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Enchanted (2007)
Yucky
I know it's a chick flick but I really cannot suspend disbelief enough to believe that a dude leaving his dedicated girlfriend of four years for some airhead that came out of the sewers is "true love". Just seems gross to me, and I don't think it teaches a good lesson at all.
It's saved by Nathaniel though because he is a absolute gigachad KING 👑👑👑👑. We Stan Nathaniel.
CGI was good enough for the time, and the animated parts also looked really good. The fusion between the two was well done when it happened, I liked when the queen took the apple out of the pot and it went from real to animated. Cool dragon also.
The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007)
The first movie that ever truly got to me.
The best word to describe this movie is unnerving. The killer in this movie is a person who is not terrifying because of their grossly over the top killing or philosophy like in the Saw movies or their physical characteristics like in Halloween or Friday the 13th, these villains come off as goofy and creepy and fairly entertaining.
The killer in the Poughkeepsie tapes is one that is very real. His acts don't feel out of place in the canon of American serial killers. This movie got to me because it reminded me that truly evil people really do exist, and sometimes they get justice, but perhaps most of them don't...
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
The first half is a little on the nose, but the second half is great.
It's a great action movie. It can be a little on the nose at times with some of the references to the original, but overall the action is really good, especially at the climax.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Jim from the office gets turned into Twizzlers
Jim, from the office, gets, and I cannot stress this enough, turned into Twizzlers. 5/10 for not enough Jim from the office, but it also had captain Picard so I am not complaining that much.
Hard Candy (2005)
Overrated, not enjoyable
Do you want to spend two very slow hours with two very unlikable characters? Watch Hard Candy.
Fargo (1996)
You're gonna love the dialogue.
This movie has a very good story and good acting, but my goodness is the dialogue fun. I'm not sure if the accents are overwritten for the mid-west during the time period the movie is set in, but the mid-west accent is cranked up to 11.
There is a weird cordiality that some of the characters have and some definitely don't that also adds to the movie.
Very good. I'd recommend it to anyone.
Bo Burnham: Inside (2021)
This is the heaviest comedy special I've ever seen
Bo doesn't keep anything light here.
Inside is a comedic look into Bo's mental state during the covid lock-down and subsequent isolation that occurred as a result.
What is really moving about this special is how humor is used to convey pain, depression, and loneliness rather than just using it as an escape.
You may want to give yourself some time after watching this to digest and recover from it.
You Were Never Really Here (2017)
Slow and doesn't end expectedly
If you want a movie with a well defined plot and a dialogue driven story, this is not it.
If you want a slow, violent drama that doesn't tie things up with a bow or present itself in a typical way, this is a good film for you.
The Croods: A New Age (2020)
Poorly Written in Comparison to the First Movie
After being surprised by how good the first Croods movie was, I had high expectations for the sequel. With there being a seven year gap between this movie and the last one, I had hoped that this movie wouldn't seem rushed, or poorly executed. I was wrong.
The Croods: A New Age is great on a visual level, and the comedy, while not as good as the first movie, is okay.
However, this movie is very unfocused and not written nearly as well as the first movie. Rather than having one, clearly identifiable conflict and a few other minor ones (like in the first movie), The Croods: A New Age waits until halfway through the second act to introduce the main conflict of the story, which makes the pacing of the movie seem at first too slow, and then rushed.
The first movie also had identifiable, yet simple and strong themes, while the second movie has too many weak, underdeveloped ones. That is, except for the feminist message.
The first movie had a great feminist message that never seemed to patronize or get in the way of the story. The women in the first film were well characterized and felt like they had agency and purpose to the plot. The Croods: A New Age throws away all the subtlety and instead does a cringy, ham-fisted, WAMEN POWER! Moment a-la avengers endgame that is the least organic, worst pro-women message I've ever seen from a kids movie.
Watch this movie if you want to distract your kids with bright colors and funny monkeys, there isn't anything substantive to merit your attention.
The Croods (2013)
Surprisingly Well Written
I didn't expect much from this movie. Many family movies like The Croods suffer from a poorly written script in order to sell toys or cash in on existing franchises.
However, it is obvious that the people who wrote this movie cared a lot about it. The message and themes of this movie are simple enough for children to understand, yet is well developed enough to stand out to a mature audience as well. The movie also delivers a well done feminist message that isn't in your face or patronizing.
This movie sticks to the basic tenants of a good screenplay and was wildly better than I had initially expected.
Kôkaku kidôtai (1995)
Visually Stunning but has Weird Pacing
Firstly, this movie is very beautiful. I honestly wonder how long it took the animators to make a few of the scenes in this movie, the animation is incredible.
The script is not as great as the animation though.
The setting and theme of the movie is really cool, and is excellent sci-fi, but the pacing of the movie leaves a lot to be desired.
The movie moves really slow in the beginning, but gets really fast by the end, so much so that around 80% of the plot is in the last half of this film. The pacing issues probably come from the fact that this is an adaptation of a longer manga, so the movie feels like a rushed, high production version of what could be an entire season of a tv show.
That being said, the acting is pretty good, even in the dub, and if you don't mind a lot of nudity, its a great watch.
Brain Dead (1990)
Kinda Cheesy, but a Fun Watch.
The cover of Brain Dead sort of seems to advertise itself as more of a straight horror movie, but Brain Dead is more of a psychological horror movie. The movie becomes purposefully confusing in the second and third acts, which directly mirrors how the main character is feeling and experiencing reality as well.
Its VERY late 80s and some of the writing is bad to the point that it is kind of funny. Big fans of this era of horror movie will like it, but I'm not really sure who else will.
Memorîzu (1995)
Memories is a Badass Sci-Fi Anthology you Should Watch.
Memories reminds me of what you picture in your mind when you read good science fiction short stories in a magazine from the 60s or 70s brought to life in beautiful animation.
The animation on each short film is a 10/10. Each of the three stories has a different style, with the third being the most distinct. There was obviously a lot of care that went into each frame and it show.
The music is a 9/10, its fully orchestrated, has great range, and sounds amazing.
The plots of the short films aren't quite as good as the animation and music quality. I would give the plots of each short film a 8/10, 7/10, and 6/10 respectively. The first short film has an amazing plot from start to end. The second story is interesting, but drags on for a little too long. The third story has the opposite problem, it builds up a very cool setting, but doesn't quite go into enough explanation.
Its hard to see how anyone who likes sci-fi wouldn't rate this at least an 8/10, and personally its a 9/10. Even if you just like anime and aren't into sci-fi as much, this is still a solid watch.
Possum (2018)
Slow, surreal, and Puzzling
Possum is a very strange horror film that gives you the pieces of a story and asks that you assemble them yourself. The ending of the film gives you just enough information to be able to do this, and if you have the patience then the reward is a truly gut wrenchingly miserable story with a bit of hope at the end.
Possum is intensely atmospheric, incredibly slow, and expects you to watch and listen closely in order to figure it out. It is not for everyone, or even for most, but if you think you will enjoy Possum, then it is an absolute gem.
Videodrome (1983)
Weird in the Best Way
If you haven't seen Videodrome, it is as weird as it looks.
Without spoilers, the plot of this movie is about a man, Max, who runs an x-rated TV channel looking for the next big thing: something more shocking and violent than anything on the air currently. When Max stumbles upon Videodrome, he thinks he's found what hes looking for, but Videodrome is more than just a show, it affects its viewers in other, shocking ways.
If you're in the mood to watch a man's life suddenly spiral into a surreal, weird, half-hallucination half-real, body horror nightmare, look no further.
The Dictator (2012)
A Good Comedy with some Jokes that are just Campy
The Dictator has a lot of really good jokes, especially in a scene at the end when the main character played by Cohen describes dictatorship to the press. Other jokes are really over the top and goofy, which is fine, but they overstay their welcome and don't deliver very well.
There are also a few Bin Laden jokes that might have been funny in 2012, but aren't that funny now. Anna Farris' character, however, is perhaps more relevant now than it was in 2012. So the movie has aged in a weird way as well.
You'll like this if you like Sacha Baron Cohen, if you don't, then you may want to watch something else.
Sound of Metal (2019)
Profound and Beautiful.
This is the most beautiful film I've seen in my life.
Sound of metal is about much more than just a drummer who goes deaf. Its a film about both losing and discovering what makes life meaningful. It never gets preachy or tries to convey any kind of moral, it only tells a story. Yet, it has more meaning than many movies who try and fail to do what it does.
This is a personal 10/10, and an objective 9/10.
I would say "go watch this now", but I think it is better if you give this movie time to set in after you watch it, so I would tell you to find a time when you can watch it, and think about it after.
The Lighthouse (2019)
Slow Descent into Madness
As someone who simply enjoys movies without calling myself a critic, I'm not sure I really "got" The Lighthouse, and I'm not sure I was supposed to.
On a technical level, this is objectively a very good film.
Some kind of old or vintage film must have been used in shooting, because the movie is displayed (at least on the Amazon prime video player) in a very strange aspect ratio. This coupled with the black and white cinematography and the use of lamps to light night scenes gives the film a unique stylistic touch. Speaking of the Amazon player, I think this movie is hurt by it in parts. The compression artifacts make some scenes look like garbage, so if you can watch this on bluray or download a uncompressed version, then that will likely make the film look way better on your screen.
The acting is superb. Dafoe and Pattinson get the only speaking roles in the movie, and when get the chance to flex their acting chops, and oh man, they do. They play the whole gambit from awkward acquaintances to drunken friends to bloodthirsty psychopaths. What impressed me the most was the accents they pulled out. Both Dafoe and Pattinson had to each nail their own individual, esoteric, and weird regional dialect and to my surprise I never noticed them slip up or change accents on any words, Dafoe was a 19th century sailor and Pattinson was a Maine farmer from start to finish. Their performances are what tie together and sell this movie as a total package.
The plot is something else entirely though. The story of the lighthouse is about two men who find themselves slowly losing sanity as they take care of the lighthouse over days and weeks. At the start of the film, the sounds and shots are standard and, I would say, beautiful. The island looks good, and the lighthouse is quaint. However, as the movie progresses, the style of the film starts to get more and more erratic and surreal. Without giving away the plot, things really start to fall apart, and the style of the movie matches what is going on in the plot. In its final moments, The Lighthouse's one climactic moment reaches an apex where the whole movie goes insane: cinematography, sound design, plot, acting, everything; it all reaches a surreal zeitgeist.
If a more artistic and surreal thriller movie is your jam, then The Lighthouse will be a 10 for you. For me, and I think many other viewers, the appeal of The Lighthouse to other viewers will leave you confused and jarred but entertained nonetheless.
Nightbreed (1990)
A Fun Action/Horror Movie with a Lot Going On
This movie just oozes Clive Barker: there are a ton of creative, inspired costumes and makeup, and the basic premise is "just underneath a modern-day world is a horror-fantasy world".
The things that Nightbreed does well, it does very, very well.
Visually, the character design is fantastic, and the set design is even better. The citizens of the city of Midian and their homes are a ghoulish smorgasbord of fantasy/horror creatures with some totally new, creepy creations. The design of the city boarders on comically macabre and morbid, replete with cobwebs, coffins, skulls and mummies.
Outside, in the real world portion of the film, there are also some great sets and characters. Seeing David Cronenberg as a slasher style villain is just too fun, even if his acting can be a little dry at times. Cronenberg's character's costume design is, I think, better than most slasher villains from the 80s and 90s , even beating many films that pride themselves on having a creepy slasher villain!
The love interest of the movie, Lori, is in the most 80s band conceivable, and her outfits scream late 80s. In addition, there is a short scene with a old country man in a shack by the road that is filled to the brim with small details that really sell his character.
One superb aspect of this movie that is often overlooked is the fully orchestrated soundtrack. Having a big band playing makes the big fantasy and action moments all the bigger, and makes the quiet, subtle moments creep along languidly.
Unfortunately, there are some things that I think the movie suffers from. I watched the two hour director's cut and the climax drags on for far too long. Without spoiling the movie, the final confrontation just seems to go on and on before finally petering out. In addition, the closing of the movie sort of rushes itself to resolve as many character's story lines as it can. I think it would have been best if they took some of the time from the climax and dedicated it to giving a little more time to the resolution/closing.
Essentially, my biggest complaint is that there is too much crammed into the movie, especially the final act, which may be a symptom of this movie being an adaptation of a book by Clive Barker. However, this doesn't hurt the movie too much, and actually contributes to a great fast tempo in the movie's first two acts.
If you want to see a more action oriented horror film from the 80s, this movie will be your jam.
Dead Ringers (1988)
Dead Ringers shows that Cronenberg has range.
I came into this film expecting another body horror movie by Cronenberg. I mean, the setup is all there, you have a set of twin surgeons meeting who coerce their clients into affairs. I honestly half expected the movie to build up to some kind of bloody mutant abomination to show up in the third act. Which, to be fair, is what Cronenberg had just done in 1986 with the Fly.
What I watched was far more psychological.
Dead Ringers is a film about love, identity, and the danger of what can happen when a third party breaks the delicate balance of twins who are deeply connected on a psycho-somatic level.
Now, to be fair, there is some gore in this film, but it is unlike what we are accustomed to from Cronenberg or the body horror genre (although there is a very welcome dash of it in the second act in a certain scene).
In addition to the direction and writing there are many other things which make this movie great. Jeremy Irons does a stellar job in a dual role as both of the Mantle twins. Although they look identical, he really sells the idea that they are two separate people. The set design of their late 80s penthouse suite is awesome, especially as it changes as the movie progresses. There is a scene in the very beginning of the movie with a young set of twin actors which can only be described as hilarious, and the pacing of the movie is great, especially for a movie that has been adapted from a book.
Overall, this movie shows that Cronenberg can do a lot more than just make gross creatures and do it well. Highly recommend this to anyone who loves 80s horror.
I Trapped the Devil (2019)
Great atmostphere, great build, very bad ending.
This movie has a lot of good things going for it. The premise is very interesting, the set is very eerie and ominous, and the movie is shot very well.
Unfortunately, the acting and writing are where this movie falls flat.
Certain elements of the movie aren't explained very well, and other elements of the plot don't get explained at all, leaving plot holes.
However, the movie does a very good job of gradually unraveling exactly what Steve has been doing in his house, and what he believes will happen which compounds with the set design and cinematography to create a slow eerie build.
Unfortunately, the build leads to something that is ultimately rather unimpressive and strange. The movie seems to build up in one direction, but end in a different one. It certainly left me (and I'm sure many other viewers) puzzled and unsatisfied.
The actors are serviceable but not amazing. They get better as the movie progresses. I think, out of all the actors, the one who plays Steve is the best.
Also, I don't know if this is spoilers, but there is a literal Chekhov's gun.