- Augusta Lockridge: Laken, I know I raised you to be cheerful and always look on the bright side of things, but forget about all that right now because this is a time of crisis!
- [Struggling to come up with nice things to say about Gina]
- Mason: Well, I never actually saw her pull the wings off butterflies.
- Mason: Someday I think it would be amusing if great historians debated who was worse CC Capwell or Attila the Hun.
- Julia Wainwright Capwell: No, Gracie, you can't push yet! Not 'til the baby's head's out!
- Mason: Julia, if the woman wants to push...
- Julia Wainwright Capwell: What'd you do, get a uterus for Christmas?
- Lionel Lockridge: Let's talk about trust. We used to have that.
- Augusta Lockridge: Yes. We also used to have a Studebaker.
- Andrea Bedford: I keep trying to say goodbye to my father, but its like writing in invisible ink, you know? It doesn't take.
- Augusta Lockridge: [after an earthquake has caught her and husband Lionel during sex in a cave] Darling, did the earth move for you, too?
- Augusta Lockridge: [to Lionel when he's denying anything happened with Eden Capwell on his boat] You are an aging over-sexed fool!
- Augusta Lockridge: Never a dull moment around here.
- Gina: If it's dull moments you're after, you should go back to your own house.
- Gina: After all I've said about Santana, you want me to now tell Brandon he's going to spen the holidays with her? He's going to think I'm crazy!
- Mason Capwell: I think you pretty much are, Gina.
- Mason: You want me to be the boy's father when my father is already his father, and his real father was my brother who wasn't really my brother?
- Mason: [Warren shows up looking disheveled and asking for C.C] Most people look like this after they've seen him, not before.
- Mason: My father is going through one of his phases. It happens every 12 years or so, all of a sudden he starts being nice. Something to do with the orbit of Jupiter I believe. I could almost hear his smile muscles creaking.
- Gina Timmons: [On the phone] Don't tell me Eden is in bed with you?
- Kirk Cranston: That's right!
- Gina Timmons: She must be asleep then. That's all you're good for nowadays.
- Mason: Lily knew what was best for me. All she had to do was to touch my forehead and I lost my desire for alcohol.
- Gina Timmons: I wonder what she had to touch to make you forget about sex.
- Mason: Gina, men aren't as simple as you think.
- Gina Timmons: And now you're going to explain it all to me. Everything I've always wanted to know about men, but was too bored to ask.
- Gina Timmons: Mason, would you like me better if I basked in glorious light and donned a white robe?
- Mason: As I recall, disrobing was your specialty.
- Gina: [after Keith resigned from his job] Keith, have you officially vacated your office yet?
- Keith Timmons: No, I'm keeping it a weekend hideaway.
- Keith Timmons: [to the waiter] I'll have a double scotch on the rocks, put it on her tab.
- Gina: If I wanted to keep somebody, I'd like him to at least be clean shaven.
- Keith Timmons: I think anybody who was going to be kept by you, probably wouldn't be old enough to shave.
- Gina: If you want solace, why don't you come by my place a little later, I'll give you all the solace you need.
- Keith Timmons: No thanks, I'm not in the mood to mate with the Black Widow.
- Janice Harrison: [Janice meets Alice after Nick told Alice that Janice has posed nude] Nice to met you. Nick has told me all about you, including that you have a wonderful face.
- Alice Jackson: Thank you. You have a wonderful everything. You look like you're on a magazine cover right now.
- Janice Harrison: Thank you, I just came from a shoot.
- Alice Jackson: Oh. I'm glad you had a chance to put on your clothes.
- Gina Timmons: The first thing I'm going to do after I move in is to fire the chef. The food here is deplorable.
- Sophia Capwell: I don't how you could tell, you snorted it like a pig.
- Sophia Capwell: I wish I could give you an idea of how much I despise you!
- Gina Timmons: I think I can guess. Probably as much as I despised you the night C.C. threw me out without a stitch of clothing on.
- Sophia Capwell: You got exactly what you deserved. And point in fact, you took your clothes off yourself, no one asked you to, which I understand is just a reflex of yours.
- Gina Timmons: I'm going to arrange for Ted and Hayley to live with us after C.C. and I are married. We're going to be one big happy family.
- Mason: Like Ma Barker and her kids.
- Gina Timmons: I get so emotional, I always want to cry at weddings.
- Mason: I imagine your husbands do the same thing.
- Julia: Sorry to interrupt. Is the resident ogre here?
- Lionel Lockridge: C.C.? No, he's out somewhere, spreading joy in the world.
- Mason: [Talking to Lily about Gina's upcoming wedding] Gina and high society, there's a contradiction in terms. Why don't you buy her a blender and then put her in it.
- Keith Timmons: [Talking about Gina] I've got something here that's going to help us put away our little slut for a long, long time. Excuse my crassness.
- Sophia Capwell: That's alright, she is your girlfriend.
- Gina Timmons: [Talking about her 7 year old adopted son] Brandon simply worships me, I know that.
- Sophia Capwell: Give him a few years.
- Sophia Capwell: [Leaving Gina stranded in a plane wreckage] I need to get out of here.
- Gina Timmons: What about me, are you going to leave me here? I can't move.
- Sophia Capwell: Well, then I'll know where to find you, aren't I?
- Gina Timmons: What if that big lizard comes back? or a wolf?
- Sophia Capwell: Then show them what a nice person you are.