- Van Helsing: There's something down here, it's carnivorous. Whatever it is it appears to be... human. I'd say it's a size 17, about 360 pounds, 8 and a half to 9 feet tall and he has a bad gimp in his right leg and, ah, 3 copper teeth.
- Anna Valerious: How do you know he has copper teeth?
- Van Helsing: 'Cause he's standing right behind you.
- [shouts]
- Van Helsing: Move!
- Aleera: Anna, my love. It is your blood that shall keep me beautiful. What do you think of that?
- [laughs triumphantly, then screams as Anna catches a silver stake and impales her through the chest]
- Anna Valerious: I think if you're going to kill somebody, kill them! Don't stand around talking about it!
- Carl: [while stocking Van Helsing's kit for the trip to Transylvania] I don't know. You could blind your enemies, char-broil a herd of chargind wildebeests - use your imagination.
- Van Helsing: No, I'm going to use yours - you're coming with me.
- Carl: Oh, to hell and be damned I am!
- Van Helsing: Carl, you just cursed! Not well mind you but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.
- Carl: Actually I'm just a friar so I can curse all I want... dammit!
- Carl: So you can remember everything about your life from the last seven years, but nothing before that?
- Van Helsing: Not now, Carl.
- Carl: There must be something?
- Van Helsing: [dead serious] I remember fighting the Romans at Masada.
- Carl: That was in 73 A.D.
- Van Helsing: You asked.
- Carl: Why does it smell like wet dog in here?
- Van Helsing: [running past him] Werewolf!
- Carl: Oh! You'll be needing silver bullets then.
- [he produces a box of bullets and throws them to Van Helsing, rather deftly]
- Van Helsing: Well done!
- Van Helsing: This thing... man... whatever it is... evil may have created it, left its mark on it... but evil does not rule it. So I cannot kill it.
- Van Helsing: Now, Carl, whatever you do, don't stare at him.
- [he opens the coach door, revealing the Frankenstein Monster shackled into the seat, struggling and snarling]
- Carl: I'm staring at him.
- [quickly turns away]
- Carl: Is that a man?
- Van Helsing: Actually, it's seven men. Parts of them, anyway.
- [after Van Helsing's first, failed attempt to kill Dracula]
- Anna Valerious: A silver stake? A crucifix? What, did you think we haven't tried everything before? We've shot him, stabbed him, clubbed him, sprayed him with holy water, staked him through the heart, and STILL he lives! Do you understand? No-one knows how to kill Dracula!
- Van Helsing: Well, I could have used that information a little earlier.
- [the Werewolf arrives back at Castle Frankenstein and lands next to Dracula, growling menacingly. Dracula ignores him]
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Werewolves are such a nuisance during their first full moon, so hard to control.
- [just as the Werwolf is about to lunge at him, he stops and transforms back to Velkan, writhing in pain. Dracula strides majestically past him]
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: I send you on a simple errand, to find out who our new friend is, and you have to stop for a little visit with your sister.
- Velkan: Leave her out of this, Count! She doesn't know your secret, and I am soon to take it to my grave.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Don't wish for death so quickly. I intend for you to be quite useful.
- Velkan: I would rather die than help you.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Oh, don't be boring, everybody who says that dies.
- Van Helsing: I have to pull the bolts off... this is going to hurt!
- Frankenstein's Monster: I am accustomed to pain!
- Van Helsing: It let's you know you're alive!
- Anna Valerious: We Transylvanians always look on the brighter side of death.
- Van Helsing: There's a brighter side of death?
- Anna Valerious: Of course. It's just harder to see.
- Frankenstein's Monster: You've been bitten. Bitten by a werewolf. Now you will become that which you have hunted so passionately.
- [Van Helsing takes out a tranquilizer blowgun]
- Van Helsing: I am sorry...
- Frankenstein's Monster: May others be as passionate in the hunting of you.
- Van Helsing: Bless me father for I have...
- Cardinal Jinette: Sinned! Yes, I know. You're very good at it. You shattered the Rose Window.
- Van Helsing: Well, not to split hairs, but it was Mr. Hyde who did the shattering.
- Cardinal Jinette: Thirteenth century. Over six hundred years old! I wish you a week in hell for that.
- Van Helsing: It would be a nice reprieve.
- Cardinal Jinette: Don't get me wrong. Your results are unquestionable, but your methods attract far too much attention. Wanted posters. We are not pleased.
- Van Helsing: Do you think I like being the most wanted man in Europe? Why don't you and the order do something about it?
- Cardinal Jinette: Because we do not exist.
- Van Helsing: Well then neither do I.
- Cardinal Jinette: When we found you crawling up the steps of this church, half dead, it was clear to all of us that you had been sent to do God's work.
- Van Helsing: Why can't He do it Himself?
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: You're too late, my friend! My children live!
- Van Helsing: Then the only way to kill them is to kill you.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Correct.
- Van Helsing: So be it.
- Carl: Now, you won't turn into a werewolf until your first full moon. That's two days from now. So we have 48 hours to find a solution. But you'll still be able to fight Dracula's hold over you until the final stroke of midnight.
- Van Helsing: Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.
- Carl: Oh, my God, you should be terrified!
- Van Helsing: Thank you.
- Carl: Sorry.
- Anna Valerious: He's the first one to kill a vampire in over a hundred years. I'd say that's earned him a drink.
- Frankenstein's Monster: [hanging from a rope] Help! Help me!
- Carl: But you're supposed to die!
- Frankenstein's Monster: I want to live!
- Carl: ...All right.
- Carl: [about his invention] I know what it's for! I know what it's for!... Where are we going?
- Van Helsing, Anna Valerious: Through that window!
- Van Helsing: I missed you in London.
- Mr. Hyde: No, you bloody did not!
- [shows Van Helsing a bullet wound]
- Mr. Hyde: You got me good.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: [Dracula's bride cower in fear] No, no, no. Do not fear me, everybody else fears me. Not my brides.
- Anna Valerious: What are these things?
- Van Helsing: I think they're Dracula's children.
- Anna Valerious: His children?
- Van Helsing: A man, with three gorgeous women, for four hundred years?
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: [to the other vampires] Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you... Van Helsing!
- [Dracula sees Igor poking the werewolf with a cattle prod]
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Igor!
- Igor: Yes, Master?
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Why do you torment that thing so?
- Igor: It's what I do.
- Carl: Here, take this.
- [he hands Van Helsing a bag, then begins to fill it]
- Carl: Rings of garlic... holy water... silver stake... crucifix...
- [they pass two monks test-firing a Gatling gun]
- Van Helsing: Why can't I have one of those?
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: Good God... I would kill myself before helping in such a task.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Feel free. I don't actually need you anymore, Victor. I just need him... he is the key.
- [Van Helsing and Anna are both hanging off the sides of the carriage, hanging over the cliff. While the Monster is chained in his seat, Carl starts to pull Anna in, but Van Helsing's grip starts to fail]
- Frankenstein's Monster: I can help!
- Carl: You won't kill me?
- Frankenstein's Monster: Only if you don't hurry!
- Van Helsing: Dr. Jekyll, you're wanted by the Knights of the Holy Order...
- Mr. Hyde: It's Mr. Hyde, now!
- Van Helsing: for the murder of twelve men, six women, four...
- Mr. Hyde: [laughing] Four children, three goats, and a rather nasty massacre of poultry!
- Van Helsing: [to a captive Igor] If they even suspect you of misleading them...
- [he demonstrates a wicked-looked set of pliers in front of Igor's face, then hands them to Anna]
- Van Helsing: Clip off one of his fingers.
- Anna Valerious: I'll clip off something.
- Anna Valerious: [after Van Helsing has killed the Werewolf] You killed him!
- Van Helsing: Now you see why people call me a murderer.
- [Dracula's minions have taken all of Frankenstein's equipment to castle Dracula]
- Anna Valerious: Then we've lost.
- Carl: Dracula can't bring them to life until the sun sets. We still have time.
- Anna Valerious: "Time"? The sun sets in two hours, and we've been searching for his lair for over 400 years!
- Carl: I wasn't around for those 400 years, was I?
- Igor: I am sorry, Master. We try and we try, but I fear we are not so smart as Doctor Frankenstein.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Truly. It would appear that the good Doctor took the key to life to his grave.
- [the Werewolf climbs up onto the parapet. Dracula waves him away, dismissive]
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Hunt them down. Kill them both.
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: I'll take him away, far away, where no-one will ever find him.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Oh, no, Victor. The time has come for me to take command of him.
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: What are you saying?
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Why do you think I brought you here, gave you this castle, equipped your laboratory?
- Dr. Victor Frankenstein: You said... you said you believed in my work.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: And I do. But now that it is, as you yourself have said, "A triumph of science over God", it must now serve my purpose.
- [Van Helsing appears to free the Monster]
- Frankenstein's Monster: What are you doing? You must find the cure!
- Van Helsing: My friends are doing it for me.
- Frankenstein's Monster: Friends...
- Van Helsing: Yes. You want one?
- Anna Valerious: Some say you're a murderer, Mr. Van Helsing. Others say you're a holy man. Which is it?
- Van Helsing: It's a bit of both, I think.
- Mr. Hyde: So, you're the great Van Helsing.
- Van Helsing: And you're a deranged psychopath.
- Mr. Hyde: We all have our little problems.
- Anna Valerious: [while looking at the cure for the werewolf curse] Go ahead, grab it.
- Carl: Why don't you go ahead and grab it? If there's one thing I've learned, it's never to stick your hand into a viscous material.
- Van Helsing: To have memories of those you have loved and lost is perhaps harder than to have no memories at all.
- Van Helsing: He's not your brother anymore, Anna!
- Anna Valerious: You knew?
- Van Helsing: Yes.
- Anna Valerious: Before or after I stopped you from shooting him?
- Van Helsing: Before.
- Anna Valerious: And still you tried to kill him!
- Van Helsing: He's a werewolf. He's going to kill people!
- Anna Valerious: It's not his fault! He can't help it!
- Van Helsing: I know, but he's going to do it anyway!
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: You can't kill me, Victor.
- [Dracula pushes himself onto the sword Dr. Frankenstein is wielding]
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: I'm already dead.
- Frankenstein's Monster: Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. I *will* have my vengeance!
- Anna Valerious: You make my skin crawl.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: This is not all I can do with your skin.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: [kisses/mouths Anna's neck]