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Saw III (2006)
Mediorce
I had high hopes for Saw3, and it does get better towards then end.
However the 1st part was just gore for the sake of having gore, and somewhat unrealistic for 1 person to have set up (since jigsaw is i presume incapable of doing much).
I think it would have been better if they had cut out the 1st part of the film, and concentrated on the rest of it. Especially since knowing how "unfair" jigsaws new assistant is, you know things are never going to go well for the doctor who has to keep jiggy alive.
Still there is a nice plot twist at the end.
Worth watching, but I wouldn't buy it.
Containment (2006)
Wow
Do I get my medal for managing to watch this to the end credits ? I think the most expensive item they bought for the film was the cling-film wrapped around the "Monsters".
The acting of the lines may as well have been spoken by a robot, they would have had more character.
90% of the film seems to take place in 1 corridor, and no its not a very nice, or very will lit corridor.
Glad I didn't pay to watch this, or I might have hunted the "director" down to demand my money back.
Bottom line, don't go watch it, even if its free..... unless you want to learn how not to make a film.
The Amityville Horror (2005)
Not bad, but the shining still beats it...
At least its not a horror slasher.... just some odd creepy events which drive the man of house mad and want him to kill his family.
Would you buy a house when you find out the previous owner killed everyone who lived there, no I wouldn't, not even if it was cheap. I probably wouldn't want to live in a house that looked as creepy either, but I suppose thats just me.
Its pretty tame really, apart from the back flash of the previous victims at the start.. Even the priest trying to do an exorcism on the house is just told to leave.
Shame my parents never hired a baby sitter like that.....
Worth watching once, it is more interesting than films like "the descent" but I don't think i will buy it for my collection.
Saw II (2005)
Pretty good ! I SAW it at the cinema.
I haven't seen the 1st saw movie yet, though I will probably buy it when i see it for sale.
The plot was pretty good, with enough twists and turns in to keep people interested, including the final "trap" and the tape recording which paves the way for saw 3, which I would imagine is already being worked on. Bet he wishes he'd given jigsaw 2 hours of his time now.
Unlike films such as Creep, this film has some background, even if you don't agree with what hes doing, you actually know why.
Some of the scenes may stop people eating while watching, my friend had his eyes covered during the syringe scene.
The only thing i saw (get it lol), was that u could tell fairly early on that certain people were not suffering the effects of nerve gas, and some where.
The acting was fine, people say there's to much shouting at each other during the film, but I would guess if you were in that situation, trying to get the cure for yourself, then you would do the same.
Probably the best horror film I have seen at the cinema this year.
Ghost Ship (2002)
Ooooh its good
This film is much better than I thought it would be when I went to see it. The film opens in the past with a gory group death on board the ship and then disappears without trace.
Fastforward to the present day and some people who happen to salvage old ships are approached by some miserable looking dude with information on the whereabouts of said missing ship.
The group led by some Irish dude from Stigmata and that woman who used to be on ER then find said ship and like most of the films of this type get picked off one by one, which isn't really a surprise.
There is an annoying child ghost as well as woman who takes her top off for a quite dodgy reason.
You can probably predict most of what happens but the film has it charms and is a pretty good way of killing an hour or so.
Creep (2004)
Creepy location, but lacking depth
This film isn't bad, but it could have been better.
The locations are well done, the eerie abandoned subway scenes are a great setting.
But unfortunately the film doesn't have enough depth, and u don't really know why the things that are happening are actually happening.
At the start some "sewage" workers go missing... but nobody ever seems to look for them....
Franka gets locked in a railway station.... don't staff in stations check before they lock up ? u could hardly miss her in that subtle dress shes wearing. Also the tube stations i have seen have an escape mechanism if your trapped inside.
You don't really know where the creature comes from, how it got there, since it appears to be wearing jeans I presume its of human origin. Don't really know what its up to down there, perhaps trying to breed ? Alas while the 1st half of the film is creepy and full of suspense, the 2nd half seems to lose this, and the film suffers for it.
The film is OK, although I'm glad i didn't pay full price for it, OK to kill an hour or 2.
The Runestone (1991)
Well Dodgy
Having just sat through this it is hard to put into words exactly what the viewing experience was like.
The plot is pretty much the same as every one of these type of films - Some ancient artifact creates or resurrects a monster, people run around a bit and the monster is killed.
What saves this film from rating a 1 is that it is hilarious (but not at the points where it is supposed to be). There seems to be more pointless and stupid chases in this film than any I've seen for a while.
The monster looks pretty fake but is not so bad that it ruins the film. The music is totally awful and is almost as bad as the dodgy disco music from Friday the 13th Part 3.
The acting and wardrobe are slightly on the dodgy side but it just adds to the charm of this gem of a film.
One to see and then try to forget.
The Dark Power (1985)
Irritating people are saved by grandpa with a whip
This film started off really tense when a poor young boy is set upon by a pack of savage dogs. After a tense chase he is saved by said grandpa with magic whip.
We are then introduced to a string of annoying house mates, including one tart who is always half dressed. During this stage the film heightens tension with strange "plinky plinky" background noises that had me on the edge of my seat.
I stopped paying attention for a while but when I looked back on the screen there where weird creature type things going around grunting and killing. One word of advice if you are ever trapped in your home by some nutter - get some cardboard boxes and a tray.
Although we did skip half the film, because it was totally non interesting or memorable, we are now at the stunning conclusion, the last surviving creature thing fights a "Whip Duel" with grandpa and his magic whip. I wont say what happens here, but I can say the whip battle is full of tension, with aerial fights, split level fights and all manner of drama.
I am now going to shove this film through the door of a neighbour i don't like.
The Descent (2005)
awful on every level
I'm surprised that this film seems to be getting good reviews as I can honestly say this is the worst film I've seen at the cinema this year.
The story itself had some potential if it was not for the fact that everyone of the main characters are annoying and I couldn't care less what happened to any of them.
There were only two other people in the showing we went to both being young women who screamed at the cheap "boo" scares of loud noises springing from nowhere - I haven't seen a film with so many of them since I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.
The film leaves no cave cliché untapped from getting trapped in small passages to having to get across large spaces.
If the poster is the same as the UK one then don't be fooled into thinking that any of the women are hot - they aren't - it's populated by miserable thirty-somethings who think going down a big cave is good way of getting over a tragic event.
The lead female seems to be written to generate sympathy but she is just as cold and annoying as the rest of them. I wish we had watched something else - anything else instead.
Wolf Creek (2005)
WHats the big deal.
We went to see this at the cinema... afterwards I was told we should have gone to see red eye.....but never mind.
This starts off titled as a true story........ fair enough..... just a shame that at the end you basically find out they don't know what happened to the killer, or 2 of the 3 people involved...... so how is it true ? This film is big on character development, indeed you get so much development of the 3 annoying "victims" it only makes you happier when they pop it.
I can honestly say it was easy to see why we were the only 2 people in the cinema. I wanted to handcuff my friend to the cinema door so he could turn people away.
Ancient Evil: Scream of the Mummy (2000)
Attack of the fat mummy
1st of all this film is called scream of the mummy, the mummy never screams, just makes a few gurgling noises.
The acting is bad, I don't care about any of the people in it, I actually cheered when the annoying professor died.
A large part of film seems to revolve around men in boxer shorts chatting.
"the last surviving priest" who can bring the mummy back looks like a 10 year old computer geek.
The acting is the best part of the film.
*as a side note this has absolutely nothing to do with the 1st mummy film, and Bram Stoker would probably be p1ssed off if he knew.
Legend of the Mummy (1998)
It's awfulness is legendary
Was forced to watch this by a "friend" and can honestly say this is one of the most tedious boring films that I have ever seen.
From the little of the film that remains with me it's about some old git in a study with some annoying woman having something to do with the plot as well of course the mummy itself.
For most of the films too long running time most of the main characters are talking in the study with an unconscious old man.
For some reason the film includes sex scenes that seem to come out of nowhere and have nothing to do with the story although they rarely do.
Avoid this there is nothing redeeming in this film at all - it's boring.
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
Kid sees his parents killed by Santa, it messes him up.
Santa kills a boys parents while he watches, hes taken to an orphanage run by a foxy nun. He gets a job, hes made to dress as Santa.
It's no surprise that something sets him off and he goes on a killing spree. Looking at it now it's very hard to see what all the fuss was about on it's original release - the acting was better than expected but that's not saying much.
The film is fairly violent and some of the nudity is unpleasant and more gratuitous than usual.
This line was required to meet the 10 line requirement.
This line was required to meet the 10 line requirement.
Witchcraft V: Dance with the Devil (1993)
I didn't buy this film, I was given it, I have now killed the person who gave it me.
There are some films you watch and think that was bad and you forget them. After being forced to watch this I can say the effects of viewing this are still haunting me several months on.
I watched this on the off chance it was some cheap slasher series but in turned out to be some crappy low budget soft-core sex romp.
Strange weird warlock dude takes over some people and makes them do what he wants, which seems to be engaging in soft porn rituals. I think someone killed him at the end, or perhaps that was the shock of waking up when the movie had ended.
To think they have made another 8 after this.
The Fear: Resurrection (1999)
Weird wooden man thing kills people for some reason.
I have not seen the first film and if it anything like this have no great desire to.
Having just watched it a few hours ago I am struggling to remember a thing about it.
From what I remember it's main plot seems to be a group of very annoying people stay at a house with that dodgy old woman from Friday the 13th and are stalked by plank of wood man.
Some people die, the film ends, I am starting a law suit against the person who sold me this film as I want compensation for the missing time in my life.
I will pay u £1 to take this film off my hands......oh wait I already gave it away to a "friend".