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Reviews
The Room (2003)
It's perfect.
The movie is as bad and as cringe as anyone says it is. And that's what makes it such a beauty. Extremely bad script written by the man himself to which all the actors adhere to by the letter, people entering and exiting the set with no explanation and everything is just out of place and horrendous. It's a masterpiece because of all of these things. If you need something to cringe at and laugh about, please watch. This is a terrible, terrible joke, and by joke I mean in its literal sense. Laughing all the way through.
Do yourself a favour and read the Trivia section of this movies page, it'll make it more fun.
The Tumbler (2008)
How is this rated over 6 stars?!
I think this is a good example for why there's the age old adage 'a terrible Australian movie'. If you want a really great Aussie movie watch Animal Kingdom or Two Hands. This? This is terrible.
The major flaw here is that it just screams low-budget amateurs. The acting is stiff, boring, emotionless and poorly delivered. The American accent is fake and you can tell. The Arabic accent is fake, and you can tell. Cinematography looks cheap and amateur, the location is dull and un-engaging, The delivery of the lines is directly off the piece of paper it was written on and overall, it's just a really bad movie.
Old (2021)
Not Shayamalan's best, that's for sure.
It felt so rushed. As a lot of other reviews have mentioned, it had a good premise and potential but it was lacklustre overall. The acting was very poor (except Wolf), the cinematography was strange and at some stages annoying, and the story felt like it was lacking a lot.
The 'scary' or psychological 'thriller' parts missed the mark and overall, I'd say this movie is definitely a miss. Not great.
The Call (2020)
4 stars is being very kind - this was bad
Here's a quick run down in easy-to-decide dot point form of why you shouldn't watch it, or if you do watch it, why you won't enjoy it:
1. Terrible acting.
2. Predicable and lazy
3. Plot hole and continuity error central
4. Loud and pointless
5. Ending is worse than the entire movie itself.
Unless you want something in the background whilst you scroll Facebook or do homework, don't bother.
Red Notice (2021)
"Best movie of the year!" "Wow a masterpiece!" Yawn
This is not the best movie of the year. It is not a masterpiece. It's also not entertaining, it's cringe and it's soulless.
Ryan Reynolds is his usual cringe self which is why I usually don't like movies he stars in. The Rock I find is mostly comical and easy to watch but this role just sucks for him. The humour is dull, jokes are predictable and cringe, action is too CGI as are the locations. It's just flat. There's no body, it's all just boring and forgetful. I'd say forget it unless you want to watch it as background noise while you scroll more interesting content on your newsfeed.
The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018)
Tries too hard
It's possession horror troupe roulette with this movie, and this one has plenty.
Disjointed crawling, I wonder why the lights are flickering, no I want to stay and fight the entity not flee to safety, help me ex boyfriend who I still love sub-plot, you name it.
The storyline is dull, the acting is mediocre and the scares are lacklustre. I would say watch this if you intend to also sit on your phone and half concentrate.
Unhinged (2020)
As per aforementioned (bad) reviews...
AVOID!
If you want to watch a good road rage movie, try Changing Lanes or Joy Ride. Both of these one after the other are much better ways to spend your time than investing in this useless film.
1. Plot holes you can't see past.
Why didn't she call the police? Why didn't she stop off at a store, literally any store where she could call the police?!! And so many others that are stupid.
2. The acting is very sub-par.
Sometimes it's good to see fresh faces who bring something of their own to an otherwise tired genre. In this instance, each scene felt painfully scripted, lacked emotion, and was very difficult to relate to. Even Russ was pretty average.
3. Unnecessary gore.
I love scary, gruesome movies. The bloodier, the better especially when it's a camp horror or something you can laugh at and say "eww!". This, however, just felt as though they spent all their budget (you can tell it was low budget by the knock-off Apple products and the terrible pretend 'Mirimba' ringtone...) on shock-tactic, high-impact violence to catch you off guard but it just felt tacky.
4. BORING!
Where does the story go? Who are these people? The cliche divorce theme is overdone but there's a saving grace if done correctly with relatable dialogue and good acting. The tween-who-hates-the-parent-in-the-rough-divorce scenario. Who, as to be expected, needs a traumatising event in order to remember the love he has for the parent. "Slow burn" is accurate in that the boredom has given me indigestion.
5. Frustrating
As stated before, stupid choices made by the lead just let it down so much. Movies are supposed to be 'unrealistic' to a degree, but SO unrealistic like purposely getting into danger 'unknowingly' is just annoying to watch.
Anyway. These are a few points why this movie is uninteresting, boring, flat and not worth watching.
I suggest the other movies as I said before, much better than this flop and a half.
Things Heard & Seen (2021)
Talk about movie-ruining ending!
To be honest I actually really liked the movie up until the last 10-20 minutes. It was good in itself it didn't even really need the supernatural themes. Acting was good, cinematography was good, I liked mostly everything about it but wHY DID THEY END IT THAT WAY.
It's like they just said ah fork, we're outta time and money just cut and paste the B-Roll footage and we'll call that an ending. It just sucked!! I would've given it a 6 if not for how stupid it was.
Superstore (2015)
What's to like?
All of the 10/10 reviews on here are making me wonder whether I'm missing something or if it's just me but, I just didn't enjoy it at all. Typical political American 'comedy' that I didn't find comedic at all.
Predictable, unlikable characters, it's like they watched the office and wondered how they could take that to the warehousing front. I dunno. I didn't like it at all.
The Naughty List (2019)
Cringe. Straight up, unadulterated cringe.
There's nothing to like. Tacky storyline, predictable plot, un-amusing actors and feeble attempts at Christmas-afying already 'done' tropes like 'can't lie' and 'make him love me'.
Unless you're 12 and love the idea of love at Christmas, give this a miss. If you're on the couch desperate for something to watch, invest your time reading the back of a shampoo bottle instead.
77 Minutes (2016)
77 Minutes - Tragic and Uncensored.
To put it simply - this documentary is quite obviously amateur but it's also very biased.
I've not watched or seen anything to do with this disaster, so this was all quite new to me but being a fan of documentaries of this description, I rely somewhat on the story to be told to me with factual, first hand accounts and then I back up with my own reading.
It's clear to me at first that Charlie Minn is most definitely interested in pointing the finger at the police and continually inserts himself into the film egotistically. We constantly see shots of him talking, asking (at times stupid and insensitive) questions, and he has no dramas with making sure we hate the police for what happened on that day.
This documentary had potential but the fact that the raw police footage was shown with the numerous decedents shown in their final states, including an infant, wasn't necessary to get the point across. It was in poor taste, and felt like he used the shock value in the hopes this would take away from his poor direction and editing.
The editing while we're on the subject - very poor. The direction - self centred and biased, overtly political and distasteful. His questions were offensive to the first responders and even to the victims at times.
All in all I'd say you'd have a better chance at the story if you researched the Wiki page or other related articles. This documentary has to be one of the worst I've seen.
A Way Out (2018)
What's with the raving reviews?
This game is for absolute beginners! I mean, you're restricted to literally three buttons - triangle, R2 and Square. The game prompts 95% of your moves so there's no real exploring, it's basically just a co-op cut-scene game with a couple of triangle and square instances.
There's maybe one or two good parts where you have to concentrate but the rest is just boring and non-immersive. If you want a good shooter co-op download COD lol
Polaroid (2019)
Picture this;
You're 14, it's the weekend, you're having a sleepover with your 4 best friends and each of you have a mattress in Karen's big lounge room. She's pushed the couches to the window giving you more space for activities. The activity: scary movies and popcorn.
You pick Polaroid. It has a scary cover and an even more terrifying premise - what could be scarier than a killer selfie? (one that Charles didn't acknowledge even though you know he saw it)
It's 10pm... pretty late considering you're only 14 and Mum makes you go to bed at 8:30 on a school night.
The popcorn is ready, the lights are off. Karen's parents are in the other room and you're all ready to watch the scariest movie you've ever seen.
Polaroid plays, with its skeletal, wheezing, cantankerous ghoul-man leaping out at you with scares like you've never had. Bobby and the gang have been picked off one by one (very Final Destination style but you don't know that, you're too young and haven't seen any of the Final Destination instalments...) the thin, cliche love story between the 'funny arguing' couple of the group resonates with you - Charles and you argue all the time. The movie hits home. It's scarier now more than ever.
You finish on a high and the photobomb that was promised never to take place again happens right after 'Polaroid' finishes... after all, you have to make sure you aren't next...
You can't sleep, it's too scary. You've watched the best horror movie you've ever seen.
Joker (2019)
"I just hope my death makes more cents than my life..."
Joaquin Phoenix is truly Oscar worthy in this adaptation of Joker. He's gripping, troubled, believable and diverse, and I'm yet to watch a comic book adaptation as terrific as this.
Suicide Squad eat tour heart out. THIS is how a movie should be made.
In the Tall Grass (2019)
Yawn with a side of head nod.
If you're wanting to find something to play in the background for some ambient noise or, perhaps even to help you drift off to sleep, I recommend 'In The Tall Grass'. It's not only dull, but lacks any crescendo, makes no effort to get you connected to the characters, doesn't make any sense and then there looms the big 'rock'.
There's no suspense, no scare, no point. Terrible.
Hyperdrive (2019)
Tuff cars, edge-of-your-seat entertainment
This is easily the best series Netflix has bought out in a while if you're into cars. If you love tough engines of all shapes and sizes and skilled drivers tromping it and breaking things, this is for you.
Drifting, exciting, divine sounding, entertaining, and exciting stuff we were hooked after the first episode. Please bring out season two!
Secret Obsession (2019)
Terrible, Bad, Awful.
Not only is this bad, but it's very bad. Predictable, cringy acting with no connection to these vague characters. Boring, embarrassing and not worth your time.
The Nun (2018)
Two words: Very Bad.
It's your typical teenagers at a sleepover movie. Need something 'SCARY' to watch so they put in The Nun.
Well, it sucks. If you're an adult that's seen good movies, this sucks. Don't bother unless the kids wanna watch something scary that you have to supervise.
Us (2019)
Here are all the reasons this movie is terrible in dotpoint for
-boring
-bad acting
-unrelatable
-stupid
-no climax
-not suspenseful
-no depth
-irritating
-'scary' family make stupid noises in an attempt to be frightening
-what's with the masks?
-laughable instead of unnerving
-pretentious
-poorly thought through
-no connection to the story
-what story?
-nothing makes sense
-2 families running around trying to be scary for a whole hour
-cinematography is awful
-unrealistic
-no connection with the characters
All in all, this movie isn't even entertain-bad it's just plain boring and not scary at all.
The Judge (2014)
Fantastic acting with a moving finish
I cried. I mean, I cried a fair bit. If you're sick on the couch, home from work or school or just having your 'me' time, this movie is wonderful.
Gripping, beautifully acted, and keeps you guessing. It's been a while since I've watched anything worth reviewing, but this was sensational.
Red Dead Redemption II (2018)
THE game of the ye- no, THE game of the CENTURY!
Hands down, the best game ever released. No questions asked, this game has it all. Graphics, engaging side missions, a great story, adventure when you free roam, surprises, scares, intriguing discoveries and the ability to choose your in-game path.
Arthur can be a good guy, or a bad guy, which will dictate how people treat you. You travel by trusty steed everywhere, it's the 1890's!
I can go on. I'd be here all night with all of the fantastic things to see, brilliant places to go, and interesting people to see. If you're a casual gamer, a 24hr take the week off work gamer, or even just a here and there on the weekend gamer, you MUST download this game. 10/10!!
The Haunting of Hill House (2018)
GET READ TO BINGE!
I just finished binge watching this series - it's definitely worth your whole Saturday!
It beings with a family, who seem to have the perfect American life. The parents are house flippers, who move into the run-down Hill House to rennovate and eventually sell to fund their 'forever home' where they'll build the rest of their lives. The house has other plans...
From episode one, we follow each of the seven family members through their memories of growing up in the haunted Hill House - supernatural suspense and thrills, a plot that grips you and a script that is sensationally written, carried out by fantastic and moving actors that tell their stories through fear, grief and unbelievable odds. It doesn't use cheap scares, it messes with your mind and catches you off guard.
Hill House will grab you by the guts, and pull you in, just the same as it did this family. A definite must-see!
Evil Genius: The True Story of America's Most Diabolical Bank Heist (2018)
Thought provoking, confronting, can't-look-away series.
I just binged all four episodes, it's one of the best docos I've seen this past year. Excellent.
The Fate of the Furious (2017)
Love Hollywood sap and predictable action? Then boy are you in for a treat!
I'm no professional movie reviewer - but I know a good movie when I watch one. This: not it. Not a good movie and if you're going to watch it for the same thrills and skills that the 1st 2nd and 3rd movie had, then you're going to have a bad time. It's not about cars and pink slips anymore, it's about Hollywood action and America-saves-the-world again.
Avoid if you want a movie that resembles the theme of the first few. Watch till your heart's content if you love a cheesy action flick.
The Ritual (2017)
Strange, confusing and ??
If you're into weird thrillers with no real point, this one is for you.
It has a couple of jump scares with the occasional what-was-that, but it lacks depth. The characters aren't likeable and the overall feel mimics a Blair Witch-esq woods and manevolent beast chasing around fighting 'friends'. If you're looking for a good, scary paranormal flick, with cheap scares that do the trick, try Ouija.