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Reviews
Sicario: Day of the Soldado (2018)
The movie where nothing happens and Americans commit war crimes
I read some reviews and apparently this is a good sequel.
I'm about an hour into the movie and nothing of interest has occurred. Seriously what happened to the terrorists who ended up in Kansas City at the start of the movie? The Somalian pirates? Eh, they're not relevant. Just look at what American does best. Breaking all the rules to get involved in things that they should have never been involved in. If the terrorists were from Yemen then the loosely based drug cartel thread should have been confirmed with hard evidence before and committing acts of terrorism on Mexican soil.
Also didn't Alejandro get his revenge for his family at the end of the last movie? Why does he need even more revenge? I loved Benicio Del Toro because he was at the front of the movie's plot fo the original. This movie's plot is either non-existent or is being held together with bubble gum and paper clips.
Lu Xing Sha (2020)
If you love those old English dubbed Kungfu movies, you'll love this
I found a copy of the English DVD in my collection, not sure how I acquired it because it had a box sleeve and was still sealed. I was expecting a crappy CGI shark movie, but I was not expecting the grand return of crappy English dub voiceover in Chinese films (this has already made the movie a 10/10 for me) in the year 2020.
The movie and plot is hilariously bad, the CGI is bad, but the English voiceover is solid crap gold. Best voice was the little girl and the comic relief.
It kept me invested for a good chunk of the movie until I thought the comic relief died (albeit his death should have been deserved because of his stupidity) only to come back OUT OF NOWHERE at the very end to help kill the shark by flinging a fish in its mouth so the main character could shoot a bomb with a grenade launcher into its mouth so we can get sequel baited for Land Shark 2.
Get some friends and some booze because you will need it.
No Sudden Move (2021)
At least they tried
The overall aesthetic of the fifties feels genuine and the cast of actors is very solid and I thought that the actors did a good job with what they were given. I do have to give credit where credit is due that a majority of the shots in this film feel fresh and original than what you usually get from the standard movie shots that are commonly used in big blockbuster films.
However, that being said, the plot felt like it was going somewhere to a complex conspiracy that involved more than what our main duo was thinking they were getting involved in. But as the movie progressed, it was going from the Mississippi River (where everything was straight and one way) into the Gulf of Mexico (where everything is blending together and trying to conclude and occur unanimously). By the end of the movie, even though most of the plot lines were tied up, their conclusions felt rushed and kind of out of nowhere (especially if you haven't watched anything from the heist genre before). I knew Vanessa was a femme fatale from her first scene, but I did not expect her to go above and beyond and kill Russo out of nowhere. (But then again I have been watching a crap ton of Lupin the Third lately and compared her to Mine Fujiko whenever she was on screen)
In regards to the fisheye lens, yeah, most if not all the shots where it was used was unnecessary and made my eyes hurt especially during the end in the Hotel where it would go from fisheye to normal back to fisheye.
Ryû ga gotoku: Gekijô-ban (2007)
Enjoyable terrible
This movie is all over the place. A lot of aspects you won't get unless you have played at least Yakuza Kiwami. In reality, there are three to four plot lines running alongside each other at once.
The way Nishiki showed up at the very end was a joke because he's actually one of the main villains of the plot of Yakuza 1.
Kiryu's actor did not play Kiryu well and there are definitely a lot of plotholes. But at least the dogs in this movie were fun to watch. No joke I laughed when it was Majima who jumped Kiryu at the bathhouse because I didn't expect it.
The actor who played Majima embraced his persona with pride and was the best thing in this movie.
Gemini Man (2019)
Has Will Smith always been this bad?
Some parts actually had me wondering about the morality of cloning. And I enjoyed Benedict Wong's character (even though he just kind of...died)
And I personally think the script was alright but dear god is Will Smith just god awful with his acting and line deliverance. I don't know much about the behind the scenes of production but I have a feeling some of the lines were improved because it's Will Smith.
Monos (2019)
Good movie, but not for me
Everything about this movie is pretty and I will give it the benefit of the doubt that it is good since this came from the same production company who made Parasite and was released in the same year (NEON has been making a lot of smash hits lately)
But the themes in this movie are just way too dark for me and when they showed the cow's eye rolling into the back of its head I had to shut off the film because my stomach couldn't take it. Dark themes that are supported with the disturbing make me cringe.
As an American and from skimming through the other reviews, I will believe that this is an accurate representation of the issues in Colombia. As a human, it makes me feels uncomfortable.
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
I can't believe people still find this funny.
You have to take this movie as a product of its time. Because the main plot is offensive and disgusting in this day and age.
The fact that Ace finds a transgender repulsive is disgusting.
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011)
I don't think I can finish this movie it's that bad.
This is possible the worst movie I have ever seen.
That's it. That's my review.
Fifty Shades of Black (2016)
This movie made me asexual
I get that this is a spoof movie but I cringed during every scene. There were some funny bits and the fact that the movie was self-aware made me chuckle.
But other than that this was just stale bread and tasteless. If this is what the actual movie is like, than I'm grateful I watched this instead
Stan Helsing (2009)
Excellent spoof film, so bad it's good
Listen, this got laughs from me. Despite the reference humor, it was weighed with terrible original ideas. The bad plot was held up with good actors and played with the cheesiness really well.
Also Leslie was amazing.
Though I need to know what happened to those videos.
The Avengers (1998)
Did not know this was a remake walking in.
Despite that, it was bland and boring and it felt like it took the British charm from the time period of the show and just stuck it in this movie without adapting to modern culture.
Comparing this to Bond films, I have watched from Dr No to recent day Bond and the evolution with the times is there. Heck even the opening sequence made me question if this was either a Bond ripoff or the whole movie was tripping acid.
I did get a big laugh from the Bear Summit scene because the last thing I asked myself to see in this life was Sean Connery committing suicide to his career in such an awe-inspiring manner.
I will give the series a watch if I can. Y'all say it's good for the time.
The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
Why is on the top 100 worst?
I enjoyed this film for what it was portraying. It wasn't amazing, but an enjoyable B movie scifi-action.
Though is it technically sci-fi if Hillary is the President of the Moon 🤔 Elon Musk has some competition.
Knives Out (2019)
A breath of fresh air
This movie's quirkiness and ability to twist viewers even if you were paying close attention, enthralled me with enjoyment til the very end.
Daniel Craig sold me on the carry with the whole joke of his character is that he's a Sherlock Holmesesque character, but since Daniel Craig is already British, (this is just a theory) they took us for a loop for Daniel Craig with a Southern Drawl to make it ironic since this film is just filled with irony.
Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)
Could have been so much more.
The foundation for a good and interesting story was here, but with the numerous plotholes, bad acting, shotty music, and many assumptions built that you watched the first one like Marvel's long line of films, I didn't care.
My overall emotion is that I feel bad for what little this film gave yet what more it could provide. I did get one chuckle out of Dave Bautista because Dave Bautista.
The Hungover Games (2014)
I feel numb.
Like...reference humor isn't funny. At all.
The movie was bland and doing Inception as a middle finger at the end was dumb.
Ronin (1998)
An attempt at art
I could see the premise of what the movie was going for more drama and the show don't tell approach, but in my opinion, the plot was all over the place and went from 0 to 100 30 minutes in, jarring the tone from the beginning scene of suspense at the bar to trying to keep up with what was going on all over Paris. The movie didn't really breathe until the ending scene back at the bar and when it did breathe throughout the film, I couldn't make sense of the motives of the characters, even though the actors tried their best with what they were given.
Dora and the Lost City of Gold (2019)
A trip down memory lane in 2019
This movie made me laugh out loud multiple times especially when Boots broke multiple walls and became Danny Trejo and Dora just stares wide eyed because she's not even sure what's going on anymore especially since at this point in the film she's already tripped acid so she probably thinks she is still on acid. Most of the jokes were spot on for the movie being self aware of what it was and what it was doing.
The pacing of the movie is so quick you don't have time to fully process the experience when you WANT to process the experience.
Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)
This has not aged well
The movie was funny for the first 5 minutes and then just fell flat. The jokes are a product of their time and is full of references that only people in their 40s would get now.
Sicario (2015)
Benicio sold the movie
As much as Emily Blunt was focused in on this movie for the first half of the movie, the twist of Del Toro's character was what sold the film with Blunt's character falling flat in the third act.