- George Roundy: Let's face it, I fucked 'em all. I mean, that's what I do. That's why I went to beauty school. I mean, they're always there and I-I just can't I-I, you know, I - I don't know what I'm apologizing for. So, sometimes I fuck 'em. I go into that shop and they're so great lookin', you know, and I - I doing their hair and they feel great and they smell great. Or, I could be out on the street, you know, and I could just stop at a stoplight or go into an elevator or - I - it's a beautiful girl - I - I don't know - I mean, that's it! It makes my day. I mean, it makes me feel like I'm gonna live forever.
- George Roundy: Can't we just, eh, be friends?
- Lorna: Okay.
- [teen-aged Lorna makes George an offer he can't refuse]
- Lorna: You wanna fuck?
- Jackie Shawn: You must be a very important executive.
- Sid Roth: Well, whatever I am, I could get you whatever you want.
- Jackie Shawn: Hm?
- [points to George]
- Jackie Shawn: Well, what I really want is to suck his cock.
- Lester: Do you think George is a fairy?
- Felicia: Who?
- Lester: The kid, the hairdresser.
- Felicia: Well, I don't know for sure. He is a hairdresser, though.
- Lester: Maybe he's just a kooky guy who likes to do kooky things.
- Felicia: Maybe. Why do you ask?
- Lester: I'm thinking of investing with him. He worries me.
- Felicia: Why?
- Lester: Well, maybe he's too flighty and irresponsible. That's why I asked if he was a fairy.
- Felicia: I don't know. He's a hairdresser.
- George Roundy: Christ, they're women aren't they! Have you ever listened to women talk, man? Do you? Cause I do until it's running out of my ears. I mean, I'm on my feet all day long listening to women talk and they only talk about one thing - how some guy fucked 'em over. That's all that's on their minds. That's all I ever hear about.
- Jackie Shawn: [being pushed away by George during a dinner party] C'mon, who's the greatest cocksucker in the whole world?
- George Roundy: Jill, I'm trying to get things moving.
- Jill: Oh, grow up! You never stop moving! You never go anywhere! Grow up! Grow up - grow up!
- [explaining to Lester why he had sex with his wife, mistress and daughter]
- George Roundy: Face it, they know we're always trying to nail 'em and they don't like it. They like it and they don't like, it's got nothing to do with you Lester. It just happened.
- Felicia: Oh god, Lester you are a miserable human being. You're not helping anybody! You're just twisting arms here for a lot of silly sons of bitches who are all out for themselves. You're kidding yourself if you think your new business partner is going to keep his hands off your girl. Or if she's going to keep her hands off of him!
- Jackie Shawn: What about Felicia?
- George Roundy: What about her?
- Jackie Shawn: Did you?
- George Roundy: Did I what?
- Jackie Shawn: Come on. Oh, I just can't wait to see Lester with me and the *cunt* in the same room tonight.
- Lorna: Come on, tell me. Don't be afraid.
- George Roundy: Why do you want to know so bad.
- Lorna: To see if you've been making it with my mother.
- George Roundy: Why would my being a faggot have anything to do with that?
- George Roundy: Last night I had a dream. I was 50 years old and I was supposed to meet Jill at the shop. It scared the hell out of me.
- Jackie Shawn: Why?
- George Roundy: I can't imagine being with Jill when I'm 50 years old. I can't imagine not being with you.
- George Roundy: Maybe it means I don't love them. Maybe it means I don't love you, I don't know. No one's going to tell me that I don't like them.
- Jill: You know what I read in Cosmopolitan? That if you don't have a baby before you're 30, you're going to have a Mongolian idiot.
- Jill: You know what George did the other night? He wakes me up at 2 o'clock in the morning, just to do my hair.
- Jackie Shawn: Why?
- Jill: I don't know! I don't know. He just woke me up and he said, "Come on, get up, I'm gonna make you the grooviest looking chick in this town."
- Jackie Shawn: So, what did you do?
- Jill: Well, I looked at him and I said, "George, if you love me, I am the grooviest little chick in this town."
- Jackie Shawn: Did he cut your hair?
- Jill: No. We didn't get around to that.
- Norman: Now, what is this horse shit about not collecting for the coffee?
- George Roundy: I'm doing twice as much as I'm supposed to and if you think that I'm going to charge them $25 a head and hit on them for a cup of coffee, you can shove it right up your ass.
- Jackie Shawn: Are you really serious about the shop?
- George Roundy: Are you serious about Lester?
- Jackie Shawn: I asked you first.
- George Roundy: Well, I'm never serious about anything.
- Jill: Can I ask you something?
- Johnny Pope: Sure. As long as you don't ask me what sign I am.
- Jill: Are you married?
- Johnny Pope: Sometimes. But, eh, not at the moment.
- Jill: Would you like to go to a party?
- Lester: Felicia, this party involves more than you and me, you know. These people here are concerned about more than each other.
- Felicia: Is that right?
- Lester: Yes! That's right. Some of us are trying to make this country be a better place to live in. Believe it or not.
- Felicia: Is that what this is all about? To make this country a better place to live in?
- Lester: Yes, that's what this is all about. It's a beautiful thing to see.
- [Felicia laughs]
- Jackie Shawn: Do you know why I used to get angry with you?
- George Roundy: I wouldn't settle down.
- Jackie Shawn: Cause you're always so happy - about everything.
- George Roundy: I was?
- Jackie Shawn: I found it rather unrealistic.
- Lester: I just wish I knew what the hell I was living for. You can lose it all, you know. I mean, you can lose it no matter who you are. What's the sense of having it all. Market went down 10 points last week. God damn, Lyndon Johnson. Well, maybe Nixon will be better. What's the difference. They're all a bunch of jerks.
- Norman: I want you to learn to collect for the coffee, George. Learn to nickel-and-dime. You're going to end up without a pot to pee in.
- Felicia: Why don't you see Lester?
- George Roundy: What? Your husband?
- Felicia: Yes!
- George Roundy: For what?
- Felicia: The shop! I think you'd be a good investment. I don't mind telling him.
- George Roundy: Hey, listen, baby, I'm a star! I'm a star.
- George Roundy: You know, I think you've got the same eyes as your mother and your chin's a little bit like her's too.
- Lorna: No. No, it isn't.
- George Roundy: I think it is.
- Lorna: No. My eyes aren't like her's either.
- George Roundy: They are.
- Lorna: No they're not!
- George Roundy: They are. They're not.
- Lorna: I'm nothing like my mother!
- George Roundy: I'm not trying to insult you, you know.
- David Brinkley: This is not a bad place to visit; but, I don't want to live here. By the way, this is not a projection, it is not NBC's experts, just my own personal, private opinion. I don't think we're going to get a winner tonight.
- Senator East: This tells the story of the ancient grandmother, who upon seeing the garden gate of her childhood, stops for a moment and says, "Hello garden gate. Hello garden gate. Garden gate, hello" Hi-Yi-Ya! Hi-Yi-Ya! Hi-Yi-Ya...
- George Roundy: I don't know where a financial statement is. I got the heads. All right? The heads, the customers. They come to me. I'm the one they want. If I open a shop, they're gonna leave and they're gonna come to me. You'd be surprised. I got a lot of heads.
- Mr. Pettis: I'm sure you do.
- George Roundy: I - you don't know what I'm talking about, do you?
- Mr. Pettis: No, I don't know.
- George Roundy: How do you expect to lend me money if you don't know the first thing about my business?
- Mr. Pettis: I don't. Good morning, Mr. Roundy.
- Mr. Pettis: Jesus, let me show you something. Six. Six and three-quarters. That's our prime rate. And I'll tell you something else, the big boys are going for it. Do you know where FHA is?
- George Roundy: FHA?
- Mr. Pettis: Take a guess. Just take a guess where they are. Well, seven and a half.
- George Roundy: Wow.
- Mr. Pettis: Wow, in deed! We won't be going back to the old days anymore.
- Jill: Stop kissing everybody's ass that comes into that shop. That's not going to put you in business. That's going to make you a kiss-ass!
- Jackie Shawn: What are you trying to do?
- George Roundy: I want you to marry me. I, I want to take care of you. I, I want you to have a baby with me. Hey, I know I'm a fuck up, but I'll take care of you. I'll make you happy. I swear to God I will.