Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper

Quotes 

• Susan Harper : Can you help me unpack this stuff?

  Janey Harper : Oh, sorry, mum. I'm taking Kenzo shopping for a new blazer.

  Kenzo Harper : Mummy says that when she's buying dresses for herself!

  Janey Harper : [laughs]  Listen to him! I'm a great, sensitive, caring mother... Ooh, can I take those chicken Kievs? I've got to feed the kid tonight!

• Ben Harper : Susan! Look! I d... This is a miracle! A miracle! I'm getting money... from the council! Cheques!

  Susan Harper : Let me see!

  Ben Harper : Mmhmm!

  Susan Harper : [Looks at the cheques]  These are benefit cheques. They think you're disabled.

  Ben Harper : I know!

  Susan Harper : Mentally.

  Ben Harper : ...and physically.

  Susan Harper : That's crazy.

  Ben Harper : I know!

  Susan Harper : Well, you'll just have to give them back.

  Ben Harper : No, I don't!

  Susan Harper : What?

  Ben Harper : How do we know they've made a mistake?

  Susan Harper : Well, we know because you're not disabled!

  Ben Harper : I have a weak shoulder.

  Susan Harper : I have a distressed toenail, but I'm not taking £384 off the taxpayer for it.

  Ben Harper : Karma works in very funny ways, Susan. Perhaps this money is coming to me for being a good person.

  Susan Harper : The kind of good person that steals from the disabled?

  Ben Harper : You have a horrible negativity about you sometimes that really brings people down!

  Susan Harper : Well, I'm sure I'll cheer up once you're incarcerated for fraud!

• Ben Harper : I sometimes wonder whose side you're on.

  Susan Harper : Well, we're always facing each other - what's that tell you?

• Susan Harper : What are you grinning about? It's really disconcerting!

  Ben Harper : I'm smiling because I'm thinking how happy you're going to be with me when you see your present!

  Susan Harper : Putting sealant around the bath does not qualify as a present.

• Ben Harper : Let's face it, baby! We're on a runaway train heading fast out of town! And the only way to keep going is to keep stoking that engine or it's a one-way ticket to the clanger for both of us!

  Susan Harper : I haven't a clue what you just said!

  Ben Harper : Me neither!