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rafaelsimer
Reviews
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)
It's the not-so-secret love child of Michael Bay and J. J. Abrahams after surviving a weekend at aunt Rowling's. when she was on drugs!
I don't like making bad reviews. It makes me feel bad for the actors and crew involved, and I believe they meant well.
But, as a die-hard Harry Potter fan, I felt even worst watching this movie! Insulted, even!
The question that popped on my head every 5 minutes of film was "Is this what would happen if Michael Bay would direct something HP related?". The answer is "Yes.", sadly.
It did take me a lot of time to finally watch this, I watched on 18th of May, 2018. Why? Well, I did have a bad vibe about it. And damn, I was right.
It´s a Fantastic Show of CGI! And nothing but that! It´s like 98% of the movie is just CGI, and there are half a dozen characters around. And neither of them are important at all. The so called "fantastic beasts" are irrelevant! Newt is irrelevant. All of them, all of that, all is irrelevant. It has no connection to the Harry Potter world at all. They just hold wands (and just sometimes), and occasionally cast a spell.
The fantastic beasts appear for brief moments, short minutes, and are useless! New has an ultra-magical suitcase that holds an entire city inside, and that city is filled with fantastically useless animals. And they show up for mere moments. But the deal is, they didn´t even have to show up. They don´t matter. At all! It seems like those scenes are just for the CGI crew to show-off, "Look what I can do now!", and they created scenarios inside Newt´s bag, and showed some huge and crazy-looking animals. And that´s it!
Oh, and the "Michael Bay" touch: destruction, explosions and mayhem throughout 1920's New York City. I mean, half the city was wrecked, but at the end of the movie, the "American Bureau for Magic" (or whatever, I forgot the name, it's also useless!) fixed everything in a matter of minutes. So, if they could do all that, why were they worried in the first place? The CGI scenes are way too long, too heavy and unnecessary! Newt's beasts are useless, the wands are useless, the whole damn movie is pointless!
The house-elves. Oh, damn. Well, it seems America is indeed the Land of the Free, because American house-elves were already free and rich by the year 1926! Wow, call that progress! However, wizards still lived in fear of muggles (sorry, No-Maj), and hid from view.
It's not a Harry Potter World movie. Wizards, wands, the half a dozen spells that were cast, it could all be removed, and wouldn´t be missed. Actually, there's no plot at all, no character's depth, no meaning to anything. It's a crazy made-up story about Grindelwald that we were never told before. Maybe because it's stupid and pointless. It's like things happen at random, people are lost among the wreckage of a city inhabited by idiots (both wizards and normal folk), and nothing matters.
There´s the cute friendship and love thing going on with the 4 main characters. Of course, there's gotta be a cute message. But the Aurors also killed a kid at the end, so that's nasty! Grindelwald was disguised as an Auror and nobody noticed. Tina was clumsy and dumb, and was also an Auror. Her sister read everyone's minds at all times, and never knew what to do. Kowalski, the muggle, accepted the whole magic world all too easily. Newt was also dumb, way too weird and stupid. I mean, the guy destroyed half a city just to get his pets back. Of course, to hell with civilization, let me just get my cute pets back, because humans are evil! Yeah, makes total sense, Mr. Old-School-PETA-soldier! And sure, his beloved pet saves the city (or the world?) at the end, when Newt reveals he had a special potion his big bird could use to fix everything. Completely believable. Yes, it is! It happen to me last month too! And, poor Mr. Grindelwald was also lost and confused in all that. The most powerful dark wizard (in my opinion, even greater thatn Voldemort) was completely lost. And, at the end, he got his derrièr kicked by Newt, who, I've no idea why, decided to cast a spell called "Revelio". I mean, why did he do that? To bring about the movie climax? Sure. But why? What was he suspecting?
It´s all stupid and pointless! An insult to HP fans! I got really angry and disappointed at Rowling. And, surprise surprise, it'll be a 5 movie thing! Because, sure, let's make things worse! Money!
I's a ridiculous movie! There's nothing related to HP world. The wands and spells are useless. The beasts are useless. No plot, no story, useless characters. And way too heavy on CGI!
It's the not-so-secret love child of Michael Bay and J. J. Abrahams after surviving a weekend at aunt Rowling's. when she was on drugs!
If you love the HP world, if you're a fan, stay clear from this! Seriously!
Clinical (2017)
Starts well...then it takes a hard left towards the cliché zone.
Just to be clear, it's not a bad movie. The idea, the plot and the acting are good. It's just that they didn't present the plot in a good architecture.
It starts fine, Jane, the psychiatrist is surprised during the night at her work place by a teenager patient of hers. The girl had self-inflicted cuts all over, and then brutally attacks Jane who kicks her away. Then, the girl slits her own throat.
Some time latter, we learn that Jane is now in therapy with a psychiatrist, while having her own patients at home. She's got a boyfriend, who is a cop, and the girl was committed to psych ward. Jane is still haunted by her memories and nasty nightmares. Who could blame her?
So, she decided to take on a difficult patient, a man whose face had been disfigured. Her own therapist is against it, since she is not ready to go back to hardcore cases. But she does it anyways. The patient starts to behave like a nut job. So she dumps him. For a while. Once again, who could blame her? She's got an human heart.
She starts having vision about the girl in her home, and learns she had left he psych ward, due to lack of paying the bills. Stuff happens, she almost looses her mind, suffers other attacks...stuff you'd expect in this kind of movie. Then she steals some of her doctor's prescription papers so she could buy heavy meds. It all turns sour and she goes nuts, and ends up killing the boyfriend.
She wakes up at the same psych ward her former patient was committed to. (You gotta appreciate the irony here.) Then, when she was about to loose the rest of her sanity, she puts all the pieces together (dunno how) and finds out that her disfigured patient is actually the girl's abusive father. It was the girls who had slashed his face off (he had claimed to have suffered a car crash). Also, she is told that the girl hung herself and was found three days afters; when someone close by noticed the smell.
So, Jane runs away from the psych ward, and is captured by disfigured-dad. He takes her to her home, and she sees the dude had killed her best friend and her doctor. Of course there's that cliché moment, when the bad guy believes he's gonna win (don't they ever learn?) and tells Jane the entire story. They fight, but not very well (if you're used to watch U.F.C., you won't like this fight very much); he gets beat up, she gets beat up. Then, at the end, she rips what was left of his face (she grabbed his face as she was falling from the second floor window). She enters the house again and finds faceless-dad sitting on the couch, dead.
Then the movie ends. And so does this review (I mean, what can I do? There's nothing more to say.).
Insidious (2010)
...just more of the same.
Well, it tried. This James Wan dude thinks himself as the king of horror and stuff, but he ain't. The simple fact that he worked on those "Saw" films makes me loose respect for him. Those things were ridiculous! So, obviously, the saga was a bit hit.
"Insidious" was a suggestion from a friend, since we like similar movies. Then, I saw that Patrick Wilson and James Wan (I didn't know about his connection with "Saw" yet) were int it, and since they worked in "The Conjuring" (which is pretty good) I was expecting something good.
I'll admit that I forced myself to watch it until the end. No, it wasn't scary. Wan' s vision of horror is simple: you look now and see nothing, you turn around and "boo, I'm behind you" and violins playing in the highest pitch possible. That's not horror, that's just...annoying.
The entire film is a collection of clichés and is completely predictable. It begins with the common formula: "Oh, we're a young family, struggling to make ends meet while pursuing a dream. We're good and kind parents of some little children. In spite of the difficulties, love keeps us together. We've just moved into a new house, so I hope nothing bad happens.".
But, of course, bad things do happen. And the first thing the mom thinks is that the house is haunted. Duh, obviously, uh? And even never going to church, she calls in the local priest. After all, all priests know of demonic possessions, how to guide people through the problems, and whenever you call them, they'll come right away. Yeah, I don't really think that priests have much to do on their daily lives.
So, the clichés never end. You already know what's going to happen on the next 10 or 20 minutes. Why did I watch it? Well, I was curious, it was late at night and I didn't feel like browsing and picking movies again...it sucks.
Most of the clichés are the basic: problems from the past reappear, the children are the targets, the mom suffers and nearly goes insane, the father is skeptic at first but then believes her, the child already knew about those things and had been drawing about it for a long time (and no on never noticed it), some tech dudes walk in with cameras and other instruments in order to pick up and electromagnetic fields the ghosts leave behind, the old lady shows up and is an expert in the subject and can talk "to the other side", where the dead reside and suffer forever, the evil dead want the child's mind. And, of course, there's a demon.
Wow, being dead must suck. Pain and suffering forever, having to fight a demon to win a healthy living body, just so you can inflict pain upon others.
And it goes on and on and on until it reaches its predictable end.
Ultraviolet (2006)
This one is on my TopFiveMostHorribleMoviesEver list.
I didn't know this film was this old. For a long time I felt like "I kinda wanna watch it, but have a feeling it won't be very good". But, yesterday night, my internet connection was so bad this was the only movie that loaded.
Well, I thought about being sarcastic here, or a bit offensive as some people were. But no, there's no need for that. This is certainly one of the "top 5 worst" films I've ever watched. Seriously, it's that bad. Actually, it's much worse than "that bad". What attracted me? Well, Milla is very good looking, her body is very sexy and she seems to love doing action movies. And the whole future + mystic thing sounded like a good idea.
The opening imitates the Marvel movies, with Comic Books and all. I thought that Ultraviolet was indeed a comic book, but it isn't. So, as I see it, the opening is a lie. They didn't need to do that. In fact, nothing at all (about the movie) resembles a comic book. Then, Milla speaks the first lines, telling the story of this version of the future: the US military altered a virus that changed humans into something else, the whole world changed and a tyrant rules everything. It's like Resident Evil's poor cousin, but with the same actress.
OK, so, the story is stupid. And it goes like this: US military finds a virus, change the virus, lose control of the virus; virus changes people into vampires that walk on daylight and don't drink blood (ever!); a cliché and totally predictable tyrant rules the world (or the US, they never said so) and uses soldiers to hunt down the vampires. They don't say why they hunt the vampires, but they do. No normal human during the movie expressed any hatred towards vampires, fear of the virus, angered towards the tyrant. In fact, only the vampires and military do anything at all; the normal humans just walk around.
And Milla, of course, is a vampire that "fights back". And we're supposed to cheer for her. Just because. No other reason given.
Oh, and there's also the cliché of "the last hope", that is a child/clone who carries a virus, that either kills all vampires or all humans. They ping-ponged between those possibilities. Milla first tries to protect the kid, then doesn't care if he dies, protects him again but he dies, she cries and he's no dead. But she is dying. She tells the kid that mid movie. She doesn't say why she's dying. Then she does die. Then a vampire that loves her brings her back to life and she hates him for that.
Then, in the end, I'm not quite sure what happens, but both her and the kid were about to die (again), but don't. Or they did and I just didn't get it, my brain was trying hard to block anything that came from that movie.
The special effects are horrible! Considering the movie was released in 2006, it's all horrible. If it was released in, say, 1995 or so, they I'd say "ok, they did their best". But that just looked like a very poor game for PlayStation2. That's for the action sequences. The entire city is CGI of terrible quality, that resemble PlayStation1! Yes, seriously!
Her acting is the worse I've seen of her. As the story makes no sense, the dialogues can't be saved. Weird ultra-cliché lines, everything is predictable and I'm pretty sure Milla's character is retarded. Her hair and clothes change color all the time. It was supposed to be cool, but it's just weird and stupid. She always wears the same thing, showing her midriff. OK, she does have a sexy flat tummy that I love, but everything about her is completely different from everyone else. For someone doing a covert operation, she seems to be holding a banner saying "I'm here, look at my belly button!". (which I did!)
The technology is absurd! A motorcycle that runs on building's wall (up and sideways), jumps, flies and does other stuff. Guns that appear from her hands, with infinity ammo, swords with blades covered in runes and fire...it's all too much, all too absurd!
And she is unstoppable. She outsmarts computers that scan blood and bone, then walks naked through a big scanner (I don't know what they were scanning now if they scanned her earlier...maybe they just wanted to see her butt). When she's gonna be mean and go "full crazy fighting mode", she put of her sunglasses (that she wears under the motorcycle helmet) and says "Watch me.". She fights one, ten, dozens...and then hundreds of soldiers. Never gets hit once! Never bleeds! Never runs out of breath. She's never afraid. She's always sure of what she is doing, and who gets in her way dies.
I think she killed some 2000 enemies (soldiers and her fellow vampires). All soldiers wear the same uniform and have the same weapons: assault rifles and long blades. By the end of the movie, some elite soldiers wear all white. So, I'm thinking they had like 10 or 12 extras to use as soldiers and everything had to be repeated. The low F.X. points to low budget, so I think that was it. She only bleeds at the end of the movie. But she wins. She kills everyone. Because she wants to. It's never really clear who is the bad guy or the good guy. But she is Milla, she is hot and she fights back. So they want us to cheer for her. But we can't! There's no reason for it. At all. We don't care about any character in this movie, or what happens next.
So, lame story, no plot, no character's depth, horrible F.X., impossible technology, exaggerated fights and an avalanche of clichés.
If you're 10 years old, you're gonna love this!
The Dark Tower (2017)
It's good. Had potential...but it wasn't used.
Well, you know, I was never into Stephen King. I don't like his books, they lack creativity and cohesion. It's always "something horrible and grotesque happens in an horrible way to an innocent victim". But, why? "Oh, well, because it's horrible. And it's grotesque." It makes no sense. I read a lot of his stuff, I tried to like his work. Couldn't.
I watched lots of movies based on his works, including both versions of "The Shinning". And the one about the haunted mansion, and the one about the big storm that the dude kept saying "Give me what I want, and I'll go away." Did he say what he wanted? No, not until the end of the film...that took almost 4 hours! The only movie I liked was that one about the old gypsy that curses the dude that killed his daughter and makes him grow thinner every day. That one was cool.
So, yeah, I watched this new film called "It", and it didn't change my opinion at all. Boring and made no sense.
But I decided to give this "The Dark Tower" a try. I knew it was about a saga of 8 books, that many people loved that saga and it connected all his previous works. That was a cool and interesting idea. Besides, I really like Katheryn Winnick as an actress (and of course, she's a goddess of beauty!). I was inclined to like it.
And, OK, it's a cool movie. I did like it. Yes, it's very short. And yes, it leaves a lot of blank spaces, like: what are the other worlds? What are those men in black? Who are all those people? Why are those theme park toys all around that forest? What's inside the tower? How come it doesn't protect itself? Who's the "crimson king"? Why the bad guys only used children? Where did all that high-tech come from? Well, I could go on...
Putting 8 books inside 95 minutes of film is a failure. People who didn't read the books feel like there's a lot of stuff missing. And people who did read the books left the cinema feeling insulted.
We still don't know: is it a prequel? A sequel? Is it the story itself? What happens now, if something indeed happens?
Yeah, it's a cool adventure flick. I liked watching it. The characters should have been better used, the plot could have been better shown. It's like that "Constantine" movie with Keanu, you know? A nice film, if you forget it's about Constantine. This is a good film, if you forget it's about an 8 book saga written by S.King (the so called "Horror King"...dunno why).
I was a bit disappointed, since the saga is so famous and has many hardcore fans and all. Same way I felt after watching "Warcraft", disappointed, offended. I thought "T.D.T" would be grand, scary, thrilling, shocking...but I didn't feel much, just entertained.
The entire movie I was like "this could be a cool PC game". But, honestly, I don't see any chance for another movie or the TV series people are talking about. Not unless they start from scratch.
So, hum, if you're bored, don't know what to watch and aren't expecting a grand master piece, you can watch it and like it. It's good. But it doesn't live of its expectations. But it also isn't as horrible as Neil Gaiman's "Stardust". God, that almost made my brain bleed!
Annabelle: Creation (2017)
A must see...with someone (avoid being alone)!
I enjoy horror movies. But the good ones, not those that begin with "five youths go on vacation, but end up finding death".
Both "The Conjuring" movies were good. Very good, I'd say, for today's standards. Good cast, serious acting, a good, dark and compelling story. They were elegant, but not scary.
Yes, yes, I've heard the rumors of people being frightened in the theaters, leaving before the movie ended and being horrified of the nun. I think it's only that, rumors. Usually made up as part of the marketing for the movies. But they were respectable movies, because they respected the audience.
But this one, this was better! It was sad that that Warrens don't appear, since it's set many years before they found the doll. Pity, both actors were very good. This story is darker, is about pain, suffering, loss of faith. The scary bits are good, well developed. And the kids acted very well, I must say.
Another good think about this movie is that, even being connected to the other 2 "The Conjuring"s (being their prequel), you don't have to watch any of those before. You can watch this one and then go to those; or just watch this one and stop there. It's a good story on its own.
I wasn't expecting a lot of this one. I knew it'd be nice, since it's Annabelle-related, but it managed to be the best one of the saga...in my opinion, of course.
I recommend: watch it, enjoy it, thank me latter.
Paranormal Activity (2007)
is it a film?
Well, it's not the worst movie in history. But not for lack of trying. It says here that it didn't have a real script. Wow, what a surprise! It also didn't have real actors, real acting, plot, sense...anything at all. It's painful to watch, because it's so boring and nothing ever happens. Many shots of empty parts of the house, many other with the "actors" doing nothing. It is supposed to be an horror film; but by god, it's horribly horrible! How on earth did it get sequels is beyond me! I guess some people just like garbage. "Legend says" that people walked out of the cinema due to fear and tension caused by the movie. I'd walk out due to the rage boiling inside me and the desire to murder the so call "director". One of the worse things I ever watched. Stay away. If you liked this, if you were scared, if you gave this a good review...do us all a favor and go live in a cave!
Get Out (2017)
"I have black friends, OK? I'm not a racist."
Look, I'm gonna be honest. The movie is good. The story is cool, the cast is good, the acting is very nice. It's not great like my friend told me it would be. But very good. It's a dark story, with tense moments. But what really made cringe were the moments when the white people say stuff like "hey, I like a black celebrity, so I'm not racist, OK?". The plot makes you hate some characters, wishing they'd be run over by a train. Some moments are like "you bastard, you deserve to die!". Because the story grows on you. It's rare to find a moment where you don't feel something. And, in a certain way, I'd say it's a "polite" movie. All the violence happens off-camera. You know what's going on and how, but you don't get to really see it. In part it's bad because you want some characters to suffer a lot more, but then you notice that the focus of the movie is not the "blood violence", but the "mental violence".
But, the morning after I watched the movie, I realized... This movie is racist. Yeah, it's about what a young black dude goes through and the stupid behavior of some white people. But every single white character in this movie is racist. All of them, every where. And Chris (main character) already knew that. Gonna meet my girlfriend's family? Racists. Oh, they have white friends? They be racists. Black people work in a white family's house? Slaves. Obama? Best president ever. Tiger Woods? Not just a golf player, but an icon. Oh, and let's not forget that all white people want to be black. White people copy their style, their "coolness" and claim those as their own. Goes to the point where they'd actually put white people's brain inside black people's bodies. And Chris knows all white folk are racists. He tells his girlfriend that. And he is accustomed. He almost doesn't even mind when it happens. "It's cool. It's alright. My bad. Forget it." he tells his girlfriend. And, in the end, those white people aren't just racists. They're monsters.
It could have been done differently. Actually, it should have. Not so extreme. If you're gonna talk about racism, generalized hatred and prejudice, you can't generalize to the point that all white people are the bad guys. That's not how you talk about things like that.
But, I repeat: the movie is good. The acting is very good. You feel anger and awkwardness constantly, which I think it's cool. Watch it, enjoy it. And never laugh at a TSA agent.
The Mummy (2017)
Should've stick with Brendan Fraser
Well, I guess Tom Cruise and Russell Crowe were low on cash and needed a job that payed. I mean, why else would they be on this movie?
So, Universal is trying to bring the "dark cinema" back, trying to bring the classic monsters to the world of today. Fine, I think it's a great idea! Monsters, vampires, werewolves, all that cool stuff could see a new light.
But Godzilla (2014) was horrible enough. Kong: Skull Island (2017) was...well...average. And I'm saying that just because I'm a fan of Samuel L. Jackson.
So this Mummy thing, the whole "being mummified alive", been a prisoner of hate for centuries, waking-up to destroy the world. Yeah, we don't buy that anymore.
Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz and Arnold Vosloo already did that. And they did it well, very well. Then, they closed the door and left. Nothing else to do.
The plot here is the same as always, nothing new. Ah, except that now Russell is Dr. Jekyll, who leads a secret society that wants to protect the world from evil and monsters of old. How they came to know about the horrors that lurk the night I don't know; maybe they read the script (or The Book of the Dead from The Mummy 1999 what was on the shelf).
Now, I like Tom Cruise and I almost like Russell Crowe. I know they are good actors. But here, they weren't convincing at all. Tom Cruise is not the kind of guy you can put in that role. He should be a special agent or monster hunter...a serious and dangerous guy! Not a sergeant (or whatever) who sleeps with strangers and sells ancient relics on the black market alongside his dumb friend. I mean, it's Tom Cruise! Look at his hair, look at his teeth! Those teeth cost more than my apartment!
As I said, the story is the same as always. For some reason, the mummy-girl comes back to (un)life in order to destroy or rule the world, can't remember which. So, Tom Cruise, even while been haunted by the mummy-girl after she brought him back from the dead (returning the favor, I guess), travels (part of) the world alongside a pretty girl (yeah, he already slept with her), meet Russell Jekyll and fight to save the world.
Seriously, that's very brave and noble. I'd just hide in my room crying in fear.
It's one of those movies that didn't have to be made. Having two big stars and showing the visual effects must have cost a lot of money. As far as I know, they didn't get it back. The plot is old and weak, the characters and the acting are bellow average and the ending has the taste of "ok, let's forget about this, it doesn't matter".
Knowing Universal's goal of creating a dark universe, we can say they're not doing a very good job. Seems everything is done in a rush, racing against the clock. It's a pity. There was potential. The idea is very interesting. But they should have developed it better.
I believe Universal will aim for vampires and werewolves next. Or maybe a swamp monster. Or the boogie man. Or a megalomaniac businessman who takes control of a powerful nation and...oops!
Life (2017)
Nothing new...
I expected good things from this movie. Not great, just good. Still I was disappointed with it. It brings nothing new. At all!
The cast is pretty decent, but the acting delivered is weak.
Ryan Reynolds, of course, plays the "funny guy", the one with the "smart mouth", making jokes about everything and being sarcastic all the time. Seriously, there's no room for that in this kind of film. Save it for Deadpool 2, buddy!
The rest of the ship's crew is formed by the average characters: there's a family guy, ONE black guy, the introspective guy that abandoned mankind (Jake Gyllenblorghpf - whatever his name is) and the others.
Sure, there's the one that sacrifices herself, locking herself out of the ship to save the others. Then there's the tough decision: to allow the creature to enter the ship again. They all die one by one, until there's just one female, that would be saved but gets doomed to float eternally through space, and Jake, who chose to be the one to be thrown into space with the creature (to save mankind), but the creature (very intelligent, even able to operate a small ship)makes them both return to Earth, where it will grow as a plague and kill us all.
The entire plot is bad: "Oh, we found some living cells on another planet. They have been dormant for ages. Let's feed them and probe them with an electric stick to see what happens. Oh, it's growing, multiplying, getting smarter, eating us, killing us..."
The end.
I mean, how repetitive is this? Hundreds of films have been made with this weak plot and did not succeed. Why spending all that money on production and marketing of something this mediocre?
Alien: Covenant (2017)
Alien 1...in HD.
I liked Prometheus. Really. I was surprised to hear bad reviews about it. I thought it was a nice chance for the creator or the franchise to shed some light into the past of it all, since he (and so many people) hated Alien vs Predator.
So I was waiting for this new Alien movie, I was very anxious. I avoided looking at anything that mentioned it on the web. I wanted to be surprised. And I was. Still am. I mean, where's the story?
We were promised to be able to see Dr. Shaw's travel to the planet of the "engineers", how they would talk, what she would learn, what she would tell them about us and their failed experiment. But no. It's Alien 1 all over again.
And, forgive me, but is it me or isn't there always a chubby guy with weird mustache and beard and a cowboy hat around? Are they like, part of a clan? A very long bloodline?
Magneto...I mean, David, for some reason, came to hate humans. Just like that. To the point that he actually killed Dr.Shaw and experimented on her...in horrible ways. He advanced the engineer's biological weapon. But he still went to their planet, arrived there with no problem. And launched the weapon on them. Something else I found weird is that the entire planet's population was assembled in a very short space, like a "city park" or something. There couldn't be more than, what? 10 thousand of them there. They died at the spot. Oh, and they were all wearing rags, like something from Kayne West's latest clothing line.
So, OK, we get crazy-David, who faces his new-generation brother and kills him. The ship's crew all die in that "Alien-way". And we get the politically correct interracial naked couple in the shower. They die too, of course. Crazy David goes on, killing everyone because, you know "whatever", and tries to experiment on them. He hates humans, and all his efforts aim to destroy us (Well, hello, Mr. Magneto.). At the end, there's that super-suspense scene where we go like "Is it David? Is it Walter?" Nah, it's David, guys! We're all going to die! He takes control of the ship and puts his little alien babies with the human embryos. I don't know what for, but he made those, so I suppose he knows best.
Yeah, the promises made at the end of Prometheus? Forget those. A decent reason for this new chain of events? Nope. The answers and story we were waiting for? Nah. A remake of 1979's Alien? Sure, with no plot at all? Sure, why not?
At least it's better than that Life (2017) piece of trash.
El guardián invisible (2017)
Sorry, but it's bad.
It's OK if you liked it, loved it and/or wrote a review giving it a high score. Some people like stuff, some don't. It's OK. But, in my very honest opinion, it's bad. It actually took me 3 days to watch the entire thing. It was so boring that I could only watch parts of it each day; and I just finished watching it because i wanted to put some closure into it, and I was giving it a chance to save itself at the end. But no. It sucks. It tries to be a police-thriller, and it fails. It also tried to be about supernatural-horror, and it fails there as well. The scenes are disconnected, the police-thriller parts don't fit with the supernatural ones. The main character, Amaia, is supposed to be an intelligent and hard-case investigator (she left Spain to join the FBI, and suddenly she is back in Spain). But she is weak, always afraid, cries all the time (more than half the movie), everyone treats her like human refuse and she allows it, remaining silent and crying. She is a FBI agent, and suddenly she has police authority in Spain, but no one respects her, so she is kicked out of the case, but is praised at the end...even after failing horribly. The cast is bad. Each actor has only one facial expression. Perhaps they went to the same acting school as Kristen Stewart. The characters have no depth at all, which makes them all awkward. From time to time, the "supernatural" aspect of the movie pops up, and it makes no sense. At all. Weird stuff and occult-related just get thrown into our faces. No explanation, no elaboration. Nothing. And that's where the "Invisible Guardian" is supposed to be. But this entire part could be removed from the movie and it wouldn't make a difference! After all, it's only mentioned for like 3 minutes overall. It looks like they were thinking "oh, we're making something with a supernatural background? no problem! we'll just put an elderly aunt there who believes all this crap and plays Tarot and we'll give her some scenes." These scenes don't make any sense and are irrelevant. They all fail at their goal. It's supposed to be scary (I think), but it's just silly. And the investigators, well, Amaia and some other dude look at some photos and suddenly they describe the entire psychological profile of the suspect. Everything. Just by looking at a couple of photos. That's the part where we're supposed to say "wow, they're really serious and intelligent cops". But all I could say was "wth did you smoke, dude?". By the very end, they throw in some information that was hidden for nearly 110 minutes, so now everything makes sense and the criminal is discovered. At the very end, Amaia, once again, gives an entire psychological profile review on him, with info she never had access to. Oh, but they also found nearly 100 bodies in a cave. Yeah, but doesn't matter. Case closed. Congratulations. Now everyone in the city likes you. They had no reason to hate you before, but hate you they did. Your psycho mother nearly killed you when you were a little kid, she got locked up in the crazy-ward, attacked nurses, ate parts of their faces. But it's you they all hate. But now they like you and respect you. Even though you weren't really the one the caught the bad guy at the end. Have I mentioned the acting is really bad? Well, it is. The crazy stuff that goes on in Amaia's head? She may be crazy as her mother. The fact heat everyone in that small village knew everyone, but didn't know the real story of Amaia's past nor had any clue as to who the murderer was? It's all good, they had a FBI detective (that they all hated) to solve the case. But what of the bodies? I said. case. closed!