The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart vs. Australia (1995)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, German Man, Man Reaching for Phone, Gus, Man Scared of Boomerang #2, Australian Squeaky-Voiced Teen

Quotes 

• [looking at Uruguay on a map] 

  Homer : Heehee. Look at this country. "You are gay."

• Bart Simpson : I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere.

  [tries another number] 

  Hitler : [as his car-phone's ringing]  Eine minuten, eine minuten!

  [ringing stops] 

  Hitler : Ach! Das wagen phone ist ein... nuisance phone!

  Man on Pennyfarthing : Buenos notches, mein fuehrer.

  Hitler : Ja, ja.

• Marge : We have those in America. They're called bull frogs.

  Australian Squeaky-Voiced Teen : What! That's an odd name. I'd have called them chazzwazzers!

• Bart : Hey guys, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.

  Homer : Pfff. That's no reason to block the TV.

• Bruno Dundridge : Ooh! Ah, that's it. I'm going to report this to me member of parliament.

  [yells out window] 

  Bruno Dundridge : Hey, Gus! I got something to report to you.

  [Later, as Gus tends his swine] 

  Gus : That's a bloody outrage, it is! I want to take this all the way to the Prime Minister.

  [they go down to a lake] 

  Gus : Hey! Mr. Prime Minister! Andy!

  Prime Minister : [floating naked on an inner tube with a beer]  Eh, mates! What's the good word?

• Homer : When will you people learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment and things have never been better. The streets are safe, old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys and the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, for as the old saying goes, "Let your children run wild and free."

• [while fleeing the Australian mob, Bart spies a pair of kangaroos] 

  Bart : Hey, we can escape in their pouches!

  [they start to jump inside, then stop] 

  Bart : Eww... it's not like in the cartoons.

  Homer : Yeah, there's a lot more mucous.

• U.S. Ambassador : Good news, we've worked out a compromise that will allow both nations to save face.

  Conover : We've argued them down to... a booting.

  Homer , Marge , Bart : WHAT?

  U.S. Ambassador : The Prime Minister just wants to kick Bart once, through the gate, with a regular shoe.

  Conover : I believe it's a wing tip.

• Homer : What kind of sick country would kick someone with a giant boot?

  Conover : Mr. Simpson, shush! Disparaging the boot is a bootable offense. It's one of their proudest traditions.

• [at an American embassy] 

  Homer : [points to guard]  Hey, look. You're one of those guards like at Buckingham Palace. I can do whatever I want, and you can't do anything.

  [starts dancing and pulling stupid faces] 

  U.S. Marine : [punches Homer in the face]  No, sir. United States Marine Corps, sir.

• Conover : Well, it's too late to merely pay back the money, but as a sign of good faith to our Australian friends, we'd like to imprison Bart for five years.

  Homer : That's tough but fair.

• Bart : [Climbing into a kangaroo's pouch and being covered in mucus]  Ew! Its not like in cartoons!

  Homer : Yeah, there's a lot more mucus.

• Homer : [Reading the phone bill]  Burkina Faso? Disputed Zone? Who called all these weird places?

  Homer's Brain : Quiet. It might be you - I can't remember.

• Homer : All Bart has to do is apologize and we get a free trip to Australia?

  Conover : Mm-hmm.

  Bart : I can handle that. I'm an expert in phony apologies.

  Marge : Bart!

  Bart : I'm sorry.

  Marge : That's better.

  Bart : Heh, heh.

• Homer : This is the life! Boy, next summer can you commit some fraud in Orlando Florida?

  Bart : I'm way ahead of you, Dad.