- Glenn Close: [presenting at the Academy Awards] This is Cameron's first nomination, and he's in extremely good company. Tonight he joins fellow Best Actor nominees Paul Newman for Coot, Clint Eastwood for Codger, Michael Douglas for Primary Urges...
- [blows him a kiss]
- Glenn Close: ... and Steven Seagal for Snowball in Hell.
- [while listening to the "How to Be a Man" tape]
- Voice on tape: Repeat after me: Yo!
- Howard Brackett: Yo!
- Voice on tape: Hot damn!
- Howard Brackett: Hot damn!
- Voice on tape: What a fabulous window treatment!
- Howard Brackett: What a fabu...
- Voice on tape: That was a trick!
- Voice on Tape: Think about John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold doesn't dance, he can barely walk.
- Emily: Are you... are... are you really gay?
- Howard: Mmm-hmm.
- Emily: Was there, oh, ANY OTHER TIME YOU MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME THIS? I'm wearing a wedding dress, which you picked out! I highlighted my hair because you said I needed shimmer, I loved you and I believed you and pretended not to notice the Streisand thing. I thought you were just creative, I thought you were just smarter than me and more sensitive and more interesting. I thought you were the most wonderful man who ever lived. I... I thought you could just change my life and... and show me the whole world, and teach me about art and life and magic. I thought you could make me feel like a beautiful woman... instead of the girl nobody wanted.
- Howard: [at confession, about "a friend"] He's just never had a physical relationship with her.
- Father Tim: Never? In three years?
- Howard: He respects her.
- Father Tim: He's gay!
- Berniece: Howard, we want you to know: you're our son, and we'll always love you, gay, straight, red, green, if you rob a bank, if you kill someone.
- Frank Brackett: If you get drunk, climb a clock tower, and take out the town.
- Berniece: As long as you get married.
- Peter Malloy: One day, I just snapped. I just got tired of switching pronouns and remembering to lower my voice, and I couldn't take lying to the people I love. Does that sound familiar?
- Howard Brackett: [lowered voice] No.
- Peter Malloy: So I just said, "Mom, Dad, Sparky, I'm gay."
- Howard Brackett: What happened?
- Peter Malloy: Well, my mom cried for exactly 10 seconds, my boss said, "Who cares?", and my dad said, "But you're so tall!"
- Emily: [after Howard Brackett wouldn't marry her because he is gay, and Peter Malloy turned down her pass because he is gay. Extremely frustrated, yelling outside the bar] IS EVERYBODY GAY? IS THIS THE TWILIGHT ZONE?
- Berniece: I need that wedding. I need some beauty and some music and some placecards before I die. It's like heroin.
- Cameron: Maybe I should thank someone else. Someone who's really been there, someone who taught me a lot, about poetry and Shakespeare, and just, y'know, stayin' awake, man. Someone who's just an overall great guy, a great teacher... to Howard Brackett from Greenleaf, Indiana! And he's gay. Y'know, I've been thinking a lot about this night, and I've decided to dedicate this whole night to a great, gay teacher. Mr. Brackett, WE WON!
- Danny: [scene from Cameron's movie, "To Serve and Protect"] I love you, Billy.
- Cameron: Wait! Do you love me as a friend or in another way?
- Danny: Another way, Billy!
- Cameron: You mean, as a brother?
- Danny: No, another way.
- Cameron: You mean, as a cousin?
- Danny: No! Another way.
- Cameron: [frowns] You mean, as a penpal?
- Sonja: I don't have time. I promised to do that photo shot this afternoon. I have to shower and vomit!
- Frank Brackett: [referring to a hometown actor who has just outed his son on national television] He used to mow our lawn. Never again.
- Howard Brackett: Here, I'll give you your headline! Howard Brackett is a big homo-queer-Mary-sissy man. He just came out at his big church wedding. Martha Stewart is fourious!
- Tom Halliwell: That song always reminds me of our school motto.
- Tom Halliwell: [reading in Italian] Studiare, Imparare, Partire.
- Tom Halliwell: [pause] Study, Learn, Leave.
- Walter Brackett: I'm a member of the community and I don't mind that Howard's gay.
- Tom Halliwell: But you're Howard's brother.
- [pause]
- Tom Halliwell: As you know.
- [longer pause]
- Walter Brackett: Well, you know what that means.
- [pause]
- Walter Brackett: Uh-oh. I must be gay!
- Tom Halliwell: But you're not a parent.
- Peter Malloy: Look, everyone wants to talk to Diane Sawyer or Joan Lunden, and my network's killing me. They want me blond!
- Howard: With your coloring?
- Ava Blazer: [after one of the girls, Vicky, who has a reputation as being trampy around guys, announces that she's gay] You can't be gay! You're a tramp!
- Howard Brackett: This is my Peter--uh, my *friend* Peter. We just met at the, uh, intersexual... homosection... INTERSECTION!
- Howard: He may be under the influence of something. He may have joined a cult!
- Frank Brackett: That little zombie.
- Peter: I'm gay, I came out.
- Howard Brackett: To whom?
- Peter: Who? To everyone. My folks, my boss... my dog.
- Howard: [entering his classroom, flustered] Class: so, uh, where were we? Romantic poetry. Shakespeare. Talented. English. Dead.
- Aunt Becky: Gretchen, what do you have for best documentary?
- Cousin Gretchen: Something 'bout Polish mine workers and their struggle to be free.
- Howard: I'm a horrible person. You have every right to hate me. You should hate me. I want you to hate me! I insist that you hate me! I'm scum, I'm garbage, I'm vermin, an-an-and I'm sorry.