The Man in the Iron Mask (I) (1998)

Gérard Depardieu: Porthos

Photos 

Quotes 

• Porthos : [he puts the rope around his neck and prepares to jump]  Farewell cruel world... farewell to useless Porthos.

  [jumps] 

  Athos : [Aramis and Athos are watching the building from the outside]  What was that?

  Aramis : It's all right; I sawed the beam.

  [the building promptly collapses, and Athos stares at Aramis in disbelief] 

  Aramis : Well, I'm a genius, not an engineer!

• Aramis : Perhaps you should take his offer. We're dead anyway.

  Porthos : He's right, D'Artagnan.

  Phillippe : Wait. Bargain me to Louis for all your lives. You've done your best. Please let me go.

  D'Artagnan : No, I cannot do it. Even if I could give up my king, I could never give up my son.

  [they all look at him, thunderstruck] 

  Phillippe : Your son?

  D'Artagnan : I loved your mother. I love her still. You are my son. I never knew you existed. And I never felt pride as a father... until this moment.

• [the Four Musketeers and Phillipe are trapped by riflemen at the other end of the hallway] 

  Aramis : D'Artagnan... They're young Musketeers. They've been weaned on our legends. They revere us. It is an advantage.

  Porthos : Yes. Why don't we charge them?

  D'Artagnan : I trained these men. They will fight to the death. But if we must die - if WE must die - let it be like this.

  [He draws his sword and points it at the floor. Aramis, Porthos, and Athos, join their swords with his] 

  Athos : One for all. All for one.

• Aramis : Sometimes there are more important things in life than a good pair of tits.

  Porthos : Really? If you can name me one thing that is more sublime than the feel of a plump, pink nipple between my lips, I'll build you a new cathedral.

  Aramis : Forgiveness...

  Porthos : Forgiveness...?

  [Porthos farts] 

  Porthos : There... i am i forgiven? Come on... am i forgiven?

  [play fight ensures between them] 

• Porthos : Aramis, is this the way to hell?

  Aramis : Hell may be our destination, but not this trip.

• Aramis : The King has ordered me to seek out the secret general of the Jesuits and kill him.

  Porthos : You should let the secret general worry about that.

  Aramis : Therein is the problem. I am he. I am the general of the order of Jesuits.

• Porthos : [a naked Porthos has tried to hang himself but failed]  Aramis! You sawed the beam! You knew I would I try to hang myself and you sawed the beam! Admit it. Admit it!

  Aramis : Of course I knew! And now that you've got the idea of killing yourself out of your head you can stop boring everyone and be useful for a change. And put some clothes on!

• Porthos : [the Musketeers have just broken into the Bastille to free Philippe]  It worked!

  Athos : Of course; it's a prison. There's no trouble getting in, the problems will come when we want to get out.

• Porthos : Stop praying and revel with me, Aramis! I need my spirits lifted. I'm old, I'm weak, my strength is gone.

  Aramis : Porthos! I'm praying.

  Porthos : I just said you're praying. Are you deaf, too? I know you're blind, because if you'd seen the tits that just walked out of here, you'd have tears in your eyes.

• [Athos and Aramis hear Porthos scream] 

  Athos : What happened?

  Porthos : Kidney stones. It hurts when I piss. It hurts when I shit. I'm just a fat old fart with nothing to live for anymore. I'm going to hang myself, as soon as I'm sober.

• Porthos : I'd rather die covered in blood than an old man lying in my own piss.

• [Porthos brings three wenches to Aramis' apartment, but they find him at prayer] 

  Porthos : Sorry, my dears. You would have enjoyed it too. He's hung like a donkey.

  Wench : So are you.

  Porthos : Really? He's been asleep for so long, I've forgotten about him.

• Aramis : Porthos... don't you understand? I'm trying to PRAY!

  Porthos : You're always praying!

• Aramis : Why are you so glum?

  Porthos : I expected action. There was no fighting, there was no killing. I was useless.

  Aramis : Porthos, I grow tired of this attitude. You're surrounded by beauty, by intrigue, by danger. What more can a man want? The robins are singing, the pigeons are cooing. Can't you listen to their song?

  [he walks off in disgust; Porthos takes off his hat when something falls on it to reveal it's bird-dung] 

• Porthos : I love Paris, I love life, and I love you, ladies.

• Porthos : Make love as if you don't care and fart whenever you wish.

• Porthos : We were all musketeers once, eh?

• Porthos : I have no appetite for food. I'm wasting away. Even women don't interest me anymore. No, say good-bye to Porthos, for he is gone.

• Porthos : [rolling in the hay]  No. It's no use. My sword is bent.

  Serving Woman : It will be all right. You're just taking a while to get started.

  Serving Woman : I can make your sword straight.

  Porthos : No, it's dead. It's dead. I'm useless. Useless.

• Porthos : We all fail at faith, Aramis, you know? That's why we must eat, drink and make love to life.

• Porthos : D'Artagnan watches everything. We have to be lucky.

  Aramis : We make our own luck tonight.