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Where's Rose (2021)
What a flop
If this is your first movie, just don't try to be smart and just do something fun. Most no budget indie movies fall flat because the directors are inexperienced and they try to bite more than they can chew. This is exactly what happens in this movie, a convoluted mess.
So, the main cringy dude has suspicions that his little sister who got lost in the forest then found, isn't really his real sister. Now, this is a good idea and it could've been very scary. But no, that would be too easy.
Our genius director wanted to "give a message" and make it confusing so that the ending twist could have a punch. But it failed big time because the end twist makes absolutely no sense.
Also, the tree dude or whatever was laughable and it totally destroyed the movie for me and many other people in the comments section.
Overall, with it's bad acting and meaningless plot it wouldn't be a wise idea to spend hour thirty minutes of your life wasting on this movie unless, you really like cheap indie movies with plots that makes no sense whatsoever.
3/10 for the effort and I think I'm being extremely generous here.
See for Me (2021)
Good for background noise
Otherwise the super unlikeable protagonist will drive you crazy and you'll probably end up throwing something at your good old TV to shut her up, but of course we don't want that.
This lead character is one of the most obnoxious and unlikeable characters you'll ever see in the history of cinema. Not only that, she's as dumb as a bag of doorknobs.
Let me ask you this...what kind of an idiot would try to escape a house totally blind and bare feet in the middle of a winter? You guessed it right. Not many.
The script suffers from many logical issues and feels like it was written by a nine year old. No cop in the United States can legally force their way into your home and order you to answer your phone.
Also nobody would probably hire a blind sitter to look after their pet when their gigantic home is in the middle of nowhere. Speaking of which, we never ever see the cat after the first few minutes??
The location is cool though and the acting is okay. But expecting anything more from this movie would be a huge mistake. The story is not believable at all and the unlikeable character will really get on your nerves.
I say skip this one or at least utilize it as background noise when doing your house chores and try not looking at the screen for more than 30 seconds at a time unless, you enjoy watching movies that makes you grumpy.
What Josiah Saw (2021)
Please Stop Calling Films Horror When They're NOT
First of all, sinister ambience (which weren't even that many scenes), good acting and ominous soundtrack does not make a film a horror film. This film is anything but horror.
Yes, there are certain scenes that some people could find quite disturbing but, it's pretty unlikely that they will scare the hell out of you or cause you to sleep with the lights on at night. That's what a REAL horror film does to you and this film is nowhere near it.
Second, I didn't like the way it was shot as if it was an anthology. Especially the second part felt superfluous and could be cut almost entirely which could solve the lengthy running time of this flick. Two hours is unnecessarily long for this type of film and it shows especially at the halfway mark it just drags on and on.
Third, the characters were neither interesting nor relatable for me. I wasn't invested in anyone so, I really didn't care about what happened to any of them which took away the suspense and that's the last thing you want to happen to your audience as a director.
Lastly, I feel like many writers and directors don't really understand the horror genre at all and therefore they're clueless about what the audience expects from them.
Streaming networks know what's going on but you can't really market everything suspense/drama and keep subscribers so, they started slapping "Horror" almost under every new title just to be on the safe side.
This is starting to become a trend, calling films "Horror" that actually have nothing or very little to do with it and it's really starting to get on my nerves. I hope they stop doing that or horror film sales will take a nose dive pretty soon.
Overall, if you are in the mood for a really scary flick, don't be tricked by the fabricated hype because this ain't it. But if you have nothing else to do and want to watch something that'll help you sleep then go ahead and watch it. This film is so slow and boring, I bet it could cure your insomnia.
Kus Uçusu (2022)
Back to the 80's Turkish Cinema where the logic is out the window
Turkish movies back in the 70's and 80's were notoriously known for their continuity issues and their plot holes. The characters would make illogical choices and mistakes that only a child would do.
The script of As The Crow Flies suffers from the same issues, the main problem being as if it was written by a nine year old. The main antagonist Asli portrayed successfully by Miray Daner, gets away with her heinous activities way too easily with minor to no consequences which would never happen in real life.
No one around her fact checks anything, she reaches her goal every single time and people around her act completely oblivious. Also the things she does is shown but how she does them is never explained to the audience which takes a huge chunk away from believability and the credibility of the show.
For instance, in the pilot episode there is a scene where she controls a troll network to manipulate a trend topic while using multiple fake ips but, where she got the knowledge and the sophisticated setup to be able to accomplish something like this is never explained. It's like the script doesn't want the audience to question anything and accept everthing that happens as the way they are.
Also we never get to learn about her character's motivation behind all this. It feels like she's evil just to be evil. The response of the main characters around her makes no sense at all and are completely illogical. The whole series plays out like a school play and the universe it's in is far away from believability.
Meric Acemi who's the writer of this show is actually a really good writer however, this project proves that she should stay within her genre she's proficient at which is comedy/romance and not diverge into other territories where she doesn't have enough experience to pull off a project like this successfully.
I'm giving a three instead of a one star mainly because of the production quality and the acting performances. The actors did their best with what little the script had to offer.
I'm really surprised how Netflix agreed to greenlight something like this and I wish they had spent more time on honing the script before starting production. They should know better that throwing money at the screen rarely works without a great script.
I understand that the quality might suffer from time to time because of cultural differences so, maybe they can utilize Turkish writers living in America who can perfectly understand both cultures? Just a food for thought.
Dashcam (2021)
What A Disaster...
Okay, the quality of Blumhouse movies are rapidly descending into the level of Asylum movies nowadays. After The Vigil, they churned out flop after flop and Dashcam never disappoints in that regard.
The problem with this movie is not only the main character is one of the most unlikeable characters in the history of cinema, it also isn't even remotely scary.
But that's not the biggest issue with this movie. The major problem is that too much is going on at all times, so much so that it becomes impossible to follow after some point.
Everything is amplified to the extreme for no apparent reason other than not having a cohesive and satisfactory plot to follow. The camera shakiness, the loud sound effects and dialog, the violence etc is all too much to take in.
I would expect a lot more creativity from someone who directed Host, which is one of my favorite horror movies of all time. Unfortunately, this one fell flat and it could bring the end to Rob's career.
If you want to be scared and are in the mood for a good horror movie, skip this one tonight. Open Paramount+ and watch Paranormal Activity 3. It's probably one of the scariest found footage movies ever made and a great example of how dread can keep you at the edge of your seat at all times. Or you can watch Dashcam if you're craving for nausea and a chronic headache. It's up to you.
The Valet (2022)
Overly Dramatic Like My EX Wife
I really wanted to like this movie. I'm always up for a feel good comedy and I like Samara's acting as well as her energy. However, there was not really much she could do, given the depth of the character in the script. I'm surprised she even took this role. Her character is so cliche and one dimensional that it brings nothing new to the table.
Male lead's interesting physical features, his maturity also takes away from the movie by a lot. In a typical rom com you heart for the characters to unite however, I was creeped out in this movie to be honest. The guy looks as old as her dad which makes it impossible for an on screen chemistry to brew.
But that's not the major issue with this movie. The main problem is that the world it builds isn't believable one bit. Their lives are too exaggerated, so such so that it feels like they were living in a fairy tale. Everybody is happy, all is good except Samara's life.
Also, it takes away from believability when you throw logic out the window just to make a character suffer. I got really annoyed when the main guy was constantly stuck in the city if his bike was unoperable like he couldn't even afford anything but a public bus or rideshare services never existed.
That being said, there were a few funny moments which were not enough to save this meaningless production. If you like to watch a rom com that feels like it was written by a nine year old, then go ahead and watch it.
But if intelligence is a must for you, I'd say get your popcorn and fire up one of your old dvds to watch a great rom com classic such as When Harry Met Sally or maybe Notting Hill. At least you won't feel sorry for wasting precious ninety minutes of your time.
Ava (2020)
Not Well Done
Bad editing and directing makes Jessica Chastain look ridiculous in the action scenes. Editing is choppy so, we can't clearly see who's hitting who from where and the fighting choreography is so unimaginative that it almost bores you to death with its mundaneness. There isn't a single scene where it makes the audience wow with excitement. It's that bland.
On the other hand, the actors' performances shine through the well written drama scenes. That's when you understand why the producers preferred this heavy hitter cast list instead of going with B names and saving some money.
However, too much heavy drama causes the film's pace to suffer significantly. It's like we are watching two completely different films at the same time. At the end of the day, this was supposed to be an action movie so, unnecessary dramatic set pieces and monologues disappoints the action movie fans who were in their seats to see Jessica do some really bad stuff rather than seeing her cry in her luxurious hotel room.
That's something I never understood either. I thought a black ops operative with a target on her back would rather pay cash to stay at a sleazy motel instead of checking into a five star fancy hotel.
All in all, I suggest you skip this one and watch one of your favorite action movies instead.
4/10 for bad action scenes, boring cliche plot, bland fighting choreography but decent dramatic performances.
It Comes at Night (2017)
Bad Title
In my opinion, the main reason why a lot of people are angry for watching this movie is because the title is almost a perfect example for a click bait and the trailer is cut in a way perhaps deliberately, to mislead people into thinking that what they're paying for is a creature or supernatural fiction.
Unfortunately, this movie is none of that and that's why people are furious. Literally, many genre fans including me are TRICKED into watching this film. Otherwise it would have been an average flick which many wouldn't even have noticed that it existed.
The story revolves around a family with a husband/spouse and their teenager kid. It opens up with the dad putting the grandpa out of his misery in the backyard for catching this "mysterious" disease that we're never explained. We don't know the rules so we're just left out in the dark wondering how the contagion mechanism works which the writer obviously never intended to bother with.
One night, they wake up to a breaking and entering and catch some guy who claims he's there to seek water for his family. Everybody calms down and the next day they go where the guy's wife and kid is to pick them up and bring them back home in exchange of water against their livestock.
Things don't go as planned, they get attacked and the dad saves his own life the last minute. When he asks the other dude if he knew the attackers, he says no in a way that you think he's lying. Unfortunately this sub plot goes nowhere.
So they get the wife and their little kid and move into the house. Nothing happens for a while, other than the 17 year old teenager showing signs of voyeurism watching the other dude's wife discreetly. The wife also acts in a way that she could be into him. However, that sub plot also goes nowhere.
The writer doesn't bother at all to help you understand what's going on out there. There's literally zero world building. You know there's a disease or a virus (we don't know that either) that makes people sick but how or why is never explained.
Now, does it really matter? I don't think so. This movie is so minimalist that I seriously believe the guys behind it just wanted to make a low budget movie. Most likely the distributor show an opportunity for a hype that didn't exist and took a home run with it.
I'd say the acting is okay and that's the only positive aspect of this feature. Score is bland, nothing to remember. Minimal plot and poor story-line with dead subplots that go nowhere.
Overall it's a huge gimmick to trick people into watching it. I'd say don't waste your time even if you can stream it for free.
2/10
Suits (2011)
Suits is dead
The foundation of Suits was the friendship between Mike and Harvey. Once Mike is gone, the show lost its spirit. Suits was all about how friends stand for each other, sacrifice everything if they have to along the way regardless of the consequences.
Mike's pro bono cases would warm our hearts and make us remember that not everything is about money and we would side with Mike while he beat the bad guys to get justice for the poor and in need.
Rachel would make Mike remember about ethics and moral code to keep Mike in check. Their relationship would melt our hearts and cause us envy about what they have together as a couple.
I understand that Meghan (Rachel) became a member of Royal family therefore had to quit acting, but the producers should have found a way to keep Mike.
With Mike and Rachel gone, Donna's stupid "I am the smartest" parade became really boring and quite annoying. I'm kind of tired seeing her stupid face every other scene and her sticking her illiterate nose into everything was one of the pet peeves that made me lose interest in this show.
It was cool in the beginning to have a character like Donna that knows someone like Harvey inside out, but once she became know it all it made the character ridiculous and not believable.
Louis does a great job in acting and his comedic performance with Sheila and doctor Lipschtick is the only glue that's holding this show together.
Samanta is a one dimensional cookie cutter character and Kathrene Heigl is definitely a wrong cast. I burst into tears every time I see her 50 pounds head with fully botoxed face walking around like a sheman mimicless.
Show runners should definitely tone down Donna and bring more interesting characters in if they want to save this show. Otherwise, with uninteresting characters like Samanta and Alex, this show will most likely be canceled end of season 8.