Reviews

Scary Movie (1991) - I have never judged a movie for the amount of times the lead actor made me twitch.

But it happened with this one.

All I know is that it might take me two weeks to stop twitching after watching this brilliant performance by John Hawkes.

Holy smokes. What a workout for your nervous system.

I never knew that this Scary Movie existed nearly a decade before the horror comedy franchise started up in 2000.

This one might have a tinge of dark comedy in it, but it's definitely not silly funny.

John Hawkes plays Warren, a young man who is battling many things in his head.

He's shy. A nerd. Paranoid. Phobic.

The last place in the world Warren should be is at a Halloween festival in his small town in Texas, one that has a particularly aggressive haunted house of horror.

Warren is dragged there by his friend Jerry (Mark Vogues), who sets him up with a girl named Barbara (Suzanne Aldrich). She's a bit gothy and borderline slutty, and should run for the hills rather than link up with Warren. But she tries to give him a chance, God bless her.

The bottom line is, though, Warren is afraid of girls, afraid of haunted houses, afraid of bullies, afraid of everything. And he shows it. When everyone around him catches on, they make fun of and poke at him. Poor Warren gets more and more nervous and paranoid.

To top it off, Warren hears about a serial killer named John Louis Barker (Lee Gettys), who has broken out of custody and could be on his way to the very Halloween festival.

Warren, of course, thinks that Barker will be waiting for him in the haunted house of horror. And of course, he is forced to go in.

The twitching has only begun.

I'll give it to you straight. This is not a slick or lavishly produced movie. If you're looking for gore, there's not a whole lot, and what there is isn't particularly impressive. There are no real naughty bits. If you are easily annoyed by a nervous lead player, it'll have you heading for the exit early on.

I wasn't annoyed. I thought Hawkes hit it out of the park with his portrayal of high-level paranoid Warren. The haunted house of horror, on the cheap, grimy level of low-budget movies, I thought was pretty cool.

Ruby (1977) - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And opinions are most definitely mixed in the viewer reviews on this horror/supernatural thriller.

Count me on the side of wildly enthusiastic.

I mean, it couldn't lose in my eyes, with the backdrop being a haunted drive-in theater. I practically lived at the drive-in during the middle to late 1970s, and I'm sure I actually saw this at one of them when it came out.

The story begins in the 1930s, when Ruby Claire is having a romantic adventure near a swamp with her gangster boyfriend Nicky (Sal Vecchio). They're about to get on a boat when the rest of the gang that Nick belongs to shows up and blows him away.

It's glug, glug, glug for Nicky. But why?

Apparently, one of them, a guy named Jake, was jealous of Nick and wanted him out of the picture. Ruby, meanwhile, pregnant with Nicky's baby, goes into shock during the shooting and gives birth that night.

When next we see Ruby, it's the 1950s. She lives with her daughter Leslie (Janit Baldwin), who is mute. Ruby is attended to by her faithful companion Vince (Stuart Whitman). They all take care of Jake (Fred Kohler Jr.), who is blind and in a wheelchair.

The rest of the gang, all of whom have done time in prison, work for Ruby at the drive-in theater that she owns. This is what a good gun moll does. She takes care of her "family." In this case, it comes with a price.

This week, Ruby's Drive-In is featuring Attack of the 50-Foot Woman. Not all of the excitement is on the screen.

Nicky has decided that 16 years of glug in the swamp is enough. He wants revenge.

The scenes of mayhem at the drive-in theater are so well done by director Curtis Harrington. There's one involving the soda vending machine that is just riotously brilliant. Not all of the killings are unique, but they're entertaining.

The acting is superb. Piper Laurie, fresh off her role in Carrie, knocks it out of the park as star character Ruby Claire. Janit Baldwin knocks it out of the county as her daughter Leslie, switching personalities and facial expressions as her mind and soul are being manipulated by Nicky.

Harrington very obviously put a lot of love into letting the drive-in theater patrons become part of the movie. Some of the scenes at the admission window and concession stand are among the best.

All in all, this was one of the most fun movie nights I've had in awhile. The grade is not an exaggeration.

Grade: 10 stars out 10.

Vampires on Bikini Beach (1988) - This is a low-budget horror movie that flew so far under my radar when it was made I don't remember even hearing or seeing the title. I must have been on a date or sleeping when Gilbert Gottfried showed it on USA's Up All Night in the early 1990s.

I totally stumbled across it last night by surfing on Tubi. TV, and figured it was worth a whirl.

And it was. Seriously. You can believe all of the scathing reviews and warnings to "avoid it at all costs." Or you can check it out for yourself on Tubi. TV for free. For me, it was just fine.

Cinematic brilliance? Hey, come on. We're talking a micro-budget horror film from the 1980s involving a vampire and a beach filled with girls in bikinis who have never acted before.

Let's just say, I found it likeable, from the goofy-looking vampire and his cohorts, to all of the main characters. Especially one. But I'll talk about her in a few... The gist is that a group of fun-loving girls meet these guys in an 80s rock band that plays in a nightclub.

The lead singer, Bob (Stephen Matthews), hooks up with Kim (Nancy Rogers), while the drummer, known as Weird Harold (Todd Kaufman), digs Judy (Jennifer Badham). Clarke (Amanda Hughes) and Wynette (Jennifer Jostyn) are two other chicks in their group who don't have guys, but they hang around a lot.

These are not good times in this Venice, California. There have been killings of young girls, who are found with bite marks on their necks and their bodies drained of blood. Naturally, the rumor is that there is a vampire on loose.

It's not a rumor. It's true.

Falto (Mariusz Olbrychowski) is an ancient vampire who has a coven of cultists, led by bizarre-looking Demos (William Hoo). Falto is tired of eternal life, and wants to find a girl who will love him for eternity, and drive the stake of love through him. Weird concept, but whatever.

When our likeable young friends randomly come into the possession of a manuscript the cult had called "Book of the Dead," it brings them all together in a crazy concoction of music, drinking, bikini wearing, flirting, love making, demonology, blood sucking and murder.

I'll admit, it's a messy story. I kind of lost track on where A was supposed to lead directly to B. But I really didn't care. There is a basic plot that you can follow, and it has a satisfactory ending.

Plus, it has Nancy Rogers.

Who is Nancy Rogers? I had no idea until I watched this movie. And sadly, I'll never see her again, because this is apparently the only film she ever appeared in.

Rogers reminded me both facially and vocally of an actress from the early 1970s named Joy Bang. Joy Bang did some TV work, before hitting the silver screen. She was in eight movies, only two of which can be described as "horror" movies - Night of the Cobra Woman and Messiah of Evil. But she knocked me out in both of them with her cuteness and quirkiness.

Joy Bang's movie career lasted just four years, before she went on to other things. It's too bad. I think she could have made a memorable screen queen.

As for this movie, I'm good with it. If you love low-budget, probably flawed, but enthusiastically-acted movies, I'm sure you'll be fine as well.

The Sand (2015) - As I started watching the movie, I had in my mind the poster that accompanies this review.

Pretty wild, isn't it? Giant tentacles coming up out of the beach, with a young and attractive girl in a loose-fitting bikini top and shorts, trying to duck under one of them.

I couldn't wait to see those... tentacles.

It eventually happened. But not until I said, "Where are ya? Where are ya?" about 40 times.

For most of the movie the sand simply sucked victims into the ground. We occasionally got tendrils that came up out of the sand and caused all sorts of nasty, infectious lesions.

But the tentacles? We're talking the eighth or ninth inning here. And when they finally do appear, I was sad that the tentacles didn't look nearly as impressive on the screen as they do in the picture.

Whatever. It was free on Tubi. TV. And the young people in peril tried hard to make a scary movie scary. I wouldn't say I felt the need to see any of them in another movie. But God bless 'em.

Anyway, the movie. Yes, this is a young people in peril fest. There are at least eight of them to start with.

They are either college age or recent high school graduates. Apparently this is their last big blowout beach party before they go home, or back to school.

During the rowdy evening, two of the guys find an egg and carry it around high above their heads. It's covered in slime and you just know that in their drunken state they're going to do something stupid to it. But they don't. They put it down and leave it alone.

When the party's over, some go to sleep it off on a boat. Others sleep in a car. The fat guy gets pranked and sleeps in a garbage can, which... well, nevermind.

Overnight, the egg hatches and whatever is inside disappears. The next morning, the kids wake up, and when the first one puts her hand in the sand she finds that she can't pull it out. Before long, she's gone. Sucked into the sand. Eaten.

"Eeek!" screams everybody, and the game of survival is on. The young people in peril try to figure out a way to get off the beach without stepping on the sand, or punching each other in the face.

For the most part, the characters in the movie aren't really likeable, but they aren't totally unlikeable either. I'd just call them annoying, on various scales, especially during the in-fighting. I did have a pecking order picked out rather quickly as to who I wanted to see get sucked into the sand.

I will mention one actor's name. Cleo Berry as Gilbert, the fat guy in the garbage can, was entertaining, likeable and a real trouper. If I could only save one of them, it would be him.

As for a recommend, I'll say it's fine as a time-waster. Especially if you like creepy, crawly things that come up from the ground.

American Horror House (2012) - It's not often you see a horror movie where none of the cast members go home early.

I'm pretty sure everybody was around from start to finish in this one, either as a ghost, or a killer, or a victim. Whatever they got paid, they had to work for it.

This is actually a made-for-TV movie that was shown originally on the SyFy (God, I hate that spelling) Channel. There was more gore than I would have expected, but it's definitely lacking in the T&A department. If you're into the latter, you'll have to settle for four sorority pledges walking up to a fraternity in their underwear.

It stars Alessandra Torrensani as Daria, more or less the most outspoken and fearless in a new group of pledges who are being put through Halloween Hell Night as part of their initiation.

The pledges have to deal with the usual witchy sorority leader, who tries to make their lives as scary and miserable as possible. But that's nothing compared to the supernatural horror all of them will experience.

The house was the site of a bloody double murder years before. A young girl stabbed her parents to death, while singing Itsy Bitsy Spider.

We see it happen at the start of the movie. We also hear the song a few times more, including once on a violin. Bad news for the music student who was playing it.

It's evident from the start that the real demon is the housemother, played quite enthusiastically by Morgan Fairchild. Man, does she have some attitude, to go along with a supernatural power that's pretty much off the charts.

This movie, while far from a classic, gets a high five for action. Crazy stuff is happening virtually from the first minute to the last, and some of it is quite creative.

Students are killed in messy fashion, then disappear, then reappear in not quite the same state they were in to start with. It was kind of confusing, actually, until I got used to the idea that dying in this movie doesn't mean you go away.

The acting, across the board, I thought was pretty decent. Morgan Fairchild was excellent in her evilness.

I can't even imagine how entertaining a movie named Hellraiser: Carnival would be, starring Doug Bradley as Pinhead, the operator of the wildest funhouse ever.

We don't get that here. Instead, we get Doug Bradley as Mr. Hyde, the owner of Fright Land. He tells his park manager, Marty (Steve Rudzinski), that unless something outrageous happens to get more people interested in the struggling theme park, he'd have to shut it down.

I think that's the only time we see Doug Bradley. I would have liked more, but oh, well.

When Marty tells his crew at the park that the park would be closing very soon, they aren't exactly bummed out. But they do ask if they can stay after work one night and have a farewell party.

Marty reluctantly goes along with it, giving us an opportunity to learn about a cast of characters that you might expect in a movie like this.

Wendy Wygant stars as "nice girl" Jennifer, who is level-headed and smart and just can't seem to find her boyfriend Blake, who went missing during his shift.

Then there is the moody, smart-aleck girl, the sassy girl, the horny girl, the horny guy, the "nice" guy, the weird, nerdy guy, the stoner guy and... did I miss anyone? Maybe. But you get my drift. Typical bunch of would-be victims.

The party has just begun when two menacing-looking strangers wearing coverings on their heads appear on the scene. One of the strangers, Iggy, is played by Nivek Ogre, the lead vocalist for Skinny Puppy.

Needless to say, the soon-to-be-unemployed crew won't have to look for new jobs. For them, it's last call at the makeshift bar as the two killers hunt them down one by one.

I found nothing special here, really, except that I absolutely love watching horror movies set in an amusement park. This one was shot at an actual park in Pennsylvania, and it really looks cool.

The ne'er-do-well characters were appropriately disturbing. Nivek Ogre as Iggy was actually scarier without his face covering than with it.

Wendy Wygant was pleasant as lead girl Jennifer. As far as the rest of the cast, the worst were only about a 6 out of 10 on the irritating scale, which is pretty good.

If you like carny horror, I think it's worth a Halloween-month look.

I love a good horror movie challenge - or as the case may be, a bad horror movie challenge.

Boy, oh boy. I was licking my chops as I skimmed my way through an endless array of user reviews that absolutely trashed this low-budget story starring mostly unknowns that haven't been seen on a screen since.

The more I read, the more I wanted to watch it. I just knew that it couldn't be that bad. And even if it was, it probably had something in it to enjoy over a few Busch Lights and a sandwich. I had to give it a chance. So here's my report.

I found at least three characters to like, two that were OK, one that was annoying, and one that is now my least-favorite in all of horror movie history.

There weren't any fancy-schmantzy special effects, but the ones they had were fine by me. The storyline was a bit shaky, but really I found no reason to walk away.

Now I'm not gonna lie. I didn't think it was a great movie, or a very good movie. But I certainly wouldn't call it a total failure.

In brief, Monele LeStrat stars as Fawn Harriman, a high school girl who officially inherits a theater somewhere near or in Amityville once owned by her recently-deceased parents.

Apparently, Fawn had never seen or known anything about the place. So she brings a group of friends from school to check the long-shuttered Roxy Theater out, and make a decision on what to do with it.

Meanwhile, one of her teachers, Victor Stewart (John R. Walker), tells her he'll do some research for her on the history of the theater. And there you go, that's the setup.

Well, one more thing. When Fawn and her gang get to the theater and enter, they meet a goth girl squatter named Wendy Shardlow (Hollie Anne Kornik).

Soon, weird things begin happening. When they try to leave they find out that they're locked in.

Let the Amityville carnage begin once more.

As far as the three characters I really enjoyed... 1. I thought Monele LeStrat was quite likeable and attractive as Fawn Harriman. My only problem with her is that she has this total loser of a boyfriend named Kyle (Linden Baker), who spews so much garbage out of his mouth you hope that whatever evil lurks in the theater finds him first. Bad choice, Fawn.

2. Hollie Anne Kornik as the goth chick Wendy I thought was a standout. She really looked comfortable acting, and for the life of me I can't believe that there is literally nothing online regarding anything else she's done. There's some talent there.

3. John R. Walker as Victor Stewart sort of reminded me of the Rupert Giles character in Buffy, the Vampire Slayer played so brilliantly by Anthony Stewart Head. Walker, who also directed and wrote the movie, wasn't brilliant here. But you can't help but like the guy.

My recommendation is this. If you love horror movies set in old, abandoned theaters, or have a soft spot in your heart for cheap movies made by inexperienced actors and actresses who are trying their best and probably having the time of their lives, dig in on Tubi. TV.

Planet of the Female Invaders (1967) - The only thing missing in this wonderful Sci-Fi movie out of Mexico are some of their wild-looking monsters.

Instead of monsters, we get mobsters as the added attraction.

Oh, well. Can't have everything.

What we do have is a pretty neat story about the women from the planet Sibila, also known as the "planet of the eternal sun" that never sets. They can't work on their tans very well there, because the sunlight is so severe, it blinds anyone who is exposed unless they wear a special shield.

Yeah, that's a beach baby buzzkill, for sure. For that reason alone, the women are for the most part soulless and filled with bitterness.

Looking to get away from it all, their evil leader, Adastrea (Lorena Velazquez), takes her girls on a spaceship and they travel to Earth. Adastrea and the girls want to live on Earth, but they don't have the lung capacity to breathe our air for very long.

So their mission is to land on Earth, kidnap some people, take them back to Sibila, and graft their lungs so they can breathe easier and leave Sibila forever.

As it happens, they land on Earth in the middle of the night at a carnival, They make their ship look like one of the rides. Yep, a spaceship and a carnival. What a great sci-fi movie combo. For me, it's like hitting the jackpot!

Anyway, they wind up kidnapping a crooked boxer, some mob figures he threw a fight for but then double-crossed, a couple and their child, and a random portly gentleman.

Will the Earthlings survive this mission? Or will Adastrea take their breath away? Her twin sister, the kind and caring Alburnia (also Lorena Velazquez), does her best to stop her sibling's mad plan.

The print I watched on YouTube is a very good one. You need concentration and patience, because you have to read English subtitles. However, the subtitles were well-presented, and I had no problem keeping up with things.

Lorena Velazquez was simply fantastic in her dual role. She did some other sci-fi things as well. I think I saw her in one of the Santo vs. A monster or a mummy or an alien creature movies. She's in her 80s now and she still looks great!

I'll be honest. I'd have liked it more if they'd incorporated some alien creatures lurking about on Sibila. It's a pretty one-dimensional threat that the Earthlings face. So the excitement level flattens out fairly quickly. But it's still a good time.

Wrestling Women vs. The Aztec Mummy (1964) - I found a beautiful print of this movie online that knocked my socks off.

The plot absolutely blew my mind - meaning that, boy, was it weird.

This is another in a series of Mexican sci-fi movies pitting its beloved wrestling heroes and heroines against various bad guys and/or supernatural beings.

In this case, the title screams out that these wrestling women are battling against an Aztec mummy that's terrorizing... someone, somewhere. And indeed, they do eventually battle a mummy.

But the mummy isn't the real bad guy.

The bad guy is really the leader of a gang of ruthless criminals. His name is Prince Fujiyata (Ramon Bugarini), but he's known as the Black Dragon. In their latest crime spree, he and his gang of ne'er-do-wells are killing archaeologists.

Why are they killing them? The archaeologists have found a map, which leads to a cave, which has the mummified bodies of a guy and his gal, who were interred after a weird Aztec virgin sacrifice ritual gone wrong.

Why should they care? The gal is wearing a breastplate that holds the key to finding a lost Aztec treasure.

The Black Dragon wants that map, so he and his gang are knocking off the archaeologists one by one, hoping to steal it.

The wrestling tag team of Loreta (Lorena Velazquez) and Golden Rubi (Elizabeth Campbell) get involved because that's what the Mexican wrestling gals and guys did back then. When they weren't delivering drop kicks, they were protecting the public from mayhem, especially supernatural mayhem. Plus, there is a family connection in there somewhere, which involves their friend, Charlotte (Maria Eugenia San Martin).

So for quite awhile we see Loreta, Golden Rubi and Charlotte getting kidnapped by and/or fighting against bad guys.

We also see an interesting wrestling match pitting our heroines against the Black Dragon's sisters - who are martial arts experts. And if you think that's weird, wait.

The Aztec mummy is one of the most bizarre-looking creatures you'll ever see. Well, maybe not. Almost all of the creatures in those Mexican horror/sci-fi films are anatomically hilarious. I say that with respect, by the way. I love the Mexican horror monsters.

But what is truly weird about this mummy is that he isn't always a mummy. Sometimes he turns into a bat. Sometimes he becomes a tarantula. Yep, he's a shapeshifter. Pretty snazzy for a bag of bones.

To enjoy this, you sort of have to go along with the flow. The wrestling women, aside from being easy on the eyes and likeable, are actually very talented with their wrestling and fighting skills. They'd give Emma Peel a run for her money.

The Aztec mummy makes hilarious noises, and overall is very cool.

What else do you need? Some beer. A snack of your choice. It's a fun time.

Cameron's Closet (1988) - Poor young Cameron Lansing (Scott Curtis).

This kid has a looneytoons scientist father, Owen (Tab Hunter), who messes with his brain in an attempt to unlock secrets of psychic ability and telekinesis.

He has a mom named Dory (Kim Lankford), who has no idea what her estranged husband is doing to their child, and probably drinks and smokes a little too much.

He also has to deal with Dory's actor/boyfriend Bob (Gary Hudson), who you absolutely can't stand every single second he's on the screen.

On top of all of that, thanks to dad's experiments gone awry, Cameron learned more than how to move things with his mind. He also has a demonic monster he brought to life in his closet. He calls it "Deceptor."

Cameron does have a couple of protectors, one of which is a police sergeant named Sam Talliaferro (Cotter Smith). He's a bizarro character as well, though. He has frequent nightmares about chasing a killer.

The other is a psychologist named Nora Haley (Mel Harris). She's definitely the sanest person in this movie, and isn't bad on the eyes, either.

The storyline by Gary Brandner, I thought, was quite reasonable and entertaining. Director Armand Mastroianni had already done some scary stuff with He Knows You're Alone and The Clairvoyant. Another good job here.

Cameron is a kid you can throw your support behind as he tries to keep the monster under control, while at the same time being terrified by it.

The "Deceptor" monster is pretty cool. It's also pretty violent. The death scenes in this movie are borderline grisly. Good job by the special effects department.

I liked the interaction between Sam and Nora. He sure doesn't like it when his boss makes him go to her as a patient to solve his nightmare problems, and he lets her know it. But when they start working together to save Cameron, they click on all cylinders.

I think it's a cut above the average sci-fi/horror movies of the 1980s.

Zombie Nightmare (1987) - Just when you think this is the most simple-minded plot you can have in a movie, it takes a sharp left. It leaves you saying, "Ohhh.... nice."

Unless, of course, you figured it out ahead of time - which is very possible if you're a veteran horror movie watcher.

Any rate, I had a good time watching this heavy metal rock and roll shrieker that was made in Canada.

I kind of laughed when I saw that on both Wiki and IMDB, good old Batman himself, Adam West, was listed at the top of the cast.

Just so you know, he doesn't show up until the halfway mark. He does, however, play a significant role, so you won't go unsatisfied. You've just gotta be patient.

The story's real star is Tony Washington (body-builder/musician Jon Miki Thor), who as a young man saw his father stabbed to death while trying to protect a girl who was being assaulted by a couple of beer-swilling young ne'er-do-wells.

Several years later, Tony is a handsome and quite muscularly-developed baseball player (like his father) and very popular in his hometown. But Tony is struck and killed by a car full of hellraising young ne'er-do-wells.

Tony's mom, not ready to lose another family member at the hands of young ne'er-do-wells without some kind of reckoning, summons the young woman who her husband helped so many years earlier.

Why? Because this lady, Molly Mekembe (Manuska Rigaud), is now a voodoo priestess. The townspeople think she's crazy, but Molly has powers. She uses them to bring Tony back to life. Well, sort of.

Tony walks kinda funny and he looks more like Frankenstein than himself. But it's game time, so Tony is ready to take his bat, get back into the box, and settle some scores.

Good old Batman? Adam West plays veteran police captain Tom Churchman, who delights in torturing young detective Frank Sorrell as he flails about trying to find clues.

It all takes place with a heavy metal sound track that is pretty darned fun. The voodoo sequences are pretty darned fun as well. In fact, this whole doggone simple-minded movie is pretty darned fun. It can certainly entertain you if you sit back and let it.

Deathmoon (1978) - I've gotta say, Jason Palmer (Robert Foxworth) is one really nice guy.

But boy, does he make dumb decisions.

I mean, the poor guy is completely stressed out at work, and he's having vague, sweaty nightmares about crazy voodoo ceremonies on an island.

His doctor tells him it's time to chill out. Urges him to take a nice vacation.

And what does Jason do?

He sees a poster for Hawaii, and one of the images on it is a voodoo mask.

Sure, why not? Sold.

Now to be fair, Jason also goes to Hawaii because his grandfather was a missionary worker there back in the day. It was a bit of a nostalgia trip for him. He isn't aware, though, that the old man ran afoul of a voodoo priestess, who put a curse on the family.

I'm not sure that if Jason had just stayed in California - or gone to chill in, like, Vegas, he'd have started sprouting extraneous hair and fangs. But when he goes to grandpa's old stomping grounds, it sure brings out the beast in him.

This kind of throws a monkey wrench into a budding romance Jason has with a woman he meets at the resort named Diane (Barbara Trentham). Needless to say, he becomes a pain in the neck as well for the other vacationing guests on the island.

Lieutenant Russ Cort (Dolph Sweet) and out-of-sight ladies man and hotel detective/handyman Rick Bladen (Joe Penny), meanwhile, have their hands full trying to sort things out.

We're talking Made-for-TV here, so the gore is at a minimum, and the naughty bits are very, very, very tame. I wasn't on the edge of my seat very often, either. But there were some cool werewolf attack scenes in between the filler romantic overtures between Jason and Diane.

I've read a few complaints about wolfie's "look," but quite honestly, I didn't have a problem with it. There was one full transformation scene, and again, I liked it better than most. I guess I'm easy to please.

One bonus for me was that Debralee Scott made an appearance as a vacationing stewardess named Sherry Weston. Such an appealing, wonderful performer. Left acting too early and died too soon.

The Kiss (1988) - It's no wonder that Joanna Pacula was irritated at Meredith Salenger from almost start to finish in this movie.

She wasn't used to being the second-most attractive one in the room.

Ha ha... just kidding. They were equally attractive. But I can say without question that Joanna was the ugliest one in another way.

I'm talking evil personified.

This is a pretty intense horror story about curses, fatal kisses, endangered daughters and one of the dumbest dads in history.

In brief... Pacula plays Felice Dunbar, who as a child in the Belgian Congo is separated from her sister Hilary. She is victimized by an aunt who is into voodoo rituals involving a cursed talisman.

Auntie seals her niece's fate with a fatal and bloody kiss, killing herself and turning Felice into an undead kind of creature.

Many years alter, Felice, a successful (but still undead) model, tracks down her sister Hilary in New York. What she's really after is Hilary's daughter Amy (Meredith Salenger) and her husband Jack (Nicholas Kilbertus).

After Felice engineers the accidental (and gruesome) death of Hilary, she worms her way into Jack and Amy's life, with the intention of eventually planting a fatal kiss on Amy and sucking out her life essence.

Amy smells a rat almost from the get-go. But dad... hmmm...what an idiot. He falls for Felice hook, line, and sinker.

So who can save Amy? There are a few candidates, but Felice does a good job of eliminating them in voodoo-influenced and violent ways.

Pacula put in a performance worthy of Barbara Steele. That's a HIGH compliment, because no female actress (in my opinion) did evil better than Babs. Pacula's cold eyes, the snarl on her lips when she was angry with Amy, the devious passion with which she seduced brainless Jack, and the devilish delight when she was caressing the cursed talisman... just the perfect temptress.

Salenger was excellent as well. This kid has her wig on straight, and isn't afraid to face off with Felice - and her dad - in her valiant attempt to survive.

A very honorable mention should go to Mimi Kuzyk as Jack and Amy's neighbor Brenda. She is loving and caring and a fierce defender of Amy.

Finally? There's this black cat from hades that pops up from time to time and attacks people. It's so silly-looking... but I'd still feed it some Friskies.

Night of the Wererooster (2015) - The best thing I can say about this very odd indie film is that the character development is awesome.

By the 15-minute mark, you have a crystal-clear picture of the personalities you are going to spend the next hour-plus with. And writer/director David G. Radford made them all stand out in their own unusual way.

He also got the most out of a reported $600 budget. OK, truth be told, it didn't go very far.

There are ZERO special effects. And if you're expecting to see an incredibly hilarious Wererooster outfit, forget it.

I will say that Radford made pretty creative use of feathers.

The story revolves around a young woman named Charlotte Reeves (Carleigh Hewa), who summons a group of people to a camping area to help her track down a monster.

All of them had family members who were lost in the woods, never to be seen again. Charlotte says that she, too, lost her entire family at the hands, er, claws of a supernatural killer rooster.

And she wants it to pay.

So off they go on an adventure that is filled with odd behavior, a lot of bickering, strange occurrences, and a deadly rooster poop out of the sky that has to be seen to be believed.

I really, really enjoyed Carleigh Hewa as Charlotte. I was so disappointed to see that this is her only full-length movie appearance. I hope she does more.

I'd tell you more about the other characters, but better for you to just watch it on Tubi. TV and see for yourself. I found them to be enthusiastically, interestingly, and professionally portrayed by a cast of unknowns.

Oh, and watch out for a surprise "bonus" monster. Yes, folks, there is a Werehen.

You may hate me for it later, but I have to give this movie a solid recommend.

Just please, please, PLEASE don't go into it expecting the world. It's nothing really more than a campy good time. Bring some beer.

Sometimes that's all that you need.

Lillith (2019) - She's inventive. She's vindictive. She's relentless. She's attractive - well, at least sometimes. She's seductive. She's nasty.

But mostly, she's hilarious.

Whatever they paid Savannah Whitten to play murderous succubus Lillith, it wasn't enough. She knocked the role completely out of the park.

The entire relatively obscure main cast, really, came up aces in this excellent indie horror/dark comedy written by Lee Esposito and Luke Stannard.

Nell Kressler - who reminded me a little bit of Jenna Fischer from The Office - plays an adorable, quiet, mild-mannered college student named Jenna.

After attending a lecture which deals with demons, she tells her close friends Emma (Robin Carolyn Parent), Kim (Lily Telford) and Charlie (Taylor Turner) that she can't hang out with them later that night. She's excited to be celebrating her fifth anniversary with her boyfriend Brad (Michael Finnigan).

Jenna gets quite a surprise when she catches Brad in bed with another girl. Jenna, quite understandably, goes from being adorable, quiet and mild-mannered, to being raging and vengeful - but still adorable.

She finds solace with her friends, and also a way to get even. Emma takes Jenna to a wooded area and invokes a spell that brings back to life an immortal demon, whose specialty is wreaking havoc on guilty guys.

Enter Lillith, a rather grotesque beast who can shape-shift herself into being a goth-looking, red-haired, insatiable sex-seeking vixen who loves 'em and leaves 'em as a dead, bloody mess.

Let the fun begin!

Once Whitten gets rolling as Lillith, she simply never takes her foot off the gas. She not only takes out Brad, but sets her sights on half the male students at the college. Esposito deserves major credit for setting the scenes and creating the one-liners, but Whitten delivers in a wildly spectacular way.

It was understandably difficult for the rest of the characters to keep up with her. But I thought that Jenna, Emma and Charlie were great as they realized what they had unleashed and frantically tried to find ways to send Lillith back to the demon world.

As for the standard stuff, there is, ehhh, a fair amount of gore and violence. The language is pretty strong. There's only a smidge of nudity, and nothing graphic. The Lillith outfit, I thought looked pretty cool.

Hey, it's low-budget horror with a dark comedic twist, and it's readily available on Prime and YouTube. It made me laugh. It went down well with a few beers. I'd jump on board with that hard-working cast any day of the week.

The name of the character is Miles, not John. The actor's name was John, as in John Diehl. Also, there is no "closet thingie." What it turns out to be is so hilarious that it really shouldn't be revealed to those who haven't see this episode yet.

Diehl does an excellent job as a very left-of-center writer. His "victims" are both very appealing women, although of very different character.

Of the "Monsters" episodes I've seen, this is probably at the top, next to Holly's House. Definitely worth 30 minutes when Chiller Channel runs it again.