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Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023)
Aquaman sinks in this one
"Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom" (Cmas 2023, 2hr, D/James Wan) This should've been an outstanding sequel to 2018's Aquaman but instead you get something akin to a video game adaptation. This director has so much more potential but the gazillions in budget were just squandered on VFX as if this was a half-hearted Netflix production. But worse is that the writing is just horrid, and to find that Wan and Momoa both have writing credits for this! I mean baby peeing in daddy's face is an ancient romcom trope, who permitted this into the screenplay of a big budget action movie?! And there are too many other such travesties to bother with here, very very disappointing.
The Wrong Missy (2020)
It's just wrong
"The Wrong Missy" (May 2020, 90-min, Netflix) This is one of the most bizarre romcoms you'll see. David Spade gets top billing but this film is all about Lauren Lapkus' "Missy" character. She plays the most hyperbolic, over the top character you've seen since something like that was done by Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey, or even Rob Corddry. For me, her performance came off as cringe but some people like that crazy, hyperkinetic energy, I guess. Molly Sims costars as the other, hot, Missy and wow has she aged nicely. I remember her when she starred in "Las Vegas" 20yrs ago (in her hot 30s), so barely recognized her now but still has some "wow" to her. Anyway, the movie is so focused on Lauren's/Missy's antics that you don't get much else value from it, and that falls on the inexperienced writers and director. Lauren is the only winner out of this effort and fine if you're fan of hers I suppose.
The Perfection (2018)
Twisty and Twisted
"The Perfection" (2018, 90-min, Netflix, Dir/Richard Shepard) I did not have high hopes for this film but the director is a pretty good writer, too, and Steven Weber usually delivers a good performance, so why not? And lemme tell you, 15-min when the two starlettes kiss, I was like c'mon, one of these movies? But I hung in there which was a good thing because it turned out to be one of the most unpredictable plots I've seen in quite awhile. There were twists at least four different places. In fact, the director did the rewind thing a few times to reveal what led up to the particular twist. At its heart it's a tale of sexually abused young women getting revenge on pervy geezers but how it gets there is pretty engaging. Some scenes are really tough to watch so this isn't going to be for everyone but it's those scenes that give this movie it's particular "flavor".
Spectral (2016)
Surprisingly good Netflix military/scifi
"Spectral" (2016, 100-min, Dir/Nic Mathieu) This is a surprisingly good Netflix special-ops/scifi thriller from FIRST time writer/director Nic Mathieu - a very good rookie effort. The story addresses an interesting question: what happens when the powerful US military comes across a new type of enemy force that's seemingly invincible? And it's answered in the form of an embedded engineer that rises to the challenge giving the special-ops forces the advantage in combatting man-made spectrals based on Bose-Einstein condensates, and yes, that's an authentic thing. You'll enjoy performances by some familiar favorites such as Max Martini and Bruce Greenwood. James Badge Dale ("1923", "Hightown") stars as our protag engineer. It's directed with fast pacing and decent VFX. "Spectral" is old-school enjoyable which is really rare these days.
The White Lotus (2021)
The White Lotus Lifestyle
"The White Lotus" (S02, 7 eps, 1-hr, MAX) I surprised myself by really liking the show's first season so I was definitely amped for the second season and it did not disappoint! This is one of the few series that maintains its entertainment level across seasons, and thanks largely to the involvement of the show's creator/writer/showrunner, Mike White. This second season moves the action to the White Lotus' Sicily location which really showcases the setting. Some of our principal characters/actors return for this outing. I was happy to see Theo James as a new principal here since I just recently finished "The Gentlemen" series (Netflix) where he starred as a British Duke. Jennifer Coolidge returns with her "Tanya" character which grates on me but by the finale has a satisfying ending. Mike does a really good job of weaving tough relationship issues into the various characters, too, which is why it's so important to have such a large cast of principals. He also deftly weaves in DEI themes without making it so obvious that it triggers the audience, much of it is subtle and tastefully done, so kudos for his light touch in so many areas. Season 3 is filming in Thailand and Mike notes: "It's going to be a supersized White Lotus. It's going to be longer, bigger, crazier!" Stoked.
Unfrosted (2024)
A movie about the worst kind of pop tart
"Unfrosted" (5/3/24, 90-mins, Netflix, D/Jerry Seinfeld) Ok, wow, so now you know for a fact what everyone has suspected since the 90s, that Jerry Seinfeld is an apprentice-level comic and director. Jerry narrates the fictional tale, to a little runaway boy who speaks like an adult, of the pop tart's origin story - a fierce competition between Kelloggs and Post for the next big breakfast product beyond cereal. The film, full of B- and C-list comedians, tries to play as slap-stick, sight-gag comedy in the vein of "Airplane" but just doesn't capture the humor and rhythm of that hall of fame film. Having said that, it's not a horrible movie, it just can't cash the check its expensive cast attempts to write. It's the typical, mediocre film you expect of Netflix these days. It feels like Seinfeld was given millions to produce, write, direct, and star in this content fodder that you just know he only spent a lazy afternoon at his mansion conceiving. This could've and should've been so much better.
Space Shuttle Columbia: The Final Flight (2024)
An unsatisfying treatment
"Space Shuttle Columbia" (4/7/24, 4 eps, 42-min, CNN) They presented a safe, respectful, testimonial of the events leading to the disastrous re-entry of this shuttle in Feb 2003. As you may imagine Part 1 was devoted to the crew and its background. Part 2 was more about the mission itself. Part 3 documented the disaster itself and Part 4 the ensuing investigation. I was most interested in Parts 3 and 4, the latter of which was most disappointing since the final investigatory report's impact wasn't made fully clear. Were the top managers responsible for the culture of silence ultimately removed? Were any sued? Apparently there was no criminal investigation. There were alot of loose ends dangling in this treatment after 20 years and that's just a poor experience.
Constellation (2024)
Constellation is a Little Dipper
"Constellation" (Feb 2024, 8-eps, 55-min, Apple) I really wanted to like/enjoy this new scifi series but it didn't quite resonate with me. The pacing is slow and deliberate which is fine if there's a good payoff at the end but instead, its attempt to work the already confusing topic of quantum entanglement into the plot was shallow and unsatisfying. So much more could've been done with this topic and to make it accessible to the audience but instead they went with an obtuse approach that involves murders, ugh. Yes, a core plot point was duplicate selves and how that can manifest as madness/insanity to be treated with pharma so that gets it to 4-stars for me. But there was good potential for an 8 or 9 star series but some writers just aren't up to the task. This isn't listed as a mini-series but it ended with finality, so I'm not sure there was production confidence there'd be a second season. Besides, the overall tone of the series was gloomy, morose, with an unlikeable set of characters (and cast) with an increasing number of dead people so I don't see this as a good sign of a return, and I'm really not interested in that happening anyway.
Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)
Rebel Moon Pt 2 is Spectacular and I never give out 10s!
"Rebel Moon Pt 2" (4/19/24, Netflix, Dir: Zach Snyder) Wow, just wow. RM Pt1 was good, very good, but this Part 2 takes it to another level! Zach Snyder brought alot of the magic of "300" to make this a spectacular event. This is a "Star Wars" that Kathleen Kennedy and her minions could never make. This is a masterpiece of the genre - and I NEVER say that about anything. Sofia B. Makes a decent enough protag but Ed Skrein as Atticus Noble makes a deliciously evil villain, even more so in this outing. But let's go back to Zach for a moment. This film shows you the potential that can be realized when you let an A-list personality produce, write, direct, and do the cinematography for an action/adventure film. Few have tried, and most fail, but Zach scores big here. And the final five minutes set the stage for what the Part 3 story would be, so here's to hoping Netflix does the Right Thing by Greenlighting it!
Dune: Part Two (2024)
Dune 2, funny, same as my rating
"Dune Part 2" (11/3/23, $700M w/w) This is highly anticpated and apparently highly rated sequel to its Part 1. However, opening scene, despite there being no bird life in the region, an Atreides rebel uses a bird call to summon a few men who are just a few feet away. A few moments later Paul and Jessica - pregnant no less, dressed in sand-wear rags, overcome two body-armored and armed Harks. Is there no one on set performing common sense checks against the screenplay?! What's the point of an epic story if two unprepared underdogs are going to simply defeat fearsome foes w/o breaking a sweat?! And then to become the new den mother, Jessica - from the Order of Benny and the Jets - has to drink what a minor character refers to as poison worm piss, and the woman giving it to her to drink says that she will die(!), and when she hesitates because of that they yell at her to drink - these kind of shenanigans are what you expect from a pledge party at a sorority! And then they realize, as it's discovered AFTER she drinks, she's pregnant! And this blue juice that that's toxic enough to knock her down, spaz out, and turn her eyes blue has no effect on her pregnancy! Really?! Really?! Again, what's the point of any of this if the protags are just going to magically coast through without any kind of sacrifice?! Then there's the gorgeous cinematography, yes, mounds and mounds of sand, and dank, dark caverns. If you're into shades of tan and brown, you're in heaven. And our co-star with the single name is deliberately made unattractive because that's just what an audience of mostly men want to see. So after 29-mins of this 166-min thing, I will waste no further of my entertainment life on this, I'm calling time of death, just ridiculous.
Fallout (2024)
Fallout, ironically named
"Fallout" (S01, 8eps, 45-min, Amzn Prime) is a video game adaptation apparently, never played it, so my review isn't dependent on that. I wanted to like this, I came to it with eager eyes. And yet, once again, Amazon Studios continues their onslaught of cultural re-engineering instead of producing quality, independent entertainment. This is another mighty-woman first series that will appeal to 5% of a cry-baby population and turn-off the 95% that should be enjoying it. The first episode was just so ridiculously stupid in too many ways to count including the stupid '50s musical soundtrack that was so displaced I thought I was imagining it. So I thought, alright, that's a throwaway episode, maybe the second will be better. No. Now add to all that crud, racial retribution, and even more incongruent 50s musicalia. I am SOOOOO tired of "progressive" studios absolutely ruining entertainment! I don't even want a new tv anymore! I'm watching less and less because of all this @#@#@# they're throwing at us!
Red Right Hand (2024)
Same Story Different Attempt
"Red Right Hand" (2/23/24, 110-min, $116k w/w) was released in only 50 US theatres with the smallest of grosses, barely over $100k worldwide! So you best believe the slamming reviews here because it's a poor attempt by a first time writer and a pair of undistinguished directors which make A-listers Orlando Bloom and Andie MacDowell look like community theatre players. You've seen this plot and its characters a dozen times before, only the actors and setting are different. This is like one of those B-movies you used to rent from Blockbuster when all your first and second choices were already checked out. Such a disappointment, Orlando and Andie should sue to wipe its availability.
Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
Godzilla: Friends & Enemies
"Godzilla: King of Monsters" (5/29/19, 2-hrs, $387M w/w) I saw this in 3D on my 55-in LG HDTV and it was a pretty great experience. The scale of this movie is colossal, big ships, big subs, big mountains, big monsters - everything's colossal! The pace is fast and engaging. The main problem with this particular story is the "MY family comes first, and you must all help me save them!" aspect of this. Thus, our protag, Dr Mark Russell, bosses around military officers and anyone within his orbit to achieve that end. At least we have Bradley Whitford as Dr Rick Stanton who attempts to bring a comedic "who do you think are" balance to the party. But overall, it's the best modern-era G'zilla movie I've seen, with great/expensive production values that calls for your best popcorn while watching :-)
Argylle (2024)
Argylle Socks
"Argylle" (2/2/24, 130-min, $95M w/w, D/Matthew Vaughn) is a twisty, spy drama/comedy featuring Henry Cavill, Bryce Dallas Howard and John Cena because it's his turn to be in EVERYthing. It's directed by the guy best known for the Kingsman movies. Once again, we have the potential for something great that falls short due to silly implausibilities. But the most distracting thing of all is how swollen Bryce looks in this! You'd think she was asked to gain weight for this. In many scenes she looks like the singer Adele (bef her wt loss). Everyone else in the principal cast shows up trim and looking great. Now this wouldn't be as much a factor in a regular movie but in one in which she (or her body double) is asked to do so much physically, it's just not a good look or even plausible. The whole premise is kinda interesting though, answering the question "how does this spy novelist (Bryce's character, Elly) write so presciently?" Finally, at the very end, it's teased as a continuing saga but seriously, it needs major improvement in many areas to be a successful franchise and with a paltry $95M w/w there may be no saga after all...
3 Body Problem (2024)
Any Body Problem
"3 Body Problem" (3/21/24, scifi, 8 eps, 1-hr, Netflix) This is the much anticipated tv adaptation of the fabled book series. But let me cut to the chase since this was a serious disappointment for me and apparently many, many others. I only made it through two eps before calling time of death. First, though it's largely written by the GoT duo - D&D - this is a very boring, dry, and just dumb adaptation. I'm tired of "legends" insulting my intelligence by spewing forth trash though it's lined with Netflix's gold. There were legit stupid, nonsensical plot points in the first two eps and I just won't tolerate that. Add to that all the excessive - stupid - cigarette smoking and them calling the headset thing a game when it's clearly a simulation at the least. Just unforgiveable stuff. Fail.
Avatar: The Last Airbender (2024)
A live-action series with little motivation
"Avatar: The Last Airbender" (2/22/24, 10eps, ~ 60-mins, Netflix) This series is very controversial because it's a live-action adaptation of a story that was VERY VERY well done in animation by Nickelodeon. So well done, that even after its conclusion in 2008, it can still be found streaming free on Pluto TV for instance. So it's a real question as to why to commit to this remake in the first place, especially - especially - since it treads the same path. It could've been so much more well received if it broke out into a new storyline, but instead, it's doomed to be compared to the practically flawless animated series. And like we're used to from Netflix productions, production values can be great but casting is most definitely governed by DEI/ESG which oftentimes means you're getting actors and even directors with little experience which just dooms the experience. Also, the actors selected are not attractive so that hurts its appeal too. Notably, the actress that portrays Kitara was the worst of the leads, I think. She seemed to carry the same facial expression the entire time, and they wrote her as too confident and strong which doesn't track with her character's age and circumstances. I rated this a 5 to mean that it's just meh. Put side by side, I'd rewatch the animated series than this one. There's nothing in this one that I'd want to rewatch, it just doesn't leave you wanting more. I know it's been renewed for two more seasons, just like the animated, but I won't care to see the others, at least as long as the animated one remains easily available.
Gojira -1.0 (2023)
Godzilla Minus One works as its rating
"Godzilla Minus One" (12/1/23, PG-13, 2hrs, $110M w/w) takes us to its beginning in post WW2 Japan. However, this is the MOST BORING presentation of Godzilla I've ever seen! WAY too much of this movie is about the poverty conditions of Japan in that time period. Very little of the film actually features Godzilla and that's ashame. Then, there's all the subtitling, so you basically have to read your way through this film. And just to illustrate how boring and dreary this film is, the next day I couldn't remember if this film was done in color or black and white! In fact, it is in color but its colors are muted and dreary so you can be forgiven for mis-recalling that attribute. It's just a real disappointment, reminding me of all the trash that was dumped on us in the Covid era.
Erika Jayne: Bet It All on Blonde (2024)
Betting it on Erika
"Erika Jayne: Bet It All on Blonde" (3/6/24, TV-14, 84-mins) This is a two part documentary of Erika's path to her several month Las Vegas residency at Mandalay Bay's House of Blues. However, never even mentioned in this was that she's a multi-season regular on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Nor did any of her "friends" from that cast make an appearance which seems odd. In this doc, Erika leans heavily on the divorce from her notorious husband and how it's affected her. A lot of the drama in this doc comes from the possibility that she's too drained from her legal troubles to get her head back into the entertainment game. But surprise, surprise she pulls through and her show is a hit - or so you're led to believe. There's no mention of any measures of success, whether by revenue or attendance. Certainly no new Erika Jayne music was released which is unusual for such musical acts. It all just seems like a doc designed by her PR team to make her seem more sympathetic than you otherwise would from watching her horrid misanthropic behavior on the Real Housewives show or reading the same on the reality sites.
The Beekeeper (2024)
Decent J-Stat actioner
"The Beekeeper" (1/12/24, R, 100-min, $151M w/w, D/David Ayer) is a typical Jason Statham actioner where, as a retired "BeeKeeper operator", he wreaks vengeance upon those deserving of it. But his vengeance isn't a one-and-done event. He keeps attacking up the organizational ladder and the interesting twist in this is who's at the top of that ladder. Yes, he's a one-man army which gets kinda stupid as time goes on, but it's not terribly implausible. Josh Hutcherson co-stars against type as a douchey bad guy. Though he achieves his objective in the end, the actual ending is kind of inconclusive so that was a bit irritating which cost it another star for my review.
The Fall of the House of Usher (2023)
Finally! A really good mini-series
"The Fall of the House of Usher" (solo season, 10/12/23, 8 eps, 1 hr, Netflix) Bruce Greenwood leads an excellent cast portraying Edgar Allen Poe's "The Fall of the House of Usher" whose 8 episodes are each named for one of Poe's short stories. The level of production, acting, directing is so good that this was a joy to watch night after night. And there are so many prime lines of dialogue that I can't believe the "Quotes" section for this series hasn't even been started yet. The main plot involves madness/insanity but with an external catalyst ala "satan". When watching, be sure to keep an eye on Carla Gugino's "Verna" character since she's the antagonist to the two protags, "Roderick" and "Madeleine" Usher. This whole series should be nominated for Emmy awards, and the top four/five stars of this should be nominated for best leading and best supporting awards, highly recommended, and that's rare from me.
Lift (2024)
Netflix attempts an Ocean's 11 with Kevin Hart
"Lift" (1/12/24, PG-13, Netflix, 100-mins) stars Kevin Hart playing against type in a more serious, non-comedic role ("Cyrus") for a Netflix copy of Ocean's 11, think Cyrus' 7. Ahead of this movie, he was interviewed on Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live and was introduced as an "A-list" actor - there's a sad (and likely paid) plea for respect - but his 5-ft 2-in self just can't be taken seriously as a heist crew lead. In fact, there was obvious use of camera angles as well as him on stairs to make him appear taller, sad. And his of-course romance with character "Abby" is so forced and unlikely it's just cringe. Having said that, Netflix did provide a decent budget so the production values are on par with an Ocean's 11 but again, it just falls so short of expectations because of their mis-casting him, and only him, as the crew lead when he should've been in a minor support role as comedy relief which is his strong suit.
A Murder at the End of the World (2023)
Well, several murders in an Iceland bunker
"A Murder at the End of the World" (single season, 7 eps, 40-70 min, Hulu) is telling in that its title isn't even accurate. And it's a weird 7 eps that vary betw 40 and 70 mins, when most these days are 6, 8, or 10 eps. And when you finish the series you'll feel like you were cheated out of an 8th episode due to its rushed wrap-up. The nut of the story is a murder mystery however there's a lot of backstory love story/romance that - for me - detracts from the other but I'm sure femmes will appreciate it. The series is decent for the most part, production values are good though the barren snow-scapes of Iceland don't work for me. British waif Emma Corrin plays protagonist "Darby Hart" against Clive Owen's "Andy Ronson", a tech billionaire who's gathered some of the world's brightest minds for a tech retreat of sorts at a remote facility he's built in Iceland. As others have noted this had the potential to be soooo much better but Emma isn't the best casting choice for this role and the writers - Brit Marling and Zal Bat. (friends and freq collabs ("The OA") - give her character too much plot-armor which causes more eye-rolling than excitement. And once again we get force fed Hollywood values that we're killing the earth, tech billionaires are selfish and misanthropic, and super advanced AI is to be feared, ugh, just ugh. Thanks Brit and Zal for such original perspectives - not.
Saltburn (2023)
Cautionary tale for the Gentry
"Saltburn" (12/22/23, 125-min, R, $19M w/w) is an interesting contrast of English gentry and commoners. It follows the summer exploits of commoner "Oliver Quick" on scholarship to Oxford and his seemingly chance meeting with "Felix Catton" whose aristocratic family resides at the palatial "Saltburn" estate. Felix generously invites Ollie to stay with them over the summer but Saltburn's residents and hangers-on ensure Ollie knows his place as a temporary plaything of Felix. However, the film which excels in its cinematography and accompanying grand/epic music - takes an interesting turn when the underestimated Ollie turns the tables on the gentry. This is one of those movies that warranted a full mini-series treatment though because they totally rushed the ending which'll make you feel cheated. Yes, there's a satisfying reveal montage but it's rushed and crammed into the final 15-mins of its runtime. It'd have played out so much better as six 45-min episodes. Tip of the hat to "newcomer" Jacob Elordi as "Felix" who played his part so convincingly and appears to be the next Hollywood "it" guy.
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
Five Nights of Boredom
"Five Nights at Freddy's" (10/2/23, 105-min, PG-13, $288M w/w) was a surprise disappointment from Blumhouse Productions. Something this pedestrian was apparently written for the scare-level of pre-teens. The basic premise is a mystery of missing kids, and the mystery is pursued by a Scooby gang of sorts, though themselves not kids. The head writer has been involved in a bunch of the FNaF video games, and even penned a Scooby short recently. And yes, there's even a Scooby-style villain reveal at the end. Another big problem with this is just the plausibility of it all. It's so disconnected from what you'd expect to happen IRL that it just takes the fun out of it. I think we were all looking for a much better vehicle for Josh Hutcherson after his "Future Man" run than this.
Elemental (2023)
Elemental is a cute tear-jerker
Elemental (6/16/23, $495M w/w boxoff, PG, 100-min, D/Peter Sohn) is a colorful, upbeat Pixar film that hits all the right notes, mostly. At its core is a love story between two characters whose differences seem to preclude a relationship, but exciting life & death situations put them in a position to overcome social restrictions. It's touching and you'll need tissues near the end. Another element of the story highlights Disney's penchant for diversity and inclusion in the form of multi-races, depicting three waves of immigration to Element City by races personified as elements of nature that we know. I found the film to be really good in nearly all aspects except for the songs within it. They were all that modern, non-melodic type that I can't imagine appeals to anyone, so that was a big miss and affects its rewatch-ability for me.