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kale854
Reviews
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Can I just say 'ouch'?
I have been an avid LOTR fan for almost ten years now. I love love love love the books, but I really hated this movie.
What Jackson did (and I'm surprised Phillipa or Christopher didn't call him out on it) was cut all the really important ending bits for sake of having disgustingly overblown battle sequences that made me want to kill myself. An hour is too long to be in battle, in a movie, I'm sorry. The CGI was amazing, and the deaths were good and all, but it didn't really help the story along. All it did was sit there. And we aren't even going to get into how much I hate Orlando Bloom.
The fact that the scenes in the houses of healing were cut just pisses me off. Faramire and Eowyn deserved more than a glance during Aragorn's OMG SPIFFY coronation. They were the the link between Gondor and Rohan. They were actually quite major characters, and they were totally glossed over for the sake of some Oliphants falling over. Butchery? Yes, yes it is.
And the endings. The endings weren't long enough. I know what you're thinking, "but... the ending dragged on and on with no sign of an end in sight until it actually ended", but seriously folks, don't give me that BS unless you've read the books as many times as I have (if you have, then by all means, give me that BS many people have read them more times then I have, but those people would agree with me) when Peter Jackson decided to use his "artistic" license to completely forget about half of the stuff in the books, he cheated people out of some seriously amazing story telling. The scouring of the Shire is what the whole trilogy is supposed to be about. It's about how Frodo leaves hating how much the hobbits take for granted in life, and then coming back, and helping to save them from something they have never before had the displeasure of meeting, and that is slavery. And then when they won their freedom back, they loved their heroes, and they celebrated them, and they were happy again, and they (hopefully) wouldn't take so much for granted again in the future.
Okay, I'm getting myself upset, and I'll shut up. But seriously, all this movie is for is watching people run around and stab things. Not interesting to me.
Once a Thief (1996)
*sigh* I love this movie.
Yeah, it sucks, but it's one of those movies that gives you that warm and happy feeling, that you can only get when two supposedly heterosexual men are DEFINITELY into each other. Seriously, if you didn't see them, watch it again. The homo erotic undertones are there. Esp. with The Bite as my sister has taken to calling it. Of course Lee Ann had to be there to mess with everything.
I realize very few people know anything about this movie, as it was pretty obscure, so I shall sum up. There are three 'siblings' named Mac, Lee Ann, and Micheal. Micheal is the biological son of a Chinese mob boss, and Lee Ann and Mac were adopted into 'The Family' Mac and Micheal are both in love with Lee Ann, but Micheal gets permission from his father to marry her. Micheal is a slimy little jerk, and honestly, the guy who plays him can't act... at all, I don't know his name, because all I really worry about are Mac and Vic (Ivan Sergei, and Nicholas Lea *heart*). So anyway, Mac and Lee Ann try to run away, Lee Ann escapes and Mac ends up in prison. That = exposition. I hope I've peeked your interest at least a little. Great movie. Rent it.
James and the Giant Peach (1996)
omfg SO awesome!!
I've loved this movie for as long as I can remember it being around. And (!)hey(!) did anyone notice that they used the Jack Skelington model in the pirate scene. Wee!! Anyway, David Thewlis, and the rest (yes, I only said David Thewlis, they all rock, but I'm only sexually attracted to Thewlis) are fantastic!!!!!!! The musical scenes make me all kinds of happy, esp. the one in the clouds, I believe it's called "We're Family" or "Love" or some such, I've never bothered to check it out. But yes, how is it so-so, and the Nightmare Before Christmas was done by the same studio, thus it rocks just as hard, even if the themes were less... amusingly morbid.