Change Your Image
uffda_77592
Reviews
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
So many confusing sub-plots
Disappointing. I took a group of teens to the movie, and for the hour ride home, we tried to rationalize what we saw. Reading the plot synopsis on IMDb is like reading a script for Sharknado: "during a vision of a dystopian future where Batman leads a band of rebels to kill Superman, Bruce Wayne receives a message from a time traveler warning him that Lois Lane is the key." Really? There are not enough weird coincidences in this movie, that we now need to have a time traveler interrupt a dystopian vision sequence? Batman fighting Superman should have plenty of plot material. Instead, the film also feels compelled to develop sub-plots around Lex Luthor's wish to rid the world of dangerous aliens, the rise of Wonder Woman, the discovery of Aquaman / Flash/ Cyborg / Green Lantern, General Zod's body somehow turning into a genetic hybrid, Superman versus the US Senate, African rebels, Batman's turn to the dark side by branding criminals, and others.
Sad too, because the action scenes are well choreographed and the sets / costumes are outstanding. Well-shot. Well-costumed. Poorly written. Worse directed.
Boo.
Vikingdom (2013)
Vikingdumb
So many things wrong with this movie, they even misspelled the title.
Basically the Viking artistic re-interpretation of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, except with ridiculous costumes, bizarre hair and plastic weapons. But then, maybe all Viking warriors put on cheap wigs and walk around the Tundra in shag carpet kilts with no shirts?
Strange vocal effects, high school drama class costumes, Kung Fu fighting styles, Vikings leaping 20 foot walls, unintelligible dialogue, nonsense plot, weird music....
I wish the preview contained the title sequence, as that would have been a fairer representative. It looks like the opening of a WWE Wrestling pay-per-view show. The only thing redeeming is that they did find some decent filming locations and splurged on extras and horses. Just wish they had saved some money on the horses, and purchased some decent hair pieces.
Just go watch Conan again, or see the 13th Warrior.
AE: Apocalypse Earth (2013)
Wish I had noticed the main star was Richard Greico
The budget for this film is ~$1 million. Most of which was used on the graphics for the movie poster, which will trick just enough people into renting/ purchasing this movie to recoup the original investment. The rest were spent on hair products for Richard Grieco.
I realized that I had been swindled when I saw the main actors were Richard Greico and the guy from the Highlander series.
Essentially, military rules are suspended in the future, as the surfer-haired Captain Greico takes orders from Lt Highlander throughout the movie. But they do manage to fit about 12 people in their Earth Escape Craft, before crashing into a zoo on an alien planet, which was essentially 8 crates in the middle of a cornfield, after which they get chased around by aliens who possess the power of invisibility.
This all happens in the first ten minutes.
Then it gets less believable and more stupid.
Bébé(s) (2010)
Light piece, hard to stay attentive
The images of sibling rivalry and napping children are universally understood and anchor this film. Those glimpses of commonality tie families together across the globe. But the striking differences with handling a nursing baby, or changing a diaper, or establishing boundaries make for the most interesting moments in this film.
First World'ers will cringe to watch the baby from Nambia crawl down to a stream to drink some water. So there are some provocative moments in the film, that inspire the viewer. There are some moments in the film that make the viewer truly thankful to have First World conveniences.
But mostly, the movie meanders through cute images of children, with no sense of story or timeline. Just picture how long your attention is maintained looking through someone else's photo albums with no accompanying storyline or narrative.
It will amuse or interest parents, mostly during the few scenes that will feel quite alien or even alarming, but surprisingly my youngsters were completely unimpressed with the images of these other youngsters.
Plus, unfortunately, the US family is some New World hippy family from San Francisco who worship the Moon Goddess. The only hope is that their child seems to recognize this goofiness and runs for the door during one of their chanting rituals.
Basically, a movie that could have been culled down to 7 or 8 scenes of interest.