- Dr. Ross Geller: [talking to Emma in her crib] And that's why, no matter what Mommy says, we really were on a break.
- Rachel Greene: Take it from me. Mothers love me. Ross' mom actually said that I'm like the daughter that she never had.
- Monica Geller-Bing: She said WHAT?
- Phoebe Buffay: That she's like the daughter that she never had. Listen.
- [Monica looks at Phoebe angrily]
- [Joey and Chandler are looking at the apartment that Richard is selling]
- Cathy the Realtor: All the appliances are included. There is a lot of light, a new kitchen... I think you guys would be very happy here.
- Chandler: [Joey and Chandler laugh] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're not together. We're not a couple. We're definitely not a couple.
- Cathy the Realtor: Oh. OK; sorry.
- Joey: Well... you seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you?
- Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again.
- Dr. Ross Geller: I sang, or rapped, "Baby Got Back"?
- Rachel Greene: You what? So you sang, to our baby daughter, a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?
- [after Phoebe punches Mike's father]
- Mike Hannigan: [shocked] Did you just hit my dad?
- Phoebe Buffay: [smiles] Yes. I'm sorry; I've never met a boyfriend's parents before.
- Mike Hannigan: But you have met humans before, right?
- Rachel Greene: Is it only offensive, novelty rap? Or just rap in general? Because Mommy can rap.
- [starts bopping her fists]
- Rachel Greene: "My name is Mommy, and I'm here to say / That all the babies are..." Oh, I can't rap.
- Phoebe Buffay: [about Mike] I think you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.
- Bitsy Hannigan: Excuse me?
- Phoebe Buffay: Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't get me wrong. Not in a sissy way. No, when he get's going, he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave!
- Bitsy Hannigan: That's my boy!
- Phoebe: Hi.
- Monica, Rachel: Hey!
- Phoebe: Listen - you have to help me pick a dress, 'cause I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight!
- Monica: Wow - the boyfriend's parents; that's a big step.
- Phoebe: [sarcastically] Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
- Monica: Sweetie, they're gonna love you. Just be yourself.
- Phoebe: They live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue!
- Rachel: Oh, yeah - she can't be herself...
- Phoebe: Alright - so, which dress?
- [shows them two dresses]
- Phoebe: [they don't comment for a few seconds] ... You can say neither.
- Monica, Rachel: Oh, god - neither!
- Monica: I'm sorry, honey - we're gonna take you shopping; it's gonna be fine.
- Rachel: Yeah, totally - you are in such good hands, and I am so good with meeting parents. With the father, you know, you wanna flirt a little bit - but not in a gross way. Just kind of, like, "Oh, Mr. Pinser! I can see where Wallace gets his good looks from."
- Monica: You went out with Wallace Pinser?
- Rachel: Ah, he took the SATs for me.
- Monica: I knew you didn't get a 1400!
- Rachel: [scoffs] Well, duh!
- Phoebe Buffay: Oh my god. You're rich!
- Mike Hannigan: No, my parents are rich.
- Phoebe Buffay: Well, so? They gotta die someday.
- Dr. Ross Geller: Well... if you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy body image, because even big butts, or "juicy doubles" are...
- [Sees how angry Rachel is]
- Dr. Ross Geller: Please don't take her away from me.