- Didi Pickles: [the babies are missing; Didi is distraught at Stu] I can't believe you left them with your father! The man slept through Pearl Harbour, for heaven's sake!
- Lou Pickles: [indignant] I sounded the alarm as soon as I could!
- Angelica Pickles: After all I done for you babies, you woulda left me and Cynthia be-
- [the Reptar Wagon bumps over a bridge plank and Angelica gets catapulted into the air]
- Angelica Pickles: HI-I-I-I-IND!
- Phil DeVille: I didn't know she could fly.
- Lil DeVille: I think it's 'cause she's a witch.
- Lou Pickles: In my day, we had plenty of fun throwin' rocks at each other. Big bag of dirt clods, that's what the kids want.
- Minka Kropotkin: [after seeing the "Underwater Conversion Room"] She's havink a BABY, not a gefilte fish!
- Chuckie Finster: Hey, you guys, help me! The monkeys is trying to take Tommy's brother!
- Phil DeVille: So?
- Igor: [getting off circus train] Serge, you stay here and watch monkeys; I get us coffee.
- Serge: No, no, no, Igor, YOU stay and watch monkeys; I get us coffee.
- Igor: Nyet! Monkeys watch YOU; I GET COFFEE!
- Serge: [Later, drinking coffee] You know, I think coffee is better in St. Petersburg.
- Igor: No, it is better in Kiev.
- Serge: No; is better in St. Petersburg.
- Igor: NOTHING is better in St. Petersburg!
- [first lines]
- Chuckie Finster: This place gives me the juice bumps.
- Phil DeVille: Maybe we should go back.
- Lil DeVille: Very back!
- Tommy Pickles: No! We can't go back now, you guys! Oakey-Dokey Jones *never* goes back!
- [In a storm, Dil has drank all of the milk and kept the blanket to himself]
- Tommy Pickles: You want monkeys? Oh! I'll give you monkeys! You have a monkey Mommy, a monkey Daddy and a monkey brother! I should have let my friends take you back to the hospital, but "No!" I said. "He didn't mean it," I said. "He was only playing!" Well, I was wrong! Now I don't even HAVE friends!
- Lil DeVille: We're taking Dil back to the hopsicle, Tommy. We're gonna get your moneys back.
- Tommy Pickles: What? You can't do that! My mommy and daddy wanna keep him!
- Chuckie Finster: See? See?
- Phil DeVille: Why? All he does is cry and poop.
- Tommy Pickles: So do you!
- Phil DeVille: I don't cry *that* much.
- Tommy Pickles: Well, you poop an awful lot!
- Phil DeVille: Look who's talking, Mr. Chocolate Pants!
- Tommy Pickles: I am not a poopie monster!
- Rex Pester: Mr. Pickles, how does it feel knowing your brother lost your only daughter?
- Drew Pickles: [shocked; turns to Stu] He what?
- Rex Pester: Share your pain.
- [Drew, completely red in the face and gritting his teeth, leaps at Stu screaming; Stu's horrified face is reflected in Drew's glasses; Drew tackles him to the ground and bends his left arm backwards]
- Stu Pickles: You're breaking my arm!
- Drew Pickles: Only 'cause I can't reach your neck! You moronic idiot!
- Rex Pester: [as the adults seperate Stu and Drew] And there you have it: Two sour Pickles and...
- [sadly; deliberately mispronounces the babies' names as he shows the photos]
- Rex Pester: ... young Tammy, baby Dale, the twins Bill and Jill, little Chunky, and poor Amelia, all vanished without a trace.
- [happily; throws the photos away]
- Rex Pester: I'm Rex Pester, and I'll be back with more Big Action news!
- [Stu is working on his latest invention to enter in a contest]
- Drew Pickles: What is it this time, huh? An electric *sponge*?
- Stu Pickles: Of course not! That was last year.
- [Angelica appears wearing Sherlock Holmes clothes]
- Angelica Pickles: They've taken Cynthia, Spike! Come on, your gonna be my butthound.
- [last lines]
- Chuckie Finster: [voiceover] So that was our big adventure! The monkeys founded their daddys and we all gots to go home and have fried bologne sandwiches! Except Dil, 'cause he gots no teeth! But if you think things went back to the way they was before, you're wrong 'cause now, thanks to Baby Dil, they was even better!
- [chuckles]
- Ranger Frank: Out here in the country you have to be just a little tougher.
- [notices the Reptar Wagon down the river and starts screaming in fear]
- Ranger Frank: THE DRAGON! I JUST SAW IT! I SAW IT!
- Ranger Margaret: Where? Where? Over here? Where?
- Charlotte Pickles: [pats Didi's belly with her phone] How's our little man?
- Didi Pickles: [rubs her belly] I told you, Charlotte, Dr. Lipschitz says it's a girl.
- Betty DeVille: Ha! That windbag thought Phil and Lil were intestinal gas!
- Miriam Pickles: Face it, Dolly. Ridin' high it's a guy!
- Charlotte Pickles: Well, you know what they say: "Born under Venus, look for a--"
- [her phone rings]
- Charlotte Pickles: Hello?
- [walks away]
- Didi Pickles: Now, now, Dr. Lipschitz is the expert. I don't see any of *you* with a PhD in Latin.
- Betty DeVille: Yeah. *Pig* Latin, maybe. Well, let's just hope for Tommy's sake it's a girl. I'd hate to think how much my pups would be squabbling if *they* were both boys.
- Didi Pickles: Ah, ah, ah! Let's not do any gender stereotyping. After all, Stu and Drew are brothers, and *they* get along just fine.
- [cut to the basement]
- Stu Pickles: Pushy!
- Drew Pickles: Lazy!
- Stu Pickles: Bossy!
- Drew Pickles: Inconsiderate!
- Stu Pickles: Nosey!
- Drew Pickles: Good-for-nothin'!
- Stu Pickles: Busybody!
- Stu Pickles, Drew Pickles: Why can't you listen to me?
- Lil DeVille: Look it, Tommy, nobody likes him!
- Phil DeVille: We're gonna find that lizard, Tommy. You can find your brother by yourself!
- Tommy Pickles: Will you help me, Chuckie?
- Chuckie Finster: Sorry, Tommy.
- Tommy Pickles: But-but you're my bestest friend.
- Chuckie Finster: Yeah? Well, if-if I'm your bestest friend, then how come when I got throwed up on, you didn't help me? Huh, huh? And when I falled overboard, you didn't help me. And then when the monkey grabbed me, you didn't even care
- [crying]
- Chuckie Finster: about my boo-boo!
- Lil DeVille: [Tommy slumps] Face it, Tommy. You don't got a bestest friend no more. All you gots is a brother!
- Tommy Pickles: [dejected and close to tears] Oh, um... fine. I-I-I'll go find him by myself.
- [He sadly goes off to find Dil, leaving the other Rugrats behind. With another crack of thunder, it starts to rain. The baby monkey escapes, leaving its diaper behind]
- Charlotte Pickles: You know what they say: "Born under Venus, look for a..."
- [phone rings]
- Charlotte Pickles: Hello?
- [Tommy and Dil are fighting over Tommy's teddy bear]
- Stu Pickles: Tommy? Dil? Boys, what are you doing?
- [Chuckie groans]
- Stu Pickles: Dil, what's say we give Tommy a little turn with the bear, huh?
- [takes the bear from Dil; Dil cries]
- Stu Pickles: Or not.
- [gives the bear back to Dil; Tommy cries]
- Rex Pester: A truckload of babies and a pet horse lost in the woods. Our hearts go out to their grief-stricken parents.
- Stu Pickles: Agh, look out!
- Rex Pester: Mr. Pickles, now look what you've done? Are you out of your mind? Get off!
- Stu Pickles: WHOA!
- Rex Pester: And I never won an Emmy!
- [the helicopter crashes]
- Stu Pickles: Oops.
- [drops the equipment]
- Stu Pickles: I'm coming, Tommy. I'm coming, Dil.
- Stu Pickles: I'll be famous!
- Drew Pickles: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you said when you built *that* stupid thing.
- [points to Dactar]
- Stu Pickles: Maybe Dactar was a bit complex, but this... this, watch.
- [turns on a tape recorder and grabs a microphone]
- Stu Pickles: I am Reptar, hear me roar!
- Reptar Wagon: I am Reptar, here me roar!
- [the nostrils blow out flames]
- Lou Pickles: Con flab it! Can't a man work in his own basement without getting barbecued?
- Stu Pickles: You've got responsibility now. I can trust that you'll stick by Dil's side, and be a swell big brother.
- United Express Driver: Uh, pardon me, uh, pick-up from Pickles to Japan?
- Lou Pickles: [tired] Take it away. Take it away!
- [the driver hammers up the goat and leaves the receipt on Lou's lap]
- United Express Driver: Yeah, have a good day.
- Charles "Chas" Finster: [reguarding Didi's pregnancy] Gosh you can hardly tell she's gained any weight
- [Didi turns around and her large pregnant belly knocks over a lemonade pitcher and table]
- Charles "Chas" Finster: You know from behind.
- Tommy Pickles: [about his chocolate coin] I'm saving it for my baby sister
- Chuckie Finster: Oh, you mean she finally came?
- Tommy Pickles: Not yet but they're giving her this big party, so I'm pretty sure today's the day.
- Lil DeVille: Do you think she got lost-ed on her way to the party?
- Tommy Pickles: Hmm, I don't know, I think we'd better go look for her, come on.
- Chuckie Finster: But Tommy, she could be anywhere's.
- [bumps into Didi's pregnant belly]
- Betty DeVille: Watch it, pups.
- Didi Pickles: Careful.
- Stu Pickles: [walks out of the basement whilst talking on the phone] Deed, just go to the spa and relax. Pop and I are doing fine taking care of the, uh--
- [notices the crate is gone; lowers the phone]
- Stu Pickles: Pop, wh-where's the crate?
- Lou Pickles: [wakes up in his rocking chair and reads the receipt] Oh, I-I guess the delivery folks must've come.
- Stu Pickles: Wow! They loaded her up and everything, huh?
- Didi Pickles: [over the phone] Stu! Let me talk to Tommy.
- Stu Pickles: Sure, I'll let you talk to Tommy. Uh--
- [notices Tommy's not there; holds the phone against his chest]
- Stu Pickles: Pop, uh...
- [looks around frantically]
- Stu Pickles: Where are the kids?
- Lou Pickles: [stands up and shrugs] That's funny. They were here a minute ago, playin' in the, uh...
- [they turn to see the front door wide open]
- Stu Pickles, Lou Pickles: The crate!
- Stu Pickles: [picks up the phone] Ah, honey! I'm gonna have to call you back.
- [hangs up and shoots his father an angry look]
- [Dil keeps crying in four in the morning]
- Stu Pickles: [exhausted] Oh, for the love of Pete. What do you want from us? What? What?
- [Stu lays on the floor with Dil. An American flag is waving on the TV]
- Didi Pickles: [looks in the Lipschitz book] Oh, there must be something in here we missed. Somewhere, somehow, something!
- Stu Pickles: There must be. Let me see here!
- [grabs the book from Didi and looks inside]
- Stu Pickles: "Cats, colic, Creole baby food..." Oh yeah, here it is. "Crying. Although a baby's crying signifies a disruption in the infant-parent matrix, the good-enough parent pacifies the infant during this period of primary narcissism, foregoing their own needs, sublim-, sublimating, sublimating all their own needs too."
- [Stu and Didi begin to fall asleep]
- Stu Pickles: I'm sorry about all this, Drew.
- Drew Pickles: It's all right, little brother. For a nincompoop, you're not half bad.
- [the babies breeze by the Rangers in the wagon]
- Chuckie Finster: Tommy, I saw some growed ups! Stop! Stop!
- Tommy Pickles: I don't know how!
- [as Tommy pushes a bunch of buttons, Lil sees they're heading for the river]
- Lil DeVille: Well, I hope you figure it out... 'CAUSE I DIDN'T BRING NO BATHY SUIT!
- Stu Pickles: [looks in a closet] Tommy!
- Lou Pickles: [looks under a sofa with a torch] Sprouts?
- Stu Pickles: [opens the basement door] Dil!
- Lou Pickles: [opens a cookie jar] Angelica?
- Stu Pickles: [opens the cupboard under the kitchen sink] Where can they be? We gotta find them!
- Didi Pickles: [walking into the kitchen carrying grocery bags] Find what?
- [Stu gasps, bangs his head on a pipe and stands up with a nervous smile]
- Lou Pickles: Einstein here lost the kids!
- Stu Pickles: *I* lost the kids?
- Lou Pickles: See?
- [Didi gasps and drops the bags; groceries spill all over the floor]
- Angelica Pickles: We gotta search every doghouse, playhouse, treehouse and dollhouse! I want those foogitives back in custardy.
- Angelica Pickles: [yelling] GRANDPA, CAN WE GO TO THE CIRCUS?
- Lou Pickles: It's enough of a circus in here already!
- Drew Pickles: Now, sweetheart, Daddy's gotta put in a little overtime today so that Mommy won't be ashamed of his quarterly earnings.
- Angelica Pickles: Hi, Uncle Stu. Sorry to hear your pony was slow.
- Stu Pickles: We don't *have* a pony, Angelica.
- Angelica Pickles: [to Drew] Then how come you told Mommy Aunt Didi got saddled with a loser?
- [Drew gasps]
- Stu Pickles: [wheels around on Drew] "Loser"?
- Drew Pickles: [nervously] He... He... I...
- Stu Pickles: [hears Tommy and Dil crying] Excuse me, bro, my "tax deductions" are crying!
- [slams door]
- Drew Pickles: [reopens door] YA CAN'T DEDUCT 'EM IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY INCOME!
- [slams door, but it reopens a tad]
- Phil DeVille: [bouncing on a mattress in a delivery truck] Hey, this is more fun than pickin' noses!
- Lil DeVille: Or blowin' bubbles in the bathtub!
- Chuckie Finster: Uh, guys, I don't know if I should throw up or throw down!
- Lil DeVille: Uh-oh, Tommy, I think your brother is broked again.
- Tommy Pickles: Oh, no! Dil, are you OK?
- Phil DeVille: I think he's gonna a-splode!
- Dil Pickles: Pooping.
- Tommy Pickles: What?
- Dil Pickles: [strains] POOPING!
- [plop]
- Lil DeVille, Tommy Pickles, Phil DeVille, Chuckie Finster: Eww!
- Tommy Pickles: Well, I guess we'll have to change his diapie.
- Phil DeVille: What do you mean, "we"?