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KeimoLantio
Reviews
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Deliberately awful copy of the first Matrix movie
Just the fact that this movie exists is a travesty. So basically the studio execs told the Wachowskis that they're doing a movie with or without them, so the Wachowskis, out of spite, do a god-awful copy of the first Matrix movie. It's exactly the same, but everything is worse - on purpose! How do I know? Because they tell it in the movie! Sure, it's framed as some sort of supposedly clever meta-joke, but everything is so ham-fisted and obvious that it's painful to watch.
You (2018)
Spoiled by extremely clumsy and forced jab propaganda
The extremely clumsy and forced jab propaganda in Season 3 is pathetic. Guess what Netflix, Pfizer, Morderna, Johnson & Johnson etc. Have in common? Same majority stakeholders, Blackrock and Vanguard. Drawing parallels between being critical to mRNA-jabs and measles vaccinations? Are you kidding me? So desperate!
Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020)
Unwatchable Garbage
Like everything produced by Alex Kurtzman, Lower Decks is unwatchable garbage that has absolutely nothing to do with the spirit or ethos of Star Trek.
Supercar Megabuild (2016)
All the worst cliches of car shows
Why on Earth has every single car show have to have the same stupid cliches?
Bad acting, stupid scripted events, insane deadlines, sloppy and idiotic customizations. In case you were wondering, is is really necessary to travel to the other side of the planet to get pointers on drifting or ballistic protection? No, it really isn't.
And speaking of ballistics...Is it a good idea to put a container of pressurised, highly flammable gas to a vehicle that might get shot at? No, it really, REALLY isn't. Or is it a good idea to chip tune the engine without replacing any of the factory parts and completely disregard its effects on the lifespan of the engine? No, it really isn't.
Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010)
Cult Horror Comedy Classic
This is one of those gems that sort of fly past everyone's radar, but it's really funny. Great physical comedy with a really dark twist. The movie also has a rather clever way of challenging stereotypes of the genre.
Have a Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics (2020)
Made-up stories from D-listers
Anyone who has experience with psychedelics is able to tell right of the bat that most of the stories are partly or completely made up. It's pretty obvious that most of these comedians have never tried acid, shrooms or X even once.
Too Hot to Handle (2020)
Trash with a capital T
Imagine the most idiotic TV show, made for the most vapid, superficial people imaginable. Yeah, that's basically this show.
Vagrant Queen (2020)
Get woke, go broke
This is what happens when Hollywood opts a comic book property solely on the basis of the author being trans. Imagine my shock when a comic book that nobody bought (sales were literally in the hundreds) turns into a TV show that nobody watches.
Dredd (2012)
Bonafide Cult Classic
After the 1995 Sylvester Stallone travesty that basically wipes it behind with the graphic novel, we finally get a cinematic adaptation that is true to the Judge Dredd lore. Karl Urban is fantastic as the titular character. While it's apparent this is a fairly low budget movie, the team makes good use of the budget.
With all the garbage Hollywood produces en masse, it's a crying shame this movie never got a sequel. There's so much Dredd lore to explore, that the opportunities would have been limitless.
Bumblebee (2018)
Don't be fooled by the G1 nostalgia design
Okay, so instead of looking like some weird space insects, the Transformers actually look like they should...and that's about the only positive thing about this movie. It's still the same vapid, lowest-common-nominator Bayformers crap as before. Hollywood just doesn't seem to understand, that nobody cares about the human characters nor the cringy, awful forced humor.
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)
FFS, leave X-Men alone.
Oh for Pete's sake, if you don't care about your work enough to make it consistent with your previous work, it's time to give up. Lazy, boring and all-round pathetic attempt, Hollywood at its worst.
Altered Carbon: Resleeved (2020)
So boring I gave up half way
The action choreography is OK-ish, but the characters are either boring or annoying. The CGI animation is soulless and feels more like watching someone play Grand Theft Auto than a movie. Everyone hated AC season 2 for a reason and this animation is just as bad.
Altered Carbon (2018)
Season 1? Brilliant! Season 2? Meh!
Season 1 was a hallmark of science fiction and cyberpunk. Season 1 had nuances and even all the outrageous violence and nudity serves a purpose. Season 2 is mostly just boring posturing paired with unimaginative and clichéd dialog. Season 1 was easy to binge-watch, since the "one more episode" factor was really high. Season 2 was a real chore to suffer through. What the hell happened?
Star Trek: Picard (2020)
Marginally better than Star Trek: Discovery
Unfortunately, all the reasons true Trekkies hated Discovery are still there;
1) The boring yet overly convoluted plot that takes forever to get going.
2) Forgettable, indifferent, uninteresting, unrelatable, unprofessional and overly snarky/confrontational characters.
3) Boring and bleak visual style.
4) Unnecessary and misguided attempts to be dark and edgy (e.g. cursing, graphic violence) which feels very un-Trek.
5) Vapid and pointless filler dialogue.
The only thing that makes Picard better than Discovery, is that it at least tries to be an ensemble cast show, whereas Discovery was basically The Amazing Michael Burnham Show.
Wu Assassins (2019)
Great fight choreography, every else is rubbish
Like the title says, the martial arts choreography is really well executed, but everything else leaves much to be desired. Bad acting, awful dialog, script is very predictable and full of cliches. The special effects look very dated too.
The Witcher (2019)
Gave up after two episodes
I admit that reviewing a title based on two episodes might not be fair, but it's also not a good sign if a title fails to grasp my attention span longer than that. Not having read the books nor played the games, I approached The Witcher without any kind of preconceptions.
The Witcher certainly has good production values. The set pieces, props and costumes are top notch. Right up there with Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings and comparable fantasy titles. Some people have called The Witcher as "poor man's GoT or LotR" which is partially true. The Witcher is like GoT or LotR, but it lacks charismatic actors (except Henry Cavil), interesting characters and an engaging story.
The Witcher left me feeling indifferent, which is the greatest sin of all for cinematic entertainment. Sadly, all too common these days.
Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
One of the worst MCU movies
Spider-Man: Homecoming was easily one of the worst MCU movies, but Far From Home is even worse. Painfully bad script and acting. Tries desperately be funny, but falls flat (unless you're a child, maybe). Unrelatable, disposable and lame characters. Mediocre and uninspired CGI.
Dolemite Is My Name (2019)
Entertaining, relatable and void of wokeness
If you look past the vulgarity, the movie is ultimate a heart-warming tale about a group of friends overcoming obstacles in the pursuit of something they believe in, while have no idea how to make it real. Eddie Murphy makes a great performance portraying Rudy, a born entertainer and hustler who makes due with what he has. However, my favourite acting performance if by Wesley Snipes.
It should be noted, that this movie is void of the usual woke-nonsense, that has almost become a rule rather than an exception with Netflix productions. The movie does not patronize black people by portraying them as inept, helpless victims, nor are white people portrayed as evil oppressors trying to keep the blacks down at any given moment.
A Little Late with Lilly Singh (2019)
Comedy is dead and the liberal left killed it!
So this garbage is what passed of as comedy these days? Painfully unfunny, horrible delivery and predictably cliched. Not to mention the overload of obsessive identity politics. Also, the blatant casual racism toward white people is apparently fine these days? Unless you're one of those freaks who enjoys cringe, avoid this trash like the plague!
Living Undocumented (2019)
Pre-election anti-Trump propaganda.
Let's call this what it is. Anti-Trump propaganda designed to sway the 2020 election. Behind all the sob stories and humane suffering, this documentary dances around the fact that entering United States illegally is a CRIME. Let me iterate that, entering a country without due process makes one a CRIMINAL.
PS: I'm not a citizen of USA, just so you know.
Fastest Car (2018)
Overload of American-style dramatisation
In typical American reality-TV fashion, there's an endless amount of cheesy dramatisation and very little actually working on the cars. Everything is so painfully , it feels like the show is made for people with IQ below 70; Supercars owners are intentionally chosen and framed to be as obnoxious as possible and the underdog car builders are have the same repetitive sob-story. Way too much BS and way too little racing and building.
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Yet another soulless CGI fest
The title really says it all. Alita is yet another cookie-cutter CGI fest that are dime a dozen in current year Hollywood. Given Robert Rodriguez's and James Cameron's track record, it's hard to fathom they hand their hands in this mess - the dialog and writing is awful. Watching Alita is like watching someone play a crappy video game.
The Expanse (2015)
Must-watch for demanding sci-fi fans
I'm a huge fan of the likes of Babylon 5 and Battlestar Galactica and had all but given up anything as great being made - until I found The Expanse. Clever plot that combines large-scale political conspiracy to very relatable human experience.
The Boys (2019)
Exactly as I feared - a huge disappointment
As a huge fan of Garth Ennis' graphic novel, the TV series turned out to be exactly the type of mundane, watered-down dumpster fire I've come to expect from present-day Hollywood.
The series completely does away with Ennis' brilliant dialogue, sub-plots and motivations of the characters, leaving only the most bland and basic elements of the source material. Why, why oh why does Hollywood ALWAYS does this? Instead of using the brilliant source material, they replace anything worthwhile with endless amount of filler BS.
Reading through some of the 9 or 10 star reviews, I get a feeling they are bought reviews. It's either that, or people have very low standards these days. Don't get me wrong, The Boys is better than current Marvel series on Netflix - which isn't saying a lot - but compared the the awesome graphic novel, this is a huge let-down.
Someone Great (2019)
Yet another Netflix forced diversity fest
Black representation? Check.
Latinx representation? Check.
Lesbian representation? Check.
Unplausibly diverse group of friends? Check.
Covertly suggesting white people's relationships are bland? Check.
White people are goofy cliche? Check.
Every single POC character oozing with street cred? Check.
Boring unrelatable characters. Check.