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Sword of Sherwood Forest (1960)
Mountains in Nottinghamshire?
I am a huge fan of Hammer Horror but I do also enjoy watching their non horror output too. This adventure yarn about Robin Hood was directed by the great Terence Fisher but sadly this movie - made during the studio's finest period - just feels lacking. Richard Greene played Robin Hood on TV prior to this but I just found him quite plain and dreary as the famous outlaw, no charisma at all. What does makes this worth watching is the ever reliable Peter Cushing as the evil Sheriff of Nottingham, at times he sounds more like Baron Frankenstein, for example he says "Graves are known to be empty, dig it up!" Sporting a goatee beard he does look quite different than usual. One other thing that I liked was that he comes to blows with a sadly uncredited and badly dubbed (why!?) Oliver Reed. As one would expect from Hammer the costumes, scenery etc all look very nice. However despite being set in the English county of Nottinghamshire the large rugged hills make it obvious that it was not filmed there (shot in Ireland). Maid Marian is wearing lipstick and looks more 1960 than Medieval, there are lots of sexist comments and the fight scenes aren't very good. At 80 minutes the time passes quickly enough but it's far from being a Hammer classic.
The Beach Girls and the Monster (1965)
A horror and beach party movie staring Kingsley the Lion!
"Teens" are being brutally killed on a Californian beach, could it be a sea monster, or does workaholic Dr Lindsay (Jon Hall, one of the few proper actors in the cast) have something to do with it? He has a very low opinion of the surfers (even though his own son is one), he tells the sheriff that the boys just loaf about and that the girls are little tramps! He even suggests that they are capable of murder but all the kids (who look 30 or so) just want to surf, do their funny dancing (trust me it's hilarious) and make out on the beach. Opening scene has a girl killed on the beach by an actor wearing a laughable sea monster costume, it claws her face and to the movie's credit this and the other killings are quite gruesome (for the time). Some of the running time consists of surfers in action, apparently in colour though the print that I watched was all in black and white. The film also features a great deal of music, singing and the already mentioned hilarious dancing. A puppet lion called Kingsley is credited as playing himself and he sings a song with the line "You got a monster in the surf" amongst the lyrics. I don't think that this was meant to be taken seriously as a horror film. Indeed I think that it's one of those so bad that it's fun films but it is necessary to be in the right mood for it, I don't think that I was but I'd give it another watch one day. Frank Sinatra jr is credited for providing the music but apparently his involvement was minimal. Memorable for the silly creature make-up and the funny kids dancing but ultimately it's really quite bad.
Repulsion (1965)
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock..
Young Belgian sisters Carol and Helen share a London flat but when Helen goes away on holiday with her boyfriend poor Carol (played by the gorgeous Catherine Deneuve) slowly descends into madness, with fatal consequences. At first Carol is kept awake at night by the sound of her clock tick tocking and by Helen having loud sex, as somebody who has suffered with insomnia I could relate to the horrible negative effects that lack of sleep can cause. Once alone taps drip loudly, flies buzz around a decaying rabbit carcass, these and other sounds become more and more magnified. We are treated to a couple of jump scares when she imagines a rapist inside the apartment, also hands emerge from the walls, grabbing her, and deep cracks suddenly appear. The camera work is superb and it looks great in black and white (I would hate to see a colourised version), the jazzy musical score is excellent too. I loved seeing London back in the mid 1960's, the fashions, old (mainly British) vehicles, etc. The relatively small cast of actors do a decent job and the characters are all engaging. I first watched this as a child back in the 1980's on late night TV and yes it did make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up! Having just re-watched it for a second time decades later it sadly no longer had that effect and though it was pretty shocking for 1965 it seems far tamer by modern standards. Two men are killed, both quite nasty, but with a running time of 104 minutes the pace of the movie - the first half in particular - is fairly slow. Director Roman Polanski showcased a lot of talent here and Repulsion is a great psychological horror but in my opinion it's not his best film.
Spell (2020)
This Spell didn't work on me
A successful lawyer called Marquis pilots his family back to his home state of rural Kentucky when his father passes away but during a violent storm over a mountainous region the cheap looking CGI aeroplane crashes. With no sign of his wife or kids he appears to be the sole survivor, badly injured he is taken in by an old couple, the wife Eloise is a witch and they have something nasty planned for Marquis. An old photograph dated 1860 suggests that Eloise is incredibly old but nothing is made of this. The acting is a mixed bag, the movie was filmed in South Africa and the cast includes a few non-Americans trying to sound American. There is one good jump scare, the soundtrack is suitably moody and there is one very gory scene featuring a metal stake being removed and reinserted in Marquis's foot. The creepy Hoodoo dolls look great. Sadly there are some very dumb plot decisions and I couldn't make sense of the disappointing ending.
Abigail (2024)
Popcorn movie
Went to see "Abigail" (2024) at my local Odeon cinema last night with my mate. Luckily he got me a cheap ticket. Although I found the movie reasonably enjoyable I would not have been happy if I had forked out the normal £14.49. Six would be criminals kidnap the 12 year old daughter of a very rich man, identity unknown but as this is a "reworking" of Universal's "Dracula's Daughter" (1936) it's a no brainer who Daddy is! Starts off as a crime thriller but once Abigail breaks free of her handcuffs the movie becomes criminals (ex cop, ex military, meathead, redneck and little rich girl hacker) versus a vampire ballerina. Trust me, this bears virtually no resemblance to the 1936 film. Once it gets going it's very violent with buckets of blood, despite it being part comedy in the UK the violence resulted in the movie being rated BBFC 18. I found it to be reasonably good fun, there a few good jump scares and plenty of gory action, on the downside it is predictable, sometimes silly, has some annoying characters and at 109 minutes a tad too long. Doubt I'd want to watch it again.
The Return of the Vampire (1943)
Unofficially "The Return of Dracula"
The great Bela Lugosi reprises the role of a Romanian vampire but due to legal reasons instead of him once again playing Dracula he is now one Armand Tesla, complete with black cape etc. There are many vampire movies that don't feature a Dracula so in my book that's fine, indeed if anything it makes it just that little bit more interesting. Set in London this starts off in 1918 and Tesla is staked through the heart, he has a werewolf called Andrea as a servant but with the vamp "dead" Andrea's curse is lifted. This monster twosome is really quite enjoyable though the werewolf isn't the type that only changes during a Full Moon and he looks a bit more pet dog than wolf. The transformation effects of man to 'wolf and Dracula's - I mean Tesla's - inevitable demise are pretty good for the time. Move on to 1941 (?) and during a German bombing raid (some real life footage is used) Tesla's coffin is disturbed and a pair of comedy gravediggers/attendants pull the metal stake out of his heart, reviving him - and he wants revenge! I'm a big Lugosi fan and he's great fun to watch here, he is Dracula in all but name. Set in London but shot in the US there are the inevitable Americans trying but failing to sound English, thankfully there are some genuine Brits amongst the cast. I love old classic black and white horror movies and the many cemetery scenes here with swirling mists and crooked gravestones drool atmosphere. The modest 69 minutes pass quickly enough and the finale is rewarding. I have watched this film a few times now and would certainly watch it again, lights out late at night.
Castaway (1986)
That Ollie Reed was a lucky fella!
"Our lives may depend on these vegetables." Middle-aged Gerald (Oliver Reed) puts an advert in a London newspaper seeking a young female companion to spend a year with him on a deserted tropical island. Lucy (Amanda Donohoe), an office clerk, responds, after a quick marriage of convenience they head off to a Pacific island near Australia. Based on a true story I can remember all the fuss when this was released, I have always been curious about wanting to watch it and after nearly 40 years I have finally done so. I hate to say it but I wasn't terribly impressed. The story starts off in London, Gerald is teaching young kids how to swim, then he's in his (Reed's) natural environment, the pub. This was great. I also really enjoyed seeing London, the fashions and the vehicles from the mid 1980's. One thing I did pick up on though were a couple of TV news segments, one about the serial killer known as The Yorkshire Ripper, the other the engagement of Prince Charles to Diana, these events took place around 1981 yet some of the motor cars seen are clearly from several years later. Once on the island Lucy strips off and is naked for much of the running time. I had a bit of a teenage crush on Amanda Dononhoe, beautiful as well as being a great actress. Oliver Reed is one of my favourite actors, however his best roles were definitely behind him at this stage in his career. Gerald is crude, chauvinistic and randy, he gets a bit tiresome after a while and I sadly wonder if Reed had to try very hard to play him. The two just aren't very compatible, they are both rather stubborn and selfish, and over the course of nearly two hours the movie loses its initial charm. It was shot in London and The Seychelles, the visual aspect - including that of Lucy's natural charms - are for me the best thing about the movie.
Disappearance (2002)
Fake Nevada
A family are travelling through the American desert state of Nevada. They stop at a diner where the locals aren't exactly welcoming and when they ask about an old mining ghost town called Weaver they are told that there's no such place. Good job that it does exist otherwise we'd have no movie. They carry on regardless and sure enough they find Weaver. After a look around they decide to carry on with their journey but guess what, their car won't start! That's just the start of their problems. This is an American made for TV movie so in terms of horror it is quite restrained, but that's fine. However, it was shot in Australia. Unfortunately many of the Aussie actors can't do a convincing American accent, the landscape doesn't look right for Nevada (I have been there), some of the vehicles are right hand drive, and even a large Saguaro cactus looks plastic! The film does have a few creepy moments but the horror is an odd mixture of supernatural and science fiction (Weaver is situated by a former nuclear test site) which don't really gel. I didn't see the twist end coming but it was worth sticking around for. Disappearance is alright for a one time watch but chances are that it will disappear from your memory soon afterwards.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)
Quite possibly the best film version of Stevenson's famous novel
"I'll give you a lover now, his name is Death!" I don't feel a need to outline the plot as I am sure that even people who aren't into horror are familiar with the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde story. The film starts with Jekyll talking, we don't see him at first but instead we see what he sees by using some inventive point of view (POV) shots. Indeed the camera work is excellent throughout, as are the atmospheric London Victorian sets and the transformation special effects of Jekyll to Hyde (and back). This relatively early "talky" was also made pre-Code and enabled it to be rather erotic, at least for its time. A very memorable scene has an attractive young bar singer called Ivy slowly peel off her stockings, revealing her bare legs, much to Jekyll's obvious guilty delight. She is then in bed topless.(seen from her side and back) and grabs the kind doctor for a kiss. When he becomes evil Hyde he claims Ivy as his, keeping her captive and lavishing her with gifts in return for implied sex. The movie does start off a bit slow but it all builds to a fantastic finale. This is a superb classic horror movie but the only thing that lets it down slightly are some of the fake British accents. Much of the cast are British but Fredric March as Jekyll/Hyde clearly sounds American and other characters such as Ivy (Miriam Hopkins) fail badly to sound English. The 1930's was arguably the best decade for classic horror movies and this is up there with the likes of "Dracula" and "Frankenstein".
Les gardiennes du pénitencier (1981)
There's only one reason to watch this...
"What do we do now?" "Let's get undressed" Jailhouse Wardress is a bit of a mess in terms of story, at the end of World War 2 a high ranking Nazi SS officer flees to South Africa and becomes the cruel governor of a bizarre women's jail, an assassination plot is made to kill him. The bulk of the film looks 1970's/early 80's but our villain hasn't aged a day since 1945, either he has some miracle anti-ageing potion or the makers didn't give a hoot about making the time setting look convincing. There are two directors credited, Alain Deruelle, who specialised in pornography, and Spanish legend Jess Franco, known for his many horror films though he too dabbled in adult movies. I am a fan of Jess, even his bad movies and this falls into that category. He gives his usual cameo appearance , his real life lover Lina Romay is one of the stars in this flick. The prison is an old coastal castle, the location is quite nice but there are only a handful of inmates and the governor's office looks like it was filmed in somebody's lounge! The editing is bad, the dubbing is terrible and it is obvious that the film was put together using footage from other movies, the picture quality varying quite a lot. Yes, it is very flawed but let's be honest there is only one reason to watch this women in prison/Nazisploitation thriller and that is for the sex and nudity, of which there is a great deal. Full frontal female nudity throughout, some of the men get in on the action too but as was so typical back then - with one exception - the guys get to keep their clothes on! Also back then the "natural look" was in which makes the nudity look dated. The Euro musical score is easy on the ears and I did like seeing the exotic plants outside of the prison but the sex novelty soon wore off and gave up with the "plot".
The Demon (1981)
Not exactly Cameron Mitchell's finest credit
"He's less than a man but more than a man. Much more". A mysterious masked maniac is stalking, kidnapping and killing his young victims, the parents of a missing 14 year old girl employ psychic detective Col. Bill Carson (Cameron Mitchell) to help find her (and the fiend). Meanwhile two young attractive cousins Mary and Jo are happily loving life until The Demon starts stalking Mary. This South African horror movie is odd because the two story lines don't really intertwine, if feels more like two separate films stuck together. Cameron Mitchell was a very prolific American actor appearing on both the small and big screens, I am a bit of a fan but sadly his performance here is awful and to be honest his part, other than being a big name, is a waste of time. Shame. The other half of the film with the two cousins is the more interesting one, though it borrows heavily from John Carpenter's classic "Halloween" (1978). This is a slasher movie with very little slashing, the killer's main murder method is suffocation by clear plastic bags! At least there is quite a lot of female topless nudity. Predictably one of them is a Final Girl, the Demon breaks into her house but why call the police when she can phone her boyfriend instead!? And then his car doesn't start! That being said the finale is quite suspenseful although the abrupt ending is a let down. Despite the title The Demon does not appear to be supernatural in nature, though amazingly his masks comes and goes and comes back again in the same scene! I have the UK DVD release and the picture quality is awful, it is fuzzy and in dark scenes it is very difficult to see what is happening. If it was restored and put out on blu-ray it would obviously look better but it would still be quite a poor entry in the Golden Era of the Slasher Movie. For die-hard stalk and slash or Cameron Mitchell fans only.
Stardust (1974)
The dark side of fame
"I am an artist, not a bloody jukebox!" A fine British musical drama that charts the rise and fall of a fictional rock star called Jim MacLaine (well played by real singer David Essex). It's the mid 1960's and a band called the Stray Cats get signed by a record company, their first single gets to number 1 in the UK and it also charts in the US. Tensions soon split the band apart whilst in the US with front man Jim going solo, becoming a huge global superstar. He returns to England only to be mobbed by fans at his mother's funeral, then he becomes an eccentric recluse living in a castle in Spain. The media and record company won't leave Jim alone but he's had enough. My mum was a David Essex fan so I grew up listening to him. Many years ago we did watch Stardust together though the only bit that I could remember was the saucy scene where Jim has a threesome with two naked blondes! The cast is very impressive as is the film's musical score. The only negative point for me is that it is set in the 1960's, the band look the part but the fashions of everybody else plus many of the motor vehicles seen make it clearly obvious that it was filmed in the 1970's, pity they didn't set it then instead.
Scared Stiff (1987)
I wasn't scared stiff but I wasn't disappointed either
In the 19th Century some slaves put a curse on cruel slave trader George Masterson (David Ramsey). Move forward to the mid-1980's and pop singer Kate (Mary Page Keller, complete with mullet) moves into Masterson's Southern mansion, along with young son Jason and boyfriend Dr David Young. Needless to say strange and spooky things start to happen, eventually becoming more and more horrific. Back in the 1980's and 90's I was visiting video shops most weeks and I did have a poster for the UK VHS release of this movie yet strangely I don't think that I had actually watched it until last night. I recently acquired the Arrow blu-ray and a fine release it is too. Scared Stiff is very typical of the B movies that found themselves more or less straight to VHS, and that is certainly no bad thing as that period was awash with such films and it was a great time to be a horror fan. This one reminds me of "House" (1986) but with less humour plus it's not as good. The movie had a low budget but the acting is fine though the practical special effects (so much better than horrible CGI) are the real stars of the show. I have seen better quality but they are good enough. I clearly remember this for its wonderful Graham Humphrey's VHS poster artwork but can find very little mention of it in my horror movie books. Sad really, it's no classic but does deserve to be better known. For a late night movie, lights off and a few beers it's a pretty entertaining watch. And after the end credits have rolled don't be surprised if you have the song "Beat of the Heart" going around and around in your head, ha ha!
Elle (2016)
Not exactly the rape/revenge movie that I expected
Michelle is a successful middle-aged French business woman, her mother is dating a toyboy, her father is a mass murderer hoping to be released from prison, her son has become a father to a baby that clearly isn't his, she is having sex with her best friend's husband and she is fantasising over her married neighbour Patrick. In the first scene she is raped in her home by a masked assailant but refuses to go to the police, instead taking matters into her own hands. Only she doesn't really as later on she is attacked again, this time the rapist is unmasked (his identity hardly comes as a surprise, despite there being several suspects) but she just carries on having a fairly regular l relationship with him. Strange, I couldn't really fathom this out. Most of the film focuses on all of the other rather chaotic aspects of her life. The sexual assault scenes are vicious though despite being badly beaten Michelle sports few if any, physical injuries to her face. Furthermore despite the unpleasant backbone of the plot there is also a fair amount of humour, the two don't really go well together. The performances are good but Isabelle Huppert as Michelle is outstanding, for a woman in her early 60's she looks incredible. At 130 minutes this proved to be a bit of a long watch, take away the brutal rape scenes and it's actually quite entertaining.
Bane (2008)
Plenty of gore, shame about the rest of it.
"Who are you?" "I don't know who I am.." Four young women wake up in a (very flimsy looking) prison cell and they are all suffering with memory loss, not even knowing their own names. They are subjected to horrific experiments. Until now this had been sat in my DVD pile for years, I finally watched it, was it worth the wait? Sadly not. Looking at the sleeve I wrongly assumed it would be another torture horror movie like "Saw" or "Hostel" but in fact it is a very low budget British film that combines horror with science fiction and prison escape. Young director James Eaves introduces the film, he states that it was made on a tiny budget and shot on digital. The best thing about Bane is it's strong gore and violence. The acting is generally alright and the women look nice in their tight light green T-shirts, however Daniel Jordan as the evil Dr Murdoch is terrible. The ludicrous plot features an evil alien, human in shape but with weird tentacles, behind these human experiments, it is all very unconvincing and confusing. Then there's the 108 minutes running time (DVD), it is WAY too long, It's a shame as I felt that Bane could have been a lot better but as it stands it's only worth seeing for the gore (you may want to hit the FFWD button).
The Outsiders (1983)
The Averagers
Coming of age American drama from Francis Ford Coppola, based on a book (or books?) that I admit to never having heard of. Two rival gangs from different class backgrounds, The Greasers and the Socs (pronounced Soches), fight it out in Tulsa. What attracted me to watching this movie (drama isn't really my thing) was the cast of actors who had not yet become Hollywood A-listers. Patrick Swayze, Matt Dillon, Tom Cruise, Rob Lowe and Emilio Estevez all went on to become huge stars. In the credits Cruise appears midway and his character was only memorable for performing back-flips off car bonnets. There are several confrontations including a rumble in the rain between the gangs but generally it's a far more talkative movie with action being a bit too thin on the ground for my liking. The musical score is pretty cool featuring the likes of Stevie Wonder and Elvis Presley. No doubt there are people who love this movie, I just found it to be a rather average curiosity.
Deadly Detour (2011)
Cheap, short, very gory and a lot of fun
UK title - The Goatman Murders. The British DVD cover is quite misleading as it shows a half human/half goat creature but in fact the Goatman is one ugly looking dude, a bit like a smaller unmasked Jason Vorhees. Mind you he's better looking than one of the kids, a stoner who looks like Ed Sheeran! The opening scene is very gory but then we get 30 minutes of 20 somethings' car breaking down in the backwoods, so they pass the time by drinking beer, smoking weed and having sex, which is all quite entertaining. Then Goatman appears and the rest is a gorefest! This is obviously a very low budget movie, the picture and sound quality is not great and the acting is very amateur (though I have seen far worse). The gore is quite extreme, given the budget the special effects aren't bad at all. No horrible CGI either. There is plenty of bad taste, one scene has a mentally handicapped man eating excrement (surely fake!?) at a service station, there are gay jokes galore and Goaty boards a school bus and slaughters all of the blind passengers. When I first watched this it had me in stitches of laughter, the second viewing didn't have quite the same effect but even so, with a few beers, I still found this to be a silly, bloody and enjoyable fun slasher flick. DVD runtime - 68m.
Werewolves Within (2021)
Nothing worthwhile Within, it's quite a bore.
Forest ranger Finn (Sam Richardson) takes up his new post at the small mountain town of Beaverfield, where a man has been viciously killed in the snow. He is quickly befriended by local mail delivery girl Cecily (Milana Vaynturb). Looks like there is a werewolf in town, could it be big hairy recluse Emerson Flint? A DNA test proves that it isn't him, with the town's annoying residents holed up in the local inn this becomes an Agatha Christie type mystery - who is the werewolf? No spoiler but I figured it out quite easily. The werewolf doesn't appear until the last ten minutes and it was not worth the wait. I did like Finn and Cecily but the rest of the characters are incredibly irritating and spend the bulk of the running time bickering. I have not heard of the video game on which this is based, nor had I heard of any of the actors but what I do know is that as a horror comedy this boring film fails on both counts. I know it's cliche but that 97 minutes of my life that I'll never get back!
Witchfinder General (1968)
A masterpiece but "witch" version is best?
England 1645, the country is in the grip of the Civil War. Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins (a superb Vincent Price) and his equally vile accomplice John Stearne (a dubbed Robert Russell) terrorise the East of England, hunting, torturing and killing alleged witches, for both profit and undeniable pleasure. A young couple (Ian Ogilvy and the beautiful Hilary Dwyer) are unfortunately caught up in the horror. Part fact part fiction this was originally considered to be a British Western, characters spend a lot of time riding horseback across the exquisitely shot English countryside but in more recent times it has been classed as Folk Horror. The horror here is the evil of Man, despite being a movie about "witches" there is nothing supernatural to it. This was the final movie of the very talented director Michael Reeves, who tragically died aged 25. Apparently he and Price didn't get on but perhaps this brought out the best of them. The movie is beautifully shot and features stunning countryside, old historic buildings and fantastic costumes. The cast is excellent and the pace never slows. This was a very violent movie for 1968, and indeed even today it still has the power to shock. I had previously only seen this on VHS and poor quality DVD but I have now obtained it remastered and in 4K on blu-ray. It looks absolutely stunning. My only dilemma was which version to go for, the original UK release or the American version, released under the far less appealing title "Conqueror Worm"? I opted for the latter because it features more nudity and violence, sadly the original musical score had been replaced by a totally inappropriate synth one which sounds completely wrong. Next time I will watch the UK version - and no doubt enjoy it once again for the masterpiece that it is.
The Haunting of Margam Castle (2020)
Bad acting at Margam Castle
A team of "American" parapsychologists investigate supernatural events at Margam Castle in Wales, one of Britain's supposedly most haunted buildings. The opening scene is very Gothic - skulls, candles, pentagrams and an ancient book of rituals, a nice start but sadly everything then goes rapidly down hill. The late Andrew Jones was a prolific writer, director and producer, I admire his love of the horror genre but sadly the quality of his movies is very poor, and this is no exception. He was obsessed with Americanising his movies, sometimes he'd laughably set them in the US despite being shot in South Wales, and he always had to have American characters. In this instance there are a couple of Americans in the poor cast but the bad British actors fail miserably to sound convincingly American. When the "Americans" arrive in the UK the low budget is obvious, instead of driving decent rental cars they drive an old VW and Honda. Lovely British Scream Queen Caroline Munro has a small part/cameo playing a barmaid but sadly it's cringeworthy. To its credit the internal and external shots of the Castle are very well done and the musical score is good too (like the Amicus 1972 movie "Asylum" it opens to the wonderful strains of "A Night on Bold Mountain"). The running time may only be 78 minutes (DVD) but the painfully slow pace, bad acting and lack of scares make this a very boring and unrewarding watch, Avoid!
Gaia (2021)
Strangely compelling
Two forest rangers, Gabi and Winston, split up when their drone goes missing. She is badly injured by an animal snare that was set by a very strange father and son, two white survivalists living in the forest. They care for her in their wooden hut but as time goes on it becomes clear that the boy knows no other way of life and the father, a former scientist, has now become quite crazy. My TV guide described this as an eco horror, it is indeed a tale of Mother Nature not taking kindly to Mankind's damage. It is also a fantasy, I could see plenty of Guillermo del Toro influence, for example some people turn into half human half mushroom creatures. The movie was made in South Africa and the language keeps changing from English to Afrikaans and back, if you don't speak both languages and don't like subtitles then best stay away. The film is well shot, the make up and effects are pretty good and the small cast of four speaking characters do a fine job. This is an unusual movie, not for everyone. I didn't entirely get it but that doesn't really matter, I enjoyed it for how it looked.
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)
American Hellraiser
Just watched this on blu-ray, first time that I have re-watched since I had the original VHS about 30 years ago. Back then I thought it was "Wow!", I will now change my opinion to "decent horror". The first two films were better movies, my only problem with them was the fact that they were (obviously) filmed in Britain and had a mixture of British and American characters, the setting was never clear. However part 3 is very much American, set in New York and shot in North Carolina. So at least this time we know where we are. The wonderful Doug Bradley returns as chief Cenobite Pinhead, we get to see a lot more of him as Capt Elliott Spencer, which is nice, However his pins looked like rubber and his witty dialogue sounds more like Freddy Krueger. Expect plenty of gore and carnage, plus a strong sex scene. We get new Cenobites, one of which is called CD the DJ who kills people by throwing CDs at them! Sadly they don't show until late in the movie and they are quickly disposed of. The end credits roll to the song "Hellraiser" by Motorhead, awesome! I haven't seen all of the Hellraiser movies but part 3 definitely was the start of the decline in quality, but it's a cool horror movie none the less.
Little Joe (2019)
Little happens
Single mum and workaholic Alice (Emily Beecham) is part of a team working at Planthouse Biotechnology, they are trying to develop a houseplant that makes people feel happy. Against the rules she takes one home with her and gives it to her young son Joe, they name the plant "Little Joe". He and others that breath in its pollen start to display unusual behaviour. Presented by BBC Films this was a joint effort between various European countries, including the UK. The plot is quite thin but there echoes of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers", "The Stepford Wives", and so on. The most striking thing about this movie is how it looks, it is well shot and the colour is exquisite. The acting is generally quite good, though there were a few long silences between lines of dialogue with some of the characters. Unfortunately the bad outweighs the good. For a start the pace is very slow, I don't mind a slow burn if it leads to a good finale but sadly this ends quite lamely. The plant laboratory has strict hygiene regulations so why on earth would a pet dog be allowed inside?? For me the worst aspect of Little Joe is the soundtrack, it is a mixture of high pitched notes, flutes, drums, etc, it is very loud and is repeated over and over and over again. It's horrible. To call this a horror movie is a bit of a stretch but the soundtrack is the stuff of nightmares (and I don't mean that in a good way). I watched this on the BBC iPlayer, it clocked in at 98 minutes, 7 less than quoted, but it still felt way too long. Strange movie, different for sure and certainly memorable, sadly not for the right reasons (I did like watching Alice with her bright ginger bob mind you!).
Perfect Friday (1970)
Far from Perfect
A rather plain London banker called Mr Graham (Stanley Baker) joins forces with an odd married couple Lord and Lady Dorset (David Warner and Ursula Andress) to rob the bank where he works. The Dorsets may be aristocrats but they're pretty much skint. What's more Lady Dorset and Graham start sleeping together, forming a love triangle in addition to a criminal one. British crime comedy that despite some rave reviews I found to be rather boring. I'll put my hands up and admit that the only reason that I watched this was to see Ursula spend much of her screen time nude, though sadly it is done in a way that shows no full frontal. The first hour or so is incredibly talky and after a while this became quite a bore. The bank heist and double crossing that follows are alright but by this time I'd all but lost interest. The acting is fine, Ursula looks fantastic whether she's speeding around in her Sunbeam sports car or stripped off in the bedroom. Nice to see Johnny Briggs as an amusing London cabby, he went on to become a British household name by playing Mike Baldwin in the long running British soap "Coronation Street". I found the musical score very irritating, the same silly fairground type tune is played over and over and over. As one other reviewer states, "Not my cup of tea".
God of Vampires (2010)
A good cure for insomnia
A contract killer finds himself up against a Chinese vampire and its minions in China Town. These vampires are different to the European ones, to kill them a death certificate needs to be placed on their heads and they then need to be dismembered using blessed sharp instruments. Sounds quite good but sadly this movie is abysmal. The picture quality is awful, very grainy and incredibly dark. This often makes it difficult to see what's happening. The sound is also very poor. The main vampire speaks in English but subtitles are used as his mumbling is impossible to understand. Dialogue is sometimes drowned out by the heavy metal score. The acting is very bad. There is a lot of gore but it's very cheap looking (when it can clearly been seen) plus plenty of non exciting action. The guy who made this is obviously a Tarantino fan as he has "borrowed" a few of that director's traits. IMDb shows an incorrect running time of 2 hrs 24 m but my DVD clocked in at 1 hr 45 m, which is 105 minutes too long. I could feel my eyes starting to close a few times watching this utterly boring and badly made garbage. Quite possibly the worst vampire movie that I have ever seen and I have seen a lot!