Change Your Image
kbarnhart-48446
Reviews
Boston Legal (2004)
Silly but entertaining.
Few dispute David Kelley's writing chops. He's got them. BL was certainly trendy offering its new take on the heterozygous "dramadies." It was fast-paced, smart, funny, sexy, had the trendy quick camera moments popular at that time, and above all, some star-power. But for me, the show quickly took a down-turn at the end of season 1 and never fully recovered. Maybe the ratings were on the decline and/or didn't live up to either the network's or Kelley's expectations, but whatever the reason, someone thought they needed to side more on the comedy than the drama. Drama comes-off looking less genuine when framed with comedy. But within the confines of a show that otherwise spends its time addressing/tackling controversial topics, it came-off silly and even "cartoonish."It became more and more less credible, and obvious to push its liberal agenda (I'm not a conservative). Republicans were ridiculed as well as the judges who sided with them. Then there was this revolving-door policy of replacing the female cast members, which only served to make the show look weak in its ability hire qualified actresses or maybe they just didn't "get along." If silly was what they wanted, they achieved it. Im not wiring thats a bad thing, but only to inform the potential viewer of what I believe they will be getting into. One thing for sure, the show is VERY unique.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Meh.
While the beautiful aerial sequences are exceptionally filmed, and edited. The rest of the film is one giant cliche.
The acting, the storyline, script and even underscore all seemed phoned-in to me. My biggest issue is how, once again, Cruise's character has to be overly propped/hyped up, just like in Top Gun, just like in A few Good Men, just like in the Mission Impossible series: his character has to be the best and most celebrated, which I find personally annoying, once again he plays the contrarian protagonists who we have to hear his resume over and over again, the new know-it-all macho pilots, the brooding son of a deceased pilot, the angry disgruntled CO, the underachieving nerd, the over-achieving female J. I. Jane, and of course the hot babe of which our hero has had history with, and has the overly mature teenager. Several times in the film someone's life gets saved in the split second nick of time by improbable actions, that we see coming a mile away. While the film is decently paced, the dialog exchange is slow and lumbered. One thing I DID like was the enemy is faceless which gives it a mysterious element, and a profound look at our humanity and our peace in the world. But aside from that, this isn't a film I need to see twice.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
5 for CGI, plus 0 for pointless film=5
I think we have arrived at the point where CGI is as good as it
needs to be to help support the story and lend strength to
its credibility when wielded by capable hands and commensurate budgeting. However in this instance the plot is too weak and contrived for those aids to help and CGI is something we no longer marvel over.
I cant believe I waded thru 2/3rd of this mess of a movie.
The endless scenarios where a dino' was about to go for the kill,
or a tree fell, or ice broke, or another dino' appeared to stave off the one that was threatening, or a locust fireball became a weapon, or a worker defected and saw a monitor at the precise time he needed to enter a gate-opening code, or a ramp fell, or a vehicle rolled down a hill, or a plane crashed in the ice, etc. I don't know how the last 1/3rd of the movie ended because I was through being insulted.
The irony being is the key line Goldblum delivers in the original film of this franchise, to paraphrase: "just because you CAN do something you never stopped to ask yourself if you SHOULD."
In the case of "World Dominion" they should have NOT.
The Paradise Motel (2022)
Can't tell if this is a comedy or not.
Can't tell if this is a comedy or not, I don't write that to be mean, but this "film" so hilariously awful i found myself asking myself if it was intentional.
The film plods along at a snails pace, as does the exchange of stiff/moronic dialog which I'm convinced everyone is on lithium/lexipro. We are entertained by long pointless driving scenes and country music.(really lame covers of Marshall Tucker and Willie Nelson included). The needle drop cues are terrible, and have nothing to do with the scenes.
Our leading lady (sorry if the reads cruel, I don't wish to be unfair, but hey, you put it out there so I'm gonna' comment.) is Dawna Lee Heising, who has also starred in "Horndogs Beach Party", essentially playing the same role.
Ms Heising has had numerous "procedures" to face and body, to what purpose is unclear: help in getting roles, excess resources, afraid of aging, self-loathing issues, or the producers/casting wanted a cyborg for the lead, in that latter event, they hit the nail on the head. She has a shower scene, but not only does she not want to see her own nipples, it looks as if they were taped. (That's as close as you get to nudity in the entire film).
The film in general has tads of Psycho in it.( A book that is titled " Human Taxidermy" by Norman Bates on the hotel counter, and a ghost mom, and of course a stabbing scene in the shower) But it also has sudden scenes of dancing (the same reggae song appears twice in the movie, once in a car, and the other in a hotel room without any visible signs of a boom box or the ilk. Two pretty girls spontaneously dancing to reggae in conservative lingerie for no reason.
Also, 2- totally different characters in different times in the film order a "burger, medium, with lettuce only and a beer"
A couple of people get stabbed for reasons that weren't entirely apparent. (I guess that's the "Paradise" part)
The film is supposed to take place in 2022, but there's no technology, I mean seriously, 3 girls in a bar without a cellphone? Not a computer screen anywhere.
I never understood the plot of the film if there actually IS one, from my vantage it only seemed to serve to make me laugh and shake my head how someone got funding and distribution.
Then there's the ending credits with visual portrayals of everyone in the film, which takes FOREVER, (just like the intro).
Babe Beach (2022)
Babes? Where?
I'm 79-minutes into this waste of video
and there have been NO babes and very little beach.
( that's when the credits started rolling)
What there IS is a lot of the main protagonists
who makes Patton Oswalt look like Brad Pitt, in a banana-hammock, no less, AND sporting a t-shirt
that says "Vagitarian."
Seriously, this slovenly dude is in every scene.
Then there is endless inane bro-mance' talk-talk-talk-talk.
Nothing ever happens in this video.
I cant imagine who green-lighted this project or
invested in it because they lost-out, big time.
This is yet another free movie on Tubi, that mis-represents itself, when all it REALLY was is some self-serving project for the people who made this self-absorbed pile of tripe.
You will find vastly more entertainment from films on navel lint or toenail clippings.
Bikini Girls vs Dinosaurs (2014)
Not what you might think
I will cut to the chase.
This isn't some "skinemax" type of a T&A sexploitation film.
What it actually is a waste of 50-minutes.
(the ONLY redeeming values is that it's short)
Would you click on this on Tubi offering expecting
a Kubrick film? Of course not. But when you put the words
"bikini" and "dinosaurs" in the title, it's tacitly implied there will
eventually be some pointless nudity on some level.
It had a rating of MA, but I think that maturity level was the age of 10.
There is NO nudity or adult content.
There is nothing amusing. There is nothing entertaining.
There are no attractive females. The bikinis are G-rated
and they wear wraps around their bottoms, so no booty either.
You have been warned.
Dracula 3D (2012)
Budget and Pedigree could not save this film
I expect a lot from master horror director Argento, but was let down in several ways in his interpretation of the story we all know so well. The film, as attractive as it looks at times, never LOOKS like a horror movie. When you watch Susperia you know you are in for something sinister. Its also derivative, borrowing ideas from Hammer, Coppola, and even his own works from the past. I also would have expected the master of gore (and there is plenty of that here) to find a reasonable blood-tone, but it changes throughout the film yet never looks real. The acting is flat (even Rutger Hauer has had better performances) Dario's daughter Asia ( from "XXX"), stars as Lucy and is an atrocious actress, she claims her dad had her merely to fill the roles. IMO, it's a bit creepy to film your daughter naked and in a sex scene, and as far as nudity/sex goes its gratuitous in the film. Thomas Kretschmanm as Dracula is neither imposing or threatening, he comes off more like an accountant. The film is tedious and sleepy with violence and boobies thrown in for dynamics. It's worth a watch if you are a Argento fan only.
The Sex Lives of College Girls (2021)
Solid Dramadypera
Mindy Kaling's show is a fresh foray into modern life of college students.
You experience a frank vision of about late teen/early 20's angst, heartbreak, social jockeying, career choices, harsh realities, and sexual discovery on various levels.
Both cast and scripts are solid, as well as direction and production. Kaling has assembled a fine crew/writers and cast. I have enjoyed every episode.
I do however, have one big problem with this series: just about every male character is an a-hole. I don't have a problem with any offering that showcases a strong feminine/female presence, but this show IS myopic in its feminine point of view.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (2022)
Meh....
Start Trek has such an enormous following and long pedigree that it, like Star Wars, will fall under constant scrutiny and never satisfy everyone. These franchises mean a lot to diehard fans, and as such any presentation that threatens that preciousness immediately is met with consternation. I myself have enjoyed Trek since the 60s, however, don't consider myself any type of "trekkie." As Shatner said, I DO have a life. All that being said, this latest offering into this highly anticipated series prequel needs some tweaking and fine-tuning. The good: production values are outstanding. The CGI, futuristic designs and concepts are well represented. Sold costume and make-up, set-designs, sound design, everything, spot-on. Just 10-year ago a series with this specific attention to detail would have been too financially exorbitant to see thru fruition. Nearly equal to the production values are the general story-line concepts, and there is a welcome absence of protracted needless conversations (eg. Black Sails) i.e. Things move along. After this things go downhill. While the scripts are adequate, there is no punch, and the casting (or at least how they are being directed) borders on being narcoleptic. After 6 episodes-in, I care nothing about the characters. The underscore is bland too, even though they pilfered some of the Alexander Courage theme. You wont hear any of those little sounds snippets that really added punch to the original series. It would seem they spent all of their budget on the production, overlooking that like the original Star Trek, you dont need ALL of the bells and whistles to make a great show.
Horndogs Beach Party (2018)
Even free, it still costs.
I saw this video free on Tubi, but it still costs more than money; my time.
The title Tubi listed this is "Beach Babe Bingo." I guess the producer and/or distributor thought it may gain more attention for those doing a title-search for the Avalon/Funicello classic "Beach Blanket Bingo" of which I can assure there is NO similarity at all except 2 of the words in the title. In all seriousness a 14-year old with an I-Phone could make a better looking video, and with better sound. The script and surf music is beyond infantile, and the acting is what you'd expect. So with all that lack of talent/production I bet you'd expect a beach movie with bikini babes and boobs. You'd be wrong. SPOILER:There is no beach (okay, after an HOUR into the video there are brief non-relating clips of beach scenes), no babes, and no nudity, unless you deem a few seconds of hand-bra as nudity. There's a super-nosy next door neighbor hell bent on stopping a party, and she looks like she went to every bad plastic surgeon she could find. "Horndog" is a Rodney Dangerfield wannabe who appears as if he is some sort of celebrity making a cameo, for a total of about 30-seconds. Please, please, please avoid this waste of video.
Better Things (2016)
Sad to see it go so soon......
I often wonder if I am watching the same show as the others. I don't find the kids bratty or spoiled, they are merely young women on their own journey, with sagacious tutelage from a doting mom. Simple. There ARE some interesting things in the background: all of the women have mens names, white ones at that. Sam (the mother) seemingly hates all white men in her age range, yet embraces older men, gays and minorities. I cant tell weather its hatred or mistrust, and if it stemmed from past damage and she deems them a threat. There is tacitly implied martyrdom to illicit sympathy. I found that annoying at times. This is supported by her dressing like a man, talking like a man, and trodding around if she has lupus, and oh yeah, drives a black retro El Camino. We only see her having intimacy in one episode, and she is annoyed. She starts a brief relationship with a man in other season but that goes nowhere; she seemingly deliberately denies herself to be satisfied as if she doesn't allow herself to deserve it. It's easier to bitch and whine than to be happy, hey it works for FOX News too. As a show, IMHO, it's superb on all levels: script, directing, and an exceptional ensemble. The potential for the young women to progress far in their careers is easily plausible. I never knew Diedrich Bader could act that well and had such a commanding presence. I was very sad to see this series end so soon, I felt like a part of the family....
Jeff Lynne's ELO: Wembley or Bust (2017)
Overlooked mega-band
Very nice showing of concert footage, and behind the scenes kind of pseudo-documentary.
Excellent concert and sound. Band stays true-to-form of the original releases, with only a small amount of pre-recorded orchestral and vocals. i.e. most is live. So many hits, and iconic ones at that, that have appeared in movies and other media over the past 40 years. ELO, often gets overlooked,flies under the radar so-to-speak, but that doesn't make their impressive catalog of timeless material any less relevant. Highly recommended.
Tomb Raider (2018)
Maybe the worst (Major Release) film of 2018
**This review contains spoilers**
This is maybe one of the worst films I have seen in 2018. The Tomb Raider game was known for its buxom lead character, in a light and fun, tung & cheek entertainment action/adventure vehicle that got a slight retooling when it was developed for a movie, and Angelina Jolene's bra was developed into a D-cup. This version is far from entertaining, full of B (and C) list actors, along with the unlikeable Dame Kristin Scott Thomas, who we find out, at the very end, is the supreme bad-guy. What little story is presented, even less cohesiveness or point is evident. The script is vague, and the overall tone is slow and mean-spirited with point blank murders. Our protagonist, Laura Croft, played by the emotionless Alicia Vikander, apparently develops marine-scale bravery and navy-seal-level athleticism and cunning on the fly on her first mission in a remote island jungle fresh from jolly old England. Nothing really gets explained in the movie, and the last1/3 of the movie, which I assume is its climax, echoes that of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Laura also develops an intense ability to immediately decipher puzzles that skilled archeologists could not do. The film meanders, is slow, and boring, with no likable characters, and shamelessly sets up the sequel with cliche'd humor. I wish I had that 2 hours back.
Kidding (2018)
Superb pilot, perfect supporting cast.
I don't understand the negative reviews unless they were expecting something different from either the show or from Carrey. I knew it was going to be dark just from the trailers. This is a very modern and adult look at how a complex protagonist's deals with very real and devastating events, and how he confronts the diametrically opposed emotions existing within one person. The cast is replete with heavy hitters: Semi-Spoiler: Frank Langella as his stoic producer boss, Catherine Keener as Carrey' co worker (who has complex problems of her own) and the omnipotent Judy Greer as his ex wife. Everyone is against Pickles ( Carrey) in one way or another as he attempts to piece his life back together despite mounting discoveries and challenges. I'm eager to see where this goes. Carrey is astounding.
Ready Player One (2018)
Willy Wonka redux
I didn't read more than 30 reviews, but none of them pointed out the obvious comparison to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. In both films the protagonists has to solve puzzles, and prove himself to the exiting owner to gain new ownership. I didn't see much point to the film except an exercise in CGI on a massive epic scale. The amount of license-clearing to exhibit all of these trademarked characters must have cut heavily into the budget. Obviously a lot of work went into this, along with a thrilling music score and superb sound-design. But the message of "reality is well... real" is kind of moronic.
Boogie Woogie (2009)
See it for the babes....
In what has to be one of the more stranger/esoteric cast-ensembles, this film never really finds itself. Is it a dark dromedy', a spoof on the art world, is the film deliberately pretentious and self aware to mirror the self-importance of the modern art world, or just poking fun at the clueless rich? I can't figure it out, thats the directors fault. Gillian Anderson, one of Hollyweird's hottest lesbians, who only seems to only get prettier as she ages, as the lead, sucks the life out of every scene, poor lassie can't act. She needs to stick to pensive brooding and muted soft-spoken pouting, with the posed slow-motion blinking. Otherwise the cast is very talented, all with discrete character development: none of them very redeeming or likable. Most unusual, is the setting which takes place in London, yet feels like its in lower Manhattan, half of the cast is American; I thought Madonna was the only wealthy American to transplant despite the indigenous draconian tax-rate. Most everyone is a self-assumed art critic or "genius" and nearly all of them are perverted in one way or another. Again, see it for the babes, especially the Amanda Seyfried up-skirt scenes.
Snatched (2017)
Comedy, Drama, or just plain crap?
I'm an Amy Schumer fan since her early days a stand-up. Her skit show: Inside Amy Schumer on Comedy Central is outstanding too, IMHO. When "Trainwrecked" got released I was so looking forward to it but was sadly disappointed and I thought to myself, OK, she 1st had to appease the Hollywood-brass and its conforming mechanism to play nice, do it THEIR way. The next film ( I assumed she had at least a 3 -picture deal) would be much better, you know, be more "Amy." I was wrong. Casting Hawn I'm sure garnered some older movie-goer brownie-points as Goldie ain't on the screen as much as she used to be, and I don't wish to be unfairly cruel, but Ms Hawn has suffered thru some bad youthful restorative procedures. She was hard to look at, she should have just aged naturally. Amy, has gained weight,and seemingly unapologetic about it. Onto the film. I won't get into the story line, IM sure thats been covered with the many reviews already posted. Look, are there some funny moments? Sure there are. The funniest scene is Amy getting caught washing her cooter when the lady's-room door opened-up enough for everyone outside to see her. Thats classic Amy! It would be unreasonable to think that a movie with these two leads, Wanda Sykes and Joan Cusack wouldn't have any funny moments. There are, just not many. There are clichés perpetrated that encompasses the strained relationship with mother and daughter that gets too predictable and drippy, and an underachieving mama's boy living at home. The movie meanders and takes detours into abduction, torture and murder, along with even more improbable stuff like Amys brother traveling to Bogota with the special-ops rescue team,and alliance with 2 lesbian commandos (one without a tongue). Mom and daughter wondering thru the jungles of Ecuador, and contracting a tape-worm that gets lured-out by wagging a piece of meat in front of Amy's mouth, by an English-speaking doctor in the middle of nowhere. They escape from their captors 3-times in the film. Amy kills 3 people yet I was rooting for the bad-guy. Amy exposes a boob( nice boob, BTW) in what seemed to have been a set-up or contractual obligation to do so. I thought "Trainwrecked" would be hard to beat on the stink-o-meter, I was wrong.