Change Your Image
timmcgahren
Reviews
Creepshow: All Hallow's Eve/The Man in the Suitcase (2019)
Very good, but I saw the first story already.
The man in the suitcase is great fun, and done well, as is all Hallow's eve, which was written for Issue 1 of Twisted Tales in the 80's, glad they are borrowing from this.
Haunt (2019)
Pretty good for what it is.
Really good , and sure the characters might be a little dumb, but you know you are watching a horror movie right? It's a fabricated story for fun, and I think this is some quality old school horror here. Some good surprises and shocks, twists and turns, and I think it delivers on the level it should. It's no Citizen Kane, but I really enjoyed it, and satisfying payoff.
From 1 and 2 star the reviews it seems many are way to obsessed about the characters being dumb, and not seeing the movie as entertainment. And that may be because you just may be older than the film's intended demographic.
Gray Matter (2018)
2 Stars for premise, everything else, 0 stars.
I am perplexed how in 2017/2018 garbage like this can get funded and produced. Could not even watch more than 15 minutes. Horrible acting, tired old tropes. How much money was wasted on this?
I think of the 'actors' and the fact they probably won't work again.
The Croods (2013)
Great Family Dynamics, Wonderful artistically.
For some reason i couldn't get into this movie at first, but then I watched it again past the slow beginning, and this movie is really good.
The first love relationship between Guy and Eep is really wonderful. Eep is also a great female character, whoever wrote her deserves an award. She never goes out of her character even though her character is both sweet and courageous at the same time. She is curious, athletic, energetic, amazed by new things, rough around the edges and feisty as well, but never falls into being a cruel jerk a as what is portrayed as being a 'strong woman' is many movies and shows today. Also, this is one of the few beautiful powerfully built female characters I have ever seen in a movie, and Darwyn Cooke's Wonder Woman comes to mind.
Loved the landscapes, flora and fauna as well. Quite well done.
The scene with Douglas learning tricks is so strikingly funny in it's abruptness. Great writing on that.
Additionally the galumphing gait of the cavemen is well done, and the whole of the family dynamic, from the father losing control of his control, and of his daughter to her first love is wonderfully and delicately done. The movie has extremes of subtlety and frenetic action with amazing visuals.
Loved the grandmother, and the fighting between her and Grug, and Nic Cage does a great job with the voice work here. Overall wonderful.
Thanatomorphose (2012)
Not Plausible.
This movie was another waste of time, and I see the horror aficionados are here trying to make a silk purse out of a sh*t shingle. Circle the wagons boys! Horror is being threatened by reasonable reviews.
Really, have you ever in your entire life met any girl who knew how to dress herself properly and brush her teeth not go to a damn doctor the second some tiny little thing was wrong with her? Ever? What BS.
Plot; stupid girl does non-plausible stuff (like rotting and not doing anything about it). Whole story made me want to knock some sense into her. The only realistic thing is how all the guys she sleeps with are all total a**holes, just like the ladies do in real life.
Totally stupid film, but here is how it should have been written; woman begins to rot to death. No one knows what to do, we see the interactions between her and her friends, and family. She is blamed for her own problem, people desert her for various reasons, causing her to die inside as well. We are surrounded by feelings of helplessness of the greatest doctors in the world, specifically one we get to know. We see the horror from her side of her impending death and from others for for the helpless victim, and the feelings of futility and lack of ability to stop the process from the attending doctor's side. Slow burn. The final image is the doctor leaving the rotting body of the dead young woman, and he looks into the mirror only to see the process beginning on himself.
There I just wrote a more engaging movie in 2 minutes than this waste of time. Horror 'writers', try actually doing more than a drawn out gimmick, and write. A better horror film is Pieces of Talent.
Harlan County U.S.A. (1976)
Reassessment
This film is wonderful. It is horrible and sad and gripping but wonderful. I am by no means pro union, but this is a perfect example of why they need to exist as an option.
I can't believe it was so recently that companies were hiring brutal men to terrorize their workers over money.
The movie is set in Harlan County, and there is not much to say but that you are watching history unfold, with all of it's rage and fire, and bloodshed, tears and strength.
Nothing is hidden and it is very powerful. People willing to die for what they believe in, it is very eye opening. The people were real, fearless, and their struggle raw.
There are real villains here, the gun toting hired thugs, and the company who seems OK with the way things are handled. Murdering poor people over a few cents and common sense benefits. Sad.
The most poignant memory of the film for me was how they tricked a truly injured man into coming back to the work site so that they could deny him worker's comp. Quite shocking.
Dellamorte dellamore (1994)
You've over intellectualized this. It is simply not a good film.
The main problem with this thrown together piece of garbage is that it is merely a bunch of scenes where someone probably said 'Hey, you know what would be cool to see? X. Let's put X in it.' The film goes nowhere, makes no sense, and is pretty badly done. The special effects are also really bad, and not worth paying to see. (15% of their SFX budget was spent on fishing wire.)
Reading these reviews here is like some kind of collegiate masters degree program in circle jerking. Everyone who is calling this some master work of art probably keeps their finger on the edge of their lip too much, nods their head, and speaks in a drowsy dismissive satirical upper class tone to everyone who disagrees so they won't be outed as the imbecile pseudo-intellectual sycophant they are.
There is no plot to the movie, no coherency, and none of the ideas are followed to their logical conclusion or even exploited to retain the audience's interest; the script makes no sense and neither does most of the dialogue or events.
The characters make no sense, and do not act in any consistent way. The police do not follow up leads, the idiot is or isn't actually smart, the hero is or isn't in love.. and the best friend we see twice is now a spree killer but only at the house the protagonist lit on fire to kill the 3 women the best friend actually killed during the fire? What? And this comes at the last third of the film? What? Who does that?
Again their behavior is a result of an amateur writing with the 'You know what would be cool/funny?' or 'You know what all really good horror films have in common?' mindset, with no structure to the story at all. There is no continuity, and the only theme is it's set in a cemetery and one of the characters is a man. Otherwise, the film is nothing but an excuse to see the exquisite body of Anna Falchi(Anna Kristiina Palomaki) nude. And well, I can't argue there, that is the only reason this movie gets 3 stars from me, otherwise it is at best some first year art student's film project (hint; the student in question was majoring in booger sculpture, and not film).
And this review contains no spoilers because nothing happens in the movie. This is a bad movie, and now only one of the only 3 I have ever walked out on. One being revenge of the nerds part 2, and some other film that was so bad I just went to another theater and forgot about it.
It is really amazing to me though how peer pressure for 'horror aficionados' makes them all give great reviews for intrinsically bad movies just because they are horror films and they are fans circling the wagons or something. If you want to see a horror comedy Frankenhooker or Shaun of the Dead are better picks by astronomical leaps and bounds, and they actually have real stories, not a Tommy Wiseau type of after-the- fact reasoning that you are not looking deeply enough to discover the meaning. I won't because there is none. I don't dig through dog turds to discover meat scraps.
The message of the movie is is this; if you are a name dropping director you know you probably have a good chance to sleep with the actresses you audition for movies so pick one you really like and write a terrible movie to cover it up.
Final review; crappy movie + exquisite woman still can't save film. A horror comedy film where the best comedic acting was done by zombie boy scouts in 10 seconds is not that good.
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
One of my favorite comedies.
Yeah this is a good one. One of my all time favorite comedies, and some parts of it are so funny I can't help but rewind them again (bar room demonstration scene, cheerleader audition, and disqualification scene). I love slapstick films and this one delivers with lots of painful scenes.
A little disjointed in parts, more stylistically than in direction, but I must say the action and comedy are non stop. Also it doesn't hurt that there are some gorgeous women prancing about in this movie (yay car wash scene!).
The film only loses points for a plethora of crass humor, between that and my inability to get over the goof where the magazine is taken out of the bag twice (Stupid I know..) and that I wanted to know more about all of the dodge ball teams, this movie is great. Steve the Pirate is the best.
I Like Killing Flies (2004)
I missed out!
I suppose as I get older I realize what it means to invest your life into something, and the regret of not investing yourself enough into something. Sure Kenny is crass, obnoxious, a little weird looking and perhaps mean, but really the guy looks like he was a one of a kind facet of Greenwich Village. He methods were unorthodox as shown in the multiple shots of this Jewish chef cooking bacon in the fry cooker, and turning the food with his hands, but he was a man from a certain place and time. He has personality, he is unique, and I think we now live in a world where it is very hard to be unique and live a middle class life or be a part of a culture.
I sympathized with him that they kept raising his rent and messing with him, and it was very affected by the insights provided by his children, especially about his son describing Kenny as a man cursed by his own work ethic. Kids by the way who seemed to love their dad and was in return loved by him very much, regardless of what was said, the love came through.
I am a sucker for food movies and the food was interesting. I would have loved to have eaten there at least once and by the end of the movie I was saddened both by the way this man was forced to move from the place that was essentially a part of him and he a part of it (the grime lines where the pictures and stove used to be really presented this well), and the fact that he lost his wife. Personally, although it was not stated, I think her heart broke over the move more than was portrayed in the movie.
9 out of 10? I wanted to be there, and now I missed my chance to eat with Kenny or be thrown out of his restaurant. Also, I think this was not the very best name for a documentary about a cook and his restaurant, and kept me from watching it for months, only deciding to after I was going to push doubts aside try something new, much in the way it is shown that Kenny was always trying something new with his food. Great film.
Small Soldiers (1998)
Love the soldiers, hate the dopes.
This movies is a perfect by the numbers action kids movie. In addition it has great special effects. The weapons the soldiers came up with were great, and the soldiers themselves were creepy and psychotic. Perfect villains. Some of the behaviors of the soldiers was quite disturbing. I also enjoyed the way the action figures and dolls were able to overwhelm the humans.
The problem I had was that the soldiers has a lot more screen time than the Gorgonites, leaving something wanting as far as the character development there. I felt it was unbalanced.
David Cross was great as the nebbish, and Tommy Lee Jones as the voice of Chip Hazard. Kirsten Dunst was also great, as Christy, as well as the actor who played her character's younger brother. Dunst's character was shown to be capable without being over the top. I was also happy that the screenwriter or director decided not to make the boyfriend character into a creep, but a more realistic character. In fact besides the characters of Gil and Phil Hartman's character, the characters acted more believably than would be expected in such a sci-fi movie.
Phil Hartman once again played the cheeseball American consumer neighbor which I suppose was his Forte, and Wendy Schaal was good as the annoying wife.
What I didn't like was the characters of Stuart or Alan Abernathy. They seemed like they were just templates to be pasted in to the script. Liberal, idealistic, unrealistic (presumably ex-hippie) fattie dad and his dopey misunderstood kid, Alan who makes good. I couldn't care less for either, and truth be told, that kid would still get friendzoned no matter what he did to help Dunst's character. The wife character (Ann Magnuson) was pretty interesting, well played and her energy was good though. It's sad that I find it more unbelievable that the women in the movie would have anything to do with that father & son dope duo than their being violent sentient dolls which can terrorize a family.
I loved the freakish Frankenstein Barbies, and found the ending to be very good (not the maudlin Gorgonite part), with Gil deciding to use the dolls as military weapons. Sort of reminded me of Phillip K. Dick fiction, and might make a very funny short movie on it's own.
Over all I liked this movies very much and it is great for kids starting between 10 and 15 (some blood, and disturbing images though such as the death of the soldiers and people getting attacked with nail guns and knives). This movie is in the vein of the sentient violent doll, but is unique in that it is not purely a horror film. A great movie for young boys of all ages.
Drive (2011)
Cool Ride
A lot of the reviews here keep mentioning the lack of acting in the movie, but what is never mentioned is that Ryan Gosling is playing a sociopath. 'Driver' is an isolated man without any real direction in his life, until some girl next door type gives him a glimpse into how to be a normal person. Even in his behavior was disconnected from how people work, unaware of what he was getting into, and indicated another level of being detached and sociopathic, but not in the Tony Montoya or Travis Bickle mold. (I and the friend I saw this with both think this was a much better written portrait of a disconnected, sociopathic character.)
The two scenes where this is evident is how his smiling face turns into a grimace when he tells a guy in a bar whom he previously did business with to go away or face the consequences, and when he looks up from his handiwork in the elevator as to say 'I'm Sorry/Surprise.. this is who I really am.' It is a fantastic scene and does show that the man can act, and the entire portrayal, and flow of the movie shows the writer can write.
The Driver knows what he is, and although the imagery is a bit heavy handed, it can be excused for everything else in this movie. It delivers in intrigue, car chases and aesthetic. The scene in the garage near the end of the movie is one of horrid honorable beauty. The only flaw I see is the mismatched soundtrack.
I suppose the American audience needs some loudmouth moron of a main character (The Rock, Vin Diesel, Steven Seagal) who acts as if they are aware they are in a movie, it's outcome and of everything going on around him(their identification with such characters says a lot about their own behavior and intelligence). I'm sorry audiences have to be led to every step, and can't fill in any gaps themselves.
And Layer Cake? Are you serious?
Conan the Barbarian (2011)
Thanks for taking my money.
I am going to make a point of not going to movies anymore with pretty heroes. I don't know about you but Conan wasn't pretty and pretty people are rarely heroic, or tough (would spoil their looks you know). And.. the hair sucked.
Also where in the rules of writing and directing did every character have to be smarmy and over confident? Little Conan is a smirking arrogant cheeseball, big Conan is a smirking arrogant cheeseball. Stupid forgettable woman in distress is a smirking arrogant cheeseball, and empowered on top of it all. The writers know, or at least perceive there are other personalities in the world beside what they think a hero would act like, and snarky, snotty woman, right? And why wouldn't the hero be confident? He knows he's going to win in the end, against wizards, dust people, and even against 4 grown veteran warriors men when he is 12.
And pray tell, when did Conan become little miss romance? If I am a giant angry barbarian, unless I am paid or will benefit from protecting a woman's honor, the first second I possess her it's naked time. Why is it so hard to show plausibility in a fantasy setting? Conan went through women like tissue paper.
Society has a great big problem with image, not just Hollywood. We are shown to have any worth or endearing/heroic qualities one must be physically attractive. Where is the brute who is truly a heroic from within? Where is the calculating man who does what he has to do? Where is the fighter who knows the odds and takes the best odds, morality be damned? Where is the friggin charisma (go look it up, I'll wait)? Conan is a man with a body hardened and mind sharpened by 100 adventures, his motivation is wealth, woman and power. He is great because he has great strength, a keen calculating mind, and the will to match.
None of this was shown in the character or the story. It was go here, do this, go here, do this. Conan possessed no ingenuity, no cool slickness (there was the greasy slickness of bad holly wood writing) as in the Italian Job, no piercing eyes filled with battle rage, no deep guttural battle cry, no manliness, and no hardness. We didn't feel Conan in the character; it was presented to us what Conan supposedly was but was not reflected in the character. Losts of set pieces, just no character.
Conan is a character men should aspire to be, and whom proper society fears. He is the man weaker men don't want to see win, but who does anyway, smashing through all resistance. Conan is a character who is the scarred, pragmatic brute, the fearless leader, and the wily cruel thief all in one. His goals are his goals, he fights for his own benefit, not some Anglicized moral principle. He is the man whom you don't want to face because you are inconsequential to him. You merely stand in his way, and when you see Conan's cold gaze you know his capabilities, and your fate. That is what I wanted to see. I want to see a Conan who lives in a world where life is short, fierce and cheap.
That is what this should have been in the movie. This is where they wasted my time, my money and the film. I have to ask the writers; do you have any idea what it means to be masculine, to have any real hardness? Do people who do scare you to the safe shores of pretty people like Momoa? The next time someone writes a Conan movie, get the personality from convicts, bikers, grifters and fighters. Hell, get any personality at all for Conan, because this crapfest was a waste of my time.
And please, we get it already... Morgan Freeman, movie narrator to the world, no matter how misplaced. Make me puke.
The reason for this poor review is because what it could have been, and the severe waste of money on CGI which could have been better spent on a good writer. The only redeeming aspect of the film is that the horses were great actors, so +1 there.
RoboCop (1987)
Cybergrief
Five narrative conflicts in one movie; Man vs. Self, Man vs. Man, Man Vs. Society, Man Vs. Technology, Man Vs. Fate. All in one movie. I am biased to be sure, but RoboCop, is a dramatic movie about grief and loss wrapped up in a shoddy plastic case with flaking gray paint.
I watched this the other night again, and even with the ultra violence, the thing that I noticed was how the man became a man, then became a fusion of the two emotionally after he became the machine. Certain things are off in the movie; Murphy's kid is cast too old to properly sympathize with (an 8-10 year old would have been better)and the demographics of Detroit are all wrong, but this is negated by the overall effect. Like the scene where we do not see the steel mill tracheotomy, but the execution of it implies exactly the shock of it, a tight story with great casting, the right rhythm, and the right direction for it's time and place.
An extraordinary film; and here are the conflicts; Man vs. Self; Murphy must come to terms with his new self, his reawakened emotions and his inability to go back to the life he once knew. A movie where a man mourns and avenges his own death? Genius.
Man vs. Man; Murphy/Robocop vs. Bodiker and Dick Jones, a truly believable duo of villains.
Man vs. Society; Robocop loved and hated, an abomination, a Frankenstein, respected and feared but not loved, not human. Can also be Robocop vs. the filth of the city and the corruption of OCP.
Man vs. Technology; Now a mechanical man, Robocop fights not only against his new self, but the ED 209s (a wonderful nemesis in it's own right). 'You might not like what you're going to see.'
Man vs. Fate; His mission complete, with Clarence Bodiker and Dick Jones taken care of, Robocop becomes resigned to his new role, his new duty, his new self.
Love this movie.
Su Qi-er (2010)
What happened?
This movie started off with one of the coolest raid scenes of all time; ninja like Chinese soldiers assaulting a mountain base and saving the prince from execution. From there it just went downhill. I was looking to see some great Chinese Wushu commando action, and it was not pursued at all to my disappointment.
There was lots of CGI but there was no believability in the aging of the characters. Sister Yu, comes into the movie to do one thing, and then is essentially gone dramatically, and like many of the characters is not only flat, but empty, and used only as a place holder in the movie with no background or character development. In the first ending of the movie, the battle was just flat, as opposed to the first run-in with the iron twins. And Yuan's soldiers just stood around as Su attacked. No wonder he was constantly killing his own men, maybe he needed to talk to TRC Staffing. The least the director could have done would be to throw in a few of Yuan's soldier's to get hacked into giblets.
The funniest part of the movie was the crucial 'clue' of the 'exact' location of Su's wife '...in the forest'. Wow, thanks Professor Pinpoint. Then when they find the box she is buried in it is already exposed (you think the disturbed earth would be a giveaway, no, he had to hit his foot on it). Then they try to dig her up while she is suffocating. Su has up to this point been putting his fist through people, trees, stone walls, and other similar things but does not punch a hole in the box. What?
There was a second ending/chapter of the movie about Russians wearing pajamas, but I won't even review it as it was just uninspired and rather stupid. Overall the movie was like the writer had great ideas for scenes, without a cohesive central story. A Chinese made quilt ( please be aware I do indeed wish to insinuate the bad quality of Chinese made products while making this analogy) poorly stitched together. This movie was like IP Man's younger brother with ADD.
I gave this movie a low rating because, although beautiful, it started out really well and then disintegrated.
Insidious (2010)
Slow buildup ruined.
I saw this movie at a premiere, and wanted so much to like it. It started to build up quite nicely and then abruptly the movie takes a turn into hacksville, driven by Hamfist and his girl Ms. Boring.
Heavy handed introduction of 'comedy', over explanation, in your face 'scares' which insinuate the audience is too stupid to get it on their own, and an other realm which is boring as all get out. Even the supposed super bad guy was laughable because he looks like he was lifted right from another movie. With all they could have done with the theme, and the scare credit they had built up it was such a damned disappointment. The best I can say it was like coffee which had too much sugar in it, the thing that was supposed to accentuate it, was overdone, ruining it.
Final Analysis: It did have a few shocks, but they were muted in the end when they let the film go off target. Also, the tagline on the poster gave it all away. That is just poor judgment, and quite sad to see.
Lo (2009)
Novel and Amusing
The movie follows the interaction of a man looking for the demon he loved who had been dragged to hell, and will do anything in his power to have her back. But he does not and never knew who she really was. The film is more about obsession and duplicity than it is about love.
A lot of reviewers here may not like the film, but I found it to be quite a good use of space, presentation and story. It reminded me of college theater (I know many will take offense at that statement), and although I agree they story was watery at times, the feel of it was quite novel. I recommend it because I truly enjoyed it for what it was, because it has it's own place and time.
I especially liked the parts with the little stage show, the author's writing of how these entities think and truly are, and how the demons mocked the protagonist.
Robot Bastard! (2002)
The elusive lotus of perfection, found by Schrab
Hitchcock, Kubrick, Scorsese, Kusosawa and Bergman, titans of the movie industry, visionaries, and men names greater than time, and yet, they must step aside and make room for Robert Schrab, who has presented us with a blinding vision which the psyche can only endeavor to grasp in its entirety.
What can we truly say about 'Robot Bastard!' that has already not been said? Honor, desire, betrayal, and sacrifice, all these thing so elegantly presented in this masterpiece, aptly named 'Robot Bastard!'. Like an artist who deftly wields his sable brush, Schrab paints for us a new place and a new time where the essence and depth of idealism, and self-sacrifice are starkly portrayed, coming through the screen to penetrate into the deepest recesses of the audiences' hearts and minds.
As we watch we inadvertently begin to question our own humanity, and what makes a man a man and a machine only a machine. And although we believe we have answers, the question continues to roll around in our minds, shattering our preconceived belief system for the answer is greater than mere words can describe.
This film will change you, it will elicit tears of sadness and of joy, and in the end, the bittersweet ending, will leave you empty, and yet fulfilled at the same time. This is, one of the great films of our time, and any time, and is the ultimate justification and recompense to the creator who gave us the ability to reason and the free will to carry out our desires.
Fin.