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xavant_gardex
Reviews
The Hug (2018)
Five Nights at Freddy's: The Movie
As a shameless ripoff of the videogame franchise that burned itself out within 2 years, this is actually pretty damn good. There are visuals that still haunt me weeks later. Unfortunately, it needs to be a full movie. It'll leave you wanting so much more.
Star Trek Beyond (2016)
Should be Titled "The Beastie Boys Save the Day"
The first installment of the 'Star Trek' reboot was passable. The second was embarrassing. The third is just boring.
Fans will be pleased that 'Star Trek Beyond' now contains approximately 100% fewer lens flares (thanks to people hammering J.J. Abrams' obsession with them in 'Star Trek Into Darkness'). There's also a neat space battle near the beginning. Other than that, this is a completely dull and forgettable film.
Once again, the people who created this film clearly have no idea what makes 'Star Trek' great. Staple 'Trek' concepts like philosophy, exploration, and moral dilemmas have once again been tossed in favor of frenetic action, overused CG, and forced humor. Although there's slightly more chemistry between the cast this time around, the oft cringe-worthy dialogue takes you out of the moment. Add to that, a weak villain with murky motivations, and it all forms a package that feels more like an overlong TV episode than a full-fledged movie.
'Star Trek Beyond' is yet another cynical, lightweight 'Star Trek' movie that shelves any substantive content in favor of appealing to teenagers. And I couldn't possibly conclude this review without mentioning the ending; by far the most "WTF?!", preposterous, face- palming ending ever to a 'Star Trek' film. I still can't fathom what Justin Lin was thinking.
Avoid.
Asian School Girls (2014)
One of the Most Offensive Films I've Ever Seen
The title and cover art led me to believe this was going to be a fun, tongue-in-cheek Roger Corman/Tarantino-esque action flick. Perish that thought and burn it with fire.
"Asian School Girls" is literally about Asian schoolgirls...flaunting just about every Western stereotype about Asian women. That's it. It's not ironic or deliberately schlocky. This doesn't even qualify as one of those "so bad, it's good" films. The entire production has the appearance of a soft core porno that was hurriedly converted into a micro-budget revenge thriller after being rejected by HBO-Z. Which is a shame, considering had it stayed a porno, one could suspend a whole lot more disbelief. Like how four obvious porn actresses inked from head to toe could pass as 16 year-old highschool girls.
I've said enough. This is one of the most cringe-worthy, racist films I've watched in over 33 years of life. Anyone giving this garbage positive reviews is either a huge creep or friends with the director.