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Blue Velvet (1986)
A good mystery with a good ending.
Jeffrey Beaumont returns to his home town due to his fathers failing health. But town isn't as great as it was before, for Jeffrey find a detached ear in a field. He brings it to the sheriff, who isn't a lot of help.Not until he meets Sandy, the sheriffs daughter, does he receive the information he needs.
If your a stranger to David Lynch then this movie may throw you off a bit. It's tame compared to Eraserhead or Twin Peaks, but still holds his trademark strangeness.
You find out that the ear belongs to the husband of Dorothy Vallens, a beautiful lounge singer who's son and husband have been kidnapped by Frank Booth, a mob boss. He has been using and abusing her, in exchange for keeping them alive.
The acting in this is decent, Dennis Hopper I think did a great job playing a perverted asshole, and Isabella Rossellini did great as Dorothy. She really had the victim part down and did it straight, unlike Hopper who was very over the top. Kyle MacLachlan on the other hand was extremely bland. Every scene he was in made me think he woke up an hour ago and slapped some makeup on him and gave him a coffee. He didn't bring any excitement to the role and came off as dull, similar to him in Dune. I'm very happy he got it together for Twin Peaks, where he was much better.
If you want a strange and interesting story, maybe look somewhere else, but if you just want a straight mystery, I would consider Blue Velvet. Its like a longer episode of a mystery show.
Cell (2016)
Well it's a Stephen King movie.
I'm a big Stephen King fan and have read many of his books, but Cell was one I had never read. When I heard of it, the concept sounded kind of neat but I just never got around to it. After seeing the movie though, maybe I was in the right not reading it.
They're some good King movies(Shawshank, Green Mile, e.t.c), and countless laugh-out-loud terrible ones. Cell is on a completely new level of crap. Clay (John Cusack) is an artist waiting at an airport to fly home to see his family. All of the sudden, everyone in the airport receives a strange sound from their phones. This turns then into crazed maniacs that know practically nothing except death. They're not technically zombies, they only beat and kill people. In all the chaos, Clay runs into Tom (Samuel L. Jackson). The two decide to stick together to find Clay's family.
The only redeeming thing about this movie is the acting is just barely passable.
Most things in this movie just make 0 sense. Clay's paintings of a man who is basically a prophet is the guy behind all of the chaos which they never explain. The crazed people are only active in the day, and at night they recharge just by laying there. You can't expect the audience to just understand what's going on just by one piece of dialogue.
THE CGI AND EFFECTS SUCK SO BAD, MY STICKY NOTE BALL ANIMATION LOOKS MORE REALISTIC THAN THIS GARBAGE! How were these effects allowed! The first 10 minutes a plane crashes and it is the absolute worst! It looked like it ran at 15 fps. It's inexcusable and makes me regret being born.
In the end is it the worst movie ever?: No. Is it one of THE WORST Stephen King movies?: YES TIMES TEN. And with all the terrible King movies, that's saying a lot.
The Green Inferno (2013)
When your excited to see a hardcore cannibal movie...
...but would rather eat someone than watch this garbage. I don't hate Eli Roth but prefer him as an actor rather than a director (personally I only like Cabin Fever.) The Green Inferno is a failed attempt at re-capturing the camp and cheese of 60's 70's and 80's cannibal films. What it doesn't understand is that those films were and are so effective due to the extreme amounts of gore and campy acting. It's fun to see people get killed and eaten in cool ways. The acting in this is terrible and in no way redeeming. These characters are some of the most annoying, idiotic retards I've ever seen put to screen. At one point everyone is held in a huge cage, this guy just starts jerking off for no reason. Another character walks overs and starts choking him, and the guy just KEEPS SPANKING IT!!! I'ts shocking how dumb this script is. The gore is nothing special or freaky. The first kill is probably the best, and it almost got me excited, like, wow this might be a pretty gory, sick movie. No, no, not at all. In the end it may have been a good concept on paper but final product was a hardcore wannabe cannibal film. Just watch Cannibal Ferox instead.
Goosebumps (2015)
Fun for the family, disappointing for fans.
In the 90's Goosebumps was a huge hit with kids, leading to its own FOX television show. After the shows success, talks of a film adaption had begun, at one point Tim Burton was even going to direct it. The idea was later scrapped... until 20 years later.
Yes, we have finally gotten a film based on R.L Stines smash hit series and before I begin this review I wanna say that I am a huge fan of Goosebumps so these opinions are coming from a fan.
Teenager Zach (Dylan Minnette) and his widowed mother have just moved into a new home in Madison, Delaware. Zach, not too excited about moving to a new town, finds a friend in his new neighbor, Hannah (Odeya Rush). But there's something strange about Hannah and her father. After sneaking into their house Zach and his new friend Champ ( Ryan Lee), they accidentally release monsters and ghouls from books written by R.L Stine (Jack Black) Hannah's father.
So I expected this to have the same tone as Coraline, not super scary but enough to make kids get, well, GOOSEBUMPS! But it had a lot more of comedy than horror, which I should have expected with Jack Black being in it. The comedy was actually funny in a lot of parts, and many kids were laughing, as was I. But Goosebumps has always been about creeping out kids, which this film failed to do. In no way does this film have any creep factor, even Slappy one of the creepiest characters in the series is reverted to a lame pun- spurting joke of a villain.
For fans there really isn't a lot to see. There is maybe 5 or 6 characters from the books, the rest are generic scary creatures like clowns or bugs. The CGI on the creatures are actually pretty good, so was the acting. Some characters like Zach's Mom and Aunt are underdeveloped but it's OK because we don't see a lot of them in the film.
In the end, this isn't the greatest thing Goosebumps has done. It has decent acting and visual effects. But Goosebumps isn't supposed to be as comedic as this movie made it. It's supposed to creep out children a little, but this doesn't do that. If your a fan I would skip it, if your a parent, kids will probably like it.