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The Lion King (2019)
1/10
A truly wonderful film if you have given up on any joy in life.
31 March 2020
If you thaught the origional had to much emotion, to many jokes and disliked the magic, never fear for this movie is for you! For two hours prepare for a treat for the eyes that's got such good CGI the animals are genuinely emotionless! And what's more, as a special treat, the dialogue has been read so flatly and quickly it won't convey any emotion either! Character quirks, witty one liners, fun catchy (well sang) songs, bah, who needs them, it's all been chucked in the bin! This is the version of the film that's cut out all the kids stuff and (even though you know the story) crowbars in some terribly clunky exposition! And if your worried that the amazing cast ensemble will somehow rescue this, delightful to look at, but dreary re-telling, never fear, I can promise you that you won't even realise you are listening to professionals! I'm summary, are you are the kind of person who's favourite part of going to the beach is getting sand in their crack? Or perhaps you enjoy a nice hot tub whilst wearing jeans and a bomber jacket? Playing football in sandals? If you can take something truly enjoyable and make it an uncomfortable mess.................... then this my friend is the perfect film for you.
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Venom (2018)
3/10
A story so safe and predictable it's hardly worth watching.
8 December 2018
Warning: Spoilers
There's some decent acting, some of the cgi is pretty good and the relationship between Eddie and Venom (Hardy acting with Hardy) has some entertaining moments. There's your three stars. In all other areas this film falls woefully short. In a world where the bar for comic based films is constantly being raised this is a big disappointmen. The storyline manages to be filled with cliché, and be so simple and predictable and yet have huge plot holes. -Charming genius millionaire (conveniently) owns space ships and pharmaceutical company, turns out he's bad. -guy who's down on his luck but still friendly and generous, he's our goody.
  • the 'but no one will belive us' moment.
-building with deadly things in has woeful security, bad thing gets out. -For some reason this private security company are totally allowed to drive their huge 4x4s, chasing dangerously through the city without a single cop in sight (also they bomb a load of sh*t along the way, but no one seems to mind) -some drawn out exposition that repeatedly hits the audience over the head with exactly what is happening and drops some serious hints at how it may be resolved.
  • awww the protagonist.who was bad has changed, he isn't bad!
  • ooohhh millionaire bad guy is still bad!
  • good guy (alien) vs bad guy (alien)
  • good guys win, but for several minutes you think one has died.
-He hasn't died, that would ruin the chances of a (very heavily hinted at) sequel. That's about it. Nothing about it even hints at being risky, inventive or imaginative. From what I've read quite a bit of this film was left on the cutting room floor to bring its rating down from an 18 (R), to widen the audience and leave it open to a Venom / Spidey face of in the future, but unfortunately what is left is something that feels like a rehash of The Incredible Hulk, not the best foundation for a film.

Plot holes:

  • The whole symbiotic relationship is a bit muddled, they need the perfect host to live, but also a large test tube will do? Also why do they 'eat' the host if they need them to live?
  • Why does Riot want Venom to return with him?
  • The simbiotes plan to return to their planet and bring back more, why didn't they load the first rocket with more? Why allow the first humans to capture them In the first place? Why not enter the first humans and then load up the first rocket?


There are a number more but you get the idea.

I know it's just a film, and when it comes to comic book and sci-fi stuff you've got to forgive a few leaps of logic, but for me there's to much to forgive in this film.
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