Reviews

First off let me say that I went to watch this movie on my own as my girlfriend told me in no uncertain terms that she would not go see it. And boy am I glad she wasn't there. If she had have been I would not have made to the end of the movie. All that kept me in my seat for 2.5 hours was the fact that I paid good money to see it and I hate not getting my money's worth! The slightest encouragement from anybody else to walk out before the end and I would have done so. Now onto the review......

As I sat in my seat watching the trailer for G.I. Joe for what must be the 100th time I realised I remember very little about the first Transformers movie. I remember the first time Sam sees his car transform, the Autobots trying to hide in Sam's back yard, Megan Fox's ass and breasts and Autobots saying things like "My Bad". I honestly couldn't tell you how it ended but I do know the good guys won.

With that in mind my expectations for Transformers 2 were for a fun, brain-dead action movie featuring plenty of gratuitous Megan Fox shots, horrible dialog, lots of explosions and plenty of obnoxiousness from the director, Michael Bay. The result??? It delivers all of that! Well except the fun part. The overlong running time sucks whatever fun there is to be had out of the movie and instead just makes it pretty boring.

What Michael Bay has done with this movie is to take what was good and bad about the first one and basically give you more of it. We some some robots last time, we see loads more this time. We see Sam and Mikaela running from Decepticons in the first movie, you see much more running this time. Last time we had robots peeing and saying "My Bad", this time we have robots crying, farting and even see some swinging robot testicles. I'm not kidding about that last one! Don't even get me started about the new racial stereotype Autobots, dogs humping or Sam's Mom tripping out on hash cakes.

But, look, we all know what you get when you go see a Michael Bay movie. We know he can't direct dialogue, we know he's not big on story, we know he'll put in random bits of crazy that make no sense. The fact is you put up with that to watch some great action sequences! And in the end there is maybe 30 minutes of quiet time in this movie and then a 2 hour action sequence with more robots and explosions than has even been seen. There was so much money thrown at this movie it almost makes me angry that it exists in the current economic climate. Every scene seems to have a special effect in it. Which brings me on to what Bay is all about, action and special effects. How are they? Good, not great, and I'll explain why. There are some fantastic set pieces and crazy robot transformations, fights, etc. I'm sure to those in the SFX business there was some great work done here. It's just hard for me as a moviegoer to care. The robot transformations are not very exciting, we've seen it before. The robot fights were over-long and confusing, it's hard to pick out an Autobot from a Decepticon most of the time. And all of the time the robots looked like a digital effect and never seemed to fit in with the live action background which brought me out of the movie at times. I loved in the first Jurassic Park how there was a mixture between digital effects and practical effects. Sometimes you had to wonder if you were looking at something real or computer generated. Eventually you just accepted what you saw and immersed yourself in the story. It was the same for Benjamin Button, it's hard to know that for 52 minutes Brad Pitt was only a computer generated head. With Transformers you know 100% of the time it's a digital effect. I know there is no getting around that as you can't build working Transformers but Bay could be more subtle with the action so as not to over-saturate the viewer. But that's not his way.

As for the physical action sequences, after the first 100 explosions it's hard to care about the next 500. We also get to see almost every weapon available in modern warfare, planes, tanks, submarines, helicopters, guns, cannons, lasers etc. There's so much of it it really is boring.

The storyline is average, the acting, what little there is of it, is nothing special and most disappointing is the fact that the Autobots seem to take a secondary role to Sam for the entire movie.

So in the end there is nothing really to like about this movie. If you like explosions and computer generated robots than you may enjoy yourself, but after 2.5 hours of it even a Michael Bay enthusiast would have had enough. The only consolation is that 24 hours after you've seen the movie you won't remember most of it and live the rest of your life in blissful ignorance.

Maybe it's because I went in to it with low expectations but I enjoyed the hell out of this movie! Is it a perfect movie? No, far from it. However I had just come off an early morning shift at work, I was tired as hell and just wanted to see a nice movie that didn't require too much thought so I could wind down. As it was a Thursday and a 3:45pm show I was the only one in the cinema! Absolute heaven, I can pretend I'm famous or something and have booked the whole place out so I can have some privacy! So I sit down with my Ben and Jerry's and the movie starts. There's a sequence that lasts maybe 15 minutes that gives some back story to the main character, David, from when he was 15 and started 'jumping'. Lovely special effects follow and David does things we'd all do if we could teleport or 'jump', rob a bank, go to exotic locations, etc. And then we're into the present day. David has a nice apartment, nice stuff, fancies a trip to London. All is going well until Sam Jackson shows up and ruins it for him. There's a bit of lovey dovey stuff and then there's plenty of frantic 'jump' escapes, some 'jump' fights and the movie ends on a relatively satisfying note.

All in all it was better than I expected and exactly what I was looking for.

But this movie could be so much better. It has a short running time, 88 minutes. Almost surely because of the size of the budget. It must have been astronomical as almost every scene has a 'jump' effect. Add to that the multiple locations and I'd say they could only afford 88 minutes. Because of these everything feels rushed. There is a lot more that could have been touched on. How do the Jumpers 'jump'? Do they need to have visited the place first or would just a picture do? What is physically different about them? Why do they have sworn enemies that have stayed enemies for hundreds of years? Where did the bad guys get their cool weapons? How are Jumpers made? Is it passed down through generations? But with the time constraint these questions can't be addressed. What the movie does do is go out of its way to set up a sequel. Painfully so in fact as the ending feels like the end of an act rather than the end of a movie. But this could have franchise potential. 'Jumping' is a cool power. He could be a modern superhero with the ready made sworn enemies. The effects are great. I even felt Hayden Skywalker was quite good in the part contrary to what others seem to think.

If it does go to a sequel I'd like to see much more background into the whole 'jumping' thing and a good storyline. Make the running time longer and cut down on some of the action shots to stay within budget.

So in conclusion Jumper is a fun, action packed, special effects heavy movie that will entertain you if you don't have too high hopes for it. It's not going to win any Oscars but that doesn't matter and it has potential for some good sequels.

Recommended for days when you just want to be entertained.

As comebacks go this wasn't one of the best. The story just felt very weak and there were plenty of questionable story elements. OK let's start with the bad: Mike Traceur - The character is very badly written and Justin Bruening is badly cast in my opinion.

The lesbian cop angle - Talking about trying to appeal to a demographic. Absolutely unimportant to the story.

The Knight Industries 3000 - I liked the shots of the remote control driving, as designs go it's quite a cool car but had nothing on the original. But it didn't seem very fantastic. No jumps, no lasers, no gadgets of note.

The stupid storyline - It just felt lazy. The baddies weren't very scary. Things were said at the most inappropriate times e.g. calmly telling Mike about his Dad when people are after them with guns. How Mike finally stopped the baddies was also stupid, unimaginative and unrealistic.

The acting - There was plenty of bad acting to go around but this may be due to a poor script.

The writing on a whole - Too many bad scenes, bad lines, stupid humour, gratuitous lesbo or bikini scenes, stupid situations, plot holes, contrivances....the list goes on.

But there is some promise.

I like Val Kilmer as the voice but his part needs to be better written with a bit more sarcasm.

The car has promise. I like the idea that it can access security cameras, GPS systems, etc. If they recast and rewrote the lead character and got someone a bit like the Jason Bourne character you could have a pretty good team there. Kind of like 24 with super agent Jack Bauer and tech-head Chloe.

I liked the female lead. She can stay.

If they lose the OC look about the show and make it a bit darker I could see myself watching it.

Bring back the original theme music. The single best thing about this pilot was the 2 or 3 seconds of the original music at the start. Unfortunately they ruined it by playing some sort of rock music after it. Also chance the music in the whole show, it's just bad.

All in all if they got all new writers, a new premise and some different cast members we could be on to a winner! On second thoughts they might as well scrap it and go back to the drawing board!

I admit I got caught up in all the hype but I went to see this movie with an open mind. Unfortunately I was disappointed.

First, let me just say that the acting is superb across the board. Brad Pitt especially portrays the anguished foreigner who desperately needs help in a county that neither speaks the language, or has the appropriate medical facilities. The so called "non-actors", a term which I don't like, are also great. Sometimes a little too great, for example one scene where the young boys who cause the film's main tragedy are repeatedly hit by their father, it hardly looks like acting and seems all too real. Also the two children that play Brad Pitt's kids are also very convincing.

The film is also beautifully shot. The locations are stunning ranging from Morocco to Japan to Mexico. You get a feel for what life is like in all these countries, the barren land and poor goat herders of Morroco, the hustle and bustle of a huge city like Tokyo, and the difference a few miles makes between life in San Diego and life in Mexico.

I also like the decision to make one of the main characters a deaf mute living in the heart of a major city. Some of the scenes which have no sound really emphasise the loneliness and isolation this young girl feels.

So, you ask, why didn't I like the movie? The story just isn't that good. I just found it boring and depressing and a little too unbelievable. It runs at 2 hours 15 minutes. After an hour and a half I was shifting in my seat and checking my watch. I also took the time to look around me and about 90% of the audience was doing the same. You see, not a lot happens.

Please skip the next paragraph if you don't want to know the basic story of the whole movie. ***SPOILER ALERT***** A husband and wife are in Morocco on holidays. They lost a baby, we assume recently. We don't really know why they're there. Their other two kids are minded by a Mexican nanny. In Morocco a goat herder buys a riffle for his sons to shoot jackals to protect the goats. It just so happens that this gun was given to the seller by a Japanese hunter (yes, that was out of the blue! I don't know many Japanese that go to Morocco to hunt). The boys use the gun to shoot at a bus, they hit Kate Blanchett's character in the shoulder. Her husband tries to get her to a hospital but they are in the middle of nowhere. They go to a small town and wait for their embassy to get a helicopter. Meanwhile in Japan, this Japanese hunter's daughter is a lonely deaf mute. She's mourning the death of her mother through suicide and doesn't fit in. Her hobbies include sexual frustration and taking off her clothes. Meanwhile in San Diego it's the Mexican nanny's son's wedding. She is responsible for the two children and nobody else can take them. She decides to take them over the border with her. Her nephew is their ride home. He gets spooked on the way back over the border by the cops and tries to evade them, leaving his aunt and the two kids in the desert alone at night. Day comes and it's hot, the kids are tired. She leaves to two kids to get help. She finds it, the kids are saved and she gets deported for her efforts. Meanwhile in Japan a father and naked daughter embrace and in Morocco the shot woman survives and is fine. The end. ***END SPOILERS***

OK if you've read that it looks like a lot on paper but in reality not much happens. Especially in the Japan story. The girl doesn't fit in. She wants a boy to like her. She misses her mother. The end. I'm also not a fan of the lengths at which the writer takes to link the three stories. The link between Morocco and Japan in particular is extremely thin. It seems like if the worst case scenario happened from every decision you made you might end up with a story like this. It's just not believable. It's also depressing. I don't think anything good happens in this. There's no scene that will make you crack a smile, whether it be the young Moroccan boy masturbating, a chicken having its head pulled off or a nanny being unfairly deported. I'm not a fan of movies which just depress you. And this movie, while ambitious, will do just that.

I understand that I'm in the minority with my opinion on this, but so were 90% of the audience I saw it with.

If you like your movies with a hint of tragedy, a pinch of unbelievability and a good handful of depression, then this is the movie for you.