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srwood-83999
Reviews
Hosts (2020)
A horror show in horror
I honestly don't know where to begin. I have seen a LOT of horror movies in my time and have gradually made peace with the fact that horror is like football. I love football but am happy to admit that a genuinely gripping game is a rarity. Most are mediocre and then there are some absolute turds that make you question why you even bother. This is that movie. This is the National League South of film-making, without the charm of pie and chips.
There was a faint glimmer of hope in the first 15 minutes but everything soon went south. Without wanting to spoil the intricate plot, basically this couple get invited over for Christmas Dinner and, before heading over, get possessed by some rogue demonic force that gives them nice shiny contact lenses. They rock up at dinner and batter a woman's head in with a hammer. Then they waddle around the house tormenting their captors. It's sort of Demon Headmaster meets Shaun of the Dead. Except I don't think this was meant to be a comedy. The plot, script and direction is beyond bad. The acting is actually passable and I have genuine sympathy for the cast having to try and do this garbage justice.
The final insult is that I paid extra to stream this in HD. It just amplifies everything that's bad about it, which is everything. Even my cat is unimpressed and she finds rubber bands exciting.
Secret Santa (2018)
So bad. Just so bad.
I've never written an IMDB review before but I always had a feeling the time would come when I had to be a good citizen and set off a warning flare. That time is now. This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. As a horror fan I have seen a lot of low calibre productions over the years but this takes the biscuit. I am struggling to find a single redeeming feature...I suppose the acting is just about passable but other than that it's just so so bad. It tries to be funny but misses the mark horribly, the direction is hideously pretentious in trying to be cool and different, and the whole thing looks like it's been filmed on a 2004 camera phone. Oh and I haven't even finished watching it yet, I don't think I'll bother. Merry Xmas.