Reviews

If you watched the original Child's Play, you'll remember voodoo and the transferring of an evil soul led to the Chucky's rampage. In this even less creative remake an overworked looser in Vietnam sets the doll to evil. Hilarious similarity to the Simpsons Tree House of Horrors episode where the Crusty Doll is set to evil on accident and torments Homer. This isn't the Simpsons. Hilarity does not ensue. This movie is only filled with tedious, cringe-worthy movie moments of things that would never happen in the real world. Who would buy Siri or Google Assistant for a 9 year old in the autonomous robot body of the creepiest doll since Annabelle? Who would allow such a doll to have an "evil" setting? Why would an all encompassing media company make a creepy doll and hook it up to all it's networks, including self driving cars? This movie is so bad, it makes me long for the times when two dolls were making sweet love in a camper and creating an even more evil doll. Best role Jennifer Tilly ever had outside of The Family Guy. And for that, I'm grateful.

It's not just because it's not at all funny. It's mostly because it's so predictable. Okay, it's mostly because it's not funny. I can take the crassness and the unfunny stereotypes... I can laugh at a stereotype. But I can't take horrible jokes, bad casting, and an obvious attempt for Sandler to take care of his buds, AGAIN, while padding his bank account. I do admire Sandler for taking care of his less fortunate buddies. But this is a terrible movie. If you're looking for a stoner movie, look elsewhere. "Grandma's Boy" or Little Nicky" one more time isn't bad if you're sick of "Tommy Boy." And "The Night Before" was just released on DVD, so get that instead if you're looking for a recent good stoner flick.

It's not as bad as I thought it wold be. It's really bad story-wise and pretty bad acting-wise, but the parkour actions scenes are entertaining. The plot involves Lautner's character being in trouble with the Chinese mafia after borrowing some money from them. He has a really tragic background as to why he needed the money, but the better question is why the the Chinese mafia let this tragic kid borrow $15,000. Seems kind of sadistic on their part. Believe it or not though that's the most credible part of the story. From there a beautiful girl he runs into in the street leads him to a group of underworld of parkour. Eventually he decides to work heist jobs with this group so he can pay back the Chinese mafia before they kill him. A predictable love triangle story, an absurd semi plot-twist about the group, and a big heist that goes terribly wrong round out the ridiculous plot. The acrobatics are cool, the the writing is awful.

The critics loved this movie, and I think it's because it's Phillip Syemour Hoffman's last great performance. He plays Gunther Bachmann, the chief of a secret anti-terrorism unit in Germany. A Chechen Muslim sets off alarms when he shows up in Hamburg claiming millions of dollars from an account his father set up. Gunther begins a slow investigation to find out if this stranger is really a terrorist or a refugee, as well as use him to root out a terrorist funding ring. The movie is extremely slow. The CIA and his superiors give him 3 days to conduct his surveillance, but it feels like the movie goes on for a week. It's not so much a slow burner as it is a few embers in a pile of ashes. There doesn't appear to be any urgency, and the stakes never feel as high as the movie intends. There's a detached style to the movie that makes the characters hard to care about, and the outcome seem inconsequential. Hoffman gives a good performance, but it feels like he's giving a performance. I didn't expect James Bond or anything, but a little more "Zero Dark Thirty" type tension would've been nice.

"Good People" goes from your typical direct to video thriller to just plain absurd. James Franco and Kate Hudson play Tom and Anna, an American couple living in London going through tough financial times. They find the tenant renting out their basement dead, and while cleaning out his belongings they stumble onto a bag full of 220,000 Pounds. What they don't know is that the dead guy double crossed the established drug boss and stole this money while they were stealing it from a rival drug dealer. Tom and Anna get into serious trouble when both sides go to them for the money, which they've been hiding and spending. Tom Wilkinson plays the only detective in London that's willing to help them. The acting is okay. It's refreshing to see Franco and Hudson in more serious, toned-down roles. Although they are playing two very stupid people their performances are solid. But as the movie goes on, not only are the bad decisions these characters make questionable, so is the story. It gets even harder to buy as you approach the neat predictable ending. Good performances and a good start aren't enough to save this movie.

There's nothing special about this action B-movie. Despite a good cast, the movie screams of mediocrity. The main reasons are a bad script and Josh Duhamel. He fails to captivate at every turn. Bruce Willis actually does a little work as the grizzled detective, and Vincent D'Onofrio is his reliable self as the ruthless bad guy. It's the story of a fireman (Duhamel) who witnesses a very bad guy (D'Onofrio) kill a convenient store owner and his son. It turns out the bad guy is a gang leader out to take take over drug operations and general evil doings in the hoods of Long Beach. He's an ex-con, a white supremacist, and he has escaped serving jail time before by killing witnesses. So the fireman is taken under the protection in the witness protection program. But when the bad guy finds him and takes aim at him and his new special lady (Dawson), the nice fireman decides to turn the tables. The hunted now becomes the hunter. Typical, good-guy-turned- vigilante revenge scenes follow where the fireman starts taking down bad guys and is a little torn about it, at first. The movie is very by-the- numbers, but watchable if you like these type of direct to DVD type action movies.

Walker is tasked to pretty much carry the whole movie. It's a little rough at the beginning as Walker's character Nolan reacts to hearing news that his wife has died during child birth and that his daughter, born premature, is on a respirator for at least 48 hours. Walker is a little stiff in these early moments. Nowhere near as stiff as the supporting cast though. But soon enough super-storm Katrina clears out everyone but Nolan and his newborn daughter who are slaves to a respirator. Sounds like trouble if the power goes out. The rest of the movie is about Nolan trying to keep the respirator going via a hand cranked generator that he has to crank every 2 minutes since the battery won't hold a charge. To top it all off, the battery is getting worse. As the tension of Nolan's circumstances rises, the movie becomes more and more engrossing. With a combination with flashbacks, and a few circumstances that seem a bit contrived, the movie manages to stay interesting. Overall, Walker does a good job, especially conveying the emotions of a brand new parent trying to save his daughter.

This movie takes a long time to develop. And when it does, you'll realize you're watching the type of movie Jean-Claude Van Damme did just as well in "Nowhere to Run," and Viggo Mortensen did it even better in "History of Violence." Despite the shrouded story behind Farrell's character, at the end it breaks down to into an old school action movie where the bad guys will go after the only thing the hero cares about; the girl he's fallen for. It actually de-evolves at the end, which makes the movie a bit of a let down, and cinematically front loaded with Rapase and Farrell creating a good lead up before you realize what is going on. Another thing I felt was heavy handed was the over dramatization of the abuse Rapase's character had to suffer because she had some scars on her face. They should've kept her pain more psychological. There was no need to spell it out for us. She's a good actress. It's an entertaining film with good performances. It just feels like they dummied down the whole thing for the sake of convention.

First of all, the sound in the movie is horrible. You can barely hear hushed conversations and I constantly had to keep raising and lowering the volume. Technical issues aside, the movie is well acted, but ultimately fails to make a connection. The historical events taking place are but a backdrop to a love story, and the drama between the sisters. It's biggest flaw is that it's just plain boring. It seems like the story is better served by the book because the movie feels compressed and at times disjointed. Despite the long running time it feels like there's a lot missing that might have brought the movie together.

Uh oh. Someone took Tony Jaa's elephant again. Bad assery is sure to ensue. Unfortunately, it was the worst rapper turned actor since 50 Cent, The Rza that took the adorable pachyderm. Lucky for us, their heavily cut and right down awkward fight sequence doesn't come until the very end. There is actually an unintentionally hilarious shot of the Rza giving the audience his evil face as he chokes his own cohort out of anger. But bad acting aside, you have to put it aside or you wouldn't watch this, this film is entertaining. Jaa comes through once again with some awesome martial arts sequences, if only in spurts. The first hour of the movie is nothing but a series of movie stunts put together. Some of them go on a bit too long, particularly a series of stunts where he is fighting guys on motorcycles and motorized scooters. Why they don't get off the the motorcycles is unexplained, but there's a lot of amazing physical stunts in there. There are some stunts that are a bit heavy on cuts and obviously lacking continuity. This is a result of piecing tons of cuts together, including annoying ones where it's just a fist flying at the camera. But when Jaa is going full throttle it's pretty exhilarating. Don't bother with the plot, or figuring out how Jaa's character survives a fall off a sky scraper, because it makes no sense. Just know Tony Jaa really wants that elephant back, and he's going to kick butt to get him. Again.

What could have made someone take a shot on another script by Justin Zackham? Was it the overwhelming brilliance of his last mediocre movie, "The Bucket List?" This movie doesn't even measure up that his last one. It's far from it. The saddest part is watching actors that used to make great movies stoop to taking part in something so unfunny and stale as "The Big Wedding." But I probably said the same thing after watching De Niro's last comedy "The Family." This movie is your typical Hollywood wedding comedy, complete with Robin Williams reprising his role as the priest he played in "License to Wed." Diane Keaton brings back the character she played in "Because I Said So" and takes it up a notch by being even less credible playing the mother of the groom. I won't go into the dysfunctional high jinks of the the two families that makes up the whole of the movie. Laughter does not ensue.

This movie is NOT funny. It just takes the D&D nerd stereotypes and amplifies them. All the main characters make less than 30k a year, they all live with their parents, they're all socially retarded, and they have no luck with women. The jokes are horrible and unimaginative, such as two of the gamers getting beat up by a black midget because one of them had a KKK looking hood on (it was his wizard costume) and the other guy had on a John Rocker warm up (oh how funny, he's a nerd so he doesn't know about sports). You may have to be a childish high-schooler to find any of this stuff funny. Poorly done mockmuntaries are so painful to watch, but obviously extremely cheap to make. I feel sorry for Kelly LeBrock and Beverly D'Angelo. I guess these are the only opportunities available for hotties way past their prime.

This is such a boring movie. Rai is basically imprisoned in the spice shop talking to spices in her head. All the exposition is either confusing flashbacks, or endless narrative from Rai. Must be extremely cheap to make a movie when all you have is one actor on one set endlessly narrating the story in her head. The most annoying part is probably some drummy Indian beat that plays endlessly every time McDermontt's character is around in combination with a close up chili peppers. It's the spices talking to Rai's character warning her he's trouble. Apparently the spices are some form of deities that control the fate of Rai's character. If she breaks the rules things happen. Horrible, horrible movie that only gets worse if you make it to the ending.

I read a review on Rotten Tomatoes that sums it up nicely. It said that the filmmakers tried to combine Hotel Rawanda and Anaconda and failed miserably. The movie was even mis-marketed by insinuating it's a serial killer they're after, further adding to the confusion. Well, there is no serial killer. What there is a crocodile the size of a minivan that's more intelligent than the average high school senior. That would make a pretty good horror film, just ask those that have seen Lake Placid. But these guys didn't stop there, no way. They brought the civil war and politics of the African country into the picture. I know what they were trying to do. They pretty much spell it out when one of the main characters says dramatically, "This animal has been living in the river feeding on the thousands killed by this war and has developed a taste for human meat. It's true, we all create our own monsters." Or something like that. So the croc is metaphor for the horrors of human suffering in the war-torn country. Well, it was better said than done. Disappointing as a horror movie, and irrelevant as a political drama Primeval's reach far exceeds its grasp.

The other reviewers are right. Horrible acting, horrible direction, and a half-witted story line make this one of the worst movies I ever rented. The movie is amateurish at best, and you're sure to find better films on youtube.com. They must've had like a 1,000 dollar budget. And it all went to Cobbs. I thought that little picture on the cover was for some independent film award, but it's obviously recognition for longest home video. It's not scary, nor suspenseful. It's actually an embarrassment to all movies that don't suck this much. My only question is this: Who is that idiot that gave it a good review? He must be blind, deaf AND stupid.

Whatever idiot's life was forever change by this motion picture would of course be the idiot that was blown away by Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Both movies are as pointless and artfully pretentious as the last. There is one exception: The Fountain is exponentially as pointless and a billion times less watchable.

If you really must see a bald Hugh Jackman flying through space in the Lotus position while backlit in gold lighting, this is definitely your movie. For those of us with a brain who wonder what the hell is going on, you'll probably want to skip this one.

I believe the point it took 1 hour and 42 painful minutes to make is one that a five year old is made familiar with when they're taught the rain cycle. Excuse me if I don't find the artful expression of the obvious as earhshattering as those with the need to feel culturally superior. I think I'd rather sit through a re-run of the Simpsons for the 42nd time. Horrible, horrible movie.

This is pretty bad even for a formulaic date movie. The characters are so far off the radar, it can easily be a spoof rather than chick flick attempting to resemble the real world. This must be the make believe world of romantic comedies where an overbearing mother or mother-in-law is cute, Julia Roberts has to fight for a man, and Jon Heder is attractive. The only thread of common ground the characters in "Catch and Release" share is the death of some guy Gardner's character was engaged to and died in some vague way. You wonder why these people continue to interact for almost two painful long hours of screen time. Apparently they're all pretty bummed out about this guy dying, but the audience isn't. You never get more than scattered fluff lines and voice-overs to develop a picture of the dead fiancé. Lines like, "(he) was a superhero!" followed by Smith's second attempt at somberness in the movie, "Yeah, well, he also fished." I can't emphasize enough how horrible this movie is except by saying that it's almost as bad as "Because I Said So." Almost...

This is God awful by any standards. It pains me so much to see Keaton acting in a movie that is only made the more awful by her annoying, stereotypical, unimaginative, insulting, irritating, deprecating, and unworthy role. Honestly, if this is the only role you can get as a an actress after 60, it's no wonder Hollywood legends are running to the scalpel faster than Michael Jackson after an online chat with an 11 year old boy. This is literally insulting for an actress of her caliber. Am I to understand Sean Connery, Rober Redford, Clint Eastwood can get more lips plastered on their wrinkled butts at 70 than Donald Trump on an "Apprentice" episode during double elimination week, but Diane Keaton can't get a role more serious than being second fiddle to a one hit wonder? K'mon! What is wrong with the world? It's even worse than seeing Glenn Close play Cruela Deville in a 3rd installment of 101 Dalmatians. Diane, do yourself a favor and shoot your agent, for the love of god eat a sandwich, and stop making movies that confirm that you really need the money. Unmatchable.

"Once again, we have a movie that packs about 20 minutes of entertainment -- much of it involving the band's occasionally funny lyrics -- into a 90-minute package." For anyone old enough to remember, this is along lines of the first "Bill and Ted" WITHOUT the story line. If that doesn't say enough as to how brainless this movie is, think about Jack Black singing for about 20 minutes of the movie and that being its selling point. If you actually like listening to Tenacious D because of their musical prowess, then knock yourself out and buy the soundtrack. Don't waste your time with this though. If your a stoner looking for a good bad movie filled with laughs, you're still barking up the wrong tree. No matter the potency of your buds, you'll still be left wishing you'd popped in Grandma's Boy again instead.

This has to be quite possibly one of the worst action movies ever made. Cena's acting ability fluctuates between non existent and shamefully embarrassing. Get ready for the cheesiest action movie ever. The opening scene involves Cena single handedly dispatching about 100 terrorists to save his captured marine brethren. Unfortunately, he was ordered to stay put. Doesn't worry, Cena's character manages to stumble into enough trouble after being discharged to make Jackie Chan and Jean Claude look fortunate by comparison. This is the epitome of a cornball action movie and no cliché is left unexploited. This movie has explosions coming out of its ears. It really makes Hulk Hogan's "No Holds Barred" look like an Oscar winner. Stay away from this piece of garbage.

To say this movie is inert is much too great an understatement. It makes the dictionary look like an explosive dramatic novel. Critics would have you believe that great cinematography and scenery can substitute substance. Such a belief is akin to touting grass growing as breakthrough cinema just because it's being broadcasted in HD.

The movie establishes from the beginning that the true star is the scenery. There are but a dozen words in the first 20 minutes of the film, a trend that continues throughout and grows weary if you can manage to stay up. The sound of the wind and crashing waves are terrific for putting you to sleep. But they hardly constitute a gripping drama.

For reasons that are never explained, a very stubborn man takes his wife and her mother to what amount to a sand dune. What follows is a very long depiction of the most uninteresting lives in the entire continent of South America. If the premise is not absurd enough, we get treated to three generations of insignificant characters and a whole lot of desert nature. A desert that's much too kind in my opinion. A real desert would've killed the first generation in this boring movie and spared me 90 minutes of garbage.

In three words: this movie sucks. I have never sat through a more worthless film. And I've seen some worthless films. This one takes the cake by a mile.

First of all, there is no plot. There is not one redeemable thing about this movie, but the story, I mean, there is nothing that constitutes the smallest basis for a movie. I think the only thing the story of this movie constitutes, is something as revolting as a stagnant, festering, sewer on a hot day right next to a pile of decaying dog carcases and used kitty litter. That, and a really bad cup of coffee, and you barely come close to how much this movie stinks.

This movie is so bad, it is infuriating. The director should be drawn and quartered, stabbed, sodomized, and then cremated (not in that order) for making such a bad piece of trash. I can't believe some company wasted plastic, employee wages, overhead, storage, and distribution costs to get this hunking piece of waste on some poor unsuspecting shelf.

So yeah, I don't recommend it.

Thank you

This movie is so horrible, it makes Rollerball with Dean Cain look like a masterpiece. In an over-stylized and underacted martial arts debacle, Richard Jobson manages to torture the audience for an hour and twenty minutes with slow motion fight sequences nobody cares about but him. I won't get into the plot since it speaks for itself. Not a lot of thought went into it and can be summarized as follows: in some city run by rival karate gangs, only one gang has the guts and morality to stand up to the evil Moses, the gang boss bent on uniting the gangs for evil purposes. I don't exaggerate when I say that's as deep movie went into it as well.

With some of the worst martial sequences ever defecate onto film, this movie is sure to leave you kicking the DVD out of your player long before the final credits. The fight sequences are at times shown on a split a screen, with so much cutting and slow motion, you can't tell who's fighting who. Luckily, you don't really care. There is actually narratives by the main character, an inside look into his philosophical musings, that are actually so cheezy and out of place, it's sadly comical. I think SOMEBODY takes themselves too serious. Definitely not worth using a free rental for.