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Reviews
Dune (1984)
Greater Than The Sum of its Parts
"Dune" has its weaknesses. For one thing, it's willfully disgusting and unpleasant. The acting is bad at times, as is the screenplay ("we'll never make it to the safety of rock... well, maybe that small one.") The effects budget seems to have started out strong but then run out.
Combined with the self-importance of the characters, the result can be MST3K-worthy. Tom Servo might have something to say about the taste in jewelry of "Padishah Emperor Shaddam the Fourth," who wears what looks like the hood ornament from a 1982 Chrysler around his neck. (I assume that the Harkonnens prefer the cushy ride of a GM, and that House Atreides thus corresponds to Ford.)
Then there is the confusion that the film seems to provoke among its viewers, myself included. And I am not referring to mental games a la "Usual Suspects." It's not that the plot is complicated; the problem is the fact that the film's makers did not seem to emphasize comprehensibility. At least, they were not willing to sacrifice aesthetics, running time, etc. in the interest of making "Dune" easy to follow.
And yet, there is something relentlessly appealing about "Dune." There is brilliance in spots, of course. It emanates from Francesca Annis, the real lead of the film. The look and feel of the film is instantly identifiable (a sort of morose art deco) and utterly convincing.
Finally, there is Kenneth McMillan; "Dune" paints with a broad brush, and never is this more evident than in its antagonist. It's not easy to portray an obese pedophile with disgusting facial boils in a way that's nuanced, but somehow McMillan manages it. His Baron is made to seem human, almost a man one could enjoy dinner with (although I'd recommend a strategically positioned centerpiece, or maybe even a Japanese screen.)
Beyond these technical strengths, I think "Dune" is appealing - and will age well - because it accurately reflects the shape of the real future of Earth. It fills a niche left untouched by Star Wars, with its campy gorilla suits, or Star Trek, with its Woodrow-Wilson-in-Space ethos. The world of "Dune" is one of body modification, drugs, obesity, religious fanaticism. It's a scary, evil, wide-open society of extremes.
"Dune," ultimately, is a lot more plausible than it ought to be, and has a lot more to do with actual audience members than does most science fiction. That's unfortunate, as is the failure of the production team to tie up loose ends and deliver a more cohesive overall result.
The Reppies (1996)
Bowdlerized, Down-Market "Barney" for Evangelical Christians
I have no problem whatsoever with artists working in the service of a religious creed. One does not have to be a Christian to appreciate Handel's "Messiah."
Unfortunately, "The Reppies" does not quite rise to the same level of technical excellence as Handel's "Messiah."
"Barney and Friends" would seem to be the obvious target here... the metaphorical Cadillac against whom the creators of "The Reppies" hope to field a metaphorical Lincoln.
"Barney" is not a particular high bar to set in the area of production values; Barney and his pals - for all their endearing qualities - have unrealistic mouth movements, unblinking eyes, etc.
So, if you haven't actually seen "The Reppies," you may have trouble imagining how much worse than "Barney" it is. But it definitely is worse.
Every craft is guilty here, from make-up to homiletics. The cringe- inducing, quasi-cool musical numbers are bad enough; when combined with an unhealthy dose of heavy-handed moralism they turn the stomach. What we have here is not medicine for the Christian soul, it's chemotherapy.
Even if you do get anything good from it, there will be plenty of nausea along the way.
The overall result is very 1980s in its feel, and this owes a lot to the photographic media used. (I originally wrote "the photographic media selected," but then it occurred to me that when one buys the absolute cheapest thing available, a "selection" per se has not really been made).
To summarize, if you want your children to be taught basic good behavior by dinosaurs, than I can recommend a fine product to you by the name of "Barney and Friends." The crude imitation thereof which is reviewed here is not comparable in quality; in fact, it's basically devoid of value beyond its palatability to certain sectarians.
Baby Geniuses (1999)
Grasping for superlatives
OK, I got had. I was pursuing a doctorate in Slavic Languages when I rented this. A friend of mine told me that this move contained a musical routine entitled "Putin on the Ritz" (as in Vladimir Putin).
"It's basically a send-up of all the ex-KGB types who reconstituted themselves into pro-democracy reformers after the fall of the Berlin wall," he told me. "Don't let the animatronic baby crap fool you- it's really quite insightful. They rhyme 'class war' with 'passifier' - I almost had a cerebral hemorrhage, I laughed so hard!"
Needless to say, I awoke an older and wiser man the next morning. And A Certain Someone will never, ever get my help translating dirty jokes from Croatian again, I don't care how @#$!-ing late his thesis is or how his stupid wife feels about it. Yeah, that means you, Arshad. Never again, dawg. Baby Geniuses indeed!
"Putin on the Ritz" indeed!