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Sexy Sisters (1977)
8/10
An excellent movie.
21 March 2013
I don't think the other reviewers are being fair. How can someone who fast forwarded through most of the movie believe he can give a fair review of it? I'm also getting a little tired of the childish jabs other reviewers give these types of movies. It gets old when every review is coming out with them and is like what I would expect from schoolchildren, not in any way clever.

There is lots of sex in this movie and yes you could justify calling it a porn movie. However there are interesting scenes in it also, the characters and situations are often spectacular and really striking. Direction, acting and characters are all great. True, the plot is very simple, but it's more an artsy type of movie. There are all kinds of themes running through it which anyone can see.

These beautiful and elegant scenes doesn't just come about by chance or by having beautiful girls, which are dime a dozen. If you think that then you need to watch some bad adult movies and you will appreciate the huge difference.
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8/10
Fun movie. May be slightly offensive, don't expect realism or profound thinking.
20 October 2012
Some very liberal grad college students have guests over to discuss politics. However after an incident with one ex-soldier, they start inviting over highly conservative individuals and poisoning them one by one.

The movie is fun, I like the premise and the "graphics". However it's not serious or believable. I don't like how they put it together.

For example the very first guest was a priest who was very offensive towards homosexuals. He was condescending and harsh. However he never indicated any intention to physically harm homosexual individuals. All he said was that he believed they were sinning badly, he wasn't carrying out any act on them. I don't think he was an appropriate way to start the killings at all, they should have started with some gun wielding far-right redneck who made multiple threats about killing black people or homosexuals. They could have then progressed to some fatcat individuals destroying the environment, poisoning water supplies, inducing slave labour.

Even though the writers missed these opportunities to highlight the real issues, they do seem like liberals. The people with strong conservative viewpoints are portrayed as "illiterates". I realize we are seeing things from the point of the liberal college students, but there's more to it than that. A kind of dismissal of topics such as abortion as being something that should 'obviously' be allowed. I resent that, abortion is a really serious matter where you are terminating something that is a little too close to being a human for comfort and not a clear issue.

I think they got the idea of Courtney B. Vance as being completely for the killings, and proactive with them sometimes, and that idea was great. At first one of the girls was against them, however she reversed it way too easy IMO. I think they should have kept her on as being the one who didn't like the idea.

I think they did the ending more or less perfectly also, and it redeemed some of the offence against conservatives.
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Big Nothing (2006)
4/10
I don't know how such a big budget production could have got such a formulaic movie so wrong.
20 October 2012
David Schwimmer stars as ordinary guy Charlie with a quirky penchant for trivial facts (not funny), and he somehow gets talked into an extortion scheme with the brash Gus who he's recently met and a tough babe named Josey. Of course the scheme goes horribly wrong, someone gets accidentally killed, and the dead bodies start piling up. Charlie's wife happens to be a cop herself (you can imagine all the hilarious situations and intense scenes that will bring up), and there are all sorts of crazy characters along the way. It's very formulaic, what could possibly go wrong?

Nearly everything in the movie seems either very unrealistic or stolen from something else. It's like something you'd see on the horror channel... some direct to video movie made by people recently out of film-school. All of those little jokes that you've seen before pop up here and they're not funny here. Their idea of staging the crime scene to look like an accident was pathetic. Nearly all of the cop activity in the movie was doing something that they obviously wouldn't do (even the parts that weren't supposed to be funny). This movie's pathetic attempts at humour just left me cold.

I hated all the characters apart from Josey maybe, and I hated all the "unexpected twists". You can see the jokes and "twists" a mile before they happen. The cop in charge of the investigation was a really stupid character, not funny at all.

The reason I gave this movie 4 is because even though I found no real quality in it, at least it wasn't a chore to watch. I didn't feel like turning it off before the end.

If you want to watch a movie like this, watch Very Bad Things. That movie shows how this is done right. After watching this movie, I actually have a new appreciation for Very Bad Things, because this shows how hard it is to make things work right and be funny and good and have twists in a movie like this.
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Armored (2009)
5/10
I was rooting for the supposed bad guys....
5 June 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Some security workers form a plan to steal millions from the money they're transporting. One guy is not so into the plan, but with a bit of coaxing and persuasion, along with mitigating personal circumstances, he eventually agrees to it.

Now I don't think most people would be so haughty and judgemental as to take that to signify a black mark against these individuals. They worked hard, had hard lives, and really wanted a break and to live their dream lives. Who says that people always need to bend the knee and respect government no matter how unfairly they are treated by them? Maybe they would argue that they are owed the money, or it is their money, and why should their claim be any less valid or correct than one that the controlling body says? I thought we had a more educated, sophisticated population than that.

I'm not saying stealing this money is "okay", but just that there are some complex issues here, it's not all just black and white. The idea we're meant to just automatically consider taking it to be "wrong" is just ridiculous. I thought we had progressed from the "police = good, robber = bad" mentality, it's not always so simple. The government is not a god to be worshipped and they don't define morality.

In particular if you make a deal with someone and agree to do something, then you really should carry through with it. Otherwise you are a liar and a two-faced snitch. Okay, if he turned in all his friends and ruined their lives... that would be bad enough. But after he had sworn allegiance to them? This guy who messed everything up, betrayed his comrades, and he's supposed to be the hero?

He would have been better off just taking the damn money, everyone would have been happy, probably nobody would have ended up dead and there would be no movie. The corperations have screwed so many innocent people over over the years that they won't even notice the money is gone.

Seemingly to guard against feeling for the bad guys they had the robbers who were going ahead with the plan do some indefensible things. But you could see that this was really contrived, it didn't match the rest of the movie or their characters. It's insulting to robbers everywhere and all anti-government protesters, anarchists everywhere to paint them in such a picture. Just because they don't believe in the current corrupt system does not make them bad people. The guys seemed like normal, cool, fun guys.

The movie doesn't have anything else other than the above. There are no good action scenes, almost everything takes place in a bare warehouse. There were a couple of bizarre and totally unrealistic situations, such as the good guys gluing money to the window so that the guys outside wouldn't see what they were doing.

On the whole a rubbish movie. Jean Reno looks embarrassed to be in there as well he should.
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8/10
This is a great movie that you should watch.
23 February 2012
If you're like me and you like beauties and beautiful shots in movies like this, then you're in for a treat.

I've tended to become slightly wary of these movies, since sometimes they turn out to be kind of boring - for example much of Jess Franco's stuff. I also thought this was really strange that they would have young girls doing this and wondered what the heck it would be like. I was surprised at the level of sexuality the girls displayed at times, but for me it was a better movie for it. I think females would like this movie as well, unlike a lot of horror movies which is a genre this scarcely fits into.

It's also highly original and unique, I guess the reason it wasn't followed up by others was because it would be hard to match it. The images of it will probably stay with you for a while. I really love some of the up-close shots they gave of the girls. I think the girls complement each other really well: one is dark, the other is blonde. One is calling the shots more - as tends to happen in friendships/relationships.

There isn't a heavy plot line to it, just various things the girls go around doing. Sometimes, it can get a little boring, but the powerful musical score helps it through those parts really well. It's a good movie to watch if you have something else on your mind or are a bit tired, as it won't tax you with a mind-bending plot.
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Twins of Evil (1971)
7/10
Not as good as I thought it was going to be.
17 January 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Two twins come to their uncle's house, they are both beautiful but one turns progressively evil...

The imagery can be really beautiful at times. However they should have had more images of the beautiful girls, and more sex and nudity because of the themes involved. It's unfortunate that British movies restricted themselves in such a way. Some of the ideas they had were quite good. I was just waiting for things to really get started.

It's still a good movie, but predictable and at times boring. There were no twists or turns in the movie... the obvious switching of one twin for another does not count as a twist. Some of the dialogue was very much filler.

But there was no excitement, nothing to get my heart racing. When near the end they said they were going to march on the count's castle then I didn't even need to watch the rest... I knew what it would be like.
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Some good potential let down by constant narration and rewriting of history/vampires.
15 May 2011
Darrell Hammond is really, really good in this as a smooth talker, and much of it is KIND OF funny/quirky. It had a lot of potential, but this movie commits 3 cardinal sins.

1. They directly contradicted everything commonly known about vampires and they did it with impunity, in this smartassed matter-of-fact kind of way from a really annoying voice. It is possible to do this to an extent at the beginning to set the "rules" for the world. But continually sarcastically making fun of and contradicting the very fundamentals of vampire folklore is NOT ON. If common vampire rules are so "wrong" then maybe they should quit thinking of themselves as "vampires" to begin with, it's not what they call themselves.

2. What the hell is with this using Alexander Graham Bell? My perception of Bell will forever be tainted by this nonsense. Bell did not agree to his name and image being used like this, I think it's so unfair to do this to a deceased person. I rarely even like watching fictional depictions of real people like for instance Darwin, because I cannot trust the depiction of it, but this is just ridiculous.

3. They should have done all the narration and backstory at the start, not continually narrated throughout the whole thing and continually butchering your perception of vampires by pretending these were anything like vampires.
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9/10
An amazing return of the series!!!!
14 January 2011
This movie is brilliant, when I first watched it I thought it actually was an 80s movie because it looks and is exactly like that. I had to double and triple check that this was the 2008 movie as I couldn't believe it at first. This is how they should always make horror movies!!!

I was really surprised when I came here and saw a relatively low rating and bad reviews. Okay, I don't mind if a person give it a 5, I can see why some people mightn't like it that much, but who on earth is giving lower than 5s? It's hard to believe that, they don't seem like fans of the original if that's their attitude as this is very close to the original in a lot of ways and better than it in some.

I have to admit, I hated the "fart" scene at the beginning of the movie as well as many others. I also thought there were too many shots of boys in states of undress... and the whole thing is quite campy.

I totally get that the fat kid with the frogs is very weird and makes things a bit uncomfortable and outrageous at times.... it's called ORIGINALITY. It's called being different. It's viewing something new that you didn't see tons of times before. The fat kid is like a monstrosity, like some weird ****.... which is what horror movies are all about. I think that as the movie wore on the fat kid scenes got better, less stupid. Again if this is all not your cup of tea, fine, but it's certainly not a "bad" movie whatever way you look at it!!!

The death scenes were amazing, I don't think anyone will have qualms about these. One of them dragged a little, that's it.

The characters weren't overly "mean" to each other, sure things got very heated at times... this is how the world works sometimes. And children can be very cruel to each other. Even if it's pushing credibility a bit at times, I was able to believe in all of the characters' actions in the movie. This is how horror movies work best, the music and atmosphere created are top notch.

Maybe the plot could have been done a bit better, with more comprehensive explanations for things, and better mystery surrounding who was doing things. I can certainly see how the movie might have had more potential.

But for some reason, the movie really just lured me into it in a way that's hard to explain. Maybe it's just the mood I was in, but it really got my imagination flying and had me in a lot of suspense about what was going to happen next.
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7/10
King of Kong is more interesting.
18 August 2010
I agree with jfgibson73, at times it just seemed like all these guys clapping each other on the back and laughing. I thought The King of Kong had a bit more too it, and not just because of the sensationalising of parts of that movie. I had many suspicions over the accuracy of The King of Kong, it's normal for documentaries like that to exaggerate and I was aware at the time that there was probably no "maliciously taking apart his machine" etc.

I expected this to be better than King of Kong, but it just didn't hold the same interest for me. I think Walter Day came off better in The King of Kong, here he seemed a bit almost regretful of the time he's spent in videogaming. I think they were leading Mr. Awesome to say things, then cutting him off before he had a proper chance to explain what he meant.

The King of Kong glamourized the whole thing a lot more, like the guys maliciously breaking in seemed almost like something the FBI or KGB would do, you know, something that was extremely serious business. I think the whole "That's Amazing" world championship, for example, was lame and way too long. I mean it's segments like that that give videogaming a bad name. It also didn't help that some of them said they completely gave up videogames after their teens. There were some cool things about it, such as the guys showing their houses, collections, families, etc.

Overall, it was a bit like playing a couple of games at once without getting a chance to get into any of them too well. It was plot less and there was no excitement or "outcome" at the end, it was alright.
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4/10
"I'm lonely, are you lonely too? Let's be friends!" This movie is LAME!!!!
4 April 2010
Warning: Spoilers
That isn't an actual quote from the movie, but the quotes ran very similar to it. I think it sums up much of the morality and preachiness in the movie.

The film starts out pretty well with Mary Shelley and two of her colleagues in a large room with a terrible thunderstorm outside. I actually found this part of the movie kind of interesting, unlike a lot of the rest of it.

Some of the scenes are really good, the actors are great for what what have to work with. Ernest Thesiger plays a BRILLIANT mad scientist and is really convincing in it and enjoyable to watch. Colin Clive also plays a great role as "Henry Frankenstein" (the monster's creator in this movie), and I liked all of the actors EXCEPT for Karloff, who does nothing but grunt and act like an uninspired ape. I'm not blaming the actor, but it's hard to play a good inanimate object. But the main three performers (Elizabeth, Henry, Dr. Pretorius) are all very good melodramatic actors.

Frankenstein is more Sci-Fi/Dystopian rather than horror. It has always been about feelings, the perils of playing with science, and nobody who knows the story will expect to be scared by the monster himself (even though he does nonchalantly kill in the film). But I just didn't feel anything in this film, it was far too simple. I 100% didn't buy into any of it at all, I thought it was absurd.

The imagery in the film is fine, the visuals that you can see for example in the action sequences are of a very high standard at times. The opening scene images are great. They're not mindblowing or anything though. Too much time in the movie is dedicated to "cutting edge" film technology, such as driving up the machine near the end and even that of the little people (which is an okay clip but has no real meaning at all for the film, it's as though they just threw it in). I'm sorry but the cutting edge of film "effects" of 1935 aren't likely to impress people in 2010, we've seen it all before and if they last too long the clips become very tiresome. A big lever and a few lights may have been enough to impress the audiences back then but not today!!! But overall I'm generally positive about the imagery, it's the plot, dialogue and pacing that destroy it for me.

At one point in the film Frankenstein goes to a blind man and the blind man tells him he is so lonely and he wants him to be his friend. I don't mind the idea of it, but this scene went on and on and on for about 15 minutes! (or at least what seemed that length of time). Frankenstein is afraid of fire, and the man keeps telling him "no, no, it's okay, fire can be good".

Blind or not, what kind of an old man just accepts a stranger into his home like that and treats him like an old friend? It would scarcely be believable if the guy was normal and explained his story to him, but as it is, with him having to explain to him that fire is okay, I just cannot believe it.

Frankenstein speaks "tarzan" English, it is like listening to someone talking to someone who cannot speak English or a man from an indigenous tribe. Imagine the frustration involved in trying to speak with that person and you'll get some idea of the ludicrousness of his dialogue.

The plot doesn't go anywhere! The whole point of the movie revolves around them making a bride for Frankenstein. Then no sooner is she made she rejects him and the movie ends. Frankenstein VERY unrealistically blames Dr. Pretorius and cruelly kills him in the end saying "We belong dead.". This is ridiculous because Frankenstein had only been helped by Pretorius, even though he appeared "evil" to us, not to Frankenstein. At the very start of the film they think Henry is dead and are mourning him, but he suddenly wakes up for no apparent reason and there's no mention of it ever again. What the hell was the point of that?!

This movie had a lot of potential with great acting and even some great scenes. They could have kept a lot of it, scrapped Frankenstein talking, scrapped the vast majority of the blind man scene and had the rest of the movie with Frankenstein and his Bride having sex and being caught by one of the villages who thought it was an act against God. Then them being cruelly chased with Henry Frankenstein trying to stop them but to no avail. The end could have them eloping together on a ship for "new lands" or something, with the evil Dr. Pretorius involved nefariously some way in that.
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Demons 2 (1986)
8/10
This is a really fast-paced, beautiful, gory movie you have to see and hear!!!
14 March 2010
It's like Dawn of the Dead on steroids!!! I like Dawn of the Dead, but for me the movie is a bit boring with the same characters, mediocre zombie visuals and the action scenes are long and not very gory, the music is also a bit bland just for my personal tastes.

This movie is frantic action from start to finish, with an emphasis on beautiful visuals and great sounds. Forget about 'political commentary' or intriguing plot for this one. As the movie starts out it seems to be as if there's going to be some sort of coherent plot to the movie, but that pretty much goes out the window. For some reason though I still really liked the start.

The imagery at times is unbeatable by any other movie. From the extremely beautiful girls to the truly ghastly-looking demons, you're bound to LOVE the visual eye candy. The girls are really luscious. And these Italian girls don't just give one high-pitched scream, they really scream and scream and scream and really want to survive and make you believe it!!!

The movie is full of awesome guitar music and other amazing sound effects from start to finish. If you think sound is important in movies and like this type of music, then this is for you. The music, the screaming of the girls and the noise of the demons is really something. At one point you can hear an extremely weird scratching/squelching/screaming sound and you get to see him as well and I bet that image/sound will stay with you and haunt you!!!

Silent Hill happened to be on at the same time as this, Silent Rubbish if you ask me!!! Forget all that boring, pseudo-psychological crap you see in those movies where they wait around and say things like "I can't go on", "I know we do it, we have to try" and look into the distance, also seen in movies like 28 Days Later. In this movie, if you stop or hang around... you're dead! Doesn't matter if you're a child, doesn't matter if you seem like a sensible girl and it's your birthday. It's non-stop action from start to finish!! We go flicking through from one scene to the next with amazing stuff and amazing visuals (mainly girls or demons but otherwise as well!!) going on at all times.

Unfortunately though what prevents it from getting a 9 or 10 is that the plot and storyline is so non-existent, only one of the story lines-threads had a clear beginning, middle and end. There were a few times I very slightly zoned out from the movie and it was always the terror/visuals/sound that brought me back, NOT the storyline. For example it seems as though they just said "Hey, let's have a guy in a car going fast and we'll see what to do with that later" and never really finished it up. The plot isn't an essential part of it, but it would keep you interested more as you'd care what was happening more.

There could have been a bit more inventiveness and CERTAIN action scenes could have been done a bit better, while others were among the best I've ever seen. Overall this movie is a blast!
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Inferno (1980)
5/10
Doesn't hold a candle to Suspiria.
10 March 2010
Watching this I could not believe it came from the same man that Suspiria did.

It's no exaggeration to say that the majority of the movie is taken up by someone looking around a dark hallway or room afraid of what they'll find. Another large amount of it is taken up by references back to the book: The Three Mothers. That's the most important thing about this movie, that nearly all of it was taken up by someone roaming around or something about the books. This part of the movie is certainly not entertaining in any way. They should have cut about a half an hour of this.

None of the characters have any appeal to them or any defining traits or personality. Like the plot, they were vague and wish-washy, not in a "complicated" way... we just never got to know any of them. None of the characters ever got angry, none of them showed what they thought of the other characters. I felt nothing for any of them.

In Suspiria we had well-defined characters and well-defined scenes. We had tension, we had momentum, we had a plot that was gradually being revealed. The music was far better and much more appropriate, the plot WENT SOMEWHERE. There was intrigue and mystery.

So why did I give it a 5? Purely because of the strength of the death scenes (which were really excellent) and that there was some very good imagery and suspense in some of the clips. But the suspense was without any meaning or momentum which could not be more different from Suspiria.
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6/10
It has a great start and some great imagery, but it never kicks off properly.
13 January 2010
Warning: Spoilers
This movie had a LOT of wasted potential. The opening and the first 30 minutes or so had some great stuff in it. There were numerous ideas we've seen before there, but they were done in a really good and compelling way. The start of this movie was for me one of the best starts to any horror movie.

The characters were appealing and had a lot of potential, the acting was quite good, the imagery was brilliant at times (not in the death scenes though)... the grim view of the kids with the pickaxes in the dark of the night would send a shiver down anyone's spine. So what happened, where did it all go wrong? Unfortunately, the problem was that not much happened at all.

They got the start done fine, but it seemed to drag on and on throughout the film. There were a lot of really intriguing questions coming up, such as what would happen in the story about the "imaginary" friend of the young girl. But it seemed as if 2/3rds of the way through the film the mother was still looking at those pictures from the mines and still thinking about how weird everything/everyone was... that's what you do for the opening of a movie. By the end she was still looking at those pictures, there was nothing to piece together, those were the kids, the kids that were killed. Where's the big mystery? Where's the plot twist?

There was only about 3 death scenes in the entire movie and you saw very little of them. It would have been some magnificent imagery to see the kids pickaxing a guy to death like they had to hack at the mines... they had some really good blood in the movie, the director was definitely competent judging from the rest of the movie... but whyyyy didn't they have MORE?!?! I mean let's take the case of that guy that went out of the car first, we don't even know what really happened and how he miraculously got pulled away... why couldn't the other guy in the car roll over him or something? I think that would have been a great idea.

There was nothing fleshed out, nothing happened in the plot. They had all these great ideas for an opening and then never followed them through. The movie seemed to just get worse and worse as it went on, I really hated the ending, it made my blood run cold and curdle up inside me... and not in a good way.
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2/10
The second very poor movie I've seen from Jean Rollin.
23 May 2009
I very much disliked the whole thing, I can't tell whether this or Iron Rose is worse but they both are very bad movies in my view. Things happen in this movie at least, but it's so mixed up and boring it's hardly a movie at all. I never connected with any of the characters at all. Running at only 52:08 minutes, I have my doubts whether is even supposed to be a "real movie" or Jean thought of it as such. I mean the movie was mainly just random shots in New York with two actors when Jean was on a visit there, it's ridiculous.

Jean Rollin is really a mixed bag. For me he's at his best when he sticks to vampires and castles and artistic/strange symbolism and atmosphere. Those are what he knows, what he's about, what he bring an incredible magic and intrigue to. He's worst when he tries too hard to talk openly in a film about concepts such as "a dream within a dream" and having random things occur for no apparent reason. You can sort of see what he's trying to do at times but for me it just doesn't cut it.
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The Iron Rose (1973)
2/10
A boring waste of time. Nothing happens.
13 May 2009
I'd normally consider myself a fan of Jean Rollin, The Shiver Of The Vampire ranks up there as one of my all-time favourite horror movies, and I have very fond memories of other Rollin movies as well. I was shocked by the low-quality of this. It sounds like something that might have been a good idea, but it ended up rubbish.

The girl playing the lead role is quite sexy and seems as though she could be a good actress if she wasn't given such a ridiculous part. The male on the other hand can't act at all. Those are basically the only two people in the entire film. Some of the imagery is fairly good, along with the music. If they had those good bits and hacked together the rest of the film sanely, THEN I might have given it a 3/4. But as it stands, some of the film is excruciating and again... NOTHING REALLY HAPPENS! It's not that I don't appreciate it, it's boring! Okay I'll admit that sometimes sitting down to watch a Jess Franco or Italian horror, I'm a bit concerned I'll be completely bored by it. With just over an hour and a quarter and directed by Jean Rollin I never dreamt it would be this bad. I doubt he ever made a worse film, for me this is right up there with Zombie Lake.

The film involves the couple walking through a cemetery while lost, getting scared, increasingly fighting and the girl increasing losing her head. I honestly don't know how anyone can give this movie even a decent rating or how any other Jean Rollin movie could be worse than this. Yeah there's a case for difference of opinion but what's so great about a girl dancing ridiculously through a graveyard for what seems like an eternity? Look at Requiem For A Vampire, that had longer and far more beautiful takes and it never got boring.

The good pieces in this movie were few and far between, it was a truly dreadful hour and a quarter. The music could be good at times... the scenery was quite good at times... and those are the only decent things I can say about this movie. Stay well away!
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Deterrence (1999)
1/10
This movie is guilty of warcrimes against humanity.
19 April 2009
This is one of the absolute WORST movies I have ever seen.

It's about nuclear weapons and avoiding World War III, how could they possibly mess it up? The mere mention of a megaton bomb is enough to get most hearts racing. Well I don't know either, but they did.

The lead actor, the President CANNOT ACT!!!! In fact nobody in this movie is much good at acting. The whole thing is an unbelievable farce from start to finish.

You can see all the stupid ideas they threw in supposed to show how things work and how things go wrong and how they're all human. They are so stupid and they have things that couldn't POSSIBLY take place, that I am unable to find words for it. And every "feeling" that they tried to create is completely transparent and blindingly obvious, it's insulting to our intelligence as much as anything.

Suddenly out of nowhere there'd be this close-up and dark music played. The whole film is a joke and I have NO IDEA where all the decent ratings are coming from.
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