fred (John Roche). Next we are introduced to the glamorous, elfin ward of the reverend, Mimi, played by a hypnotic, young Norma Shearer. The elder son Steve (Monte Blue), is the apple of Norma Shearer's eye. After a night of partying with Fred, Mrs. Lombard returns home too worn-out to notice her husband has switched the cover of his sleeping pills with that of some aspirin. As a consequence, Mrs. Lombard gives her husband a lethal dose of opiates, so out of despair she calls Fred. Fred asks Steve, in the midst of being wooed by Mimi, for help. Fortunately Steve is the district attorney and arrives in time to prevent Lucretia from incriminating herself to the authorities. However, this chance encounter sparks an undying flame of love in Steve for Mrs. Lombard, that only grows stronger as time goes by. Through some implausible plot twists it becomes clear to Mimi that her man is a louse. I can't tell you what happens next, as that is the slam-bang end of the movie. What I can tell you is that if I were in Monte Blue's shoes I would have not picked Irene Rich over Norma Shearer (who made the movie a watchable 6.0 for me)!