Jingle All the Way (1996)
Martin Mull: D.J.
Photos
Quotes
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DJ : [as Howard tries to break into the radio station; he calls the cops] Yeah, I've got a mad man in my studio and...
[Howard breaks the glass door and charges inside]
DJ : HELP ME!
Howard Langston : Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!
DJ : What?
Howard Langston : See, I couldn't get through on the phone. Did I win?
[Howard hugs the DJ]
DJ : Oh no, it's not that simple!
DJ : No! Wait, wait!
[Myron comes into the radio room]
Howard Langston : You're too late! I already got the the right answer! I won! Ha ha! Yeah!
Myron Larabee : I don't need the right answer to win! I got this!
[Myron pulls out a package]
Howard Langston : Now what's that?
Myron Larabee : This, Mr. Track Star, is a homemade explosive device!
Howard Langston : A bomb?
Myron Larabee : Yes, in layman's terms, a bomb! So back up!
Howard Langston : You built a bomb?
Myron Larabee : No, I didn't build a bomb! Don't you read the news? Hundreds of these things come through the mail every day! I just kept one in case I ever needed it! So give me the doll, or I'll blow up everybody in this place!
Howard Langston : Are you out of your mind? Put this thing away!
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DJ : Excuse me, gentlemen, are you two under the impression that I have a Turbo Man doll here in the studio?
Howard Langston : Yes.
Myron Larabee : That's what you said on the radio.
DJ : Oh, no.
Myron Larabee : Yes it is.
DJ : No, no, no! What I actually said was whoever *won* would *get* a doll E-VENTUALLY. See...
[chuckles]
DJ : What we have here... is a gift certificate.
Howard Langston , Myron Larabee : A gift certificate?
DJ : Right.
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Caller : [the objective is to correctly name all eight of Santa's reindeer to eventually win a Turbo Man doll] Um, Randy, Jermaine, uh, Tito...
DJ : Nope, not even close. Sorry. But perhaps this song will put us all in the mood to get this thing right.
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Myron Larabee : Did you call me buddy?
Howard Langston : Yeah.
Myron Larabee : [shouting] I am not your buddy! I tried to be your team mate, I wanted to be your friend, but noooooooooo, you had other other plans for Myron Larabee!
Howard Langston : No, I had no plans.
Myron Larabee : You were no different than the rest of those civilians, those common, letter writers who make fun of my knee socks and my safari hat in the summer!
[the DJ is chortling muffledly]
Myron Larabee : Are you laughing at me?
DJ : Huh? Oh, no! Lord no! Not at all!
Myron Larabee : Mr. Ponytail Man, I know you, I know your kind. You're the kind that puts the trash can in front of the mailbox so I have to get out of my jeep, don't you?
DJ : No, not true! I recycle!
Howard Langston : Shut up!
Myron Larabee : That's right, shut up!
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Howard Langston : [triumphantly to Myron] You're too late. I've already got the right answer; I won! Yeah!
Myron Larabee : I don't need the right answer to win! I got this!
[Pulls out a package]
Howard Langston : And what's that?
Myron Larabee : This, Mr. Track Star, is a homemade explosive device!
Howard Langston : [in disbelief] A bomb?
DJ : [gasps] Good lordy...
Myron Larabee : Yes, in layman terms, a bomb! So back up!
Howard Langston : You built a bomb?
Myron Larabee : No, I didn't have to build a bomb. Don't you read the news? Hundreds of these things come through the mail every day. I just kept one in case I ever needed it.
[to radio DJ]
Myron Larabee : So give me the doll, or I'm going to blow up everybody in this place!
Howard Langston : Are you out of your mind? Put this thing away! This is not worth it!
Myron Larabee : Well, maybe not to you, but to me it is. So back up! Back up!
Howard Langston : Myron! Come on, old buddy. Give me the package, all right? Come on.
Myron Larabee : Did you call me "buddy?"
Howard Langston : Yeah.
Myron Larabee : I am not your buddy! I tried to be your teammate! I wanted to be your friend! But nooooooooo! You had other plans for Myron Larabee!
Howard Langston : No, I had no plans.
Myron Larabee : You were no different than the rest of those civilians, those common letter writers who make fun of my knee socks and my safari hat in the summer!
[the radio DJ is stifling his laughter at this]
Myron Larabee : Are you laughing at me?
DJ : Huh? Oh no. Lord no. No, not at all.
Myron Larabee : Mr. Ponytail Man, I know you! I know your kind! You're the kind that puts the trash can in front of the mailbox so I have to get out of my Jeep, don't you?
DJ : No, not true! I recycle!
Howard Langston : Shut up!
Myron Larabee : That's right! Shut up! Why do you think the window is there? So I can just put the mail in there! But you act like everything's okay! "Hey Mr. Mailman" like I have no feelings of my own!
[He throws the package]
Howard Langston : Hit the deck!
DJ : Oh.
Myron Larabee : [the package is really a music box] look I'm sorry, I've been under pressure since this ZIP+4 thing.
Howard Langston : You twisted...
Myron Larabee : Don't hit me! I've got sickle cell! Don't hit me!
DJ : Excuse me, gentlemen, Are you two under the impression that I have a Turbo Man doll here in the studio?
Howard Langston : Yes.
Myron Larabee : That's what you said on the radio.
DJ : Oh, no. No, no. No, no, no, no. What I actually said, was whoever *won* would *get* a doll E-VENTUALLY. You see what we have here--ha! Oh! Is a gift certificate.
Howard Langston , Myron Larabee : A gift certificate?
DJ : Right. As soon as they get some dolls in the stores...
[Police sirens are heard outside]
Howard Langston : Did you call the cops?
DJ : [smiling sheepishly] Yeah, kinda.
Myron Larabee : Let's get outta here, but I'm going FIRST, buddy!