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1/10
Just Horrible
12 June 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Greg Kinnear has done a really good job with the few serious roles he's played. And this is no exception. But even if this film had compelling dialogue, and Kinnear nailed it down in an Oscar-worthy performance, this film couldn't be saved.

The premise itself is hopelessly lacking in everything but deception. In fact, the entire concept is a lie. There seems to exist enough verified events regarding some sort of hereafter to at least leave the question open to debate. But everyone knows Near Death Experiences (NDEs) in which people make claims some of which can be difficult to reject, require a few seconds to a few minutes of flatlining. Some sort of temporary death is a necessary ingredient to make the conversation interesting. In this story, young Colton Burpo is ill, but never dies. He never flatlines, the actions of the body necessary for life never cease. So how i the hell could he have seen heaven? The entire point of the film rests on this child seeing heaven. But he never acquires the state of lifelessness wholly necessary for the glimpse of the hereafter.

It should be apparent to all not blinded by their faith that this boy WANTED to see heaven— wanted to be a part of some sort of "truth" that would underscore his family's spiritual beliefs. His father, after all, is the prototypical small town preacher. Had be been brought up to believe that the savior of mankind was a grape ape circling the earth in a spacecraft and only hearing the pleas of humanity when prayer was accompanied by the ritualistic burning of a 14 ounce filet mignon, doubtless, young Colton would have come back from his fever-induced delirium with tales of a loving purple primate. That would have made for a much more interesting movie-going experience. But no change in plot would have been safe from the horrible, erratic, and often stone-like "acting" of Connor Corum.

This kid was awful, despite what you may have heard. As I left the theater, both those in my group of family and others, unrelated, couldn't stop salivating all over this kid and his alleged acting chops. They marveled about how surprisingly great he was despite his young age. But people love to see their faith "validated" on screen, and will rhapsodize about anything that masquerades as proof.

The plot holes, lack of detail, vague connections, et al. probably deserve a mention. But having to recall my viewing of this train wreck of cinematic buffoonery has left this reviewer exhausted.

If you must see this film, pretend it is a comedy and that the absurdity is deliberate. If the option existed to grant this film zero stars, I would have enthusiastically made that selection. Under duress, I selected a single star, which corresponds with "awful" on the IMDb scale.
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Lizard Lick Towing (2011–2014)
1/10
Most scripted, staged nonsense on television
8 July 2012
Many of us wondered what the absolute rock bottom of "reality TV" would look like. And now we know. Sadly.

I have worked with repo agents for almost 20 years. A number of them are close, personal friends. This is about as far as one can get from anything approaching reality. Every episode seems to feature NUMEROUS felony assaults, both against and by the LL team. And yet nobody cares. Those of you who think this crap is real are the kind of childish tools who tense up while watching pro wrestling. Bobby is a superman who regularly takes on (and takes out) three, four, five guys at once. Come on! And Ronny's inane analogies? That's supposed to be funny? One out of a hundred are slightly humorous, while the rest are just pure idiocy. And good or bad, he clearly doesn't come up with them himself.

What do you people think the and the 19 "producers," 14 "production assistants," and the two "STORY PRODUCERS" are paid for? This is fictitious nonsense. Real repossessions are most often boring affairs in which the recovery agent drives by an address five times, checks the place of employment a few more, etc. Other than the fans of real PI work and skip tracing, the show wouldn't entertain anyone unless there was the type of "comedy" and "action" the producers CREATE. Those of you deluded enough to think this crap has any relation to reality are the reason TV has gotten so bad. My God, people! When you applaud crap, we all get more of it. Please stop deceiving yourselves and either turn the channel or read a book.
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Hidden Hills (2002–2003)
9/10
Grossly unjust cancellation
15 January 2011
With all the crap that remains on TV, this gem of a show gets the axe? Really? Disgusting. I suppose the only way to guarantee a program has multiple seasons is to write it as woefully formulaic and devoid of humor. The only possible explanation is the sheer level of human stupidity. As one of the few shows without a laugh track it is entire possible that people simply didn't know when to laugh.

"According to Jim" ran for 8 seasons. Were there any moral justice in the world HH should have had at least a dozen. It's amazing what passes as comedy anymore.

Unreal.
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